What Is A Throne and Where Is Mine? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The cat acts as though she is the queen, but she isn’t. I have told her that any number of times. Still, she doesn’t listen. Like right now. She is sitting on one of the humans’ big chairs and sticking her snooty nose in the air.

Me:  I guess that chair is her version of a throne. She does look regal.

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Stella:  Throne? Regal? Where is my dictionary?

Me:  You haven’t finished it. Throne means a chair that a king or queen sits on. Regal means royal , like a king or queen.

Stella:  The cat? Our Moon Cat? A queen’s chair? Regal? What’s she playing at?

Me:  She’s just being herself. And the chair is not a new thing. She sleeps on them all the time at night. You all don’t notice because you are already asleep yourselves.

Stella:  It’s not fair. Not fair at all. If that’s a throne and thrones are for queens, just you watch me sit on it. I’ll just…jump…climb…here I come…hold still, you silly throne! One more try! Hey, let me up there, dumb chair! I am your queen!

Me:  Sorry. The chair does not seem to be cooperating. It must not be a royalist.

Stella:  Sweetie can jump up on chairs and couches and pianos. Why can’t I?

Me:  Sweetie is taller than you are. And younger.

Stella:  Lady Human! How rude!

Me:  We’re dealing with facts here, girl.

Stella:  Here’s a fact. I need a throne. You are going to find me one. That is an order.

Me:  I’ll look around.

Stella:  Really look this time. Not like when you said you would find me a crown. And where is my crown? My head is still naked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

The Troubles of Mankind – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a bulldog and as hard as I may try, I don’t understand humans. Like today. They are tense. And sad. I sense it, but I don’t know what is causing it. I just wish I could help them get beyond it. What has happened, Lady Human?

Me:   A very famous, very old church burned today.

Stella:  Your church? The church you go to when you leave us some mornings?

Me:  No, not mine. One a long, long way from here. But distance doesn’t matter.

Stella:  The humans are gone?

Me:  No, thank the LORD! It may be that there were no injuries or deaths.

Stella:  So, the church is still there.

Me:  The ancient building has been almost destroyed. The roof has collapsed.

Stella:  But the church is still there.

Me:  Well, no, not the way it was…

Stella:  Lady Human, every time you tell us that you are going to church, do you think that we are so silly as to think that you are going to some building? Like when you go to a building to buy your food or to buy our treats? You go and you never come back carrying anything new in your hands. You go to your church, but you are not visiting a building. You have told me. You go to visit the Great Creator with your friends.

Me:  Yes.

Stella:  So that church a long, long way from here is still there. The building got hurt and humans are sorry for that. The things that humans build are wonderful, but they are human. The Great Creator is much, much more.

Me:  Yes, thank you for reminding me, Stella.

Stella: You’re welcome, Lady Human. Even humans need to remember what is truly important sometimes.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Body Slamming – Conversations with Stella

 

20151220_230434.jpgI am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. BOOM!

Me:  Hey! What’s going on?

Stella:  BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Me:  Stella, cut it out! What are you doing?

Stella:  I like to cuddle.

Me:  You call this ‘cuddling’? You are ramming me with your whole body.

Stella:  I am just trying to get close to you.

Me:  By crashing into me?

Stella:  Yes. Isn’t it fun?

Me:  Not so much for me, no.

Stella:  It’s as I suspected. Humans don’t know how to enjoy themselves. Wait. That reminds me of something.

Me:  What?

Stella:  BOOM!

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Make It Stop Now! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My precious little head is getting wet and it is all Lady Human’s fault.

Me:  I didn’t make it rain.

Stella:  But you can stop it if you want to. I have seen you do it before.

Me:  I don’t know what you think you have seen, but I cannot stop rain on command.

Stella:  Well, start working harder on that. We have been dodging rain all day long. It is very tedious. My top half is all wet now.

Me:  If you hurry up and get your business done, you can go back in and dry off.

Stella:  I thought you and the other humans have machines in the sky that tell you when the rain is going to fall. What went wrong?

Me:  Sometimes the rain just comes anyway, on its own schedule.

Stella:  That is very disorderly. You all get that straightened out right away. Had I wanted to take a shower, I would have sorted that out with you – inside!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Who Is In Charge Here? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What I say, goes.

Me:  The letter of the law.

Stella:  No. No letters. No law. Just what I say.

Me:  That’s about the same thing. But what if I say something different?

Stella:  I don’t know. What I say, goes. Unless…

Me:  Unless somebody with more authority says something else?

Stella:  Yes. No. Maybe. Do you have more authority than I do?

Me:  Who put humans in charge?

Stella:  The Great Creator.

Me:  So, who is in charge?

Stella:  Hey. Is that a trick question?

Me:  Not really.

Stella:  The Great Creator.

Me:  Yep. And…

Stella:  Me?

Me:  Well…

Stella:  Oh, okay. Humans are in charge.

Me:  Good girl!

Stella:  And then ME! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. And don’t anybody forget it!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sunbath Slumber Party – Conversations with Stella, Wiggles, and Miss Sweetie

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The sun, the sun, the all-pervasive sun.

Me:  Is ‘pervasive’ one of your words now?

Stella:  Yes. No. Maybe.  Why aren’t Wiggles and Miss Sweetie back in the house yet?

Me:  They are sleeping in the sun. I don’t mind. It is not that hot, and we have been under a widespread cloud cover for days.

Stella:  Hey! Wiggles! Sweetie! Wake up! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Me:  Well, that’s kind of rude!

Stella:  Nobody sleeps on the job.

Me:  What job?

Stella:  Being a bulldog is a full-time job.

Wiggles:  What’s going on?

