Month: June 2020

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. That’s all. I’ll just sit here.

Tiger: Hey, MoonCat is sitting the middle of the floor. Somebody needs to chase her.

Wiggles:  Why don’t you do it?

Tiger:  Nope.

Wiggles:  Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie:  Nope.

Wiggles:  But you always…

Miss Sweetie:  Nope. I am settled under the air conditioning unit. I am in my zone.

Wiggles:  Doodlebug?

Doodlebug:  Huh?

Wiggles:  Cat chasing.

Doodlebug:  Not now, thank you. That sounds like hot work. I am already hot enough.

Wiggles:  Stella, you’re the queen. The cat is snooting around.

Stella:  Nope. You do it.

Wiggles:  Nope. Cat chasing. Heat. Bad idea. Those two things do not go together.

Stella:  Royal decree number 1023: No cat chasing in the heat. I determine what cat chasing is and what heat is. The end. And don’t hog the A/C.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges…

Me:  What happened in the patio?

Stella:  Lots of things happen in the patio, Lady Human. Please be more specific.

Me:  Poop is all over the place.

Tiger:  It was raining.

Wiggles:  It was wet.

Doodlebug:  It was muddy.

Miss Sweetie:  It was raining and wet and muddy, all three. The patio was drier and cleaner.

Me:  Not anymore.

Miss Sweetie:  I must protect my tootsies.

Doodlebug:  I don’t look good in mud.

Me:  The patio looks like a battlefield, except that instead of bombs, y’all threw poop.

Stella:  Do humans throw poop?

Me:  Well, no, not usually.

Stella:  Then this is another bulldog first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Where is the cracker?

Stella:  What cracker?

Me:  The one I just handed you.

Stella:  Oh, no! A cracker is missing? NO!

Me:  Where did it go?

Stella:  Oh, never mind. I’ve had enough.

Me:  But I don’t want a cracker in the bed.

Stella:  It will be okay. We’ll find it tomorrow.

Me:  No, we will find it now. Use your nose.

Stella:  My nose is not tuned in to crackers.

Me:  Where could it be?

Stella:  Maybe it is hiding from you so you won’t eat it.

Me:  I’m not going to eat it now.

Stella:  Wait. There it is. I’ll eat it. Good night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Have you noticed it, too?

Tiger:  It’s hard not to.

Wiggles:  Should we say something?

Me:  Why are you all consulting?

Miss Sweetie:  They think you are wearing too many bulldog shirts and stuff.

Me:  What do you think, Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie:  I like them. You can’t be a real bulldog, so you wear bulldog pictures. Next best thing.

Me:  I can’t help it. I am a fan.

Doodlebug:  What’s a fan?

Me:  Uh. Well. That’s short for the word ‘fanatic’.

Stella:  What is a fanatic?

Me:  Someone who shows excessive, single-minded zeal for something.

Stella:  That doesn’t sound good.

Wiggles:  Lady Human, does that mean you are crazy?

Me:  No, just enthusiastic.

Tiger:  Sounds crazy to me.

Me:  Just because I have some bulldog shirts…

Doodlebug:  And that bulldog picture on your little black box.

Miss Sweetie:  And the other bulldog pictures.

Me:  But not on my new baseball cap.

Stella:  That’s because you couldn’t find a hat with a bulldog, so you got one with some other kind of dog. It’s all right, Lady Human. If you are going to be crazy, we are proud that you are crazy for us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Tiger:  Lady Human, it was my birthday a long time ago.

Me:  Well, if you count almost one week as a long time ago…

Tiger:  My birthday song. We didn’t sing my birthday song.

Me:  I remember singing “Happy Birthday”.

Tiger:  The regular song when you wash your hands, yes. I was talking about my special birthday song.

Me:  Oh, that one.

Stella:  Can we sing it now?

Me:  Sure, why not?

Stella: Okay, tell me. Why not?

Me:  No, what I mean is there is no reason not to sing it.

Stella:  How come you didn’t just say so?

Me:  Never mind. Let’s sing it.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! WE LIVE IN A ZOO!

