Toe Stomp – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re down on all fours? Are you trying to be a bulldog? Because, if you are, you aren’t doing a very good job at it.

Me: No, I’m not trying to be a bulldog. Remember a few seconds ago when you stepped on the toe of my sock?

Sweetie: Yes. That’s when you went into your bulldog act.

Me: That’s when my sock got caught under your foot and I tripped.

Sweetie: And the floor caught you. Good ole floor. If you wouldn’t put those cloth bags you call ‘socks’ on your paws, you would not have to get caught by the floor so often. Go barefoot. Like a real bulldog.

Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mucking out the Stall – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.

MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.

Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.

Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!

Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.

Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…

Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.

Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…

Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.

Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Patience of the Pack- Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is lunch?

Me: Patience! Patience! Patience is a virtue.

Sweetie: Well, you don’t seem to have any so you should go buy some. NOW!

Me: OK, that’s what I’m talking about. Not everything needs to be hurried along or done right this instant.

MoonCat: Why not?

Doodlebug: We are a patient pack, Lady Human. When you are late with our lunch, we don’t eat yours, do we?

Me: I’m just getting some things off my list today. Next is grocery shopping.

Sweetie: Great! Be sure and buy enough patience for all of us to have some. Especially you.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

On a Tight Leash – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re rushing around?

Me: Tight schedule today. Lots of things to do. You might say that I’m on a tight leash.

Doodlebug: I don’t see a leash. Hmmm. Are you sure there is one? Are you confused, ma’am?

Sweetie: I’ve always thought it was unfair that humans go around in the world without leashes.

Me: Oh, we have leashes. You just can’t see them.

Doodlebug: Invisible? Hmmm.

Sweetie: Doodle, I think we’d better keep a close eye on the human.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Water Taster – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.

MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?

Me: What’s going on?

Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.

Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.

Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?

MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?

Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.

Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.

Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.

Me: What do you mean?

Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

Sniffing Patrol – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?

Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.

Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.

Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Singing vs. Howling – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that awful noise?

Me: You wouldn’t happen to be referring to my singing, would you?

Doodlebug: Yes, yes. That’s what it is. Mystery solved.

Me: I’m not a great singer, but it’s not that bad.

Sweetie: Let me show you how it’s done, Lady Human. OOWWEEE! HOOOOO!

Me: Now that’s what I call noise.

Sweetie: How dare you? That is the song of my people!

Me: Aren’t singing and howling two different things?

Doodlebug: Not when you do it, Lady Human.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Tell Tale Scents – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldoggess. Someone is hiding something.

Sweetie: Yep. The scent is faint but real. It is…it is…IT IS CHEESE! Lady Human?

Me: Hmmm?

Doodlebug: You are sneaking cheese.

Me: Whatever do you mean?

Sweetie: Yup. A clear sign of guilt.

Me: Guilt? For eating a tiny piece of cheese?

Doodlebug: Tiny, huh! We’ve seen your cheese chunks before. Tiny for an elephant maybe.

Sweetie: You are guilty of not sharing. I hereby sentence you to share your cheese or else.

Me: Or else what?

Sweetie: Or else we won’t share our treats with you.

Me: Uhb…okay.

Doodlebug: I told you, Sweetie. We need better bargaining skills.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Who’s in Charge Around Here? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Does that mean you are in charge around here? Because this place is very poorly run.

Doodlebug: Don’t blame me. I’m just the King.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t drag me into this.

Sweetie: Lady Human, no one seems to be in charge, so now I am taking over.

Me: Uh, I don’t think so.

Sweetie: Don’t worry. You can still stay here. I won’t rehome you.

Me: Oh, thank you so much.

Doodlebug: That tone of voice in humans means she is making fun.

Me: Being in charge is not all it’s cracked up to be. There’s cleaning and buying food and cleaning and grooming and more cleaning…

Sweetie: On second thought, I am appointing you to do all that stuff, Lady Human. I hereby declare naptime. It’s great being charge!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Trash Raiders – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I am Sweetie. ‘Nough said.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: You are probably wondering why I have called you all here today.

Doodlebug: No, not really.

Sweetie: Don’t care.

MoonCat: Meow. Because we all live here anyway?

Me: There is mess in the kitchen.

Doodlebug: Oooo, good! Let me at it.

Sweetie: A mess in the kitchen. So what else is new?

MonnCat: Meow. Nobody saw me do it.

Me: Noses need to stay out of the trash bag.

Sweetie: Uhb, trash bags should not be nose high then.

Me: There are nasty things in the trash that are not good for you to eat. We’ve gone over this before.

Doodlebug: Then how come nasty things smell so delicious?

MoonCat: And how come tunafish live in the trash?

Me: They don’t.

Sweetie: No, they don’t. Chickens do.

Me: No, that’s not true either.

Doodlebug: Nobody worry about what is living in the trash. I’ll just keep checking. My nose is on it

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.