A Nice Big Bowl of Birdseed – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, can I have…?

Me: No.

Sweetie: But I would like…

Me: No and double no.

Sweetie: You don’t even know what I was going to ask.

Me: You were eyeing the parakeets’ bowl of birdseed which thankfully you can’t reach and no, you may not eat birdseed.

Doodlebug: Just as a taste treat?

Me: Nope. You don’t see me eating it just as a treat, do you?

MoonCat: Not a good argument, ma’am. The list of things that dogs would eat though you wouldn’t would wrap around the world.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

An Umbrella Hat – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Is the sky planning to spit on us again, Lady Human? I need an umbrella hat.

Me: Such things do exist, but I can’t imagine you keeping it on your head for more than a second.

Doodlebug: It’s not gonna be that bad.

MoonCat: Run between the raindrops. As for me, I’ll stay under the best umbrella, the roof. Better than any umbrella hat.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Chasing Running Dirt – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Get it! Dirt! running! Get it!

Me: That’s a bug, not dirt.

Sweetie: Same difference! Get it, Lady Human! Get it!

Me: Aaagh! Too late! Can’t reach it. It’s gone.

Doodlebug: Why are bugs allowed in our space?

Me: They aren’t, but they don’t ask permission.

Sweetie: Not on our watch! Have you ever seen a bulldog foot come down on a bug?

MoonCat: I have. Yuck and yay!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

No Tail to Wag – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, that dog.

Me: What dog?

Sweetie: That dog walking down the road with that long tail.

Doodlebug: Yeah, a long skinny tail like a curved stick that he whacks against things as he passes by.

Sweetie: How come we don’t have tails to wag?

Me: You have tails and you wag them. I see you do it. They’re just not long.

Sweetie: How come? No, don’t tell me. Humans did something to our tails.

Me: Yeah. Bulldog breeding took a few bad turns through the years and your tails corkscrewed and caused you some problems, and well, long story short, you have short tails.

Sweetie: Then buy me a long tail! Humans buy everything. Buy me a long tail that I can whack on things with.

MoonCat: Oh, my, what could possibly go wrong with that?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Too Tall – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you are way too tall.

Sweetie: Yeah, taller than Tall Man or the tallest human ever. How ever did that happen?

Me: I’m standing on a step ladder.

Sweetie: Me, too? Me, too?

Me: No.

Sweetie: But I want to be tall.

Me: Why?

Sweetie: Ummmm, so I can reach things that I shouldn’t.

MoonCat: Ah, honesty is the best policy. And height is overrated. Look at me.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Staring Contest – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug. King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, y’all, what’s going on?

Sweetie: Nothing.

Doodlebug: Nothing.

Me: You are staring at each other. I don’t want this to break out in a fight.

Sweetie: No fight. This is a contest.

Doodlebug: Yeah, who will give up first?

Me: Okay. What’s the prize?

Sweetie: Prize?

Me: Yeah, what’s the winner get?

Sweetie: Winners get something?

Me: Usually yeah, if only bragging rights.

Doodlebug: How do bragging rights taste?

MoonCat: Pretty good.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Nasal Insult – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what stinks?

Me: That’s a pretty big topic. Whittle it down.

Sweetie: Something stinky and flowery just punched me in my delicate nose.

Me: Ah, probably some perfume.

Doodlebug: The Little Human had a bottle and, every once in a while, a mist came spraying out. Terrible.

Sweetie: Oh, no! Some of that mist landed on me. I’m carrying my own stink around!

MoonCat: Let’s be honest. That is not something new.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Fence Peepers – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, look at the fence! We are being watched.

Sweetie: A big bird and a bushy rat wagging its fluffy tail at us. How rude!

Me: A male cardinal and a squirrel. The rain is over and they are out and about.

Sweetie: Move along, spies! Nothing here for you to see!

MoonCat: Spread your wings, fluff your fur, and dry out quickly. The sky is keeping its secrets.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Don’t Spit in My Eye! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I am mad at the sky.

Me: Is this about the rain again?

Sweetie: It spit in my eye! I think it did that on purpose!

Me: Now why would it do that?

Sweetie: Because it’s big and full of water and it can.

Me: Yesterday you thought it was crying on you. What changed your mind?

Sweetie: Its aim is too good!

MoonCat: Better get ready. The spitting is about to start again in a little while.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.

 Teardrops from the Sky – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the sky dropped tears in my eyes.

Me: Rain. Those drops were rain. You’ve seen rain lots of times.

Sweetie: Not when it’s in my eyes. Then I can’t see anything.

Doodlebug: How come no sky drops fell in my eyes?

MoonCat: You didn’t look up. Common sense. Which I understand is a challenge for bulldogs.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Trees are Shaking Their Hair – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The trees, Lady Human, the trees!

Me: What about them?

Sweetie: They’re shaking all the new hair they’ve grown.

Me: Otherwise known as leaves.

Doodlebug: They swing it this way and that way and this way and that way.

Me: The wind does that.

Sweetie: I don’t see any wind.

Me: Just because you don’t see something doesn’t mean it’s not there.

MoonCat: That’s good news because I don’t see my tunafish.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

If Wishes were Fishes – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, I wish the whole ground were made of dog food. Kibble and treats. Then we could snack anywhere all day long.

Me: As the old saying goes, if wishes were fishes….

MoonCat: Hmmm. Wishes. Fishes. Wish for fish. Wish for tunafish. Well, my day is all laid out.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hold Your Tongue – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s all that noise? Why doesn’t it stop? I can’t even think. Why is the world so loud? How can we make the noise stop?

Me: Start by holding your tongue.

Doodlebug: Lady Human, that sounds like that “bite your tongue” advice. Not as painful, but almost impossible to do.

Sweetie: Yeah, my tongue is way too slippery to hold.

MoonCat: Step 1: Tongue inside mouth. Step 2: Lips closed. Step 3: Stay that way.

©️ 2026. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Nothing Like a Clean Floor – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Sweetie, what are you licking up off the floor?

Sweetie: This and that and the other, Lady Human.

Me: Honestly, the floor was pretty clean for once.

Doodlebug: And there’s nothing like a clean floor.

MoonCat: And after being washed by a bulldog’s tongue, this is nothing like a clean floor.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bolster Grab – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! What’s happening here?

Sweetie: A new cushiony spot on which to stretch ourselves.

Doodlebug: It is really starting to take shape.

Me: Okay, this cushion, nope. This pillow, nope. This bolster…

Sweetie: Don’t take that one, Lady Human! Everyone needs a bolster.

Me: Including me!

Sweetie: How selfish!

MoonCat: Thankfully, my bolster is entrenched by time and long established custom.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Real Nose Wrinkler  – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what is that wonderful stink?

Me: Are stinks wonderful?

Doodlebug: All the time!

Me: Humans consider stinks bad.

Doodlebug: Human noses are uneducated.

Sweetie: Yeah, this smell is a real nose wrinkler.

MoonCat: Human noses may be uneducated, but they do have the good sense to wear masks at times.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Good Imitation of a Bulldog  – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what’s wrong with your face?

Doodlebug: Yeah, it’s all scrunched up and your mouth is twisted.

Me: I just pulled a muscle. It hurts.

Sweetie: You look like…You look like…US! That’s it! You look like a bulldog!

Doodlebug: Well done! You’re beautiful!

MoonCat: No comment.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.