Sausage Dog Roll – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:   Move over.

Stella:   What?

Me:   Move over.

Stella:   What are you talking about?

Me:   Stella, this is a narrow bed. This is my bed. You are right in the middle of it. If you don’t move over, I have no space to sleep. There’s not even enough room for me to curl into a ball.

Stella:   Whatever.

Me:   Okay, here it comes.

Stella:   Here comes what?

Me:   The sausage dog roll.

Stella:   I don’t smell anything. Did you buy it at the special store for sausage rolls?

Me:   I’m talking about you.

Stella:   I don’t understand.

Me:   You are the sausage dog and I am going to roll you.

Stella:  Wait! What’s going on?

Me:   You are getting rolled over, Sausage Dog.

Stella:   It feels so weird.

Me:   You are just rolling from one side to the other. I refuse to be ousted from my own bed.

Stella:   Why Sausage Dog?

Me:   Well, when I look at you in the middle of my bed, you look for all the world like a sausage. Except that you have hair. And you are a dog. But your shape is sort of…

Stella:   A sausage?

Me:   Yeah.

Stella:   All this talk of sausages makes me think…Can I have a sausage?

Me:   Fresh out.

Stella:   Okay. Can I still have cheese?

Me:   Yeah, sure. Although that may be one reason you look like a sausage dog.

Stella:   Meh, small price to pay.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Would I Do Without You? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. At time I may seem demanding. That is because I am. Why not demand my due? I am special. But I have to admit that without my humans, my life would be much reduced.

Me:   Aw, Stella, that is so nice for you to…

Stella:   That does not mean that I am not special. It simply means that I admit that I have had help.

Me:   Well, that’s still nice…

Stella:   A little tiny bit of help.

Me:   And what form has this help taken, pray tell?

Stella:   Primarily in the form of treats, day and night. For example, what would I do without my special oat O’s and special cheese at night? Sshhhhh! I know that the others don’t get those treats. That is my special prerogative. After all, there should be a few perks to being queen. Otherwise, what’s the big deal?

Me:   I think the big deal, as you put it, has nothing to do with perks, or special cheese, or oat O’s, but in the responsibility that the position imposes.

Stella:   Blah, blah, blah. What are you talking about?

Me:   Something important that humans continually forget.

Stella:   Does that mean that there is not going to be a special bedtime snack tonight?

Me:   Not at all. There will be. But there would be responsibility even if there weren’t treats.

Stella:    If I had my druthers, I would take the treats.

Me:   And how long would you be queen after that?

Stella:   Hmmm. Not very long. If I were not queen, would you still bring me cheese?

Me:   Maybe. Probably.

Stella:    As long as cheese is involved, I am happy. Carry on.

Me:   Oh, all right.

Stella:   What was that?

Me:   Your Majesty.

Stella:  Not perfect, but better.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sassy Walking – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Watch me walk. I am sassy when I walk.

Me:   Yes, you are.

Tiger:   You know who is sassier when they walk? Me.

Stella:   Hush that ugly talk! I’m sassier than anybody.

Wiggles:   What about my dancing? Isn’t that sassy?

Me:   Yes, indeed. Your dancing is sassy. You are a great tap dancer.

Stella:   But not as sassy as me, right?

Tiger:   But not as sassy as me, right, Lady Human?

Miss Sweetie:   What is sassy? Am I sassy?

Doodlebug:   You are a rampager, Sweetie. Rampaging is not sassy. It is straightforward. Like me.

Me:   Yeah, Doodle is a prancer. Like a stallion. Pretty straightforward.

Doodlebug:   And sassy.

Me:   A little bit, yeah.

Miss Sweetie:   Why is rampaging not sassy?

Tiger:  Rampaging means you are charging through the world without any style or glamour. Sassy means you are stylish like me. Showing off. I am a show off because I’ve got so much to show off.

Stella:   How about when I show off? Everybody watches when I show off.

Me:   Probably because you stand in the middle of the room and play bow until I notice.

Stella:   You notice. Everybody notices. Sassy.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Oh, My Pounding Ears! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there is an attack going on! Help! Loud noises! Call those people who wear shiny stars and drive cars with wild flashing lights! Hurry!

Me:   Stella, it’s all right.

Stella:   Why do you always say that? It is not all right! Do you hear that?

Me:   Not as well as you do, but yes. And it is all right. It is the sound of construction going on.

