Judgy Faces – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie and I have something to say.

Me: Why should today be any different?

Doodlebug: Me first. I am the King. Lady Human, we love you despite all your faults.

Sweetie: Yes, we love you even though you don’t feed us fresh steak.

Me: I don’t even get fresh steak.

Doodlebug: We know, but we forgive you. And sometimes our meals are like 5 minutes late.

Me: But sometimes they’re an hour early…

Sweetie: And we forgive you for that, too.

Doodlebug: And sometimes you’re a little slow understanding what we want.

Me: A problem with translation, no doubt.

Doodlebug: Bottom line, we forgive you.

Sweetie: Yes. While you are far from perfect, we know you are doing the best you can. As pitiful as that is.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mucking out the Stall – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.

MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.

Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.

Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!

Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.

Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…

Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.

Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…

Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.

Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Joint Ownership – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!

Me: Your chair? Excuse me?

Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.

Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.

Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.

Me: Now that is a true statement.

Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Sweetie: Granted.

Me: We are going to have to agree to share.

Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

On a Tight Leash – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re rushing around?

Me: Tight schedule today. Lots of things to do. You might say that I’m on a tight leash.

Doodlebug: I don’t see a leash. Hmmm. Are you sure there is one? Are you confused, ma’am?

Sweetie: I’ve always thought it was unfair that humans go around in the world without leashes.

Me: Oh, we have leashes. You just can’t see them.

Doodlebug: Invisible? Hmmm.

Sweetie: Doodle, I think we’d better keep a close eye on the human.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Water Taster – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the cat is being her weird self again.

MoonCat: Meow. How can a bulldog call a cat weird?

Me: What’s going on?

Doodlebug: MoonCat is going around and taking sips from our water bowls.

Sweetie: Yeah. Thoroughly unsanitary.

Me: Well, I guess a bulldog would know about unsanitary. MoonCat, is something wrong with your own water?

MoonCat: No. I just like to sample other bowls. Don’t humans do that?

Me: Well, yes. In fact, in some restaurants, they have a wine expert called a sommelier who will sample a bottle of wine first for the guests to make sure it’s good.

Sweetie: I wouldn’t mind doing that job.

Me: Sorry, girl, no wine for dogs. Not good for you.

Sweetie: Oh, but a cat can stick her cat tongue in my bulldog water and that’s okay? Wait and see how you like it.

Me: What do you mean?

Doodlebug: Nothing. But if I were you, I wouldn’t leave anything you’ve been drinking out of within cat reach.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

Early Call – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bullgogges. Lady Human! Oh. Lady Human!

Me: Do you all know what time it is?

Sweetie: Don’t know. Don’t care. Time to get up, Lazybones.

Me: Get up? It’s still dark outside!

MoonCat: Best time of day.

Me: Did you get this party started?

Doodlebug: No, I did. She just suggested it.

Sweetie: Hey, Lady Human, this is an early breakfast call. Just give us the grub so we can get back to bed. What you do with your time then is your business.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sniffing Patrol – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me: Sweetie? What’s going on?

Sweetie: Sniff. Sniff. Sniff. Nothing to trouble you. Just go on about your business.

Me: If you are thinking about digging in the trash, it is most certainly my business.

Sweetie: Just patrolling to make sure you all aren’t wasting any food. But you’re okay. Everything here stinks to high heaven, and not in the good way. Not one item to tempt a bulldog or a human, and we know how loose human standards are.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Skimping – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug,, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie and I have noticed a decided reduction in the volume of our treats lately.

Doodlebug: Yeah, Lady Human, they are barely a bulldog mouthful.

Sweetie: Are you skimping on us? Again?

Me: I have noticed that you are both putting on a little extra weight lately.

Doidlebug: So? I am a healthy growing boy.

Me: Uh, excuse me, but you stopped being a growing boy some years ago.

Doodlebug: So how can I be putting on weight then? Really, Lady Human, you make no sense.

Sweetie: Don’t fret, Doodle. She’s just skimping. We’ll take care of it tomorrow. Psst…I know where she keeps the good stuff stashed.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Singing vs. Howling – Conversations with Doodlebug and Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that awful noise?

Me: You wouldn’t happen to be referring to my singing, would you?

Doodlebug: Yes, yes. That’s what it is. Mystery solved.

Me: I’m not a great singer, but it’s not that bad.

Sweetie: Let me show you how it’s done, Lady Human. OOWWEEE! HOOOOO!

Me: Now that’s what I call noise.

Sweetie: How dare you? That is the song of my people!

Me: Aren’t singing and howling two different things?

Doodlebug: Not when you do it, Lady Human.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Puppy Steps – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human! Quick! Quick! Hurry! Hurry! Hungry! Hungry!

Me: This food bag is heavy and I have to move with baby steps so I don’t fall over or pull a muscle.

Doodlebug: We call what you are doing ‘puppy steps’. Let’s speak clearly, ma’am.

Me: Okay, puppy steps then. My point is that we all go at our own pace.

Sweetie: If you would just get two more legs like we have, you could puppy step faster.

Me: Sorry. That’s not going to happen. The Great Creator gave y’all four each, not me.

MoonCat: I have the most talented four feet in the whole house. When I walk, it’s called “pussyfooting”. The best of all worlds.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.