I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. DOODLEBUG. Or Doodle. Or Good Boy. Or Your Majesty. NOT “Hey!” That is for horses and goats.
Sweetie: And “Hey!” is not my name either. I answer to Sweetie, or Good Girl, or Suppertime, and that’s it.
MoonCat: Meow. And there’s no sense in calling me at all. I’LL CALL YOU!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“There’s something going on here that doesn’t meet the eye.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Birds that float! I would never have thought of that!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: And I am all wet.
Me: Sorry. When I checked the forecast, this rain was in it.
Doodlebug: I just shook it off.
Me: Yes, I know. You literally shook it off.
Sweetie: What are we supposed to do, Lady Human, when you mess up the weather?
Me: I don’t schedule the weather. But I guess you could try running between the raindrops.
Sweetie: Okay. Here. Let me shake my raindrops off and see you run between them.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What are you staring at, Doodle?
Doodlebug: I am not staring.
Sweetie: Them eyes of yours are set in a fightin’ mode!
Me: Settle down, both of you. I think Doodlebug is just gazing in your direction. A gaze is not a stare.
Sweetie: When eyeballs are set on me, how am I supposed to tell the difference?
Me: A gaze is softer than a stare. Like the way you’re both looking at me now.
MoonCat: Meow. None of y’all know anything about a stare. Now THIS is a stare!
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
And I am Sweetie and I have something to say.
Me: Why should today be any different?
Doodlebug: Me first. I am the King. Lady Human, we love you despite all your faults.
Sweetie: Yes, we love you even though you don’t feed us fresh steak.
Me: I don’t even get fresh steak.
Doodlebug: We know, but we forgive you. And sometimes our meals are like 5 minutes late.
Me: But sometimes they’re an hour early…
Sweetie: And we forgive you for that, too.
Doodlebug: And sometimes you’re a little slow understanding what we want.
Me: A problem with translation, no doubt.
Doodlebug: Bottom line, we forgive you.
Sweetie: Yes. While you are far from perfect, we know you are doing the best you can. As pitiful as that is.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Fun is free! You don’t need a lot of stuff. All you really need is a good stick.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Humans make everything so complicated. Just eat!”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: Lady Human! How come you’re down on all fours? Are you trying to be a bulldog? Because, if you are, you aren’t doing a very good job at it.
Me: No, I’m not trying to be a bulldog. Remember a few seconds ago when you stepped on the toe of my sock?
Sweetie: Yes. That’s when you went into your bulldog act.
Me: That’s when my sock got caught under your foot and I tripped.
Sweetie: And the floor caught you. Good ole floor. If you wouldn’t put those cloth bags you call ‘socks’ on your paws, you would not have to get caught by the floor so often. Go barefoot. Like a real bulldog.
Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Some are just naturally gifted. My tongue can’t compete with that.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something stinks.
MoonCat: Meow! And I know exactly what it is. And who.
Me: Yes. I do, too. Get up, Sweetie. Your whole sleeping space is going to have to be deep cleaned.
Doodlebug: Yes, Sweetie. PLEASE!
Sweetie: Why me? I’m comfortable, except for the stink.
Me: If you were a horse, I might call this mucking out your stall, so move over here while I…
Sweetie: But it’s the way I like it, except for the stink.
Me: Well, smells can accumulate. Between the potty accident the other day which I cleaned up but which left lingering reminders and the spilled water and the spilled food and the tracked in dirt and mud from outside and…
Sweetie: Muck out somebody else’s stall and leave me alone and happy…except for the stink.
Copyright 2023 H J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“HUMANS MUST LOVE LOUD NOISES. THEY SURE MAKE A LOT OF THEM.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is lunch?
Me: Patience! Patience! Patience is a virtue.
Sweetie: Well, you don’t seem to have any so you should go buy some. NOW!
Me: OK, that’s what I’m talking about. Not everything needs to be hurried along or done right this instant.
MoonCat: Why not?
Doodlebug: We are a patient pack, Lady Human. When you are late with our lunch, we don’t eat yours, do we?
Me: I’m just getting some things off my list today. Next is grocery shopping.
Sweetie: Great! Be sure and buy enough patience for all of us to have some. Especially you.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Cats invented lounging. Nobody else does it quite as well.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
MoonCat: Meow! Lady Human, someone…let me be plain…A BULLDOG HAS BEEN TASTING MY WATER!
Sweetie: Lady Human, let me be plain, the cat does it to us all the time.
Me: There is water all over the floor.
Sweetie: My face doesn’t exactly fit into a cat’s water bowl, so that’s to be expected. Why is it okay for her to do it when we are outside?
MoonCat: Because my face is small and I never spill a drop, said no bulldog ever.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Decisions! Decisions! So hard to make up my mind.”
“What do you mean? They are all the same.”
” No. One is on the left. One is in the center. And one is on the right. Totally different.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. ALERT! ALERT!
Sweetie: DOUBLE ALERT!
Me: What in the world is going on?
Doodlebug: Tall Man is fighting with the mop for control of the floor!
Sweetie: The mop is winning!
Doodlebug: He needs reinforcements.
Me: Y’all settle down. Too much barking over too little.
Sweetie: Wait. How did you know it was us barking?
Me: Cats don’t bark.
Doodlebug: Humans do. How did you know it wasn’t Tall Man? It could have been.
Sweetie: Naw. Different accent.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Resist temptation! Resist it! Resist! Oh, doggone it! Why’d they leave it out where it could call my name?”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!
Me: Your chair? Excuse me?
Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.
Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.
Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.
Me: Now that is a true statement.
Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Granted.
Me: We are going to have to agree to share.
Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
“Freedom does not mean running straight into trouble.”
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 