But We Already Have a Garbage Can – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:   And I am Wiggles, Destroyer of Garbage.

Me:        Yeah, I know. I found the remains.

Wiggles:   Isn’t it cool?

Me:        No, it is not cool.

Wiggles:   Waste not, want not. Isn’t that what smart humans say? I don’t know what that means, but it sounds good.

Me:        When I throw something away, there is a reason and I expect it to stay thrown away.

Wiggles:   And it did stay thrown away, Lady Human. It stayed thrown away in my stomach.

Stella:    Why don’t I get these gourmet opportunities?

Me:        Since when is garbage a gourmet opportunity?

Stella:    Since it came home in a paper bag and smelled delicious. Paper bags are bulldog clues. They always carry delicious leftovers as you humans call them. What was in that bag?

Me:        What I failed to eat of a sub sandwich.

Stella:    Sandwich. Mmmm. Let me guess. Bread. Meat. Fragrant sauce. Why did you not offer that to me? Why was I not favored with special garbage?

Me:        It’s not good for you. I can count on you not to nose through the trash. I can’t count on Wiggles. I forgot. My mistake.

Wiggles:   Awww. But I disposed of the garbage for you. I am a helpful dog. Think how much less garbage would be on Earth if you just let me run through it.

Me:        You may have a point. You might qualify as the environmental wonder of the world. Still…the upset stomach…

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Wiggles:   Oh, I forgot about that. All right. I’ll just rummage through our own trash. That will still be a big help.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Rampage – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and here we are again at the Bulldog Rampage. I will be calling the action except for when I am chasing the cat. Coming out of the chute in order are…

Me:        Whoah! Bulldog Rampage? Not again!

Stella:    Of course, again. All right, everybody get ready. Lady Human interrupted. In order, here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug, Snoopey…Snoopey…Snoopey!

Snoopey:   What?

Stella:    Rampage time!

Snoopey:   Nope.

Stella:    Why not?

Snoopey:   I’m tired.

Tiger:   You can leave me out, too. I refuse to rampage with Snoopey.

Stella:    Didn’t you hear? Snoopey is sitting out.

Tiger:   Well, in that case, I’m really sitting out. She’s not better than me.

Stella:    Fine! Here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug! And me! Where is that cat?

Miss Sweetie:   Up on Tall Man’s chair! Now up on the couch! Run! Run! Uh-oh!

Stella:    Sweetie is off to a fast start with two pieces of furniture under her belt and a great sideways floor slide. Scrambling back up on her feet, she’s made it to the trash in the kitchen!

Me:        Noooo!

Stella:    Meanwhile, Doodlebug got off to a slow start, but he is making up for it by head slinging drool all across the room as he runs. Not missing a beat! Great distribution! Now where’s that cat?

Me:        She heard you coming. Rampaging is hard to hide.

Stella:    Wiggles is bringing up the rear, but she is well into her comma dancing. Real style! She shows that a bulldog does not have to jump on furniture, dig in the trash, or sling drool to rampage.

Wiggles:   Trash? There’s trash? Let me at it!

Me:        Whoah again! My legs are standing here!

Miss Sweetie:   Beep! Beep! I haven’t jumped on your chair yet! Woo-hoo!

Doodlebug:   Awww. I’m all out of drool. Let me lick my way through.

Me:        Noooo! Wet everywhere!

Stella:    Not a problem, Lady Human. It will dry. Now, where’s that cat?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Conversations with Stella #1 – Combo Blog

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella the Olde English Bulldogge and I have decided to combine our blogs today since our topics coincide. She has her weekly list of offenders and I have my Disorderly Conduct #2 post. So we’ll let Stella begin.

Stella: I should be able to have my own blog post as always.

Me: No, you already had your Monster Alert blog post earlier this week. I am sharing my space with you and I think that is generous of me.

Stella: Do I get an extra treat for this?

Me: No

Stella: Then how is that generous? This is work and treats should be paid.

Me: Very well, I will begin. The Disorderly Conduct of the week comes down to one thing – deliberate and accidental food spilling. Moon the Cat…

Stella: …Who is ridiculous…

Me: Don’t interrupt, please.

Stella: Mmmmaaawww!

Me: As I was saying, Moon the Cat made a mighty leap and spilled her food bowl that was sitting on top of the washing machine. Cat food went all over the floor.

Stella: Is it still there?

Me: No, I swept it up and threw it away.

Stella: That’s terrible. What a waste! Cat food is delicious. That could have been my treat.

Me: And then there are Snoopey and STELLA who have decided that their food should not be in bowls at all and who deliberately knock their bowls over.

Stella: It tastes better that way. The bowl tastes like shiny metal.

Me: It makes a mess and you end up losing a goodly amount of food to the other dogs.

Stella: It’s our style. We are sisters. My turn! Most offensive this week – Moon the Cat for spilling her food by jumping around on top of the washing machine. She’s just a big showoff. Number 2 – Wiggles for trash diving, again. She is so undignified. Number 3 – Tiger for running in the house and sliding carelessly across the floor like life is a game which it most certainly is not. And tied for Number 5 – me and Snoopey for deliberate food spilling which is really not an offense, just an eating choice. And I have to add one more – Tall Man for wearing scary stuff on his head and pretending to be an insect and frightening everybody.

Me: He didn’t frighten me .

Stella: Everybody who’s a dog.

Me: You understand that he was doing yard work and the “scary stuff” on his head was safety equipment. No frightening was intended. And humans should not be added to the Offenders list.

Stella: My list, my rules.

Me: So what have we learned this week?

Stella: That living around cats is annoying and that humans can dress like insects.

Me: No, not that. I have learned that I have to be patient, extra patient because sometimes things don’t go according to plan, things can get messy, and the mess can be caused by the ones I love, dogs and cats and humans. 1 Corinthians 13:4 – “Charity suffereth long, and is kind…”

Stella: I love you, too, and I will be patient with you while you get me my treat.

 

 

©2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.