Water Taster – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.

MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?

Me: What’s going on?

Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.

Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.

Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?

MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?

Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.

Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.

Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.

Me: What do you mean?

Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

Early Call – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!

Me: Do you all know what time it is?

Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.

Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!

MoonCat: Best time of day.

Me: Did you get this party started?

Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.

Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sniffing Patrol – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?

Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.

Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.

Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Skimping – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug,, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie and I have noticed a decided reduction in the volume of our treats lately.

Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, they are barely a bulldog mouthful.

Sweetie: Are you skimping on us? Again?

Me: I have noticed that you are both putting on a little extra weight lately.

Doidlebug: So? I am a healthy growing boy.

Me: Uh, excuse me, but you stopped being a growing boy some years ago.

Doodlebug: So how can I be putting on weight then? Really, Lady Human, you make no sense.

Sweetie: Don’t fret, Doodle. She’s just skimping. We’ll take care of it tomorrow. Psst…I know where she keeps the good stuff stashed.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Singing vs. Howling – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that awful noise?

Me: You wouldn’t happen to be referring to my singing, would you?

Doodlebug: Yes, yes. That’s what it is. Mystery solved.

Me: I’m not a great singer, but it’s not that bad.

Sweetie: Let me show you how it’s done, Lady Human. OOWWEEE! HOOOOO!

Me: Now that’s what I call noise.

Sweetie: How dare you? That is the song of my people!

Me: Aren’t singing and howling two different things?

Doodlebug: Not when you do it, Lady Human.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Puppy Steps – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human! Quick! Quick! Hurry! Hurry! Hungry! Hungry!

Me: This food bag is heavy and I have to move with baby steps so I don’t fall over or pull a muscle.

Doodlebug: We call what you are doing ‘puppy steps’. Let’s speak clearly, ma’am.

Me: Okay, puppy steps then. My point is that we all go at our own pace.

Sweetie: If you would just get two more legs like we have, you could puppy step faster.

Me: Sorry. That’s not going to happen. The Great Creator gave y’all four each, not me.

MoonCat: I have the most talented four feet in the whole house. When I walk, it’s called “pussyfooting”. The best of all worlds.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tell Tale Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Someone is hiding something.

Sweetie: Yep. The scent is faint but real. It is…it is…IT IS CHEESE! Lady Human?

Me: Hmmm?

Doodlebug: You are sneaking cheese.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: Yup. A clear sign of guilt.

Me: Guilt? For eating a tiny piece of cheese?

Doodlebug: Tiny, huh! We’ve seen your cheese chunks before. Tiny for an elephant maybe.

Sweetie: You are guilty of not sharing. I hereby sentence you to share your cheese or else.

Me: Or else what?

Sweetie: Or else we won’t share our treats with you.

Me: Uhb…okay.

Doodlebug: I told you, Sweetie. We need better bargaining skills.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Beck and Call – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, where’s my snack?

Me: You ate it.

Sweetie: That was then. This is now.

MoonCat: And my water needs to be changed. It’s stale.

Me: It was changed 20 minutes ago.

MoonCat: Yes, that’s what I mean.

Me: I don’t even change my own water more often than every 20 minutes.

MoonCat: That is you. This is me.

Doodlebug: Lady Human!

Me: Yes?

Doodlebug: Nothing. Just making sure you were listening.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

MINE! – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human!

Me: Hmmm.

Sweetie: LADY HUMAN!

Me: Huh? What?

Sweetie: You are sleeping in my chair!

Me: Am I? Wait. This is my chair.

Sweetie: No. It WAS your chair until you abandoned it for a few minutes one day and I claimed it.

Me: I don’t believe your claim would hold up in a court of law. In fact, I’m certain it would not. So my chair. My human-owned chair. The end.

Sweetie: You just wait.

Me: Wait until what?

Sweetie: Until you leave the room. Possession is nine-tenths of bulldog law.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.