Talking to Yourself Out Loud – More Human Nonsense – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. As I have said many times before, humans talk too much. It is bad enough when they are using too many words to us. When they start talking to themselves, well, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. All I have to say right now is SHHHHH! I could have said SILENCE! But since Lady Human is talking to herself out loud, she probably wouldn’t have heard me over her own volume so what’s the point?

Me:        So, I am speaking aloud. So what?

Stella:    So… ANNOYING. DISTRACTING. NOISY. IRRITATING. What else? Let’s see. Oh, yes. UNNECESSARY. NOTHING WE NEED TO HEAR. WEIRD. Shall I go on?

Me:        Not weird. Helpful.

Stella:    Not to us, it’s not. How can human yakking be helpful?

Me:        Sometimes, when I say the words instead of just thinking them, my brain processes my thoughts into solid ideas that I can hold onto.

Stella:    Oh, Lady Human, that is scary.

Me:        How so?

Stella:    Solid words. Whatever next? Will you start throwing your words around the room like little balls for us to fetch? Oh, look out! There’s a word flying through the air! Don’t let it smack you in the head!

Me:        Sorry, Stella. I forgot how literal you can be.

Stella:    Literal? Lady Human, are you saying that I am stupid?

Me:        No. I am saying that your way of thinking is more concrete than mine.

Stella:    What? Concrete in my head? No wonder my head is so heavy.

Me:        I am sorry that my out loud self-talk was confusing to you.

Stella:    When you ask yourself a question, do you answer it, too?

Me:        No, I usually type it into my phone for someone else’s answer.

Stella:    Perfect. No more talking to yourself out loud. Let your fingers do the talking. We won’t even have to hear it. You spend so much time on that little box anyway. Go ahead and spend more. Ah, blessed silence.

Me:        Wait a minute! Blessed silence? What about when you all erupt in barking?

Stella:    I meant blessed silence from humans. There’s a difference. You should know that by now.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Put It On Silent – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. As I have pointed out many times before, humans talk entirely too much. Sometimes, they even talk in the middle of the night. I was sound asleep, minding my own business as always…

Me:        As always?

Stella:    When out of the darkness came a weird voice, floating down the hall, sneaking into my sleepy ears.

Me:        And you and Sweetie started barking your heads off, even after I told you all was well.

Stella:    All is not well when a goofy, little voice in the night squeals, giggles, and says, “Hee, hee, hee! Let’s play!” Now I know that it was not your tiny human relative who visits. She was not here and she does not speak human languages yet. And I know that it was not a bulldog. A bulldog would never sound that silly. It was totally unbulldoggy. No self-respecting bulldog would make such a noise. Not even Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:    Hey!

Stella:    No offense, honey, but admit it. You do make strange noises, even for a bulldog.

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Miss Sweetie:    I heard the sound first and I was the first to bark the alarm.

Stella:    No, I was the first.

Miss Sweetie:   No, I was the first.

Stella:    No, it was me.

Me:        And I came down the hall and told you both that all was well and you kept on barking at me.

Miss Sweetie:    I stopped barking at you first.

Stella:    No, I stopped barking at her first.

Miss Sweetie:    No, I stopped first. I remember.

Stella:    Are you saying my memory is not as good as yours? Are you saying that I am old?

Miss Sweetie:    Mmmm. Yes. You are old, Aunt Stella.

Stella:    EEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Me:        Excuse me, please. I have an announcement. The late-night noise in question arose from an online game that I started playing on my phone when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I apologize to the whole household. I forgot to silence my phone before I went to sleep and, when I opened the app, the music and silly voice started immediately. I couldn’t silence it quickly enough. In fact, I don’t like those noises either. But I do like the game and sometimes it helps me go back to sleep. End of story.

Miss Sweetie:    You couldn’t silence your phone quickly enough? You are old, Lady Human. What century were you born in?

Stella:   You mean this all happened because of that little talking box you pay too much attention to all day long? And now you pay attention to it at night? Give it here, Lady Human. You do not need it that much.

Me:        Nope. It’s mine.

Stella:    Turn the talking box over.

Me:        Nope. I’m the human. I am in charge of it.

Stella:    And as you will come to admit, I am the loud barking box and I am in charge of that.

Miss Sweetie:    No, I am the loud barking box.

Stella:    No, it’s me.

Miss Sweetie:   No…

Me:        Here, let me turn my phone’s sound back on and turn the volume to max. Who’s the loud barking box now?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Watch Your Mouth! – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, salute you, humans! I am here in support of what you call ‘free speech’. Rahrrrh! Grreghhh! Free Speech! Free Speech! Free Speech!

Me:        Stella?

Stella:    Free Speech! Free Speech! Free Speech!

Me:        Stella!

Stella:    Don’t silence my free speech, Lady Human! Now where was I? Free Speech! Free Speech! Free Speech!

Me:        Stella, hello!

Stella:    Lady Human, you are interrupting my freedom of speech. That is what you humans call ‘unmerico’!

Me:        The word you are searching for is ‘un-American’. And freedom of speech is not just walking around shouting ‘free speech’ over and over again. There is a lot more to it than that.

Stella:    What?

Me:        Responsibility. Truth. Courage. Clarity. Wisdom. Honor.

Stella:    Words, words, words. Blah, blah, blah. BORING! Free Speech! Free Speech! Free Speech!

Me:        Stella, you are being so loud!

Stella:    That’s what they all say when you are saying what they do not want to hear.

Me:        What are you saying that I don’t want to hear?

Stella:    I thought I was clear. Free Speech! Free Speech! Free Speech!

Me:        If this is a ploy to do more empty barking, it won’t work.

Stella:    You cannot stop our bulldog mouths. Free Speech! Free…

Me:        Oh, what’s this? A fresh package of your favorite treats. Let me just open this up and…

Stella:    Here! Right in my mouth! Now!

Me:        So, free speech can be silenced.

Stella:    Free what? Oh, whatever. Free treats! Free treats! Free treats!

Me:         Didn’t you have something you wanted to say?

Stella:    Not now, Lady Human! I’m too busy chewing.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.