I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something little is moving back and forth on the wall.
Me: Parakeet shadows.
Sweetie: Parakeets have shadows?
Me: Sure, when the light’s just right.
Doodlebug: They’re too small.
MoonCat: Too small? They caught your attention.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Psst! Lady Human, I hear something.
Me: I do, too. I hear you.
Sweetie: I hear it, too. A little tiny crunchy noise.
Me: Y’all, it’s too late to be talking…
Sweetie: Is a possum in the house?
Me: What? A possum?
Doodlebug: That got her attention.
Me: No, it’s not a possum. The budgies are snacking on their millet spray.
MoonCat: A possum in the house? Whyever not? We already have birds. Come one, come all.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you wrestling with in the budgies’ wire house?
Me: Their millet spray is all picked over, so I’m taking it out so I can put in a new one.
Doodlebug: My food bowl is all picked over, too. Can I get a new one?
Sweetie: Oh, my. So is mine. I just want a refill, please, not a whole new bowl.
MoonCat: As everyone else is putting in orders, I may as well, too. Only no millet sprays, please.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that sound you are playing, Lady Human?
Me: It’s a Gregorian chant. Very old.
Doodlebug: The budgies are listening. They’ve gone quiet.
MoonCat: Maybe the Gregorians could chant more often.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby: Aaaccckkk!
Sweetie: What’s wrong with Baby, Lady Human?
Me: Nothing now. She was scratching at their curtain and a hangnail on one of her toes got stuck on the cloth. I pushed it out and she’s free.
Doodlebug: Oh, no! Toenails! Clippers! RUN, BABY THE BUDGIE! RUN!
Sweetie: Birds don’t run. They fly. Don’t you know anything? FLY, BABY THE BUDGIE! FLY!
MoonCat: Sit calmly, Baby the Budgie. Avoid all bulldog advice.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the parakeets are weird.
Me: Not for parakeets, they’re not.
Sweetie: But they never sit down. They are always standing on their feet on top of sticks.
Me: Those sticks we call ‘perches’. Their feet and legs hold on and keep them steady, the way the Great Creator made them to be. Even in a strong wind.
Doodlebug: We can pick up more sticks for them in the yard!
MoonCat: Don’t take them up on that offer, Baby and Bud. Bulldog gifts always come with strings of bulldog slobber attached.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come me and Doodle don’t have long tails?
Me: A century and more of bulldog breeding took that away from y’all. But you can still wag what you’ve got.
Sweetie: Ugh! Humans again, deciding what we can and can’t have! Not fair.
Baby and Bud: Chirrrup! We keep our long tail feathers!
Me: Not all human decisions are…
Doodlebug: Wise?
Sweetie: Intelligent?
Baby and Bud: Good ideas?
Doodlebug: Unselfish?
Sweetie: Well-intentioned?
MoonCat: I think we get the idea. The important thing is that I still have my long, luxurious tail to wave in all your faces.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby and Bud: Tweet. Tweet. (Quiet chattering.)
Me: Hey, Sweetie, Doodle, are your ears burning?
Sweetie: Burning ears! PUT ‘EM OUT! PUT ‘EM OUT!
Me: Not real fire. I mean I think the parakeets are talking about you.
Doodlebug: Lady Human was using a bizarre phrase, one of those sets of words that make no sense.
Sweetie: Well, she needs to stop doing that and speak plainly so a bulldog can understand.
MoonCat: Even without weird human expressions, that may be impossible.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: How come you do that every night with the parakeets’ cage, Lady Human?
Me: You mean why do I cover it and pull the curtain around it?
Doodlebug: They can’t see out. It’s completely black.
Me: That way they get uninterrupted sleep.
Sweetie: But we don’t have curtains.
Doodlebug: How are we going to get uninterrupted sleep?
Me: I believe you already have that figured out.
MoonCat: Yes, the deep resonant bulldog snores testify to it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. Say something you thank the Great Creator for.
Sweetie: I don’t know.
Me: Well, think about it.
Baby and Bud: Tweet. Thanks for warm.
Doodlebug: Thanks for tons and tons of food.
Me: Sounds about right. Sweetie?
Sweetie: Thanks that I am a bulldog and not something else like a poodle…
Me: I like poodles. I’ve known some.
Sweetie: …or a human.
Me: Yeah. I’ve known some of them, too.
MoonCat: Don’t feel badly, Lady Human. I’m thankful for humans. They know how to put tuna in a can.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Roo Roo the Rooster is at it again, Lady Human.
