Potty Mouths – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that potty mouths will no longer be tolerated in my kingdom which includes the hallway, the utility room, the kitchen, the den, and, of course, the human bathrooms.

Me:        Potty mouths?

Stella:    Is that not the correct human term?

Me:        It is a human term, but what do you mean by it?

Stella:    Touching nasty things with your mouth and thereby getting a dirty mouth. Isn’t that the human meaning?

Me:        Not exactly. Potty mouth to us has more to do with what comes out of our mouths than what goes into them.

Stella:    That, too! Have you seen Sweetie’s water bowl today? That dirt didn’t just jump in there all by itself. Bottom line, no more potty mouths. Bulldogs, if you see something on the floor, that is not an invitation to eat it. Only eat food. That will save a lot of trouble right there.

Tiger:     What if it smells good?

Stella:    Is it food?

Tiger:     No.

Stella:    Then don’t eat it.

Snoopey:   What if it smells bad and, therefore, smells good?

Stella:    Is it food?

Snoopey:   Probably not.

Stella:    Snoopey, really?

Snoopey:   Just checking.

Doodlebug:   What if food falls on the floor? Because I’m eating that no matter what.

Stella:    Food on the floor is all right to eat.

Miss Sweetie:    Food on the floor and blobs of dirt outside look the same to me. Can I still eat blobs of dirt?

Stella:    Sweetie, are blobs of dirt food?

Miss Sweetie:   They are if I eat them.

Stella:    Aaaaggghhh! Sweetie, that’s what is adding to the potty mouth situation. Don’t eat dirt and your water bowls will be cleaner. Look at my bowl. There is hardly ever any dirt in it.

Wiggles:   Why should we care? We don’t have to clean our bowls. Lady Human does that. If our bowls are always clean, what will she have to do?

Stella:    I can always find something else.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Dining in Style – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Yay me!

Me:        Yay you! I have a question.

Stella:    We bulldogs are fascinating creatures. There is always a question to ask about us.

Me:        Snoopey and Tiger would rather eat food off the floor than food out of their bowls. Why?

Stella:    Why not?

 

Me:        Why not? Because food on the floor can have dirt or dog hair in it. Food on the floor can be stale, something dropped and missed a day or two ago. Food on the floor can have been stepped on by humans or dogs or, worse, by a cat.

Stella:    Ewww! I hadn’t thought of that! Cat feet!

Me:        Is that all? Cat feet? What about dirt and hair and staleness and…

Stella:    I think you have forgotten the main point, Lady Human.

Me:        Eating off the floor is the main point.

Stella:    Nope. Being a dog, and more specifically, being a bulldog is the main point.

Me:        But even a bulldog should prefer fresh food in a bowl to old nasty food on the floor. AND if they can’t find food on the floor, they deliberately spill their food out of their bowls and proceed to eat the floor food. Why? I just want to understand.

Stella:    I don’t understand the question.

Me:        You never see humans spill their food on purpose and eat it off the floor.

Stella:    So, what’s the problem?

Me:        You don’t do it.

Stella:    No, I don’t, but I am the Queen. It wouldn’t do to have the bulldogs see me eating off the floor.

Me:        So why do Tiger and Snoopey do it?

Stella:    Personal preference. Don’t you humans believe in freedom?

Me:        But why just those two?

Stella:    Maybe eating off the floor feels more like the hunt to them. They don’t really have to find food, but it is more of a challenge than kibble in a bowl, more like the old, old game of survival.

Me:        And you don’t like that game.

Stella:    Lady Human, I am far too civilized to go back to the old ways. Just keep putting my food in a shiny silver bowl, thank you. The only time I hunt is when I don’t have to.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.