This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…Or Visitors – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. First of all, allow me to explain what happened today…

Me:        Rudeness. That’s what happened today.

Stella:    Now, Lady Human, in all fairness…

Me:        Fairness? Can you imagine walking into a house to visit and the whole place erupts in wild barking?

Stella:    Yes, I can imagine that. It happened here today. It was crazy. Bulldog madness.

Me:        You were barking as much as everyone else. Our poor visitor felt totally unwelcome.

Stella:    Of course, she was unwelcome. We don’t let just anybody walk in here. Where was her invitation?

Me:        I invited her.

Stella:    Well, I didn’t. No one told me. Perhaps you should plan a little better next time. Bulldog invitations must be issued in plenty of time for us to get used to the idea of a stranger coming here.

Me:        And how much time is that?

Stella:    A year or two ought to be sufficient. I’ll let you know if that’s not enough.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Keep Your Nose to Yourself – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. As reigning queen, you would think that others would show respect for my quiet times, especially that greatest of all bulldog practices, the nap. But oh no! I am snoozing peaceably, my dreams of chasing squirrels swirling in my sleepy head, and what to my wondering face should appear but Doodlebug’s big wet mug, sniffing and snuffling, and how can anybody sleep with that going on? LEAVE ME ALONE!

Me:        You know that Doodlebug loves you. He is always checking on you to make sure you’re okay when you’re sleeping. It’s what happened yesterday that bothered me.

Stella:    Nothing happened yesterday. I did have the most wonderful Flying Stella dream and then, all of a sudden, you woke me up by scratching on my neck. So rude!

Me:        Because Doodlebug passed you on his way out the door, sniffed your face, went to the door, and then ran back to sniff you again. Like something was wrong. After I got him out the door, I went to check on you. You had not batted an eye. I touched the side of your face. You were cool. Still you didn’t move at all. So, I started scratching your neck and you jumped awake. Thank the LORD! Why didn’t you wake up?

Stella:    BECAUSE I WAS SLEEPING! How would you like it if a huge, wet, slobbery, drooly mouth greeted you in your bed?

Me:        It happens to me routinely.

Stella:    Everyone should keep their noses to themselves. Even you with your dry human nose, Lady Human.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stop Staring At Me! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Illustrious Queen (yes, I said it again!) of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human and I are on an errand, a wonderful, wonderful errand to the feed store. Why? I’m glad you asked. We are going to pick up bulldog food. FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-LAH-FOOD! That’s a song that I just now made up.

Me:        Probably not.

Stella:    Yes, I did. I heard it on the car music box and they had the words all wrong. Except for the fah-lah-lah part. That was all right.

Me:        Please remember to be polite in the feed store. If any other dogs are in there, they are not your business. No bulldog leash tugging.

Stella:    I’ll be polite if they are polite. I am not putting up with rude.

Me:        Ignoring rudeness is not putting up with it. Ignoring rudeness is putting rudeness in its place. It’s nothing and other people’s rudeness isn’t your business.

Stella:    Stop staring at me!

Me:        I’m not staring at you.

Stella:    Not you. Those people in that car parked next to us. How rude! This is not a zoo! I am not an exhibit!

Me:        They are smiling at you.

Stella:    And look at that. They’re pointing at me! How would they like it if I pointed my stubby little toes at them? What? Now they are waving at me! Stop invading my space!

Me:        They like you. They think you are cute.

Stella:    Cute? How undignified! I am a queen!

Me:        You could still wave or smile. Real queens do.

Stella:    What do you mean ‘real queens’? Hmmpphh! Well, maybe one small…oh, look, they’re gone. Good. It’s about time.

“Love is not rude…” [I Corinthians 13:5 KJV]

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.