I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What was all that hubbub last night with Squawky the Squawker Chicken squawking and Tall Man stomping around with that light attached to his forehead.
Me: His headlamp.
Stella: I don’t know what it’s called, but it was on his head and it was bright.
Me: He was scooting something out of the henhouse. I’m not sure you want to know any more than that.
Stella: I’m the queen. I should be told.
Me: I didn’t notice any of you bulldogs getting up to check it out.
Stella: We were tired. There was that loud, bang boom storm and how can we sleep through something like that and then Squawky was making her big voice noise and…wait…Squawky never squawks after dark.
Me: That’s right.
Stella: And Tall Man was scooting something out of the henhouse with a bright light stuck to his head.
Stella: And that thing was…NOOOOO! A POSSUM!!! NOOOOO! Where is it? Where did it go? Is it in the house?
Stella: How do you know it’s not in here with us? Oh, the horror! The horror!
Me: It’s gone. It is not in the house. And it’s not in the henhouse anymore. And none of the chickens were hurt.
Stella: This cannot go on, Lady Human! You humans must make one of those laws you all are so fond of, this time against possums.
Me: Yeah, well, it usually doesn’t work that way. The storm probably stirred that one up. Or it got scared by a coyote.
Stella: OOOOO! Don’t even get me started on coyotes. They think they’re so smart. What if the possum comes back?
Me: We’ll deal with that if the time comes. Do you want me to wake you next time so you can do the scooting?
Stella: Lady Human! How dare you suggest such a thing? How could I deprive Tall Man of the scooting pleasure?
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am reviewing the house rules with the pack. Some have been ignoring them.
Miss Sweetie: Me? Me? Say it was me!
Stella: Yes, it was you, Sweetie.
Miss Sweetie: Yay me!
Stella: NO GOING POTTY IN THE HOUSE! Did everyone hear that one?
Miss Sweetie: Awwww.
Doodlebug: Awwww. I like to keep my options open.
Wiggles: This rule I actually agree with. Take it outside, y’all.
Stella: I agree with it, too, but it irks me that the humans don’t abide by it. Just one more example of humans treating themselves better than everybody else. They can’t hide from us what they do in those special little rooms with the huge water bowls. No potty in the house indeed!
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What is that horrible noise in the sky? Look! A big shiny bird! Help it, Lady Human! It must be in pain to make such an ugly loud noise!
Me: That’s just a plane. It’s coming in for a landing.
Stella: It is landing here? No! It is too big! Shoo it away!
Me: It is not landing here. It will land nearby. It is an airplane.
Stella: Why did the Great Creator make big, shiny, loud birds?
Me: Humans made big, shiny birds…correction, airplanes. The Great Creator’s birds are graceful and soft and lovely and colorful.
Stella: Then why would humans make a big loud bird?
Me: So we could fly in it.
Stella: Foolishness. Just like humans to make some loud thing so they can pretend to be something they are not.
Me: I recall that you used to dream of flying so you could chase squirrels.
Stella: That was long ago. I no longer dream that dream. Look at me. Imagine if I tried to land myself in our yard. Too horrible to consider. Now I am happy to keep my four feet on the ground and let the squirrels come to me.