Miss Sweetie:  Why? What happened? Why?

Me:  Stella thinks that you have been out in the sun too long.

Miss Sweetie:  Why? Did the sun complain?

Me:  No. It’s just that you were both sleeping.

Stella:  That’s not the problem.

Me:  What is the problem then?

Stella:  They were having a slumber party and I was not invited.

Me:  It wasn’t a party exactly. There were no treats.

Stella:  They were enjoying themselves without including me.

Me:  Okay.

Stella:  Nobody gets to enjoy themselves without me. I thought you understood that.

Me:  I guess I missed that point. Sorry.

Stella:  Don’t let it happen again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Please Stop Saying That! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has developed a new bad habit. As usual with humans, it is bad words.

Me:  I haven’t developed a bad word habit. Have I?

Stella:  Your bad words show up a number of times a day. I am surprised that you haven’t noticed.

Me:  Tiger, time to go out.

Tiger:  Aw, do I have to?

Me:  You didn’t go out earlier. You must go now. Head on out that away. Peepeepoopoo!

Stella:  Aaaggghhh! Please stop saying that!

Me:  What?

Wiggles:  Poopoopeepee.

Doodlebug:  No, that’s not it. It’s Peepeepoopoo.

Wiggles:  Now I’m confused. Which comes first? What am I supposed to do?

Me:  Just do what you always do when you go out.

Stella:  Then why do you have to say it? Baby humans talk like that. We know what to do when we go out. We are bulldogs.

Me:  What’s the big deal about saying Peepeepoopoo?

Miss Sweetie:  Peepeepoopoo? Right here? Right now? Okay.

Me:  No, Sweetie, no! Outside!

Miss Sweetie:  But you said the special word inside.

Stella:  I told you it was a bad word. Now maybe you’ll listen to me.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Numpties – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a numpty.

Me:  No, I don’t think you really are. Do you know what a numpty is?

Stella:  It is what smart humans call bulldogs.

Me:  Well, it is a British term from what I understand. They can be pretty smart. But numpty means stupid or silly. So… yeah, I guess bulldogs could be called numpties every so often.

Miss Sweetie:  I want to be British. I want to be a British numpty.

Me:  That’s kind of hard since y’all are from here.

Doodlebug:  Hey, I’m numptier than Sweetie! I can’t build my own potty like she can.

Tiger:  What do you get for being a numpty? Are there special treats?

Me:  No.

Tiger:  So, what good is it to be a numpty?

Me:  You may make some people laugh.

Tiger:  If that’s all, I’m not interested.

Wiggles:  Can a Texas bulldog be a numpty?

Me:  If you mean can Texas bulldogs be silly or do dumb things, what do you think?

Wiggles:  No. No. We are way too serious to be numpties. Come on, y’all! Let’s go get the chickens to kick eggs and chicken feed out to us! Snack time!

Tiger:  I don’t mind if I do.

Doodlebug:  Let’s jump on the picnic table!

Miss Sweetie:  Hey, the puppy pool is full of cold water from the storm! Swimming time!

Me:  No, Sweetie, it’s still too cold. I’m going to dump it.

Miss Sweetie:  No, don’t waste good rainwater, Lady Human! It’s perfect for numpties.

Me:  You may be right. Excuse me , Stella, while I go stop Sweetie from becoming a cold, wet dog. What about you, girl? What silliness are you going to engage in?

Stella:  Me?  I’m staying inside, ma’am. I am going to stretch out and take a nice, long nap. After all, I’m no numpty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

The Watcher at the Wall – Conversations with Stella and Tiger

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Tiger:  Not so far as I am concerned!

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Stella:  What are you saying? Why are you all the way out there?

Me:  Come on, Tiger! Come on back in!

Stella:  She’s not saying anything.

Me:  Why is she sitting there, staring?

Stella:  What are you doing, Tiger?

Tiger:  Watching.

Stella:  Watching what? There’s nothing to see through that fence.

Tiger:  Because I am watching.

Me:  You have to come back in sometime.

Stella:  Why are you watching over there?

Tiger:  Someone has to. Wait! What’s that noise? Who’s there? Run! Run!

Me:  I’ll check. Get inside.

Tiger:  No! You must not go by yourself!

Stella:  Humans can take care of themselves.

Tiger:  No, they need us.

Me:  It’s all right. A big truck rumbling down the road. That’s all.

Tiger:  How can you be so brave? I am so afraid all the time.

Me:  But you were sitting out by the edge of the fence all by yourself. That was brave.

Tiger:  Was it?

Me:  Sure. You don’t see me sitting out there, do you?

Tiger:  I’ll be happy to it anytime for you, Lady Human. Only…

Me:  Only?

Tiger:  Can you keep the back door open for me to run in, just in case?

Me:  Sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Headrest – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Stella.

Stella:  Mmmm.

Me:  Stella!

Stella:  I am asleep. Talk to you later.

Me:  STELLA!

Stella:  What! What?

Me:  You’re lying on my neck.

Stella:  Huh? Says who?

Me:  Says me. Your head is resting on my neck.

Stella:  How did that happen?

Me:  I have no idea. This is a first. I sure don’t mind you leaning in, especially on a cool night. It feels good when you rest your head on me, but…

Stella:  I apologize, Lady Human. Your neck made a good headrest. My big ole head just seemed to fit right in there. And your breathing was so steady.

Me:  Yeah, I want it to stay that way.

Stella:  Was I pressing too hard on you?

Me:  No, your head was just so close to my face. Didn’t seem like there was enough room for both of us. Don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of headrest spaces.

Stella:  Yeah, you have lots of space on your big ole body to rest on. I’ll pick another spot next time. Thanks for the invite.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.