I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde Engkish Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The humans are at it again!
Doodlebug: They are barking into each other’s faces.
Sweetie: How come humans complain about our barking when they are just as loud?
MoonCat: Hand out bark collars all around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: How well I know! What’s the problem, boy?
Doodlebug: Problem? What problem? There’s no problem.
Sweetie: She means why are you barking in your sleep?
Doodlebug: I was doing no such thing!
MoonCat: Yes. You were. Admit the truth, bulldog! You all are blabbermouths even when you sleep.
Doodlebug: Well, if I was talking in my sleep, and that’s a big IF, it’s because I had something to say. So…what did I say?
Sweetie: I dunno.
MoonCat: Who cares?
Me: I needed an interpreter.
Doodlebug: It could have been the most important thing ever said and you humans have all these phones and recording dealywhoppers and nobody captured my special comments…
Sweetie: Whoa there, big boy! Let’s not get carried away! Not every burp that you let loose smells like roses.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop looking at me!
Sweetie: I’m not looking at you. Do you think you’re that good-looking? How conceited!
Doodlebug: I’m not conceited! You are!
Sweetie: No, you are!
Doodlebug: No, you are!
MoonCat: Meow. No, you both are!
Me: What in the world is going on? I’ve never heard so much noise.
Doodlebug: It’s their fault. They won’t stop talking.
Sweetie: No, Doodle started it. He thinks he’s the king.
Doodlebug: I am the King.
MoonCat: You’re not the king of me!
Me: Cut it out, y’all! What a bunch of fussing over nothing. Next you’ll be fussing at me.
Sweetie: Patience, Lady Human! Wait your turn! We’ll get around to you!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. That noise must stop.
Me: You mean your barking?
Sweetie: No, Lady Human, you know what noise. That awful chicken barking from outside.
MoonCat: Meow. Yes, it must stop. It is worse than bulldog barking if that is even possible…which it is not.
Me: Chickens don’t usually respond to commands.
Doodlebug: So, they do have something in common with bulldogs.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie, silence please! You are talking up a storm and saying nothing.
Sweetie: Ruff! Ruff! Bark. Eewww! Arghhh!
Me: Does anybody know what she’s saying? It’s all over the place.
MoonCat: Meow. Sounds like bulldog nonsense to me. But then all bulldog speech is nonsense. Nobody can interpret that.
Me: Okay, Sweetie, you just came back in from outside. You just ate a little while ago. Your water bowl is full. You sound like a mixed bag of everything rolled into one.
Sweetie: It is so simple! LISTEN TO ME! LISTEN TO ME ALL THE TIME! DO WHAT I SAY EVEN IF I DON’T SAY ANYTHING YOU UNDERSTAND! I AM IN CHARGE HERE! WHY DON’T YOU ALL GET THAT?
Doodlebug: Oh, is that all?
MoonCat: Same ole, same ole.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie is giving a speech. Again.
Sweetie: Hear ye! Hear ye!
Doodlebug: What does that mean?
Sweetie: I don’t know. I heard it on the humans’ Picture Box.
MoonCat: It doesn’t matter. I’ve already stopped listening.
Sweetie: I am going to exercise my mouth until it gets tired. And I do not tire easily. I am a bulldog.
Me: So you are just going to keep barking for no reason until you decide to stop. Is that it?
Sweetie: And why not? Humans do it all the time. You all complain about dogs barking, but you never shut your own mouths.
Me: Well, I have something to say about that.
Doodlebug: Of course, you do.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Hold on to your bark. Trying to catch loose barks is like a bulldog trying to catch a flying hawk with a torn butterfly net. Too little, too late.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. ALERT! ALERT!
Sweetie: DOUBLE ALERT!
Me: What in the world is going on?
Doodlebug: Tall Man is fighting with the mop for control of the floor!
Sweetie: The mop is winning!
Doodlebug: He needs reinforcements.
Me: Y’all settle down. Too much barking over too little.
Sweetie: Wait. How did you know it was us barking?
Me: Cats don’t bark.
Doodlebug: Humans do. How did you know it wasn’t Tall Man? It could have been.
Sweetie: Naw. Different accent.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 