    WE ALL SMELL LIKE BULLDOGS AND WE LOOK LIKE THEM, TOO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is snack time, Lady Human.

Me:  Yep, we’ll be starting that in a little bit.

Stella:  And there will be stinky cheese. Hint. Hint.

Me:  I have some cheese.

Stella:  Let me smell your fingers.

Me:  Must you? Can’t you smell my hand from here with your super nose?

Stella:  I can, but they don’t smell like stinky cheese. They smell like plain, unstinky cheese.

Me:  Why does the cheese have to stink? Isn’t the cheesy taste enough?

Stella:  Stink and taste, the best of both cheese worlds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human says that it is Tiger’s birthday, so I guess I have to believe her.

Me:  It is Tiger’s sixth birthday and we are having a little celebration fun.

Tiger:  That was no celebration fun when you kept trying to trim my toenails earlier.

Me:  No, but things like that still go on when you have a birthday, so…

Miss Sweetie:  Cake? Cake! Cake! Cake!

Me:  We’re still not doing cake. Something else that you all will enjoy.

Doodlebug:  I want a birthday.

Me:  You’ll have one in a few months.

Wiggles:  What about me?

Me:  You had one a few months ago. I am breaking out the birthday treats.

Wiggles:  My nose is tingling. Is it true? Eggs?

Me:  True. Everyone gets one hard-boiled egg.

Tiger:  Just one? I should get more. Birthday bulldog.

Me:  No one should get a stomachache for their birthday. One is plenty.

Tiger:  Thank you, Lady Human. I hope you get an egg on your birthday, too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Doodlebug! Yay for Doodlebug! Doodlebug’s back!

Doodlebug:  Phew! Yup!

Me:  Yes, time to take his medicine and go to bed.

Stella:  He is walking.

Tiger:  He looks the same.

Wiggles:  Some hair is missing.

Me:  They had to shave the area where the abscess was. The hair will grow back.

Miss Sweetie:  Did they hurt you?

Doodlebug:  No, but I don’t like that place. When the lady who smells like dogs and cats and medicine brought me back into the big smelly room with the humans and other animals, I pulled hard against her, but then I heard Lady Human say “Doodlebug” and I went right to her and she got me out of there and I got right in the rolling box and we rolled away.

Me:  And for the first time in his life, instead of standing and looking out the window the whole way, he fell asleep on the back seat.

Tiger:  So…is he all right now?

Me:  He has to take his medicine.

Stella: Does his medicine taste good? Because I don’t mind helping him take it if it does.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, speak in a whisper. I didn’t want to say anything last night or this morning, but Doodlebug is missing. Everybody is whispering and I am worried.

Me:  Don’t be worried. He is at the vet hospital.

Stella:  NOW I’M WORRIED! THAT IS A HORRIBLE PLACE! ASK TIGER!

Me:  He is having minor surgery…

Stella:  There is no such thing for a bulldog…

Me:  He has an abscess and they will take care of it and put him on medicines to fight the infection and the pain. They said to pick him up tomorrow afternoon.

Stella:  What if they don’t feed him? You know how he loves his food. What if he thinks you are not coming back?

Me: They wouldn’t let me stay and they didn’t want him to leave the hospital.

Stella:  Will you ask the Great Creator to help him?

Me:  Of course. He loves His creation.

Stella:  Then Doodlebug is in good hands, isn’t he?

Me:  Yes.

Stella:  Yes. Lady Human, do one of those closed eye, tilted head things for him, okay?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, whatcha doin’?

Me:  Staring at a wall.

Stella:  Which wall?

Me:  That one right there.

Stella:  I can do that. Mmmmm…Hmmm…Why are we doing this? The wall just stands there, not doing anything, not going anywhere.

Me:  Do you realize…

Stella:  No…

Me:  This planet is moving around the sun at about 67,000 miles per hour. It is never still. So right now, we are moving at 67,000 miles per hour, and that doesn’t count the earth rotating on its axis or our galaxy of stars moving at 1.3 million miles per hour through the universe.

Stella:  Okay, now I’m dizzy. Lady Human, you need more stuff to do.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2020 H.J Hill All Rights Reserved.