Sausage Dog Roll – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:   Move over.

Stella:   What?

Me:   Move over.

Stella:   What are you talking about?

Me:   Stella, this is a narrow bed. This is my bed. You are right in the middle of it. If you don’t move over, I have no space to sleep. There’s not even enough room for me to curl into a ball.

Stella:   Whatever.

Me:   Okay, here it comes.

Stella:   Here comes what?

Me:   The sausage dog roll.

Stella:   I don’t smell anything. Did you buy it at the special store for sausage rolls?

Me:   I’m talking about you.

Stella:   I don’t understand.

Me:   You are the sausage dog and I am going to roll you.

Stella:  Wait! What’s going on?

Me:   You are getting rolled over, Sausage Dog.

Stella:   It feels so weird.

Me:   You are just rolling from one side to the other. I refuse to be ousted from my own bed.

Stella:   Why Sausage Dog?

Me:   Well, when I look at you in the middle of my bed, you look for all the world like a sausage. Except that you have hair. And you are a dog. But your shape is sort of…

Stella:   A sausage?

Me:   Yeah.

Stella:   All this talk of sausages makes me think…Can I have a sausage?

Me:   Fresh out.

Stella:   Okay. Can I still have cheese?

Me:   Yeah, sure. Although that may be one reason you look like a sausage dog.

Stella:   Meh, small price to pay.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Would I Do Without You? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. At time I may seem demanding. That is because I am. Why not demand my due? I am special. But I have to admit that without my humans, my life would be much reduced.

Me:   Aw, Stella, that is so nice for you to…

Stella:   That does not mean that I am not special. It simply means that I admit that I have had help.

Me:   Well, that’s still nice…

Stella:   A little tiny bit of help.

Me:   And what form has this help taken, pray tell?

Stella:   Primarily in the form of treats, day and night. For example, what would I do without my special oat O’s and special cheese at night? Sshhhhh! I know that the others don’t get those treats. That is my special prerogative. After all, there should be a few perks to being queen. Otherwise, what’s the big deal?

Me:   I think the big deal, as you put it, has nothing to do with perks, or special cheese, or oat O’s, but in the responsibility that the position imposes.

Stella:   Blah, blah, blah. What are you talking about?

Me:   Something important that humans continually forget.

Stella:   Does that mean that there is not going to be a special bedtime snack tonight?

Me:   Not at all. There will be. But there would be responsibility even if there weren’t treats.

Stella:    If I had my druthers, I would take the treats.

Me:   And how long would you be queen after that?

Stella:   Hmmm. Not very long. If I were not queen, would you still bring me cheese?

Me:   Maybe. Probably.

Stella:    As long as cheese is involved, I am happy. Carry on.

Me:   Oh, all right.

Stella:   What was that?

Me:   Your Majesty.

Stella:  Not perfect, but better.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sassy Walking – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Watch me walk. I am sassy when I walk.

Me:   Yes, you are.

Tiger:   You know who is sassier when they walk? Me.

Stella:   Hush that ugly talk! I’m sassier than anybody.

Wiggles:   What about my dancing? Isn’t that sassy?

Me:   Yes, indeed. Your dancing is sassy. You are a great tap dancer.

Stella:   But not as sassy as me, right?

Tiger:   But not as sassy as me, right, Lady Human?

Miss Sweetie:   What is sassy? Am I sassy?

Doodlebug:   You are a rampager, Sweetie. Rampaging is not sassy. It is straightforward. Like me.

Me:   Yeah, Doodle is a prancer. Like a stallion. Pretty straightforward.

Doodlebug:   And sassy.

Me:   A little bit, yeah.

Miss Sweetie:   Why is rampaging not sassy?

Tiger:  Rampaging means you are charging through the world without any style or glamour. Sassy means you are stylish like me. Showing off. I am a show off because I’ve got so much to show off.

Stella:   How about when I show off? Everybody watches when I show off.

Me:   Probably because you stand in the middle of the room and play bow until I notice.

Stella:   You notice. Everybody notices. Sassy.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Oh, My Pounding Ears! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there is an attack going on! Help! Loud noises! Call those people who wear shiny stars and drive cars with wild flashing lights! Hurry!

Me:   Stella, it’s all right.

Stella:   Why do you always say that? It is not all right! Do you hear that?

Me:   Not as well as you do, but yes. And it is all right. It is the sound of construction going on.

Stella:   Construction? It sounds terrible. Please make it stop!

Me:   No, it’s a good thing. One of our neighbors is having his floors replaced.

Stella:   Why couldn’t he keep his floors and spare us the pounding and the hammering and the…

Me:   His floors were damaged by water.

Stella:   How? Water is good. How could it hurt a floor?

Me:   Too much water can hurt lots of things. Anyway, his floor is being replaced.

Stella:   Too much pounding, too much noise can hurt my ears.

Me:   Congratulations on your amazing hearing.

Stella:   If that noise keeps up, you are about to congratulate me on my amazing barking.

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Lurks in the Dark? – Conversations with Stella and Tiger

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. That is all.

Me:   What?

Stella:   I don’t have anything else to say today. However, from what I hear, Tiger has some issues that she is dealing with.

Me:   Okay, Tiger.

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Tiger:   Night.

Me:   Okay. Night. And…?

Tiger:   There are things that lurk in the night.

Me:   Yes. I know. Mainly because of you. And the others. My nose is not as sensitive as yours. My eyes are not as sharp in the dark as yours.

