Cat Sitting – Conversations with Stella

Me:        Stella, this morning, I was in the kitchen, calmly, methodically preparing my breakfast, when what to my wondering ears should sound but the excited, LOUD barking of bulldogs and an extremely annoyed feline cry from our cat, Moon.

Stella:    Yes, it was very exciting. And annoying. I don’t know why the cat was upset.

Me:        Perhaps because you were up on the couch…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        On Moon’s cat bed…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        SITTING ON HER!

Stella:    Please define ‘sitting on’.

Me:        Stella, your rear end was wedged up against her in the corner of the couch.

Stella:    That was not ‘sitting on’. That was sharing. We were sharing her cat bed. It has limited space so I had to squish into it which meant I had to squish into her.

Me:        Sitting or squishy sharing, Moon was not happy. Did she invite you to share her bed?

Stella:    Please define ‘invite’.

Me:         Did you get scratched?

Stella:    No. She tried, but all she could reach was my big ole bulldog behind and she couldn’t get through my thick bulldog hair.

Me:        Amazing.

Stella:    Yes, I am. I still don’t understand why she was upset.

Me:        You invaded her personal space.

Stella:    But I didn’t drool on her.

Me:        But you leaned on her.

Stella:    But I didn’t try to chew on her.

Me:        But your big bulldog body had her trapped.

Stella:    Yes. That was funny.

Me:        Not to her. Moon is an incredibly patient, tolerant cat to put up with all the bulldog nonsense that goes on around here.

Stella:    Which is really human nonsense, remember. The humans are in charge.


Me:        And another thing. The others just go up to her and touch noses or give her a sidelong glance and walk on. You seem to be the only one that moves in like a linebacker and tackles her if she doesn’t jump away in time.

Stella:    Was that a football reference, Lady Human? I love football.

Me:        We’re drifting off topic. My question is why are you the only bulldog who tries to make contact with the cat?

Stella:    Well, somebody has to get her to exercise.




Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.








I’ll Have What You’re Having – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Illustrious Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Yes! Illustrious! That’s me. I like that. A young friend called me that and I am going to keep it, just like I keep everything else. Speaking of which, why do humans spend so much time staring into the Big Cold Box in the kitchen?

Me:        We check for ingredients for our meals. Sometimes we don’t know what we want to eat and we have to think about it.

Stella:    You think about food? What is there to think about? Food is food! When you see it, grab it and eat it before someone else does! Let me in there. Let me see what all you have in there. I won’t have to think about it.

Me:        No, we don’t need a bulldog nose sniffing around in the refrigerator.

Stella:    But you sniff around in there.

Me:        I look first and then I sniff.

Stella:    What are you going to eat now?

Me:        Well, there are some sliced apples.

Stella:    Nope.

Me:        Pineapple.

Stella:    Why is everything called ‘apple’? Nope, no fruit.

Me:        I could cook some eggs.

Stella:    Mmmm. Maybe. What else do we have?

Me:        We?

Stella:    We are family, aren’t we? Don’t you love us? You are generous, aren’t you? Wait! Are you a food hoarder, Lady Human?

Me:        Well, of course…Yes, we love…We try to be…No, we are not food hoarders!

Stella:    Thank you for sharing. We will have some of what you are having. On second thought, we are bulldogs. We have a lot of what you are having.

Me:        You bulldogs are on a special diet so you won’t have stomach or skin problems.

Stella:    Sounds like an excuse not to share your food with us.

Me:        More like a reason for you not to share your upset stomachs with us. No, thank you.

Stella:    Well, it’s unfair, but I can’t force you to share. I bet I know what I’ll be dreaming about tonight though. Food, glorious food, and the Big Cold Boxes it comes in.



Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Conversations with Stella – It’s All About Me!

Me:        Hello again. Stella is back…

Stella:    Queen Stella.

Me:        Mmmhmm… with an issue that has been bothering her.

Stella:    Wiggles is the issue that has been bothering me. Wiggles!

Me:        Wiggles is an Olde English Bulldogge, just like you are. She is your half-sister. She is not an “issue”.

Stella:    You can’t fool me, Lady Human. I saw you ruffle your lips and blow out your cheeks. You looked like a frustrated bulldog. I wanted to laugh. Your face was so funny. But I didn’t because I was a frustrated bulldog. Wiggles is a disobeyer. She doesn’t mind you. More than that, she hasn’t been minding me! That’s what is important.

Me:        Wait! You think it is more important for her to obey you than to obey me? Really? That’s not a safe attitude. Y’all are smart dogs, but humans know a whole bunch more than you do.

Stella:    Please understand. I don’t really care at all what Wiggles does. She can charge around the room like her goofy self as long as she doesn’t bump into me. She can chew on stuff as long as it’s not my stuff. She can grab the cat’s food; in fact, please do. She can dance her comma dance so long as I don’t have to watch it.

Me:        So it’s all about you.

Stella:    Of course. I thought you already knew that. Queen Stella. Remember?

Me:        How can I forget?

Stella:    Don’t worry. I will remind you constantly.

Me:        That is a rather selfish way to live, isn’t it? What about sharing?

Stella:    Sharing is for puppies. I’ve done my bit. I’m finished. What about humans? Tell me about your selfish way to live.

Me:        Uh, well…I guess I can be selfish. I try not to be.

Stella:    What about sharing?

Me:        I share…some.

Stella:    I saw you with smoked sausages. You didn’t share that with me.

Me:        It was part of one sausage and it was my whole dinner and…hey! I don’t have to explain to you what I do with my food. I have shared plenty with you bulldogs.

Stella:    That depends. How do you define “plenty”?


Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.