The Tongues of Humans – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has been very naughty.

Me:        No bulldog has a right to call me naughty. Look in a mirror.

Stella:    You were gone twice today. Not once, but twice. That is one…two…that’s two times too many. What is your excuse?

Me:        Well, this evening I met one of my daughters for dinner for Mother’s Day. She is going on a business trip tomorrow and won’t be here.

Stella:    Not good enough. Why were you gone the other time?

Me:        I went to study in my Gaelic class.

Stella:    Why would anyone study garlic. Dogs can’t even have garlic though it would be wonderful if we could. It smells delicious.

Me:        Not garlic. Gaelic. It is the native tongue of Ireland.

Stella:    What does that even mean? You went away from us to study a tongue. You could have stayed here and studied our tongues. We are happy to show our tongues.

Me:        Sorry, I should have said ‘language’. I went to study the Irish language.

Stella:    You can’t explain anything to us in your own language and now you are studying another one? Wait a minute. Were there Irish dogs at this class? Were you out talking to other dogs?

Me:        Don’t be silly. You can smell my clothes and tell that there were not.

Stella:    Forget Irish. You ought to work on your English Bulldoggese. It leaves much to be desired.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

Why Are You Sticking Your Tongue Out at Me? – Conversations with Stella

I have a question for Stella, the Olde English Bulldogge…

Stella:   Queen!

 Me:        Whatever. Why do bulldogs stick out their tongues?

Stella:   Tongues need fresh air. It is a bulldog thing. Other dogs do it. Bulldogs do it best.

Me:        But why?

Stella:   Don’t humans stick their tongues out?

Me:        Only to lick our lips or to be rude.

Stella:   How is sticking your tongue out rude?

Me:        To humans, it means something like, ‘I don’t care what you think. In your face.’

Stella:   How is that rude?

Me:        Believe me. When humans do it, it’s rude. It’s the attitude behind it.

Stella:   I have no attitude behind sticking my tongue out. I do it because it feels good to me and it cools me off a little and it is a bulldog move and I am proud to be a bulldog.

Me:        All right. I understand. What about when you stick your tongue out while you are sunbathing, which I have observed you are doing on a regular basis now. You never used to sunbathe.

Stella:   My tongue can use a little sun, too.

Me:        Aren’t you concerned that your tongue may get sunburnt?

Stella:   Nope. Bulldog tongues are tough. The sun would never dare to burn our tongues.

Me:        What would happen if it did?

Stella:   We would have to attack that old sun and lick it until we put it out.

Me:        A huge pack of bulldogs attacking the sun. I can imagine that.

Stella:   Are we getting back on that imagining thing?

Me:        It would take a large effort from NASA.

Stella:   What is NASA? Is that a bulldog group?

Me:        In a way. Keep sticking your tongue out, Stella.

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.