Stella:   Construction? It sounds terrible. Please make it stop!

Me:   No, it’s a good thing. One of our neighbors is having his floors replaced.

Stella:   Why couldn’t he keep his floors and spare us the pounding and the hammering and the…

Me:   His floors were damaged by water.

Stella:   How? Water is good. How could it hurt a floor?

Me:   Too much water can hurt lots of things. Anyway, his floor is being replaced.

Stella:   Too much pounding, too much noise can hurt my ears.

Me:   Congratulations on your amazing hearing.

Stella:   If that noise keeps up, you are about to congratulate me on my amazing barking.

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Lurks in the Dark? – Conversations with Stella and Tiger

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. That is all.

Me:   What?

Stella:   I don’t have anything else to say today. However, from what I hear, Tiger has some issues that she is dealing with.

Me:   Okay, Tiger.

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Tiger:   Night.

Me:   Okay. Night. And…?

Tiger:   There are things that lurk in the night.

Me:   Yes. I know. Mainly because of you. And the others. My nose is not as sensitive as yours. My eyes are not as sharp in the dark as yours.

Tiger:   I am always scared, Lady Human. What lurks in the dark may attack me.

Me:   Don’t I go outside with you in the dark?

Tiger:   Yes, but what if the lurking things are bigger than you and stronger than you?

Me:   Well, God, the Great Creator, said something to us humans early on. He told us that we were made in His image and that He gave us dominion over the earth. So, when I go outside with you, even if you are afraid, I refuse to be, and anything lurking in the dark better watch out! No lurkers allowed!

Tiger:   Wow! Okay! In that case, let’s go!

Stella:   Yeah, but what about that weird bird outside your window that sings in the middle of the night?

Me:   Stella, what did I just say?

Stella:   Well…okay. But I think I’ll just stay inside for now.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Are You a Pointer? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The world is full of things, moving, ugly, smelly things.

Me:   And beautiful, wonderful, bright, unusual, colorful, sweet things.

Stella:   Maybe, but none of those things are in our yard tonight. Wait.

Me:   Okay…Okay…Stella?

Stella:   Shhh!

Me:   Are you pointing, Stella? Like a pointer dog.

Stella:   Shhh! Smell the air!

Me:   I am. What is so special?

Stella:   Can’t you smell it?

Me:   No. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Stella:   It’s coming from over there.

Me:   You look just like a pointer dog, except you aren’t as tall and you aren’t as skinny and you aren’t lifting your front leg.

Stella:   The weird smell is in that corner.

Me:   Fill me in.

Stella:   Go over there and see what it is.

Me:   Me? Why me? It’s dark. I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything. You go over.

Stella:   No. I’ve done my job. I pointed it out.

Me:   How about we just go back inside?

Stella:   After I went to all the trouble of pointing?

Me:   Okay. I’ll go back inside. Stay as long as you like.

Stella:   NO! Run! Inside now! Pointing is for the birds.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cheese, Glorious Cheese! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Every night, Lady Human and I share a snack before bed. Sometimes she gives me a cracker. Sometimes she gives me little round crunchy things that have no name that I can pronounce. But the best thing of all is when she gives me CHEESE!!!

Me:   Shhh!! Not so loud!!

Stella:   Why?

Me:   Because you are the only one with whom I share cheese.

Stella:   Is that because you are stingy or because I am special.

Me:   How could it be because I am stingy? I am sharing very expensive cheese with you. I don’t even like sharing it with myself. And they don’t always have it at the store. I have to wait for it to come in.

Stella:   So, you are stingy.

Me:   Hey, who’s getting cheese?

Stella:   Me?

Me:   Right. Don’t tell the others.

Stella:   What if they smell it on my breath?

Me:   Leave ‘em guessing where you got it.

Stella:   Don’t be surprised if they start tearing up the yard looking for my source.

Me:   How would that be different from the way they act in the yard now?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cold Showers – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Cold.

Me:   Yes, but not the coldest it has ever been.

Stella:   No, but still cold. The sky is crying cold tears. Why can’t it wait until summer when it’s tears will be warmer.

Me:   Because this is winter. Sorry. We can’t forget winter. It’s cold a lot and cloudy a lot, but it serves its purpose.

Tiger:   Its purpose is to shower us with cold water when we go out to potty?

Me:   That’s not its purpose. That is one of its side effects.

Wiggles:   I used to enjoy going out to potty. Now it is shocking and gross.

