“Red sky at morning, sailors take warning.” And the rest of us, too.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Red Sky
Pay No Attention – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, little yappy dog! Don’t you yell at us!
Sweetie: Yeah, you’re not so tough! I’ll show you who’s tough!
Me: No, you won’t. Pay no attention.
Doodlebug: He started it!
Me: Pay no attention. Just because somebody is loud doesn’t mean you have to be loud back.
Sweetie: Well, that’s no fun.
MoonCat: Where, oh where have my earplugs gone? Where, oh where can they be?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Big Shoes to Fill – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, Sweetie is clunking around.
Sweetie: I am not a clunker!
Me: What are you doing with one of my shoes on your foot?
Sweetie: I’m being you.
Me: Just because you wear my shoe doesn’t…it doesn’t work that way. The shoe fits my foot, not yours.
Sweetie: But your shoe makes a big print and smells like you. Nobody will expect that. I can get by with all kinds of stuff.
MoonCat: Yes, because no one will notice a bulldog clunking along in a giant shoe.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
There Be Giants in the Land – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby and Bud: Eee! Eee! Eee! Giants and more giants walking through!
Me: It’s alright. You’re fine.
Baby and Bud: Giants walking. Boom! Boom! Boom! And short giants, too!
Me: I know humans and bulldogs must seem like giants to you.
Sweetie: Who are they calling ‘short’?
MoonCat: A bulldog is to a human as a stump is to an oak tree, so yeah. Short giant. It’s all in how you look at it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Midnight Snack – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Psst! Lady Human, I hear something.
Me: I do, too. I hear you.
Sweetie: I hear it, too. A little tiny crunchy noise.
Me: Y’all, it’s too late to be talking…
Sweetie: Is a possum in the house?
Me: What? A possum?
Doodlebug: That got her attention.
Me: No, it’s not a possum. The budgies are snacking on their millet spray.
MoonCat: A possum in the house? Whyever not? We already have birds. Come one, come all.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Picked Over – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you wrestling with in the budgies’ wire house?
Me: Their millet spray is all picked over, so I’m taking it out so I can put in a new one.
Doodlebug: My food bowl is all picked over, too. Can I get a new one?
Sweetie: Oh, my. So is mine. I just want a refill, please, not a whole new bowl.
MoonCat: As everyone else is putting in orders, I may as well, too. Only no millet sprays, please.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Patty Cake – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you were clapping hands and singing human nonsense with the Little Human. I want to do that, too.
Me: We were playing patty cake. It’s an old nursery rhyme song. Not really bulldog friendly.
Doodlebug: Give us a chance. Here. Patty cake.
Me: Ow. A little heavy-handed.
Sweetie: Forget the hand stuff. The important question – Where are the cakes?
MoonCat: The really important question – Are they fish cakes?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Fall Down, Get Back Up
“Uh-oh!” “Okay.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Cooking Something Up – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You are frowning, Lady Human. Your face has gone all bulldoggy.
Me: I’m trying to cook something up, a new idea for a project I’m working on.
Doodlebug: Can we eat some of it? Like all of it?
Sweetie: I love the stuff you cook up. Mmmm….
Me: It’s not that kind of cooking.
MoonCat: Save your breathe, ma’am. They’re already floating off into a dreamy bulldog feast.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Roosting – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, that big loud fancy bird outside is acting weird.
Sweetie: Yeah, it’s pretending to be a parakeet and is sitting on a stick.
Me: He is a rooster and he is roosting.
Doodlebug: How come we can’t do that?
Me: Your feet aren’t made the same way.
Doodlebug: How come?
Me: For so it seemed good to the Great Creator.
MoonCat: Flat sturdy ground beneath my delicate little feet. So it seems good to me, too.
©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Hold On Tight! – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Winds are up! Hold tight!
Doodlebug: Bulldogs are made to hold tight.
Sweetie: Look at this mouth! It screams ‘Hold Tight’!
Baby and Bud: Hold tight, feet!
MoonCat: Chill and hang loose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Puddle of My Own – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I found the most wonderful thing!
Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold up there, partner! Don’t bring that mud in here!
Doodlebug: Great globby mud feet, Sweetie!
Sweetie: Thanks! There’s a big ole puddle right in the middle of the yard! I can splash in it and stomp in it!
Doodlebug: I want one!
MoonCat: What else can I say but YUCK! But I always say YUCK! So there’s that.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Chicken Squawk Convention – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There is a loud chicken meeting going on outside, Lady Human.
Me: Yeah, they’re holding some kind of convention.
Doodlebug: How come? I’ve talked to those chickens. They never say anything but ‘Squawk!’ and ‘Cluck!’
Sweetie: A lot like humans.
MoonCat: I could say something, but I won’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Heat Wave – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Why is it hot feeling today, Lady Human?
Me: We are having a mini heat wave.
Sweetie: What is the heat waving at? Not me, for sure.
Me: We’ll drop down about 45 degrees in a couple of days.
Doodlebug: It’s that stupid sky that can’t make up its mind again.
MoonCat: As long as it makes up its mind in my favor, I don’t mind a few waves here and there.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Dodgy Packs
“Be careful what pack you hang out with.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Speaking of Food – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Speaking of food…
Me: Were we speaking of food?
Sweetie: Always. Humans eat different stuff all the time. Our food always looks the same.
Doodlebug: And you never eat our food, which is good because more for us.
Sweetie: Yeah, we want some different food.
MoonCat: Don’t look over here. Mine is mine.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Rights.
Food, Yes…but No Sweaters! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where’s our food? Food! Food! Food!
Me: It’s here. Y’all are food fixated.
Sweetie: Food is what it’s all about.
Me: No. Life is more than food and the body is more than clothing. Do you know who said that?
Sweetie: Clothing? Like sweaters? Life IS more than sweaters. No sweaters! No sweaters! No sweaters!
Doodlebug: Food! Food! Food!
MoonCat: And so run the one-track bulldog minds.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Parakeet Tranquilizer – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that sound you are playing, Lady Human?
Me: It’s a Gregorian chant. Very old.
Doodlebug: The budgies are listening. They’ve gone quiet.
MoonCat: Maybe the Gregorians could chant more often.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Gut Reaction – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, that was a wonderful loud noise that just flew out of your mouth. Do it again!
Me: Sorry, that was a burp. Something I ate didn’t set well.
Doodlebug: We burp all the time. Here, let me show you.
Me: No need to make an effort.
Sweetie: Yeah, Doodle, you know it’s better when it comes out on its own.
MoonCat: Oh, don’t anybody hold back on my account. Better out than in, even if I have to throw a blanket over my nose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Drawing a Blank – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you staring at your paper? Your ink stick hasn’t scratched on it at all.
Me: I’m drawing a blank.
Doodlebug: A blank? What does that look like?
Me: Like nothing.
MoonCat: Good. You’re already finished then.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 