Bulldog Canvas – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill


I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Wiggles looks weird.

Me:  What’s wrong? Oh…

Wiggles:  Something happened. I don’t know what. The little human was petting me and was scratching on paper with a stick and some smeary stuff that wasn’t peanut butter because it didn’t smell good like peanut butter and…

Me:  Yeah, that’s green paint. Hold on. I’ll clean it off.

Wiggles:  She painted me?

Me:  I think she just didn’t have control of her brush. It’s only watercolor. Look. I’ve already gotten a good bit of it off.

Wiggles:  Why did she paint me green? Did she want me to look like grass?

Me:  No. It was an accident.

Wiggles:  Doesn’t she like the way I look?

Stella:  It’s not your fault, Wiggles. The humans are always swinging their scratchy sticks around, marking on things. You just got in the way this time.
 

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Blow Hard – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, hold onto something. The wind is trying to carry us away.

Me:  It is strong today. But I don’t believe we are in any danger of blowing away. We’re pretty heavy.

Stella:  It feels strange. What does it mean?

Me:  Winds in the tops of the trees usually mean something is about to change.

Stella:  Nope. I won’t allow it. I’m perfect just the way I am.

Me:  That’s a pretty bold claim. Most of us can stand a little bit of change.

Stella:  Not me. Just watch me blow back and see what a bulldog can do.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

A Moderate Bulldog? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Hey, girl. A little heavy handed there. Hold back.

Stella:  Whatever do you mean?

Me:  You pounding me with your paw.

Stella:  I’m just being friendly.

Me:  I just need you to moderate your pounding, that’s all.

Stella: What does ‘moderate’ mean?

Me:  It means average, not extreme, not intense.

Stella: Oh, that explains it. Not a bulldog.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Packing Your Bags – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human!

Wiggles:  LADY HUMAN!

Doodlebug:  LADY HUMAN!!!

Miss Sweetie:  LADY HUMAN!!!!!

Me: Coming! Coming! What is it?

Stella:  It’s the cat…AGAIN!

Miss Sweetie:  The cat is weird. And I don’t mean bulldog weird.

Me:  Where is she? MoonCat?

Wiggles: She’s hiding because she’s weird.

Doodlebug:  THERE! THERE!!! THERE!!! THERE!!!!

MoonCat: Meow.

Me:  Oh, I see. She’s just stuck her head through the handle of a plastic bag…And the plastic bag has other plastic bags stuffed inside of it. You must have been sniffing around in the pantry again. Let me get it off. Hold still. It is kind of funny looking. Like she’s wearing a shoulder purse.

MoonCat:  Don’t take them. I like them. They make me look like you when you carry a bag of bags.

Stella:  She was strutting around here like she’s all that and a bag of…whatever.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

A Pile of Plush – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, shhhh! Look!
 
Me:  What?
 
Stella:  The little human. She has a whole pile of toys.
 
Me:  Yeah. She enjoys plush animals. Mostly dogs.
 
Stella:  But does she know?
 
Me:  Know what?
 
Stella:  That they aren’t real. Shhhh! She is talking to them.
 
Me:  I think she knows the difference between plush toys and you all. For example, she never tries to feed her toys with real food, but she knows that you eat real food. Right now, she’s just using her imagination. She’s pretending they’re real.
 
Stella:  So her imagination, whatever that is, lets her talk to a pile of plush like they’re real animals.
 
Me:  Yeah, it’s a game.
 
Stella:  Imagination sounds scary. I’m glad I don’t have one. Now where’s my chew bone.
 
 
 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.

Spring-Loaded Leg – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
 
Me: Can you control your leg?
 
Stella:  What leg?
 
Me: The one you’re hitting me with.
 
Stella: I would never hit you. I am loving on you.
 
Me:  Sure feels like hitting to me.
 
Stella:  I can’t help it if my leg is a spring-loaded machine.
 
Me:  You don’t have control over your leg?
 
Stella:  No, I don’t. You do. It is so simple. Just pet me and scratch my ears and don’t stop…ever.




 
 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Flying Leaves – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there are weird things going on outside.

Me: Not surprising at all.

Stella: I think the trees are shaking their leaves off.

Me:  Not surprising either. This is the autumn of the year. The season we call ‘fall’ for a reason.

Stella: So the trees just throw away all those perfectly good leaves? What a waste.

Me:  You’ll notice the leaves are pretty wrinkled and dry now.