Me:   All I can say is, hurry out and hurry back in.

Miss Sweetie:   I don’t like it. There have been no sunny days when I can sunbathe. The sky should keep its water to itself.

Me:   Hey, I have gone out with you, right?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes, but how does that help me?

Me:   The second you come in, isn’t there a special treat waiting for you?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes. But why can’t the days and nights be dry and I still get the treat?

Doodlebug:   What about me?

Me:   What about you? You get a treat each time, too.

Doodlebug:   Not good enough. I want extra snacks.

Me:   No, Doodle, no! I know what kind of snacks you are looking for and I am glad that you don’t search for them on wet, cold days. That’s one benefit of cold showers.

Doodlebug:   I don’t worry about it, Lady Human. I’ll be back on the hunt when the rain stops.

Me:   Not if I can clean out your stash first.

Doodlebug:   Catch me if you can.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Have the Crazy Humans Gone to Bed? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The Night of Human Craziness has ended. So says Lady Human and she should know because she is a human. I am still a little afraid to go outside tonight. It is in the dark that the humans act out the most.

Me:   Don’t worry. I won’t let you go out by yourself.

Stella:   You heard it last night, didn’t you? You heard the weird human voice.

Me:   I did.

Stella:   All I needed to do was go potty. I know it was late. Everyone else was asleep. And then I heard that noise in the darkness. It scared me. I ran back to the house.

Me:   And I was there and let you in. You were moving pretty fast.

Stella:   What was the human saying? Why was he shouting?

Me:   I won’t repeat what he was saying. He was shouting a word that we consider to be very vulgar. He was shouting at the top of his voice.

Stella:   Will he be back tonight?

Me:   No, I don’t think so.

Stella:   Why would he do that? It broke the quiet of the night.

Me:   Well, his shouting and the cannon boom of the fireworks and some people heard gunfire. I guess I missed it. I had fallen asleep.

Stella:   You slept through all that.

Me:   You did, too. All except the shouting man.

Stella:   I hope he sleeps tonight.

Me:   I do, too. He had to be tired.

Stella:   So why do humans complain about dogs barking? At least we don’t use ugly words.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved

Humans and Their Crazy Days – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have said it before. I say it again. Humans are crazy.

Me:   Oh, humans are crazy, and bulldogs are not?

Stella:   Exactly. I understand that humans celebrate what you call ‘holy days’. Those are important. Those make sense.

Me:   Thank you for attributing some sense to us.

Stella:   You are welcome. What I do not understand are the celebrations that are going on now. Loud, obnoxious, and without reason.

Me:   Oh, like New Year’s Eve?

Stella:   Yes, that one. There are things exploding. People are acting crazy. And loud.

Me:   It’s the celebration of the start of a new year on our calendar. New beginnings. Getting rid of old things, old bad habits, starting new ones.

Stella:   Why would anyone start new bad habits?

Me:   I mean starting new good habits.

Stella:   And that means that humans must act in a crazy manner during this time of change.

Me:   We don’t have to, but we often do.

Stella:   I have just one thing to say about that.

Me:   What?

Stella:   Stop it. The end.

Me:   Those are two things.

Stella:   Oh, and one more. Happy New Calendar Year. Whatever that means. And don’t blow up anything.

Me:   Okay, I won’t. Is that all?

Stella:   Yes. If you are celebrating anything, make sure we get special treats. We don’t want to be left out.

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Greedy Mouths – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Treats are great, especially the ones Lady Human is giving us now. Not that I didn’t like the other ones and if she brings them again, I will certainly participate. I am not snooty.

Me:   Snooty?

Stella:   Dogs that turn down treats are snooty.

Me:   Okay. You mean that you should eat what is placed before you.

Stella:   Yes. No. Maybe.

Me:   What’s your problem today?

Stella:   I don’t like the way some of us enjoy our treats.

Me:    By some of us, to whom are you referring specifically?

Stella:   Shhh! This is just between you and me. It’s Tiger. She’s so snappy when you offer her a treat.

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Me:   Yeah, she does get a little too excited. I’ve been correcting her on that.

Stella:   If you hold the treat above her and drop it, she is a great catcher.

Me:   True.

Stella:   But when you offer it to her face, she gets so excited, half the time she knocks it out of your hand and doesn’t even know where it went.

Me:   Yeah, and if she doesn’t knock it out of my hand, she snaps at my fingers. She doesn’t mean to, but she is so greedy for it.

