Bulldog Menu – Conversations with Stella and Snoopey

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is time to order supper. Lady Human, I will have the salmon with potato.

Snoopey:   And I will have the lamb and rice. Sweetie is sleeping, so I will order the lamb for her, too. And give it to Tiger. She hates lamb. Ordering for others is great!

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Me:        Hold your horses there, partners.

Stella:    Are there horses here, too? Are they having supper with us? Cool.

Me:        No, it’s an old expression. It’s a friendly way of saying, “Stop!”

Stella:    Will it hold up our meal? This is a terrible restaurant.

Me:        We’ve talked about that before, Stella. This is not a restaurant. This is our home.

Stella:    A nice home. And a terrible restaurant. Very limited menu.

Snoopey:   The service lacks much to be desired.

Stella:    Well, Lady Human, you have our order. The others can put theirs in later. When does the kitchen close?

Me:        We don’t have a menu, Stella, and the kitchen is already closed. We have your regular food, not the salmon or the lamb right now. The store was out. I will have to buy more when they get a new shipment.

Stella:    You don’t make our food? You have someone else make it? You mean we’ve been eating take-out? Snoopey, rate this restaurant as negative 4 stars, whatever that means. Humans seem to care a lot about stars and check marks and sticking their thumbs up in the air.

Snoopey:   Yes, I saw a man doing that on the side of the road. Very popular.

Me:        You’ve seen me carry the big bags of food in. Did you really think that I was fixing it outside and then bringing it into the house in sacks?

Stella:    There is no telling what you do outside and bring into the house, Lady Human. I am afraid to even guess.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Joy of Cooking with Bulldogs – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and today I am in the kitchen, helping Lady Human prepare whatever the mess is that she is cooking.

Me:        Mess? I beg your pardon?

Stella:    Pardon granted. We may be able to salvage some of it. It is hard to tell at this point.

Me:        Wait! I just dropped that. Let me clean…

Wiggles:   Never mind. All cleaned up.

Me:        Oh, okay. Thanks. But don’t clean up any garlic or onion that I drop. Not good for you.

Miss Sweetie:    What is that on the floor there?

Me:        I don’t know. The cat was interested in that spot a while ago, too. Wait!

Snoopey:   No problem, Lady Human. I got it. Kind of sweet.

Me:        All right. I don’t know what that was. Let me get the rest of my ingredients into the slow cooker.

Tiger:     Slow cooking is not a problem for me. I eat most things raw.

Me:        Well, this is for me and I like to blend the flavors in a slow heat.

Stella:    For you? How selfish!

Doodlebug:   When this recipe doesn’t turn out the way you want it to, I will be happy to gobble up the wreck. That is my purpose in life. To clean up human food messes.

Me:        This will not be a wreck.

Stella:    Promises. Promises.

Wiggles:   Just toss what you don’t want on the floor. We are waiting.

Me:        I am not tossing good food on the floor.

Stella:    Who said anything about good?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Why Are You Reading in the Kitchen? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have witnessed humans ‘reading’ their strange books before, but never in the food preparation room that they call the ‘kitchen’. It doesn’t seem right. Food. Books. Reading. All at the same time. All in the same room. Nope.

Me:   The book I was reading was what we call a ‘cookbook’.

Stella:    Even worse. You cooked a book? Disgusting.

Me:        No. I didn’t cook a book.

Stella:    That’s what it smelled like to me.

Me:        I was trying a new recipe for crispy bread.

Stella:    Sounds like a cooked book to me. Why can’t you try cooking something delicious that has meat in it?

Me:        Maybe next time. I used to cook and bake all the time and then…I stopped.

Stella:    Why? Because all your cooking and baking tasted terrible?

Me:        No… well, some of it did. I stopped because I was the only one eating the result and a lot was going to waste.

Stella:    That was before you had bulldogs, wasn’t it?

Me:        As a matter of fact, …

Stella:    Because we would have SO cleaned up your leftovers.

Me:        Okay, I’ll keep that in mind. With the weather getting cooler, I may be doing more baking and soup cooking so…

Stella:    Here’s my list: anything with meat in it as in chicken, beef, pork, and whatever else counts as meat, cheese dishes, and anything else you’ve got. If I don’t like it, I’ll let you know and then you can throw it out. So, keep on reading in the kitchen, Lady Human. Turn it into a library if you want to.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.