Stella: It’s bad enough that the squirrels throw nuts down on our heads, but the trees think they should throw leaves down on our heads, too. Just wait until I find something that I can throw back up there at them.


 
 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Egg Dog Strikes Again! – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Whoa there! Hold your horses, Wiggles!

Me: Wiggles! No!
 
Wiggles:  What’s wrong?

Me:  You know what’s wrong.
 
Wiggles:  You are right. What’s wrong is there sits a plate full of luscious fresh eggs just off the stove and my mouth hasn’t had a single bite.
 
Me:  Those eggs are for Tall Man.
 
Wiggles:  As long as mine are on the way, ma’am.
 
Me:  Well, sorry, there won’t be any more eggs today.
 
Wiggles:  I knew it. I should have lunged faster and jumped higher.
 
 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Dirt Fill – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I have a complaint.

Me: Am I surprised?

Stella:  If you are, you shouldn’t be. Have you seen how much dirt is in this here house?

Me:  As a matter of fact…

Stella: Where does dirt come from?

Me:  In case you haven’t noticed, dirt is everywhere we walk. The whole earth is made of the stuff in one form or another.

Stella:  That’s fine for outside…

Me:  I agree.

Stella:  But why are you bringing it inside?

Me:  Before you point the paw at me, check your feet.

Stella:  My feet are fine…oh, what’s that stuck to my toes?

Me:  TTiny pieces of the earth that accompanied you inside.

Stella: Well, you can tell those earth pieces to get right back outside where they belong.

Me: I’ll sweep them out.

Stella: And while you’re at it, sweep your feet. And mine. Dirt and bulldogs don’t mix.
 


 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.     

The Human Zoo – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Humans will tell you that they are well-behaved, self-controlled, and super smart. I’m not so sure. Lady Human, what are you all doing?
Me: Nothing.
Stella: I don’t believe that. What is that squealing down the hall?
Me:  Oh, you know, the…
Stella:  The little human is squealing over some human game. Why? You don’t hear us making all that noise.
Me:  I hear y’all making a whole lot bigger noises than that sometimes.
Stella: And what’s all that door slamming?
Me: Oh, she and Tall Man are in a hurry. They’re getting ready to go to the zoo.
Stella:  The zoo? With all the big wild animals?
Me:  Yeah.
Stella:  Well, they ought to feel right at home then.
 
 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
 

Snack Bar – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Wiggles:  Snack bar’s open!
Miss Sweetie:  Woo-hoo! Snack bar!
Me:  Wait! What snack bar?
Doodlebug: Num num yum. This is good stuff!
Me:  NO! That’s the cat’s food!
Wiggles: Was.
Stella: If it was the cat’s food, why did you open the snack bar?
Me: I forgot and left her bowl where you could reach it. It’s not a snack bar.
Doodlebug: Tasted like a snack bar to me.
Miss Sweetie: Is this snack bar going to be open all night ‘cuz I enjoy a good midnight treat.
Me: Once again, it is not a snack bar.
Stella: Poor Lady Human. She doesn’t even know she runs a snack bar.



 
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
 
 

Playing Hooky – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Explain, please, Lady Human!

Me:  Explain?

Stella:  You were gone for 200 years today.

Me:  Sorry, hon, but your understanding of time is a little skewed. No way is today 200 years long.

Stella:  A likely story and a poor excuse.

Me:  Look, sometimes I go special places where I cannot include you.

Stella:  Then those places cannot be that special. What was it this time? One of those places that sell those sticks you scratch paper with?

Me:  As a matter of fact…

Stella:  Did I give you permission to go?

Me:  I don’t need permission. I am not a student playing hooky, okay!

Stella:  If you had stayed around here, we all could have played hooky and you would not be in trouble now.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Pillow Talk – Conversations with Stella, Miss Sweetie and MoonCat

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sleep, Lady Human! Peace! Quiet!

Me:  I’m not the noise maker this time. What’s going on?

Miss Sweetie:  Nothing. MoonCat and I were just talking.  Free speech just like you say, Lady Human. Am I right?

Me: No free speech rights at this time of night. Quiet rights. Silence rules at this hour.

MoonCat: Bulldog friend fun.

Me:  I noticed. I am glad you get along but keep it down, please.

Miss Sweetie: We had better do what she says, MoonCat. You know what grumpy looks like? Lady Human without a full night’s sleep.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.