“Uh-oh!” “Okay.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Fall Down, Get Back Up
Cooking Something Up – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You are frowning, Lady Human. Your face has gone all bulldoggy.
Me: I’m trying to cook something up, a new idea for a project I’m working on.
Doodlebug: Can we eat some of it? Like all of it?
Sweetie: I love the stuff you cook up. Mmmm….
Me: It’s not that kind of cooking.
MoonCat: Save your breathe, ma’am. They’re already floating off into a dreamy bulldog feast.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Roosting – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, that big loud fancy bird outside is acting weird.
Sweetie: Yeah, it’s pretending to be a parakeet and is sitting on a stick.
Me: He is a rooster and he is roosting.
Doodlebug: How come we can’t do that?
Me: Your feet aren’t made the same way.
Doodlebug: How come?
Me: For so it seemed good to the Great Creator.
MoonCat: Flat sturdy ground beneath my delicate little feet. So it seems good to me, too.
©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Hold On Tight! – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Winds are up! Hold tight!
Doodlebug: Bulldogs are made to hold tight.
Sweetie: Look at this mouth! It screams ‘Hold Tight’!
Baby and Bud: Hold tight, feet!
MoonCat: Chill and hang loose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Puddle of My Own – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I found the most wonderful thing!
Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold up there, partner! Don’t bring that mud in here!
Doodlebug: Great globby mud feet, Sweetie!
Sweetie: Thanks! There’s a big ole puddle right in the middle of the yard! I can splash in it and stomp in it!
Doodlebug: I want one!
MoonCat: What else can I say but YUCK! But I always say YUCK! So there’s that.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Chicken Squawk Convention – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There is a loud chicken meeting going on outside, Lady Human.
Me: Yeah, they’re holding some kind of convention.
Doodlebug: How come? I’ve talked to those chickens. They never say anything but ‘Squawk!’ and ‘Cluck!’
Sweetie: A lot like humans.
MoonCat: I could say something, but I won’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Heat Wave – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Why is it hot feeling today, Lady Human?
Me: We are having a mini heat wave.
Sweetie: What is the heat waving at? Not me, for sure.
Me: We’ll drop down about 45 degrees in a couple of days.
Doodlebug: It’s that stupid sky that can’t make up its mind again.
MoonCat: As long as it makes up its mind in my favor, I don’t mind a few waves here and there.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Dodgy Packs
“Be careful what pack you hang out with.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Speaking of Food – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Speaking of food…
Me: Were we speaking of food?
Sweetie: Always. Humans eat different stuff all the time. Our food always looks the same.
Doodlebug: And you never eat our food, which is good because more for us.
Sweetie: Yeah, we want some different food.
MoonCat: Don’t look over here. Mine is mine.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Rights.
Food, Yes…but No Sweaters! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where’s our food? Food! Food! Food!
Me: It’s here. Y’all are food fixated.
Sweetie: Food is what it’s all about.
Me: No. Life is more than food and the body is more than clothing. Do you know who said that?
Sweetie: Clothing? Like sweaters? Life IS more than sweaters. No sweaters! No sweaters! No sweaters!
Doodlebug: Food! Food! Food!
MoonCat: And so run the one-track bulldog minds.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Parakeet Tranquilizer – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that sound you are playing, Lady Human?
Me: It’s a Gregorian chant. Very old.
Doodlebug: The budgies are listening. They’ve gone quiet.
MoonCat: Maybe the Gregorians could chant more often.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Gut Reaction – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, that was a wonderful loud noise that just flew out of your mouth. Do it again!
Me: Sorry, that was a burp. Something I ate didn’t set well.
Doodlebug: We burp all the time. Here, let me show you.
Me: No need to make an effort.
Sweetie: Yeah, Doodle, you know it’s better when it comes out on its own.
MoonCat: Oh, don’t anybody hold back on my account. Better out than in, even if I have to throw a blanket over my nose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Drawing a Blank – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you staring at your paper? Your ink stick hasn’t scratched on it at all.
Me: I’m drawing a blank.
Doodlebug: A blank? What does that look like?
Me: Like nothing.
MoonCat: Good. You’re already finished then.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
When Trees Flap Their Wings – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Look! Look! The little trees are full of birds flapping their wings. The birds may carry them off.
Me: No, it just looks like bird wings flapping. It’s really all the leaves shaking in the wind.
Doodlebug: So trees flap their wings, too.
Sweetie: Trees are weird.
MoonCat: They aren’t the only ones.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Be Still.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Drumming – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Make it STOP! Some human is hitting one of those boxes with one of those sticks and I can’t sleep.
Doodlebug: They call it a ‘drum’ and a ‘drumstick’, but not the kind of drumstick that humans chew on. That is very different and smells wonderful.
Me: You are hearing heavy rain hitting an empty washtub outside. It will stop when it stops.
MoonCat: Or when someone like a human brings the washtub inside out of the rain. Just a suggestion.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Copycat – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, Doodlebug is trying to be me. I eat. He eats. I drink. He drinks. I sit down. He sits down.
Me: He’s copycatting you.
Sweetie: Make him stop.
Me: He’ll stop when he gets tired of the game.
Sweetie: Not fair. He’s not copycatting MoonCat and she’s a CAT!
MoonCat: I am one of a kind. Nobody copycats me.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Hangnail Hangup – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby: Aaaccckkk!
Sweetie: What’s wrong with Baby, Lady Human?
Me: Nothing now. She was scratching at their curtain and a hangnail on one of her toes got stuck on the cloth. I pushed it out and she’s free.
Doodlebug: Oh, no! Toenails! Clippers! RUN, BABY THE BUDGIE! RUN!
Sweetie: Birds don’t run. They fly. Don’t you know anything? FLY, BABY THE BUDGIE! FLY!
MoonCat: Sit calmly, Baby the Budgie. Avoid all bulldog advice.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Decent Storm – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay, outside business time. They say we’re likely to get a decent storm tonight.
Sweetie: A decent storm is one with no rain, no icy sky rocks, no wind shaking the trees. That kind?
Me: Not exactly. Rain, for sure, and maybe some of the other stuff, too.
Doodlebug: So really an indecent storm.
MoonCat: The bulldog vocabulary is improving. And that’s about it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Run between the Raindrops – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Rain, Lady Human…make it stop.
Me: I’m not sure I would if I could. We may need this later. And it’s not that heavy. Do what MoonCat says. Run between the raindrops.
Sweetie: I’m way too wide to do that.
MoonCat: So that’s the problem! And all this time, I thought it was because your short bulldog legs don’t get up to speed quick enough.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 