Reading the Ground – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am strolling around the yard with Lady Human, not doing any business if you know what I mean. We are just checking out spring. What are you staring at?

Me:        You.

Stella:    Yes, I do deserve your undivided attention.

Me:        I like watching how you work your nose.

Stella:    Haven’t you heard? Humans say that bulldogs are not a “working” breed.

Me:        Looks like work to me.

Stella:    I am reading the ground. I think that is how a human would put it. But not the way you read one of those silly things you call a “book” because that would just be weird. You would have to put it on the ground and stick your nose on it and sniff and sniff and leave some nose drool and a nose print on it. I can’t really imagine you doing that.

Me:        So, when you read the ground, what do you learn?

Stella:    Who passed by this way, what they had to eat, whether this is their favorite pee spot. Stuff like that.

Me:        Yeah, you wouldn’t get much out of my books.

Stella:    You mean I wouldn’t be able to tell who had handled it, or who had just eaten pizza or a hamburger or a chicken treat, or who had peed on it?

Me:        I certainly hope not.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Why Are You Reading in the Kitchen? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have witnessed humans ‘reading’ their strange books before, but never in the food preparation room that they call the ‘kitchen’. It doesn’t seem right. Food. Books. Reading. All at the same time. All in the same room. Nope.

Me:   The book I was reading was what we call a ‘cookbook’.

Stella:    Even worse. You cooked a book? Disgusting.

Me:        No. I didn’t cook a book.

Stella:    That’s what it smelled like to me.

Me:        I was trying a new recipe for crispy bread.

Stella:    Sounds like a cooked book to me. Why can’t you try cooking something delicious that has meat in it?

Me:        Maybe next time. I used to cook and bake all the time and then…I stopped.

Stella:    Why? Because all your cooking and baking tasted terrible?

Me:        No… well, some of it did. I stopped because I was the only one eating the result and a lot was going to waste.

Stella:    That was before you had bulldogs, wasn’t it?

Me:        As a matter of fact, …

Stella:    Because we would have SO cleaned up your leftovers.

Me:        Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. With the weather getting cooler, I may be doing more baking and soup cooking so…

Stella:    Here’s my list: anything with meat in it as in chicken, beef, pork, and whatever else counts as meat, cheese dishes, and anything else you’ve got. If I don’t like it, I’ll let you know and then you can throw it out. So, keep on reading in the kitchen, Lady Human. Turn it into a library if you want to.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Short Scratching Sticks – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I caught Lady Human in the act of sneaking out again today to go to her short scratching stick show.

Me:        Not sneaking out. Not short scratching sticks. Pens. And it’s not a problem for you all. It’s all over for another year.

Stella:     I understand liking sticks. I enjoy a good stick now and again myself. But I never scratch them on paper. And I would never go someplace just to stare at them. What’s the point?

Me:        Exactly. The point is a big deal with pens.

Stella:    I beg your pardon?

Me:        Granted.

Stella:    You are starting to sound like me, Lady Human.

Me:        Uh-oh.

Stella:    So why all the interest in the short scratching sticks?

Me:        Pens. Pencils. Humans use these tools to make marks that communicate.

Stella:    You mean marks that talk?

Me:        Marks that talk without sound.

Stella:    No noise?

Me:        None.

Stella:    Cool!

Me:        And anyone who knows how can read them.

Stella:    Oh! Reading! That thing that you do when you frown at paper.

Me:        Do I frown when I read?

Stella:    Sure. That’s how I know what you are doing. All right then. Scratching sticks have their uses. Tell me. How do they taste?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.