I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human is singing again. I am trying not to listen. Humans do not know how to sing.
Me: What’s all the grumbling about? Are you complaining about my singing again?
Stella: I always complain about your singing. It hurts my ears.
Me: I like this old song. We sang it at church when I was little.
Stella: So, it’s a puppy song. That’s even worse. Puppies don’t know how to sing either.
Me: No, it’s not just a puppy…okay, I was never a puppy, remember. Not just children sang it. Everybody sang it. “We shall not be, we shall not be moved, just like a tree that’s planted…”
Stella: Humans singing that they are like trees. Trees – like the ones standing outside, the ones dogs and squirrels use the bathroom on.
Me: Well, I don’t think of trees like that. For the most part. I enjoyed the words because they had a strong message and the melody had a strong beat. In fact, it kind of reminds me of you all.
Stella: Wait. We…shall…not…be…moved. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You can’t move us when we don’t want to be moved! I’ve seen you try.
Me: Be honest now. Who ultimately wins those battles?
Stella: Honestly, we do. Think of how much time and effort you have to put into moving us when we want to stay put.
Me: Yes, but in the final analysis…
Stella: I don’t know what analysis is, but I do think you were singing the perfect Bulldog Theme Song. Thank you, Lady Human. You can forget about all that tree stuff. I’m not going to stand still long enough for anybody to pee on me, but the rest of it works just fine.
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