I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Wiggles: And I still don’t have my third cracker.
Stella: Third cracker? How come she gets three crackers when I only get two?
Me: Well, sometimes I’m hungry and I eat one as a snack.
Stella: What? Are you palming one now? Show me your hands!
Me: Am I a card dealer now who has to show you my hands?
Stella: I don’t know what that card thing means, but you do if you are sneaking crackers!
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Explain yourself, Lady Human.
Me: Whatever do you mean?
Stella: You were gone all afternoon and you came back smelling funny.
Me: You can smell that? Huh.
Stella: You’ve been around some animal.
Me: Truth be told, I went to a horse racetrack with a friend.
Stella: Horses? Like on the Picture Box? But they could have run over you!
Me: Naw. They were running on a track or walking around the parade ground before a race.
Stella: You raced them! Lady Human, I had no idea that you were that fast. You seem pretty slow around here.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Wiggles, stop getting in Lady Human’s face. That’s rude. Fun, but rude.
Wiggles: I smell them. Where are they?
Me: Wiggles, please.
Wiggles: Eggs. You have eaten eggs. They are on your breath.
Me: Sorry, I need to brush my teeth.
Wiggles: No, don’t. I like it. Now, where are mine?
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Wiggles: Do you smell that or is it a dream?
Stella: I smell it. Lady Human?
Me: Um-hmmm?
Wiggles: You have eggs.
Me: Uh-huh.
Wiggles: Mine.
Stella: Mine.
Me: No, I think they’re mine.
Stella: They? There are more than one? Egg-cellent!
Wiggles: Why are you tempting us, Lady Human?
Stella: You brought eggs around us. You knew what would happen. Now all we want to know is: Did you bring enough for everyone?
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Stella, please explain to me what Doodlebug is doing.
Stella: Isn’t that obvious? He is wrestling a tree.
Me: Doodle, why are you fighting that little tree?
Doodlebug: It…is…stubborn. It… won’t… give… me… its…leaves.
Me: How…come…you…need…its…leaves?
Doodlebug: I…don’t…know.
Me: Well, you are dogged. I’ll give you that.
Stella: Oh, he’s dogged. He’s a bulldog.
Me: Dogged means determined, not giving up.
Stella: Like I said. Why are you repeating me? Dogged bulldog.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, Lady Human, what is the meaning of this?
Me: A cracker. Your favorite.
Stella: Uh, my crackers don’t look like this. This one is ragged on one side and about half the size.
Me: Well, I broke it in half so you and Wiggles could both have at least some. I was running a little low on crackers.
Stella: And how did that happen? What about human planning?
Me: Human planning ran a little short this time, too.
Stella: So, you decided to be…what is that word?
Me: Chinchy. Stingy. Miserly.
Stella: How many words do you humans have for shorting a bulldog on her crackers?
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you sound funny.
Me: Allergies. Uh. Drainage.
Stella: Why?
Me: Not really a choice.
Stella: I’m glad bulldogs don’t sound like that.
Me: With all the snoring and snorting and grunting…
Stella: I don’t snore. I have never heard myself snore one time. And I certainly don’t snort or grunt. When are you going to stop making those noises?
Me: As soon as possible.
Stella: Oh, all right. So long as it is before my bedtime. Can’t have no human snoring, snorting, grunting, sniffing or sneezing waking me up.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Hey, I notice that you stop and sniff the ground every place that someone else has been.
Stella: Yes. The daily news.
Me: Hah, like a newspaper.
Stella: How else am I going to know how everyone is?
Me: But you are inside with them all the time.
Stella: Not the same. I am sure you humans do likewise.
Me: No, we don’t. Thankfully.
Stella: How can you avoid the daily news in those tiny little rooms.
Me: Our noses aren’t like yours. We talk to each other or read to get our news.
Stella: Highly inaccurate and not very scientific.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Wiggles: And apparently, I am not though I should be.
Me: Okay, up and at ‘em.
Stella: Up? Why?
Wiggles: At ‘em? At who? I don’t get up for just anybody.
Me: Y’all are becoming lay-a-beds. Sleep all night. Sleep all day.
Stella: Lay-a-bed. Sounds nice. Suits me fine.
Wiggles: Yeah, me, too. Sign me up.
Me: Oh, come on! You’ll get a bad reputation for laziness.
Stella: Too late.
Wiggles: Guilty.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and…CUT IT OUT, WIGGLES!
Wiggles: HOW DARE YOU!
Stella: ME? HOW DARE YOU!
Me: How dare either one of you! Stella, face that way! Wiggles, you turn that other way! Now what started this?
Stella: She looked at me in my eyes. Nobody looks at me in my eyes!
Me: I do.
Stella: Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I’ll let it go for now.
Me: Wiggles, what started it?
Wiggles: She looked at me in my eyes. I’ll put up with a lot, but I won’t tolerate that!
Me: Oh, my word. “She looked at me.” “And she looked at me.” Are you kidding me? As long as the two of you have known each other, that is still a problem?
Wiggles: Not if she keeps her eyes to herself.
Stella: I’m good looking, but I won’t stand for no staring.
Me: You know what this means? I have to hang a curtain between the two of you at night so there won’t be any staring.
Wiggles: Sounds good.
Stella: Yeah, that’ll work. Good night, Wiggles.
Wiggles: Good night, Stella.
Copyright 2021 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen and Sheriff of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: You mean that sheriff thing I was joking about is official now?
Stella: Never turn down a chance to enhance your standing in the community.
Me: The bulldog community.
Stella: Is there any other?
Me: Well, as a matter of fact…
Stella: Something weird is on the patio.
Me: You sure noticed that in a hurry.
Stella: I am the Sheriff. I stuck my stubby nose into the air and scented a new smell. My nose led me to a grand total of two new round things.
Me: Pots for plants. I planted some dill and flowering chives in them today.
Stella: I thought so.
Me: You can tell what I planted just by the scent?
Stella: No, how would I be able to do that? I’m a bulldog. Now if you go to a place for barbeque, THAT I can tell.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 