Tiger:   I am always scared, Lady Human. What lurks in the dark may attack me.

Me:   Don’t I go outside with you in the dark?

Tiger:   Yes, but what if the lurking things are bigger than you and stronger than you?

Me:   Well, God, the Great Creator, said something to us humans early on. He told us that we were made in His image and that He gave us dominion over the earth. So, when I go outside with you, even if you are afraid, I refuse to be, and anything lurking in the dark better watch out! No lurkers allowed!

Tiger:   Wow! Okay! In that case, let’s go!

Stella:   Yeah, but what about that weird bird outside your window that sings in the middle of the night?

Me:   Stella, what did I just say?

Stella:   Well…okay. But I think I’ll just stay inside for now.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Are You a Pointer? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The world is full of things, moving, ugly, smelly things.

Me:   And beautiful, wonderful, bright, unusual, colorful, sweet things.

Stella:   Maybe, but none of those things are in our yard tonight. Wait.

Me:   Okay…Okay…Stella?

Stella:   Shhh!

Me:   Are you pointing, Stella? Like a pointer dog.

Stella:   Shhh! Smell the air!

Me:   I am. What is so special?

Stella:   Can’t you smell it?

Me:   No. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Stella:   It’s coming from over there.

Me:   You look just like a pointer dog, except you aren’t as tall and you aren’t as skinny and you aren’t lifting your front leg.

Stella:   The weird smell is in that corner.

Me:   Fill me in.

Stella:   Go over there and see what it is.

Me:   Me? Why me? It’s dark. I don’t hear anything. I don’t see anything. You go over.

Stella:   No. I’ve done my job. I pointed it out.

Me:   How about we just go back inside?

Stella:   After I went to all the trouble of pointing?

Me:   Okay. I’ll go back inside. Stay as long as you like.

Stella:   NO! Run! Inside now! Pointing is for the birds.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cheese, Glorious Cheese! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Every night, Lady Human and I share a snack before bed. Sometimes she gives me a cracker. Sometimes she gives me little round crunchy things that have no name that I can pronounce. But the best thing of all is when she gives me CHEESE!!!

Me:   Shhh!! Not so loud!!

Stella:   Why?

Me:   Because you are the only one with whom I share cheese.

Stella:   Is that because you are stingy or because I am special.

Me:   How could it be because I am stingy? I am sharing very expensive cheese with you. I don’t even like sharing it with myself. And they don’t always have it at the store. I have to wait for it to come in.

Stella:   So, you are stingy.

Me:   Hey, who’s getting cheese?

Stella:   Me?

Me:   Right. Don’t tell the others.

Stella:   What if they smell it on my breath?

Me:   Leave ‘em guessing where you got it.

Stella:   Don’t be surprised if they start tearing up the yard looking for my source.

Me:   How would that be different from the way they act in the yard now?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cold Showers – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Cold.

Me:   Yes, but not the coldest it has ever been.

Stella:   No, but still cold. The sky is crying cold tears. Why can’t it wait until summer when it’s tears will be warmer.

Me:   Because this is winter. Sorry. We can’t forget winter. It’s cold a lot and cloudy a lot, but it serves its purpose.

Tiger:   Its purpose is to shower us with cold water when we go out to potty?

Me:   That’s not its purpose. That is one of its side effects.

Wiggles:   I used to enjoy going out to potty. Now it is shocking and gross.

Me:   All I can say is, hurry out and hurry back in.

Miss Sweetie:   I don’t like it. There have been no sunny days when I can sunbathe. The sky should keep its water to itself.

Me:   Hey, I have gone out with you, right?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes, but how does that help me?

Me:   The second you come in, isn’t there a special treat waiting for you?

Miss Sweetie:   Yes. But why can’t the days and nights be dry and I still get the treat?

Doodlebug:   What about me?

Me:   What about you? You get a treat each time, too.

Doodlebug:   Not good enough. I want extra snacks.

Me:   No, Doodle, no! I know what kind of snacks you are looking for and I am glad that you don’t search for them on wet, cold days. That’s one benefit of cold showers.

Doodlebug:   I don’t worry about it, Lady Human. I’ll be back on the hunt when the rain stops.

Me:   Not if I can clean out your stash first.

Doodlebug:   Catch me if you can.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Have the Crazy Humans Gone to Bed? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The Night of Human Craziness has ended. So says Lady Human and she should know because she is a human. I am still a little afraid to go outside tonight. It is in the dark that the humans act out the most.

Me:   Don’t worry. I won’t let you go out by yourself.

Stella:   You heard it last night, didn’t you? You heard the weird human voice.

Me:   I did.

Stella:   All I needed to do was go potty. I know it was late. Everyone else was asleep. And then I heard that noise in the darkness. It scared me. I ran back to the house.

Me:   And I was there and let you in. You were moving pretty fast.

Stella:   What was the human saying? Why was he shouting?

Me:   I won’t repeat what he was saying. He was shouting a word that we consider to be very vulgar. He was shouting at the top of his voice.

Stella:   Will he be back tonight?

Me:   No, I don’t think so.

Stella:   Why would he do that? It broke the quiet of the night.

Me:   Well, his shouting and the cannon boom of the fireworks and some people heard gunfire. I guess I missed it. I had fallen asleep.

Stella:   You slept through all that.

Me:   You did, too. All except the shouting man.

Stella:   I hope he sleeps tonight.

Me:   I do, too. He had to be tired.

Stella:   So why do humans complain about dogs barking? At least we don’t use ugly words.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved