Happy 8th Birthday, Wiggles! – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Today is special. I don’t know why.
 
Me:  Today is Wiggles 8th birthday! Happy Birthday, Wiggles!
 
Wiggles:  I’m not sure what that means.


 
Stella:  Well, one thing it does not mean is cake. We will not be having cake today. This is a cake-free zone.
 
Me:  It means that you were born eight years ago today.
 
Wiggles:  I’m not sure what that means either.
 
Me:  Well, your mom gave birth to you eight years ago.
 
Wiggles: What is a year?
 
Me:  It’s a way humans have of counting time.
 
Wiggles:  Was eight years a long time ago?
 
Me:  For some purposes.
 
Wiggles:  Does this mean that I am old now?
 
Me:  I don’t think of you that way. I still think of you as you were when you first came. You were a little over a year old then.
 
Wiggles:  A lot has happened since then.
 
Stella:  I’ll tell you one thing that hasn’t happened. Cake. Cake doesn’t happen around here.




 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Gagging and…Yuck! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you gagging and making yuck noises? You really do sound like a bulldog today.
 
Me:  Ugh, I ate the wrong thing or didn’t eat the right thing. I don’t even know.
 
Stella:  That’s because you eat strange stuff out of that cold box. Why don’t you eat the food you give us? It’s easy. It comes in a big bag and out of a big can. There’s a lot of it. We will share with you. Maybe. Once in a while.
 
Me:  But that food is for dogs. Humans have different food needs.
 
Stella:  So you mean that pie, and those potato chips, and that dark drink that you won’t let us even taste, and that stuff that came in the big red box shaped like a heart, and…
 
Me:  Okay. Okay.
 
Stella:  Hey, I understand. I have chewed on a few things in my life that made me gag, too.





 
Copyright 2022  H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

I Am More Bulldoggy Than You – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.  Lady Human, scooch over. You’re crowding my space.
 
Me:  Nope.
 
Stella:  Uh, yep.
 
Me:  Nope. I’m in my spot to stay.
 
Stella:  Hey, who’s the bulldog here?
 
Me:  Today that would be me.
 
Stella:  No way! I am more bulldoggy than you.
 
Me:  No, I am more bulldoggy than you.
 
Stella:  No, I am!
 
Me:  No, I am!
 
Stella:  You’re not even a real bulldog!
 
Me:  How do you know?
 
Stella:  Hello! Look in a mirror!
 
Me: Let’s see. I am ignoring your demands. I am refusing to move or give up space. I am lounging in bed. I am arguing with you. Sounds like…yep…I am more bulldoggy than you.
 
Stella:  Hey, it’s time to get up and feed us.
 
Me:  Oh, yeah, Okay.
 
Stella:  Seems pretty clear to me who won that argument.





 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Picky Eater – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
 
Miss Sweetie:  Woo-hoo! Look what I found!
 
Me:  Let me guess. Food on the ground.
 
Miss Sweetie:  Why eat out of a bowl when you can eat off the ground?
 
Me:  My thought exactly.
 
Stella:  Lady Human, you are a picky eater. I have never seen you eat off the floor.
 
Miss Sweetie:  Now, Lady Human, don’t get any big ideas. The floor is my dinner plate. No sharing!





 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Encroachers – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, help! There is a weird squirrel on the fence.
 
Me:  That’s not a squirrel. It’s a lemur. Let me call the neighbor it belongs to and tell them it’s wandered over here.
 
Stella:  How dare that what cha call it come into our home space!
 
Me:  Lemur. And it’s no big deal. It’s trained. It just encroached a little too far this time.
 
Stella:  Encroachers, beware! This is bulldog territory. No one else need apply. It’s bad enough we have coyotes and squirrels and possums and rats and raccoons and owls and hawks and…what else do we have?
 
Me:  Lizards and snakes and lots of birds.
 
Stella:  Ew! We need to put up a Keep Out sign!





 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
 

Tilt Your Head – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
 
Me:  Come on, Wiggles. Time to get ready for bed. Wiggles, don’t just stand there. Come on! Okay, when you don’t answer me, I don’t know if you are suffering from a cognitive disruption or if you’re just being a bulldog. Now she’s tilting her head.


 
Stella: Of course.
 
Me:  Of course because she doesn’t understand me or of course because why?
 
Stella:  Precisely.
 
Me: Can you explain that a little more?
 
Stella:  When you tilt your head, all your brain juices run to one side and then things make more sense. Especially when talking to humans.
 
Me:  I don’t think that’s how that works.
 
Stella:  Try it. Maybe your just need your brain juices to move around. Then you might understand us better.





 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
 

Skating Rink – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Something is still wrong with the ground, Lady Human. I thought you were going to take care of this.
 
Doodlebug: Yeah, I am standing still, but I am still moving.
 
Miss Sweetie:  No, you are not moving. The cold ground…that’s what is moving.
 
Wiggles:  And every time I take a step, the ground makes a loud cracking sound like I am a giant.
 
Me:  Some of the ice has lingered, but only in the shady spots.
 
Doodlebug:  Look at me! I am sliding! Weeeee!
 
Stella:  I am walking, but I am not getting anywhere fast. Make it go away. I want our old ground back.
 
Me:  The old ground is there, just underneath a layer of stubborn ice.
 
Stella:  Nope. Not allowed. Only bulldog stubborn is allowed around here.





 
Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Socked In – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! You have fouled up the weather again! The ground is white, and the sky is spitting ice chunks that are bouncing off my back.

Me:  Honestly, I am not in charge of this.

Stella:  I told you last year, after Snowpocalypse, not to let anything like that ever happen again.

Me:  Well, we’re still about 25 degrees warmer than we were during that event last year, so…

Stella:  Not good enough! Make it go away. I like to see the ground I am pottying on.

Me:  Hmmm, give it about two days. And the ground may be covered in snow and ice, but it is still there.

Stella: A likely story! If humans can’t control the sky, how do we know you won’t take away the ground while it is covered up? What if I step and there is nothing there?

Me:  I would never take the ground out from under your feet … even if I could … which I can’t.

Stella: Another likely story! I’ve got one eye on you, Lady Human, and another eye on the disappearing ground.

Copyright 2022 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.