The Ugliest Word – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Uh-oh. I feel it coming.
Me:  Wiggles, go on outside. Wiggles. Wiggles. NOW!
Stella: I knew it. The ugliest word in human language. NOW! Like we can’t pick our own time to potty.
Me:  If I wait for y’all to pick your own time to do anything, it likely won’t get done right.
Stella:  How insulting, Lady Human! We don’t tell you when to do stuff. What if we did? Lady Human, feed us NOW! Lady Human, give us treats NOW! Lady Human, put down that little Picture Box and go to sleep NOW!
Me:  But you do tell me that every night. Only you do it with your paw.
Stella:  Because I refuse to say ugly words like NOW.

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Exploding Head – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human?
Me:  Uh.
Stella:  Lady Human, are you there?
Me:  Uh.
Wiggles:  I think something is wrong with her. Is something wrong with you, ma’am?

Miss Sweetie:  Something has to be wrong with her. Her head keeps exploding.

Me: Uh

Doodlebug:  She sounds like a bulldog. Nothing wrong with that.
Stella:  Maybe we should do something.
Wiggles:  Like what?
Doodlebug:  I know! We can jump on her.
Miss Sweetie:  Humans don’t do well when you jump on them. They flatten out.
Me:  Achoo! Uh.
Stella:  There it is again. Everybody, stand back! Lady Human?
Me:  Uh.
Stella:  We are going to sit here and stare at you until it is supper time. Then your head will have to stop exploding and you will have to get up and take care of us. Problem solved.

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Finding A Voice – Conversations with Stella and MoonCat

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
MoonCat:  And I am MoonCat, Queen of everything. Meow! That means, Howdy!

Stella:  No, no, no, not Queen.
MoonCat: By the way, Lady Human, one more thing. FOOD!
Me:  Is that all you ever think about?
MoonCat:  Yes. I thought that was obvious. Oh. And I think about how I am Queen of Everything and how awesome I am.
Me:  Wow! That’s a lot to take in. You’ll have to let me ponder that. Now that you’ve found your voice, I’m not sure that we are going to agree all the time.
MoonCat:  No need to agree. I am right. That’s all you need to know. And now…as I said…FOOD!

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cats Need Not Apply – Conversations with Stella and Doodlebug

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Ew! Doodlebug! MoonCat is drinking out of your water bowl!
Doodlebug:  Yeah, she does that sometimes.

Me:  MoonCat, your water bowl is where it always is. What’s going on?
MoonCat:  Bulldog water tastes better.
Me:  And this doesn’t bother you, Doodlebug?
Doodlebug:  Nope. Plenty for all.
Stella:  Well, it bothers me! It is unseemly and…well…well…unbulldoggy.
Doodlebug: MoonCat is a bulldog now.
Stella:  Noooo! Not possible. Cats can’t be bulldogs. Period!
Doodlebug:  She asked to join our pack and I said yes.
Stella:  Cats can’t just apply and become bulldogs. Bulldogs are special. Bulldogs are different.
Doodlebug:  But she has a little mouth and tongue and doesn’t drink much, and we eat her food if it falls on the ground, so what’s the problem?
Stella:  That’s different. Bulldogs are vacuums. We make the world a cleaner place.
Doodlebug:  But she lets me drink from her water bowl.
Stella:  Well, there’s no accounting for taste.

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Crazy Humans – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is happening, Lady Human?
Me:  Crazy humans.
Stella:  That’s nothing new. But tonight, they are so loud.
Me:  Yeah. People with more money than common sense.
Stella:  When will the noise stop?
Me:  When they run out.
Stella:  Run out of what?
Me:  Money. Fireworks. Ammunition.
Stella:  Those things must be abundant.
Me:  Not really. And none of it is cheap.
Stella:  Why do humans make such loud ugly noises?
Me:  I think some of them are blowing off steam…almost literally. It has been a hard year for a whole lot of people. I like a good fireworks display as much as the next person, but that’s not what this is. And I have never understood the gunfire into the night sky.
Stella:  How can you tell what is going on? I only hear loud noises.
Me:  The big booms now and again are the fireworks. The fast, repeated pops are gunfire. This is why I made sure you all got out to potty and got back in early tonight. Those bullets come down somewhere. Our roofer found a couple in our roof a few years ago.
Stella:  Why?
Me:  Because people are stupid. And wasteful. And stressed.
Stella:  Will it stop?
Me:  Yes. It’s midnight. God help us all.
Stella:  He will, Lady Human. He will.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.