Wired – Conversations with Stella and Tiger

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Ah, peace and quiet.

Tiger:  Mmmmmmmm! I want to go out!

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Stella:  You just came in. Stop running and whining.

Tiger:  Go out! Go out! Go out!

Me:  Okay, go on out.

Stella:  What’s her deal? She’s been like this for days. Oh, look. See, she’s standing at the door and wants back in. She didn’t even go potty.

Tiger:  Come in. Come in. Come in.

Me:  Yes, come in. Calm down, girl.

Tiger:  Run, run, run. Jump, jump, jump. Twirl around. And again. And again.

Me:  You sure are full of energy lately. Maybe the change in the weather…

Stella:  Naw, she’s just out of control, that’s all.

Me:  But why?

Stella:  Haven’t you figured this out by now? There is no reason for a bulldog’s behavior. Tiger is acting wired because Tiger is Tiger all the time.

Me:  But I want to understand why…

Stella:  Huh. Humans. I am sorry, Lady Human, but that is one of your human dreams that you will have to give up.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Our Own Zoo – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has been doing what the humans call ‘playing hooky’ today. It sounds like fun, but she’s the only one who had any.

Me:  I went to the zoo. So?

Wiggles:  Lunch was late…again.

Doodlebug:  That always happens when you have fun, Lady Human.

Me:  Every once in a while, I do something a little different. So?

Miss Sweetie:  Is a zoo where strange animals live?

Me:  Yeah. How did you know?

Tiger:  With all due respect, Lady Human, you smell strongly of strange animals.

Stella:  Why were you visiting strange animals instead of staying here and playing with us?

Wiggles:  And why couldn’t we go along?

Me:  No dogs allowed at the zoo. Your presence might freak out the animals there.

Tiger:  Strange animals.

Miss Sweetie:  We are our own zoo.

Me:  It’s not the same thing, Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:   You don’t need to go anyplace else to see strange animals. We are all right here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

High Kicks – Conversations with Stella and Doodlebug

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh, Lady Human, watch out! Doodlebug is sniffing!

Me:  All of you are sniffing all the time. What’s the problem?

Stella:  Lady Human! Leg up!

Me:  Whoa! Whoa! Doodle, stop!

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Doodlebug:  What? What’s happening?

Me:  It’s what is NOT going to happen! No leg hiking in here! Take it outside!

Doodlebug:  But I need to let everyone know I’ve been here.

Me:  Everybody already knows you’ve been here.

Stella:  Yeah, Doodle, we don’t need reminders. I think you’re just showing off with all that leg stuff anyway. I don’t ever need to do that.

Doodlebug:  If you ever want to make your mark in the world, I’ll be happy to show you how.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Fussbudget – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Mmmmm!

Me:  What’s wrong?

Stella:  Mmmmm! Nothing! Mmmmm!

Me:  Something must be wrong for you to be grumbling like that.

Stella:  I can grumble if I want to. Nobody can stop me from grumbling. It is a bulldog speech right.

Me:  I’d still like to know why.

Stella:  It’s too hot.

Me:  No…

Stella:  It’s too cold.

Me:  No, not that either.

Stella:  Everybody’s too loud. Be quiet!

Me:  Is that better?

Stella:  Where did the noise go? It’s too quiet!

Me:  I think I need a vacation.

Stella:  Yes, go! No, stay!

Me:  Calm down, girl! Why are you a fussbudget today?

Stella:  Somebody has to do it and I’m the best fussbudget there is!

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Cracker Crumbs in Bed – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Hey, what’s this? Aw, Stella, you left cracker crumbs in your bed. I thought you had vacuumed those up.

Stella:  A few crumbs. Is that all? Here, let me get them. Okay, now I’m ready for more.

Me:  More what? Crumbs?

Stella:  No, no, no! More crackers! Isn’t that where crumbs come from? Aren’t crumbs just baby crackers?

Me:  Crumbs are broken pieces of crackers. Crackers don’t have babies. Crackers are not alive.

Stella:  You could have fooled me with the way they jump into your mouth.

Me:  I admit it. I enjoy a good cracker or two when I’m watching TV at night.

Stella:  Oh, Lady Human, a cracker or two? You forget. I can count higher than that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Vetiquette – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. New rules from Lady Human! Now hear this!

Miss Sweetie:  New rules? I don’t remember the old rules. Is that all right?

Stella:  These rules are about how we are supposed to act when we go to see the white coat people.

Tiger:  I know how to act. I acted a few days ago.

Stella:  That is why we now have new rules. Because of how you acted.

Tiger:  All I did was hunker down when I saw the white coat lady. And I tried to climb up on Lady Human’s lap, but I didn’t fit. And I growled at that little rude staring dog…

Stella:  Well, now we have rules against all those things. Number One: No growling, barking, or snapping at rude little dogs or rude big dogs. Number Two:  No eye contact with non-humans. They can’t take it and the humans can. Number Three:  No trying to jump into other humans’ rolling boxes. We only ride with Lady Human. Number Four:  No trying to jump back into Lady Human’s rolling box before we see the white coat people.

Tiger:  Rule Number Five:  No white coat people touching us with sharp, pointy sticks and pretending it’s good for us.

Me:  Those are needles. They inject medicines and vaccines. They are good for you.

Tiger:  That doesn’t even make good nonsense.

Doodlebug:  Next new rule: Treats, all the way, all the time.

Wiggles:  Next new rule:  No trips to see the white coat people at all.

Stella:  I agree. Forget all these rules. No trips to see the white coat people. New rule! By order of the Queen!

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tiger’s Special Car Ride – Conversations with Tiger

Me:  Shh! If we hurry, we can leave without being noticed. Here’s your harness.

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Tiger:  Oh, boy! I’m going to ride in the rolling box! Yippee!

Stella: Hey!

Wiggles:  What’s going on in there?

Me:  Nothing. Go back to sleep. Run, Tiger!

Tiger:  The rolling box! All mine!

Me:  Now, I’m going to be honest with you, Tiger. We’re going to the vet, but just for your rabies vaccine, okay?

Tiger:  Wait. This isn’t a party?

Me:  Well, you can sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s a long, long drive. You’ve been there before. They know all about bulldogs.

Tiger:  Wait. Are we going to that place that smells funny and not in a good way?

Me:  It will be all right.

Tiger:  I hate that place. Weird smells. And lots of little dogs staring at me. Makes me so mad!

Me:  We will just ignore the staring dogs. Right?

Tiger:  Mmmmm…

Me:  Right?

Tiger:  Mmmmm…

Me:  I’m sorry you are afraid of the vet’s office.

Tiger:  The white coat people are okay, I guess. But why are there always those little staring dogs?

Me:  Because…vet’s office.

Tiger:  Nasty little staring dogs. It’s an awful high price to pay for nice, long ride.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.