But We Already Have a Garbage Can – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:   And I am Wiggles, Destroyer of Garbage.

Me:        Yeah, I know. I found the remains.

Wiggles:   Isn’t it cool?

Me:        No, it is not cool.

Wiggles:   Waste not, want not. Isn’t that what smart humans say? I don’t know what that means, but it sounds good.

Me:        When I throw something away, there is a reason and I expect it to stay thrown away.

Wiggles:   And it did stay thrown away, Lady Human. It stayed thrown away in my stomach.

Stella:    Why don’t I get these gourmet opportunities?

Me:        Since when is garbage a gourmet opportunity?

Stella:    Since it came home in a paper bag and smelled delicious. Paper bags are bulldog clues. They always carry delicious leftovers as you humans call them. What was in that bag?

Me:        What I failed to eat of a sub sandwich.

Stella:    Sandwich. Mmmm. Let me guess. Bread. Meat. Fragrant sauce. Why did you not offer that to me? Why was I not favored with special garbage?

Me:        It’s not good for you. I can count on you not to nose through the trash. I can’t count on Wiggles. I forgot. My mistake.

Wiggles:   Awww. But I disposed of the garbage for you. I am a helpful dog. Think how much less garbage would be on Earth if you just let me run through it.

Me:        You may have a point. You might qualify as the environmental wonder of the world. Still…the upset stomach…

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Wiggles:   Oh, I forgot about that. All right. I’ll just rummage through our own trash. That will still be a big help.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Why Do Cats Get Special Food? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sure, we bulldogs get food. Lady Human measures it out to us every morning. She says the white coat lady whom she calls Vet (humans have such bizarre names) says that we should not eat too much, or we will get fat. Very well. But why shouldn’t we get special food, especially if we are not allowed to overeat?

Me:        What special food are you talking about?

Stella:    You can’t fool me.

Me:        I didn’t know that I was trying to fool you.

Stella:    I see when you sneak great smelling stuff into the cat’s bowl, ignoring the rest of us.

Me:        Great smelling stuff like…tuna fish? Salmon? Really?

Stella:    Just proof that you don’t love us as much as you love Moon the Cat…wait, sorry, MOONCAT.

Me:        You’ve gotten special salmon dog food before.

Stella:    When?

Me:        I don’t remember. Sometime.

Stella:    If it didn’t happen in the last ten minutes, it didn’t happen. Step up your game, Lady Human. Do you eat the same thing every day?

Me:        Yeah, until the leftovers are gone.

Stella:    Leftovers? What are leftovers?

Me:        Something a bulldog would never experience.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.

 

 

The Joy of Cooking with Bulldogs – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and today I am in the kitchen, helping Lady Human prepare whatever the mess is that she is cooking.

Me:        Mess? I beg your pardon?

Stella:    Pardon granted. We may be able to salvage some of it. It is hard to tell at this point.

Me:        Wait! I just dropped that. Let me clean…

Wiggles:   Never mind. All cleaned up.

Me:        Oh, okay. Thanks. But don’t clean up any garlic or onion that I drop. Not good for you.

Miss Sweetie:    What is that on the floor there?

Me:        I don’t know. The cat was interested in that spot a while ago, too. Wait!

Snoopey:   No problem, Lady Human. I got it. Kind of sweet.

Me:        All right. I don’t know what that was. Let me get the rest of my ingredients into the slow cooker.

Tiger:     Slow cooking is not a problem for me. I eat most things raw.

Me:        Well, this is for me and I like to blend the flavors in a slow heat.

Stella:    For you? How selfish!

Doodlebug:   When this recipe doesn’t turn out the way you want it to, I will be happy to gobble up the wreck. That is my purpose in life. To clean up human food messes.

Me:        This will not be a wreck.

Stella:    Promises. Promises.

Wiggles:   Just toss what you don’t want on the floor. We are waiting.

Me:        I am not tossing good food on the floor.

Stella:    Who said anything about good?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.