Why Must Humans Sing? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I have complained about this before.

Me:        Enlighten me. There are so many things that fall in that category.

Stella:    Human singing. I asked for ear plugs to protect against chicken squawking, but they will work against human singing, too. By the way, I have not seen those ear plugs yet. Hint. Hint.

Me:        I’m not turning ear plugs over to a bulldog. They would turn into a snack and then a problem.

Stella:    How am I to protect my precious cute little ears from human singing then?

Me:        Are you complaining about the old musical that is playing right now? Because that is the only human singing going on. I am not singing.

Stella:    And for that, Lady Human, we are all grateful. But right now, I mean the humans singing on the Picture Box.

Me:        They sing beautifully. How can you not like…?

Stella:    Do you have dog ears? Can you hear what we hear? All those high notes assaulting us?

Me:        I do like musicals. You can retreat to the other room if the sounds are bothering you.

Stella:    Why can’t we just turn it off? Why must humans sing at all?

Me:        Music is a gift from the LORD. We should enjoy it. It is part of our lives.

Stella:    Life is good. The Great Creator is good. His gifts are good. If you would just tone it down a little bit, especially during nap time.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Bulldog Menu – Conversations with Stella and Snoopey

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is time to order supper. Lady Human, I will have the salmon with potato.

Snoopey:   And I will have the lamb and rice. Sweetie is sleeping, so I will order the lamb for her, too. And give it to Tiger. She hates lamb. Ordering for others is great!

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Me:        Hold your horses there, partners.

Stella:    Are there horses here, too? Are they having supper with us? Cool.

Me:        No, it’s an old expression. It’s a friendly way of saying, “Stop!”

Stella:    Will it hold up our meal? This is a terrible restaurant.

Me:        We’ve talked about that before, Stella. This is not a restaurant. This is our home.

Stella:    A nice home. And a terrible restaurant. Very limited menu.

Snoopey:   The service lacks much to be desired.

Stella:    Well, Lady Human, you have our order. The others can put theirs in later. When does the kitchen close?

Me:        We don’t have a menu, Stella, and the kitchen is already closed. We have your regular food, not the salmon or the lamb right now. The store was out. I will have to buy more when they get a new shipment.

Stella:    You don’t make our food? You have someone else make it? You mean we’ve been eating take-out? Snoopey, rate this restaurant as negative 4 stars, whatever that means. Humans seem to care a lot about stars and check marks and sticking their thumbs up in the air.

Snoopey:   Yes, I saw a man doing that on the side of the road. Very popular.

Me:        You’ve seen me carry the big bags of food in. Did you really think that I was fixing it outside and then bringing it into the house in sacks?

Stella:    There is no telling what you do outside and bring into the house, Lady Human. I am afraid to even guess.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Stop the Music! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and a true lover of the humans’ music. Today, I must say, SHUT IT OFF!

Me:        What? What’s wrong?

Stella:    Too many notes. STOP IT!

Me:        Stella, you all seem to like it when I turn on music.

Stella:    That is when you play good music, Lady Human. All you have played today is loud dance music. I like dancing as much as the next bulldog, but I can’t dance to this human stuff. I keep thinking about dancing, dancing, dancing, and now I am just tired. Good evening. I am going to take a long nap. See you in the morning.

Snoopey:   Yeah, let’s go to bed. I’ve been dancing in my head all day long. I’m exhausted.

Tiger:   And then there were those dancing humans on the Picture Box. I have never seen humans act that way. I think they may not have been real humans. They may have been mechanical. That’s scary.

Miss Sweetie:    Dancing…dancing…dancing this way…dancing that…dancing forward…dancing back…

Stella:    Sweetie, stop the stomping. Go to sleep.

Doodlebug:   Dancing is just jumping around but slowly. I do that all the time. Therefore, I am the best dancer.

Wiggles:   No, I am! Watch!

Me:        Yay! Comma dance! Comma dance!

Stella:    Anybody can do that!

Me:        I can’t.

Stella:    I meant anyone with dancing talent. You told me that you can’t dance.

Me:        I can’t.

Stella:    Is that why you watch all those humans dance on the Picture Box?

Me:        I like to see people who do it well.  What kind of music do you want to listen to?

Stella:    Push that button.

Me:        The volume?

Stella:    Yes, push it again.

Me:        Okay.

Stella:    And again.

Me:        Now I can’t hear it.

