Egg Breath – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Wiggles, stop getting in Lady Human’s face. That’s rude. Fun, but rude.

Wiggles:  I smell them. Where are they?

Me:  Wiggles, please.

Wiggles:  Eggs. You have eaten eggs. They are on your breath.

Me:  Sorry, I need to brush my teeth.

Wiggles:  No, don’t. I like it. Now, where are mine?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Do You Have Enough for Everyone? – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:  Do you smell that or is it a dream?

Stella:  I smell it. Lady Human?

Me:  Um-hmmm?

Wiggles:  You have eggs.

Me:  Uh-huh.

Wiggles:  Mine.

Stella:  Mine.

Me:  No, I think they’re mine.

Stella:  They? There are more than one? Egg-cellent!

Wiggles:  Why are you tempting us, Lady Human?

Stella:  You brought eggs around us. You knew what would happen. Now all we want to know is: Did you bring enough for everyone?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Dogged – Conversations with Stella and Doodlebug

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Stella, please explain to me what Doodlebug is doing.

Stella:  Isn’t that obvious? He is wrestling a tree.

Me:  Doodle, why are you fighting that little tree?

Doodlebug:  It…is…stubborn. It… won’t… give… me… its…leaves.

Me:  How…come…you…need…its…leaves?

Doodlebug:  I…don’t…know.

Me:  Well, you are dogged. I’ll give you that.

Stella:  Oh, he’s dogged. He’s a bulldog.

Me:  Dogged means determined, not giving up.

Stella:  Like I said. Why are you repeating me? Dogged bulldog.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Chinchy – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, Lady Human, what is the meaning of this?

Me:  A cracker. Your favorite.

Stella:  Uh, my crackers don’t look like this. This one is ragged on one side and about half the size.

Me:  Well, I broke it in half so you and Wiggles could both have at least some. I was running a little low on crackers.

Stella:  And how did that happen? What about human planning?

Me:  Human planning ran a little short this time, too.

Stella:  So, you decided to be…what is that word?

Me:  Chinchy. Stingy. Miserly.

Stella:  How many words do you humans have for shorting a bulldog on her crackers?

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Funny Human Noises – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you sound funny.

Me:  Allergies. Uh. Drainage.

Stella:  Why?

Me:  Not really a choice.

Stella:  I’m glad bulldogs don’t sound like that.

Me:  With all the snoring and snorting and grunting…

Stella:  I don’t snore. I have never heard myself snore one time. And I certainly don’t snort or grunt. When are you going to stop making those noises?

Me:  As soon as possible.

Stella:  Oh, all right. So long as it is before my bedtime. Can’t have no human snoring, snorting, grunting, sniffing or sneezing waking me up.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Reading the Paper – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Hey, I notice that you stop and sniff the ground every place that someone else has been.

Stella:  Yes. The daily news.

Me:  Hah, like a newspaper.

Stella:  How else am I going to know how everyone is?

Me:  But you are inside with them all the time.

Stella:  Not the same. I am sure you humans do likewise.

Me:  No, we don’t. Thankfully.

Stella:  How can you avoid the daily news in those tiny little rooms.

Me:  Our noses aren’t like yours. We talk to each other or read to get our news.

Stella:  Highly inaccurate and not very scientific.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Lay-A-Bed – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:  And apparently, I am not though I should be.

Me:  Okay, up and at ‘em.

Stella:  Up? Why?

Wiggles:  At ‘em? At who? I don’t get up for just anybody.

Me:  Y’all are becoming lay-a-beds. Sleep all night. Sleep all day.

Stella:  Lay-a-bed. Sounds nice. Suits me fine.

Wiggles:  Yeah, me, too. Sign me up.

Me:  Oh, come on! You’ll get a bad reputation for laziness.

Stella:  Too late.

Wiggles:  Guilty.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Keep Your Eyes to Yourself! – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and…CUT IT OUT, WIGGLES!

Wiggles:  HOW DARE YOU!

Stella:  ME? HOW DARE YOU!

Me:  How dare either one of you! Stella, face that way! Wiggles, you turn that other way! Now what started this?

Stella: She looked at me in my eyes. Nobody looks at me in my eyes!

Me:  I do.

Stella:  Yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I’ll let it go for now.

Me:  Wiggles, what started it?

Wiggles: She looked at me in my eyes. I’ll put up with a lot, but I won’t tolerate that!

Me:  Oh, my word. “She looked at me.” “And she looked at me.” Are you kidding me? As long as the two of you have known each other, that is still a problem?

Wiggles:  Not if she keeps her eyes to herself.

Stella:  I’m good looking, but I won’t stand for no staring.

Me:  You know what this means? I have to hang a curtain between the two of you at night so there won’t be any staring.

Wiggles:  Sounds good.

Stella:  Yeah, that’ll work. Good night, Wiggles.

Wiggles:  Good night, Stella.

Copyright 2021 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Potted Plants – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen and Sheriff of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  You mean that sheriff thing I was joking about is official now?

Stella:  Never turn down a chance to enhance your standing in the community.

Me:  The bulldog community.

Stella:  Is there any other?

Me:  Well, as a matter of fact…

Stella:  Something weird is on the patio.

Me:  You sure noticed that in a hurry.

Stella:  I am the Sheriff. I stuck my stubby nose into the air and scented a new smell. My nose led me to a grand total of two new round things.

Me:  Pots for plants. I planted some dill and flowering chives in them today.

Stella:  I thought so.

Me:  You can tell what I planted just by the scent?

Stella:  No, how would I be able to do that? I’m a bulldog. Now if you go to a place for barbeque, THAT I can tell.

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

There’s A New Sheriff in Town – Conversations with Stella




I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you scratching with your skinny stick?
 
Me:  Oh. A funny little picture.
 
Stella:  Of what?
 
Me:  It’s sort of…you.
 
Stella:  Me? Let me see! Let me see! Let me see! That’s me?
 
Me:  Well, I gave you a hat and a badge like a sheriff. It’s kind of a joke.
 
Stella:  What is a sheriff?
 
Me:  A sheriff is like the chief police officer in a county or parish.
 
Stella:  What is a county or parish?
 
Me:  A little hard to explain to a bulldog.
 
Stella:  Is a sheriff more important than a queen?
 
Me:  No. Yes. It depends on which one you need at the time, I guess.
 
Stella:  That’s all right. I can be both. Now where is my crown and where are my hat and badge. By the way, I want a gold badge with silver and shiny jewels.
 
Me:  A badge is not a piece of jewelry.
 
Stella:  Mine will be.
 
 

Copyright 2021 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.