Doodlebug: Yeah, he needs one of those clocks we were talking about because it is way past sunup.
Sweetie: And he is way too loud. Is he in a contest or something?
Baby and Bud: AACCKK! Loud enough?
Me: Sorry, y’all. His head is bigger and his throat is wider than yours. A different fowl altogether.
Baby and Bud: Awwww.
Me: You’re plenty loud on your own.
MoonCat: I’m glad somebody finally said it.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The problem with sneaky humans is you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. You know, treats and food and water and a roof and blankets…
Doodlebug: You may even love them. Hey, birdies, what do you do about cold feet in the winter?
Bud and Baby: Eck. Eck. Sit on them. Warm feathers, warm feet.
MoonCat: The most sensible thing I’ve ever heard. What a nice change.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What’s going on? Lots of bird yelling!
Bud and Baby: AAACCCKKK! GIANT! GIANT WALKING!
Me: Hey, y’all, no big deal. It’s only Tall Man.
Sweetie: Yeah, you see him every day.
Bud and Baby: NO! A GIANT! TOO BIG!
Doodlebug: No, he’s not too tall. He’s taller than me and you don’t hear me complaining.
MoonCat: No complaints here either. He can get my treats off the top shelf, clear out of the reach of any bulldog.
©️ 2025. H. J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you doing?
Me: Same as every day. Cleaning spots on the floor.
Sweetie: Wait! That smells interesting. Let me have it.
Me: No, no, no. That is some mess that got tracked in.
Doodlebug: Still interesting. Let me have a look.
Me: Nope! Hey, cut it out. Stop licking the floor!
Sweetie: Just trying to help.
MoonCat: Sane beasts keep their tongues in their mouths. As I do.
Bud and Baby: Click. Click. Click. Floor too clean. Throw seeds around!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We should hold a Biggest Mouth Contest. I wonder who would win.
Bud and Baby: AAACCCKKK!
Sweetie: RAAHHHHRRR! SILENCE!
MoonCat: AND WE HAVE A WINNER!
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I must file another complaint, Lady Human.
Me: Oh, must you? And we have an official file now?
Sweetie: Yes, you always say keep everything in good order.
MoonCat: And good order would apply to a bulldog how?
Sweetie: The parakeets are shedding hair all over the place.
Me: Parakeets don’t have hair to shed.
Doodlebug: But there’s all this fluff here.
Me: Feathers. And what’s all this fluff here? Looks like…bulldog hair!
MoonCat: As usual, fluff and nonsense.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, there’s a lot of nonsense squeaking out of the parakeets’ mouths.
Bud and Baby: Eeek. Eeek. Eeek.
MoonCat: Utter nonsense, therefore, right down a bulldog’s alley.
©️ 2025.H.J.Hill.All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I’m confused.
MoonCat: Is that new and unusual?
Me: What’s the confusion?
Sweetie: Those chattering birds.
Me: The parakeets.
Sweetie: Whatever. I need a word book to understand them.
Me: Like a dictionary?
Doodlebug: Like a “this means this” and “that means that” book, because they make no sense at all and they only talk birdy talk all the time.
MoonCat: Excuse me, please, while I spend my day in a worthwhile pursuit – naptime.
Doodlebug: Start pencil scratching, Lady Human. First word: “Ack”. Always said in a loud voice.
Me: Well, I’m not sure, but it seems to mean they’re excited.
Sweetie: ACK!
Me: Oh, that’s way loud!
Sweetie: I’m bulldog excited! Okay, keep writing! Next word…
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The wind, Lady Human! The wind.
Me: Yeah, when I was a kid, we used to say that winds like this were likely to carry off anything not nailed down.
Doodlebug: It’s about to carry me off! Nail me down!
Bud: Nail. Nail.
Me: Don’t worry. Y’all are safe inside.
MoonCat: Good. Fussing time is naptime for me. Good night.
Sweetie: Nail me down, Lady Human, so I don’t blow away! I’m not that chubby! Really I’m not!
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Don’t look now, but the beady eyed birds are staring.
Doodlebug: At what?
Sweetie: I said don’t look!
Me: Why are you all agitated?
Doodlebug: Sweetie thinks the little budgies are staring at us.
Me: Well, apparently they are.
Sweetie: They’re invading our space with their eyeballs.
MoonCat: I don’t mind. When someone stares at me, it just means that they’re admitting the truth. I’m good to look at.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 