Splitting Hairs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a big tangle of long hairs in your hand. Are you collecting them?

Me: No, I am throwing them away.

Doodlebug: How come they’re in your hand and not on your head where they ought to be?

Me: I’m shedding a lot right now and some are breaking off. Not enough protein, I guess.

Sweetie: Eat our food! We shed a lot and we’ve still got tons of hair. Take some of our shed hair, too, and glue it on to yours. We’ll share!

Me: You already do.

MoonCat: Never accept a donation of hair from a bulldog. They won’t take it back and it will stay with you forever.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bouncing Back – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you’re not flat anymore!

Me: No, I’m better now.

Sweetie: Is the “poorly” gone?

Me: Yeah, feels like it. Bouncing back.

Sweetie: Like the big ball outside? How high can you bounce?

Me: Not exactly like that. Still a little tired.

Doodlebug: Great! Time for a bulldog nap.

MoonCat: Bouncebacks take a lot of energy.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

I Take That Back – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, when I told you to give my treats to the cat, you didn’t believe me, did you?

Me: But you said.

Sweetie: What’s that human word when somebody runs too quickly and slides into a garbage can?

Me: Hasty?

Sweetie: Well, that was me. I take it back.

Me: No problem. Treats were delayed. They’re not here yet anyway.

Sweetie: BUT THEY SAID!

Me: So did you.

Sweetie: But I crossed my paws.

MoonCat: I said bulldogs were dumb. I take that back. For the moment.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

We Are Here to Help – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, we noticed that you have your hands full.

Doodlebug: We are here to offer our services.

Me: I don’t know exactly how you can help. I have to move all these leftovers into the freezer…oh, I see.

Sweetie: I am trained and ready for just such a job.

MoonCat: I’ll stay right here, quietly waiting until you get to my favorites when I will happily pitch in to help.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Territory – Part 1 Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I have made up the schedule for patrolling our Bulldog Territory.

Me: “Made up” being the operative term.

Sweetie: Rule 1: No possums allowed at any time.

Me: Except when they come in anyway.

Sweetie: Rule 2: Humans are only allowed outside at posted times and in posted places.

Me: Exactly how are you going to post these things?

Doodlebug: Watch for the risen paw. Stop. Turn around. Go inside.

Me: By what authority do you tell me, a human being, whether or not I can go outside in my own yard?

MoonCat: Well, this is going down like a lead balloon. Everybody steer clear. Including possums.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Pick It Clean – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the loud birds are being loud again.

Me: They’re just calling for a new millet spray. They picked the last one clean.

Doodlebug: What’s the big deal? We pick our bowls clean every time.

Sweetie: Then I want a new millet spray, too.

Me: Really? You want one of these?

Sweetie: Ew! Yuck! No! Take it away!

Baby and Bud: Ack! More! More! More!

MoonCat: Ack! Less! Less! Less!

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Timetable – Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: You have dodged my question, Lady Human. What is time? And what does it have to do with those boxes in your hands or those circles on the wall with moving sticks stuck on them?

Doodlebug: I do like the one with the skinny red moving stick that goes around and around and around…

Sweetie: Yes, I know. Tedious.

Me: You know how the sky gets dark and then it gets light again. Well, people measure time on earth by how fast the earth turns in front of the sun. So if a clock says 8 a.m., we have a good idea how much light there is left in the day.

Sweetie: So the clock is time.

Me: No, clocks measure time here on earth and the time it tells is different depending on where you are.

Sweetie: Tedious.

Me: You have no idea.

MoonCat: Yeah, I have an idea, just by listening to y’all talk about it.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Quiet Time – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Why are you so quiet, Lady Human? Is it human stuff again?

Me: Yeah.

Doodlebug: Why are you looking at the sky? Is there a storm?

Me: With humans, there’s always a storm somewhere. I like looking at the sky. It’s so big. It reminds me of the One Who made it all.

Sweetie: Bigger than the storm?

Me: Oh, yeah. And bigger than the humans.

MoonCat: Well, that’s good news.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

When Reach Exceeds Grasp – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Excuse me. What are you doing?

Sweetie: If it is me trying to do something, why do you need to be excused?

Me: I mean, what are you trying to get?

Sweetie: Nothing.

Me: You’re reaching for something.

Sweetie: Who? Me?

Me: What are you…

Sweetie: Got it!

MoonCat: Nothing stays for long out of a bulldog’s grasp. I will give them that.

Sweetie: Now what’s the next thing that’s out of reach?

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Leaning Tower of Bulldogs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I don’t mind y’all sitting by me, but maybe you could sit a little bit straighter.

Sweetie: Why, Lady Human, we’re just giving you our support.

Me: Well, your support weighs about 160 pounds total and that’s a little more than I can manage.

MoonCat: Hmmm. Squashed by leaning bulldogs. I think I’ll move up to my high-rise apartment.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Artificial Pillow – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I’m going to snuggle right up here by you, Lady Human, and take my nap.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

Me: Is there enough room?

Sweetie: Sure, I’ll just put my front legs on this big artificial pillow. It looks fake, but…

Me: Ow! That’s not a pillow!

Doodlebug: Sure looks like one.

Me: That’s me! That’s my belly.

MoonCat: I have the right to remain silent. In fact, I will remain silent. Anything I say might be used to incriminate me later on.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Bathroom Just for Us – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, Tall Man has brought a monster dirt-sucking machine inside and it sounds horrible.

Me: Yeah, but not for long. He is doing a huge renovation on the main bathroom. That means it will be like new.

Sweetie: A new bathroom just for us! Great!

Doodlebug: I can’t believe it! Our own bathroom!

Me: Well now, it’s not for y’all…

Sweetie: I’ve waited my whole life…

MoonCat: Sharing a bathroom with bulldogs has never been on my list of things to do. It still isn’t.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Parakeet Hair – Conversation with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I must file another complaint, Lady Human.

Me: Oh, must you? And we have an official file now?

Sweetie: Yes, you always say keep everything in good order.

MoonCat: And good order would apply to a bulldog how?

Sweetie: The parakeets are shedding hair all over the place.

Me: Parakeets don’t have hair to shed.

Doodlebug: But there’s all this fluff here.

Me: Feathers. And what’s all this fluff here? Looks like…bulldog hair!

MoonCat: As usual, fluff and nonsense.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

How Come Parakeets Can’t Talk Normal? – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, there’s a lot of nonsense squeaking out of the parakeets’ mouths.

Bud and Baby: Eeek. Eeek. Eeek.

MoonCat: Utter nonsense, therefore, right down a bulldog’s alley.

©️ 2025.H.J.Hill.All Rights Reserved.

Disorderly Conduct Part 2 – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Point of disorder, Lady Human! MoonCat is lounging in my sleeping space!

MoonCat: Point of order, ma’am! I am lounging in my sleeping space.

Me: I have seen you both lounging in that space at the same time.

Doodlebug: Double point of disorder! It is my sleeping space. Let me in there.

Me: Doodle, never have I seen you in that space.

Doodlebug: I am the King. I am claiming this space. Plus I’m bigger than everybody else. So there!

MoonCat: Does bulldog disorder never end?

Me: Apparently not.

©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.