Month: January 2023

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, something is wrong with this picture.

Sweetie: Yes, something is very wrong. The earth has disappeared…again. This smacks of human mismanagement

Me: Well, it is winter after all.

Doodlebug: No excuse. The ground is cold and white and frozen.

Sweetie: Who is in charge here?

Me: To be honest, the Great Creator put humans in charge of the day-to-day…

Sweetie: Just as I thought. HUMAN MISMANAGEMENT.

Me: Admittedly, we don’t always do the best job.

Doodkebug: Bulldogs would never allow this sort of thing to happen.

Me: I think bulldogs would allow other no-so-good things to happen, honestly.

Swettie: Excuses, excuses! Fix this, Lady Human! NOW!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!

Doodlebug: What does that mean, Lady Human? That doesn’t even make any sense, bulldog or otherwise.

Me: I am just imitating what I heard you all doing this morning.

Sweetie: That is not a good imitation, ma’am. First of all, you are not a bulldog, so the voice is all wrong. Next, there is no sincere heart-felt complaint in it. When we grumble, we mean it.

Me: I couldn’t tell what y’all meant. Humans have a old saying though. “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”

Doodlebug: What is flattery? It sounds interesting, like something to eat maybe?

Sweetie: But if it isn’t, we aren’t really interested. Old bulldog saying: “If it’s not food, it’s not worth our time.”

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, how come I don’t have hands like a human? If I did, I could do so much more damage than I can with just my mouth and paws.

Me: The Great Creator is wiser than that. He has plenty to deal with as it is with what all we humans do with our hands.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: And I am Princess Sweetie.

Doodlebug: Since when?

Sweetie: Since I said so.

Doodlebug: Lady Human, you have forgotten something.

Me: I don’t think so.

Doodlebug: Uh, yes, you have.

Sweetie: Second treat.

Me: Oh, that was just a one time thing. You were so restless last night and I thought a bribe…uh, treat might distract you so you could settle down…

Doodlebug: And it worked.

Me: Well, yeah, it did.

Sweetie: So time for another bribe…uh, treat.

Doodlebug: Yep. Look how jumpy and barky we are. A bribe…uh, treat is just the thing to encourage our cooperation and transition into bedtime mode.

Me: I’ve obviously made a mistake with the treats.

Sweetie: Yes. Yes, you have.

Doodlebug: Bribery is a hard habit to break on both ends. So fork ’em over and none of those cheap leftovers, not that we won’t gobble those up, too.

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: And I am a beautiful Princess whose beauty sleep has been interrupted two nights in a row. Make them stop, Lady Human.

Doodlebug: Yes, I order that, too! Enough is enough. The booming and banging is out of control.

Me: It has been louder and longer this year, I’ll admit. Not so much a New Year’s celebration as a letting off of steam.

Sweetie: I hear them. There they go again.

Me: Whatever they had left over from last night is being shot off now.

Doodlebug: Humans have no business calling bulldogs loud.

Sweetie: Yeah, we may bark wildly at random hours for no obvious reason, but at least we don’t blow up the sky.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.