Stella:   Yes, greedy. I understand greedy. It is a desire that takes over your mind and heart. You can’t think of anything else but what will satisfy the greed. It is like a burning fire in your bones…

Me:   All that for a treat?

Stella:   Yes, Lady Human, don’t you feel that way when there is a treat in front of you? Doesn’t it take over your life until you have it?

Me:   It used to. Not anymore. I worked at not letting it.

Stella:   That is so strange. Why don’t you have a greedy mouth like ours?

Me:   I am not a bulldog.

Stella:   That says it all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

When a Doodlebug Sunbathes – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I love sunbaths. Even on winter days. Even on summer days. I come in feeling all warm and invigorated. Some of us are better sunbathers than others. For example, Tiger is a dedicated, expert sunbather. She has a perfect spot she goes to and patiently absorbs the fire rays of the glowing ball of burning gas that hangs in the sky.

Me:   That really does make it sound dangerous.

Stella:   But you said that’s what it is.

Me:   Yeah, and it is, but it’s not really hanging in the sky like a picture hangs on a wall.

Stella:   Looks like it to me. Anyway, the important thing is that it feels good on my skin. Wiggles and Miss Sweetie are also good sunbathers. They change locations every time. They like variety. The only one of us who is not adept at sunbathing is Doodlebug.

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Me:   That’s because he gets too hot too fast.

Stella:   This must be a problem for all doodlebugs because when I see doodlebugs, they are under some pot you have turned over or they are in a shady corner of the yard.

Me:   That’s true, but our Doodlebug is not a doodlebug as much as he is a bulldog.

Stella:   He acts more like a doodlebug. I guess that’s why he doesn’t sunbathe as much as the rest of us. He sits in the shade and curls up in a ball.

Me:   No, not really. He can’t do that.

Stella:   A big, ole doodlebug ball. Don’t bother arguing with me, Lady Human. My mind is made up.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Happened to Silent Night? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. We have enjoyed a quiet day with special treats but not so many that any of us got sick, but enough to make us not complain.

Me:   I would not have paid attention to any complaining. It’s a holiday!

Stella:   Since when can we not complain on a holiday?

Me:   What part of ‘holy day’ do you not understand?

Stella:   The whole thing. For example, I heard you singing about a silent night. And last night was pretty quiet, except for me and the others barking and snoring and snorting and all that. But do you hear what I hear?

Me:   I don’t know. I never know what you hear.

Stella:   I hear a lot of noise. There is a steady roar coming from over there.

Me:   That’s traffic on the highway. It was quiet last night because more places were closed. Some started opening again about an hour ago.

Stella:   And there are loud boom noises.

Me:   I am sorry to have to tell you, Stella, that there are humans who are not…

Stella:   Smart, rational, careful, sane…

Me:   Yes.

Stella:   Too late. I already figured that out.

Me:   I think the booms are from some people driving around firing off shotguns and fireworks. Sadly, they believe that is a good way to celebrate.

Stella:   Quick! Call the people who drive the rolling boxes with crazy lights.

Me:   If I’m not mistaken, by the sound of sirens, they are already on their way. Let’s go inside until everything settles down.

Stella:   Oh, all right. So much for a silent night.  At least, these booms only happen once.

Me:   Well, just give it a week. We’ll see.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

May I Have What You Are Having? = Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The humans have started their feasting. It smells delicious, but I noticed that our dinner was the same as usual.

Me:   Hey, I passed along extra treats.

Stella:   Boring.

Me:   Well, that’s rude. Always be grateful for what is set in front of you.

Miss Sweetie:   I liked those flat, crunchy things that were set in front of me.

Me:   You see, Stella. Sweetie liked what I shared from my own plate.

Doodlebug:   What are those called? They were good.

Me:   Crackers.

Doodlebug:   Why can’t I find those things outside?

Me:   Maybe because you are spending too much time searching for something else that you shouldn’t have.

Tiger:   How about some more of that chicken stuff?

Me:   Chicken treats. I’ll pass more of those out later. Let’s pace ourselves.

Tiger:   Ourselves? Are you sneaking our treats?

Me:  No. I am sneaking my own treats. My point is that we need to exercise self-control.

Tiger:   That doesn’t sound fun at all.

Me:   You’ll feel better for it later. I guarantee.

Wiggles:   May I have what you’re having?

Me:   No. I’m sorry.

Stella:   What are those? Mmmm!

