Bulldog Rampage – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and here we are again at the Bulldog Rampage. I will be calling the action except for when I am chasing the cat. Coming out of the chute in order are…

Me:        Whoah! Bulldog Rampage? Not again!

Stella:    Of course, again. All right, everybody get ready. Lady Human interrupted. In order, here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug, Snoopey…Snoopey…Snoopey!

Snoopey:   What?

Stella:    Rampage time!

Snoopey:   Nope.

Stella:    Why not?

Snoopey:   I’m tired.

Tiger:   You can leave me out, too. I refuse to rampage with Snoopey.

Stella:    Didn’t you hear? Snoopey is sitting out.

Tiger:   Well, in that case, I’m really sitting out. She’s not better than me.

Stella:    Fine! Here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug! And me! Where is that cat?

Miss Sweetie:   Up on Tall Man’s chair! Now up on the couch! Run! Run! Uh-oh!

Stella:    Sweetie is off to a fast start with two pieces of furniture under her belt and a great sideways floor slide. Scrambling back up on her feet, she’s made it to the trash in the kitchen!

Me:        Noooo!

Stella:    Meanwhile, Doodlebug got off to a slow start, but he is making up for it by head slinging drool all across the room as he runs. Not missing a beat! Great distribution! Now where’s that cat?

Me:        She heard you coming. Rampaging is hard to hide.

Stella:    Wiggles is bringing up the rear, but she is well into her comma dancing. Real style! She shows that a bulldog does not have to jump on furniture, dig in the trash, or sling drool to rampage.

Wiggles:   Trash? There’s trash? Let me at it!

Me:        Whoah again! My legs are standing here!

Miss Sweetie:   Beep! Beep! I haven’t jumped on your chair yet! Woo-hoo!

Doodlebug:   Awww. I’m all out of drool. Let me lick my way through.

Me:        Noooo! Wet everywhere!

Stella:    Not a problem, Lady Human. It will dry. Now, where’s that cat?



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.









Keep Your Nose to Yourself – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. As reigning queen, you would think that others would show respect for my quiet times, especially that greatest of all bulldog practices, the nap. But oh no! I am snoozing peaceably, my dreams of chasing squirrels swirling in my sleepy head, and what to my wondering face should appear but Doodlebug’s big wet mug, sniffing and snuffling, and how can anybody sleep with that going on? LEAVE ME ALONE!

Me:        You know that Doodlebug loves you. He is always checking on you to make sure you’re okay when you’re sleeping. It’s what happened yesterday that bothered me.

Stella:    Nothing happened yesterday. I did have the most wonderful Flying Stella dream and then, all of a sudden, you woke me up by scratching on my neck. So rude!

Me:        Because Doodlebug passed you on his way out the door, sniffed your face, went to the door, and then ran back to sniff you again. Like something was wrong. After I got him out the door, I went to check on you. You had not batted an eye. I touched the side of your face. You were cool. Still you didn’t move at all. So, I started scratching your neck and you jumped awake. Thank the LORD! Why didn’t you wake up?

Stella:    BECAUSE I WAS SLEEPING! How would you like it if a huge, wet, slobbery, drooly mouth greeted you in your bed?

Me:        It happens to me routinely.

Stella:    Everyone should keep their noses to themselves. Even you with your dry human nose, Lady Human.




Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.



Slimed! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a neat freak. That is what Lady Human calls it when someone keeps their space and their face clean and orderly. Yay me!

Me:        Yay you! So much less to clean up. Snoopey, Tiger, and Wiggles are pretty neat, too.

Stella:    Except Wiggles eats thrown away stuff. Garbage is nasty.

Me:        Speaking of nasty, the bulldog drool fest has increased of late. I guess it’s the heat. You even drooled a little.

Stella:    No, I didn’t.

Me:        Yes, you did.

Stella:    I am Neat Freak Stella. I do not drool.

Me:        Then what was that long string of goo dripping from your mouth?

Stella:    Goo? I didn’t see any goo.

Snoopey:  I did.

Me:        Ewww! Doodlebug!

Tiger:   Those were some monster length drool strings, boy. Good job!

Me:        And now they are on my pants.

Miss Sweetie:    You can have my drool, too, Lady Human. Here.

Me:        Aaggghhh! Sweetie, stop shaking your head! The slime is going everywhere.

Miss Sweetie:   I like to share.

Wiggles:   I don’t have any drool so here…

Me:        Wiggles, please!

Wiggles:   A big wet kiss, right on your knee.

Me:        Now I am going to have to change.

Stella:    Change into what?

Me:        Change clothes.

Stella:    How come? Wiggles put a lot of effort into that kiss. And Doodlebug and Miss Sweetie have slung all their slime.

Me:        I thought you didn’t like a mess.

Stella:    I don’t, but it looks good on you.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.





Stop Flinging Goo! – Conversations with Stella

Hello! I am Stella, Queen Illustrious and Noble of the Olde English Bulldogges. I can hear Lady Human talking loudly outside where she has been doing yard work with Doodlebug. She is saying one word over and over – “YUCK!” Why she is saying the YUCK word, I have no idea. That word is usually reserved for bathroom matters or bulldog flatulence or regurgitation. (Human words get longer and longer when referring to normal life. Why not just say ‘gas’ and… what is regurgitation again? Oh, yeah, well, never mind. Humans are so sensitive.)

Lady Human! What is the Yucking for?

Me:        Doodlebug had this foot-long…

Stella:    Hot dog? The good eating kind? Where’s mine?

Me:        No, foot-long drool, the thick, sticky kind. And he shook his head and it landed on my bare arm and… Yuck! Cold. Nasty. Drool.

Stella:    Doodlebug! Why did you sling your drool?

Doodlebug:        Huh? Drool? What drool?

Stella:    Of course, you say that now. You slung it off and it flew through the air and landed on Lady Human.

Doodlebug:        Hahaha!

Stella:    No! Not funny!

Doodlebug:        Aw, Aunt Stella.

Stella:    Aunt Stella nothing! You don’t see Lady Human slinging her drool on you!

Me:        I don’t drool!

Stella:    Have you ever watched yourself nap? But you are polite enough not to sling it.

Me:        Aagghh! What was that?

Stella:    Miss Sweetie shook her head. Looks like you have some more goo on your arm.

Me:        Excuse me while I go take a shower.

Stella:    I don’t think that drool stinks, but go on if you must. We’ll stay right here and have more drool strings waiting when you get back.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.