Stella:    Push it one more time.

Me:        Like that?

Stella:    Yes, now I can’t hear it. Perfect. Good night.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

Snoring Day – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble of the Olde English Bulldogges, and I am here today to sing a song that I made up all by myself.

Me:        All by yourself?

Stella:    Yes, from listening to one of your old boring shows on the Picture Box.

Me:        My shows are not boring.

Stella:    That is all right, Lady Human. Boring is as boring does. Here is my new song:

We were napping along

On Bulldog Bay

You could hear the bulldogs snoring

They seemed to say..ay..ay

You have taken my bone…

Give it back right away..ay..ay

While we keep snoring on Bulldog Bay.

Me:        You didn’t write that song. That tune is from “Moonlight Bay”, an old, old song.

Stella:    For old, old humans.

Me:        Hey!

Stella:    I like old human songs and some old humans, too. Some of them I could do without. But didn’t you like my words?

Me:        They were very bulldoggy. Not quite as romantic as the original lyrics.

Stella:    My words fit this afternoon’s mood. Napping. Snoring. Snoring. Dreaming of bones. Snoring.

Me:        Yeah, there was considerable snoring this afternoon. A low-level roar.

Stella:    Best sound ever.

Me:        I found it strangely soothing.

Stella:    I mean my song. Let me sing it again.

Me:        I mean the snoring was strangely soothing.

Stella:    I don’t see how. The snoring was out of tune and did not keep time with my singing. Anyway, here goes. New verse:  We were snoring along on Bulldog Bay….

Me:        It’s going to be a long evening, isn’t it?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stella the Bulldog Poet – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Hello, humans and dogs (and cats if any are listening or reading, even Moon the Cat). Please allow me to present my musical poem entitled “Bulldog Blues”.

BULLDOG BLUES by Stella the Bulldog Poet

They call us the dogs who are clowns

But our faces are turned down like frowns.

You can make us smile.

Our grins are wide for a while.

But then we get the Bulldog Blues.

Bluuuuuues! Mwahhh! Mwahhh! Grraahhgh!

Bulldog Blues!

 

The End

 

How did you like it?

Me:        For a bulldog, it is really good.

Stella:    For a bulldog?

Me:        Well, I mean, you have a short vocabulary compared to humans, but you made a couple of rhymes and it sounds as though you could put it to music.

Stella:    That was music. I was singing it. Didn’t you notice? You don’t have a very good ear for music, do you?

Me:        I guess I’m used to the human kind.

Stella:    I think they could play it where you push those buttons in your rolling box.

Me:        The car radio?

Stella:    If you say so. I think humans would start singing it, too.

Me:        We could, but it won’t mean as much to us as it does to bulldogs.

Stella:    Still, it is way better than that boring stuff you play on the car’s music box. All that stuff without words. It’s nice to nap to, but mine is better. And shorter. And louder.

Me:        Loud. Now that is one thing we can agree on when it comes to bulldog singing.

Stella:    Loud and proud. If you are going to sing, sing like a bulldog. Make sure everyone can hear it.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

What’s the Magic Word?

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Snoopey is the Alpha of the pack, so she is always first to be invited to Doggy Study Hall. She came into the hall one day, laid her head on my lap, and then jumped up and lay down again, unable to settle herself.

She looked me in the eye and made a deep, mellow rumble from her throat through her barely open lips. Ruum. Ruum. Ruum. She waited and then repeated it, pausing between each Ruum. Never had I heard her or any of the bulldogs make that type of noise. By the third round of Ruum, I was working to translate the bulldoggese into some human tongue. What was she doing? Why this thrumming sound?

Then I realized. I had forgotten to set up the speaker and the music that I had been playing for them. (To be honest, the music is for me, too, and I always get to pick the tracks.) But that would be too odd, I thought, for her to be missing the music and even more odd for a dog to be trying to let me know that she missed it.

So. I tested my theory. I went to my room, got the speaker, turned it on, and started the music. When I sat back down, Snoopey nestled her head on my lap , stopped her Ruum sound, and fell asleep.

Skeptics might point to coincidence as the reason for Snoopey’s sudden silence. I choose to believe that, despite our language barrier, she asked me to bring in the music and asked politely. If she could have added a “please”, I am sure she would have.

What did I learn from this? More of a reminder than a new lesson. Ask and ask politely.

“Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” 

(Matthew 7:7 KJV)

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.