Me:   Potato latkes. I haven’t made them for years.

Wiggles:   A wonderful scent is coming from them. Please, may I have one?

Me:   Girl, they have onions and garlic in them. I can’t share these with you.

Stella:   Did you do that on purpose so you wouldn’t have to share?

Me:   No, I was following an old recipe. Look, everyone can have one more chicken treat and then that will be it for tonight, okay?

Stella:   Are you telling us or asking us?

Me:   Telling you.

Stella:   Typical.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

The Spotlight in the Night Sky – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I feel like howling and I don’t know why.

Me:   Do you hear a shrill sound? Because I don’t.

Stella:   No. No weird sounds except all the weird human sounds like those tin cans flying overhead and a general roar of noise from those things you call highways and freeways and roads and cars and trucks and…

Me:   Yeah, the world is a pretty noisy place.

Stella:   I just feel like howling.

Me:   Is it because of the moon?

Stella:   Moon. No. Why would a silly cat have something to do with it?

Me:   No, not Moon Cat. The moon in the sky. It is so bright tonight and so full.

Stella:   Oh, yeah. I see it. It’s like those lights you turn on in your hands, only I think no human turned that on. I think the Great Creator turned that light on.

Me:   That’s very perceptive of you. No human had anything to do with that light.

Stella:   I don’t feel like howling because of the moon. That’s a strange idea humans came up with. But it is awfully bright. Can you turn it off?

Me:   No. Like I said, humans have nothing to do with that light. It will fade as the earth turns and the moon goes around. It will be bright again tomorrow, if there are no clouds.

Stella:   Well, I think it should shut itself off. It is keeping me awake.

Me:   You won’t see it once we’re inside.

Stella:   Why didn’t you say so?

Me:   I didn’t think that I had to.

Stella:   Lady Human, I’m a dog. I don’t understand all the things a human does. Let’s go inside. The moon is too bright. If I stay out here, I will need some of your special dark eyeglasses.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Creatures of the Night – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Night is a scary time. The sun is asleep. The moon may be bright, but it doesn’t stick around long. And there are creatures of the night. They only come out at night. When everything is dark, they prowl and lurk about. I heard one last night. It was outside our window, the room that Lady Human calls her own, but we all know whose room it really is, right?

Me:   Yeah, we all know that it really is my room.

Stella:   Then you must have heard it, too. It was still dark. It was in a nearby tree.

Me:   I did hear it.

Stella:   It was JERKY MCSQUIRRELYFACE!

Me:   Nope.

Stella:   But it was from a tree. He loves trees. And it was rude. Just like him. Waking folks up in the middle of the night.

Me:   Dark, but still closer to dawn than to midnight.

Stella:   It was Jerky.

Me:   Nope. Not a squirrel. Squirrels are diurnal animals. That means that they move around during the daylight. During the dark, they hunker down like we do.

Stella:   Then what was it?

Me:   A hoot owl.

Stella:   A hoo what?

Me:   A hoot owl. I’m not sure what variety, but there are some in the vicinity. I saw one fly across the yard once. Totally silent. The edges of their wings are soft and ruffled so they make no noise. Very cool. I figure the one outside was calling its mate.

Stella:   There are more than one.

Me:   Yeah, and I am glad. They keep the vermin population down.

Stella:   Can we get at least get it to schedule its dating calls for the daylight?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

That is Not a Traditional Christmas Scent – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I like much of what the humans call Christmas.

It has special food, some of which the humans feel compelled to share with us because of what they call “Christmas spirit”. I like Christmas spirit. Because of it, my humans are more generous at this time of year and I get to eat some of their turkey and roast beef.

Christmas tastes good and it feels good. We get new soft toys and blankets. This happens because other humans who have the places where toys and blankets live put them “on sale” and that makes our humans happy and even more generous.

And I like the way Christmas smells. Except for the strong smells that Lady Human calls ‘essential oils”. She can keep those to herself. They are not Christmas. But there are other special smells like bread baking, cookies baking, meat baking, something called peppermint, something called pine tree which I think I have smelled before outside, and… what is that? Oh, no! That’s not Christmas!

Me:   What’s the problem? Oh, no! That’s not Christmas!

Stella:   I know what it is.

Me:   Me, too! Please make it stop!

Stella:  I can’t. It will have to stop on its own. There. I think it has stopped.

Me:   Can you warn me before something like that happens again?

