I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. DOODLEBUG. Or Doodle. Or Good Boy. Or Your Majesty. NOT “Hey!” That is for horses and goats.
Sweetie: And “Hey!” is not my name either. I answer to Sweetie, or Good Girl, or Suppertime, and that’s it.
MoonCat: Meow. And there’s no sense in calling me at all. I’LL CALL YOU!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Birds that float! I would never have thought of that!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Fun is free! You don’t need a lot of stuff. All you really need is a good stick.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Humans make everything so complicated. Just eat!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re down on all fours? Are you trying to be a bulldog? Because, if you are, you aren’t doing a very good job at it.
Me: No, I’m not trying to be a bulldog. Remember a few seconds ago when you stepped on the toe of my sock?
Sweetie: Yes. That’s when you went into your bulldog act.
Me: That’s when my sock got caught under your foot and I tripped.
Sweetie: And the floor caught you. Good ole floor. If you wouldn’t put those cloth bags you call ‘socks’ on your paws, you would not have to get caught by the floor so often. Go barefoot. Like a real bulldog.
Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Some are just naturally gifted. My tongue can’t compete with that.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.
MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.
Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.
Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!
Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.
Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…
Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.
Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…
Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.
Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“HUMANS MUST LOVE LOUD NOISES. THEY SURE MAKE A LOT OF THEM.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is lunch?
Me: Patience! Patience! Patience is a virtue.
Sweetie: Well, you don’t seem to have any so you should go buy some. NOW!
Me: OK, that’s what I’m talking about. Not everything needs to be hurried along or done right this instant.
MoonCat: Why not?
Doodlebug: We are a patient pack, Lady Human. When you are late with our lunch, we don’t eat yours, do we?
Me: I’m just getting some things off my list today. Next is grocery shopping.
Sweetie: Great! Be sure and buy enough patience for all of us to have some. Especially you.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Cats invented lounging. Nobody else does it quite as well.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
MoonCat: Meow! Lady Human, someone…let me be plain…A BULLDOG HAS BEEN TASTING MY WATER!
Sweetie: Lady Human, let me be plain, the cat does it to us all the time.
Me: There is water all over the floor.
Sweetie: My face doesn’t exactly fit into a cat’s water bowl, so that’s to be expected. Why is it okay for her to do it when we are outside?
MoonCat: Because my face is small and I never spill a drop, said no bulldog ever.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!
Me: Your chair? Excuse me?
Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.
Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.
Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.
Me: Now that is a true statement.
Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Granted.
Me: We are going to have to agree to share.
Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Freedom does not mean running straight into trouble.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re rushing around?
Me: Tight schedule today. Lots of things to do. You might say that I’m on a tight leash.
Doodlebug: I don’t see a leash. Hmmm. Are you sure there is one? Are you confused, ma’am?
Sweetie: I’ve always thought it was unfair that humans go around in the world without leashes.
Me: Oh, we have leashes. You just can’t see them.
Doodlebug: Invisible? Hmmm.
Sweetie: Doodle, I think we’d better keep a close eye on the human.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.
MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?
Me: What’s going on?
Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.
Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.
Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?
MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?
Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.
Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.
Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.
Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.
Me: What do you mean?
Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved
“Kick up your heals every once in a while. Just don’t kick anybody.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bullgogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!
Me: Do you all know what time it is?
Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.
Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!
MoonCat: Best time of day.
Me: Did you get this party started?
Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.
Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Never use somebody else as a springboard. It’s just not fair to them.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?
Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.
Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.
Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Sing, birdies, sing! My ears are open. My soul sings with you.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 