Bulldog Hobbies – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I try to keep order within the pack, but that does not always work. Wiggles! Out of the trash. You know the humans don’t like that!

Me:        The humans don’t like trash diving, not just because it is messy, and we have to clean it up, but because it is dangerous for you, Wiggles. You may swallow something that can get stuck down in your insides and make you really sick.

Wiggles:   I don’t mind.

Me:        I mind.

Wiggles:   But I do that for fun. Don’t humans do things just because they are fun things to do?

Me:        Sure. We have all kinds of hobbies.

Wiggles:   Trash diving is my hobby.

Me:        For you, trash diving is dangerous.

Wiggles:   Don’t humans have dangerous hobbies?

Me:        Sometimes.

Tiger:     Like what? Like what? I want to do a dangerous human hobby. I don’t have any hobbies.

Doodlebug:        Your hobby is scratching your rear end.

Tiger:   Hush, Doodle! We don’t talk about that!

Doodlebug:    Don’t you enjoy doing that?

Tiger:     Yes.

Doodlebug:   Didn’t Lady Human say that hobbies are things done just for fun?

Tiger:     Itchy rear ends are NOT fun. But… I do enjoy the scratching…but that is not a hobby.

Miss Sweetie:    Stop interrupting, Doodle! Tell us, what is a dangerous human hobby, Lady Human?

Me:        Oh, mountain climbing can be, like climbing Mt. Everest, for example.

Miss Sweetie:    I want to climb Mt. Everest. What is Mt. Everest?

Me:        Sorry, honey, that’s not going to happen. Pick another hobby. Something you already do and enjoy.

Miss Sweetie:   Oh, oh! Swimming. I love to swim in my puppy pool.

Me:        That’s a great one, though you may want to choose a different one for cold weather.

Stella:    Oh, I know mine! I enjoy sitting on your bed, Lady Human, and having you scratch and massage and pet me and talk to me. I could do that all day, every day.

Me:        Good one!

Tiger:     Okay, I have one. I enjoy gnawing a good, tough chew toy. I really feel better after I have done that.

Me:        That’s another excellent hobby for a bulldog.

Wiggles:   Mine is trash diving.

Me:        No, Wiggles, we need to work on yours. How about when you dive into the rag box and take a long nap? You enjoy that.

Wiggles:   Yes, but napping is not a hobby. It is a way of life.

Me:        Okay, well, we’ll work on that. What about you, Doodlebug?

Doodlebug:    I enjoy wandering all over the yard and searching out a nice, fresh pile of…

Me:        Nope.

Doodlebug:   But I do enjoy eating a nice, fresh, overlooked pile of…

Me:        Nope. Not acceptable. Not a hobby.

Doodlebug:   I enjoy the hunt. I enjoy the find. How is that not a hobby?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Bulldog Rampage – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and here we are again at the Bulldog Rampage. I will be calling the action except for when I am chasing the cat. Coming out of the chute in order are…

Me:        Whoah! Bulldog Rampage? Not again!

Stella:    Of course, again. All right, everybody get ready. Lady Human interrupted. In order, here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug, Snoopey…Snoopey…Snoopey!

Snoopey:   What?

Stella:    Rampage time!

Snoopey:   Nope.

Stella:    Why not?

Snoopey:   I’m tired.

Tiger:   You can leave me out, too. I refuse to rampage with Snoopey.

Stella:    Didn’t you hear? Snoopey is sitting out.

Tiger:   Well, in that case, I’m really sitting out. She’s not better than me.

Stella:    Fine! Here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug! And me! Where is that cat?

Miss Sweetie:   Up on Tall Man’s chair! Now up on the couch! Run! Run! Uh-oh!

Stella:    Sweetie is off to a fast start with two pieces of furniture under her belt and a great sideways floor slide. Scrambling back up on her feet, she’s made it to the trash in the kitchen!

Me:        Noooo!

Stella:    Meanwhile, Doodlebug got off to a slow start, but he is making up for it by head slinging drool all across the room as he runs. Not missing a beat! Great distribution! Now where’s that cat?

Me:        She heard you coming. Rampaging is hard to hide.

Stella:    Wiggles is bringing up the rear, but she is well into her comma dancing. Real style! She shows that a bulldog does not have to jump on furniture, dig in the trash, or sling drool to rampage.

Wiggles:   Trash? There’s trash? Let me at it!

Me:        Whoah again! My legs are standing here!

Miss Sweetie:   Beep! Beep! I haven’t jumped on your chair yet! Woo-hoo!

Doodlebug:   Awww. I’m all out of drool. Let me lick my way through.

Me:        Noooo! Wet everywhere!

Stella:    Not a problem, Lady Human. It will dry. Now, where’s that cat?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.