Stella:   Only if I have some control over it. The air has cleared. Now, let us return to Christmas.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldogs Rule! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. We are the best! Bulldogs rule!

Me:   Where is that coming from?

Stella:   From me! Bulldogs are the best dogs ever. Whoop!

Me:   Well, I have been around other breeds of dogs and they all have their good points. I don’t think anyone can say that bulldogs are better than all other breeds.

Stella:   WRONG!

Me:   Stella, poodles are great. Corgis are great! Shetland sheepdogs are great!

Stella:   WRONG! How can humans have any opinion on this? What do humans know about dogs?

Me:   A lot, I think, since we have lived with dogs for so long.

Stella:   WRONG! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Bulldogs!

Me:   You sound like a football team.

Stella:   Football? Is that something dogs play?

Me:   Nope, except by accident maybe. But there is a lot of shouting and cheering. I think you would like it. And there is food.

Stella:   What are we waiting for? Football! Football! Football!

Me:   What happened to the Bulldogs Rule cheer?

Stella:   Forget bulldogs. Bulldogs never bring food.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Humans Fly Through the Air – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there are silver birds flying overhead. They are beautiful and shiny and have lights. They are not like other birds. They keep coming and coming and coming and…

Me:   They are not birds. They are airplanes. You’ve seen them before.

Stella:   Not like this. They just keep coming and coming and coming and…

Me:   When this happens over here, it is because the wind patterns are favorable for them to land at Love Field.

Stella:   They land in a field of love?

Me:   Actually, it’s an airport that was named after a man whose name was Love. He had a freeway named after him, too.

Stella:   Do you have a freeway, whatever that is, named after you?

Me:   Nope, and that is probably just as well.

Stella:   Why are all these birds silver? None of the other birds around here are shiny silver.

Me:   Again, girl, they are airplanes, not birds. People ride in them.

Stella:   Say that again.

Me:   Humans ride in those airplanes. They are made of metal and wires and other stuff and humans drive them.

Stella:   Okay. Say that again slowly.

Me:   You know how we get into my car…sorry, rolling box…and we go places down roads and freeways and I drive so we end up where we want to be.

Stella:   Yeah…are you going to fly us through the air one day? Because I don’t want to do that.

Me:   No, cars don’t fly. At least not yet. Don’t worry about that. But airplanes are designed through lift and thrust and speed to take off into the air and fly.

Stella:   This is scaring me, Lady Human. You mean that there are humans in that silver bird. Did the bird eat them?

Me:   No, those are silver machines made by humans and all the humans aboard them are alive and well.

Stella:   And they fly over our heads all the time, especially today so they can land in the field of love.

Me:   If you want to think of it that way, fine.

Stella:   What if they decide not to land in the field of love? What if they decide to land here?

Me:   It doesn’t work well that way. They need to land at an airport. They need lots of room.

Stella:   They look so small.

Me:   That’s because they are far away, farther away than you might think.

Stella:   If you say so.

Me:   I do.

Stella:   Look out! Here comes an airplane!

Me:   Stella, calm down. That’s a bird.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Nasty Is As Nasty Does – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sometimes I find that embarrassing.

Me:   Why?

Stella:   Lady Human, really? You know why? You live here.

Me:   Well, yeah, I see your point, but what specifically is bringing this on?

Stella:   You saw Doodlebug outside a while ago, didn’t you?

Me:   Yeah. I mean what specifically?

Stella:   His usual bad snacking habit.

Me:   Oh, no!

Stella:   Now he’ll have bad breath all night.

Me:   Oh, Doodle.

Stella:   Nasty is as nasty does which means Doodlebug is nasty.

Me:   He had gotten better.

Stella:  You can’t put temptation in his path.

Me:   No, you all can’t put temptation in his path. And I can’t leave temptation in his path. Between the wind and the rain and the cold today, I just didn’t take temptation away fast enough.

Stella:   Don’t blame yourself, Lady Human. Nasty is as nasty does. And I’ll point out that I never engage in such practices. I am – what was your word? Oh, yes! Fastidious.

Me:   True. I’ll never smell ugly breath on you. So why can’t Doodlebug follow in your footsteps?

Stella:   If we didn’t have those with bad habits, how would we ever truly appreciate those with good habits?

Me:   Well, because their breath wouldn’t smell gross for one thing.

Stella:   Go right ahead. Smell my fastidious breath. Who do you appreciate now?

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.