I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There is a loud chicken meeting going on outside, Lady Human.
Me: Yeah, they’re holding some kind of convention.
Doodlebug: How come? I’ve talked to those chickens. They never say anything but ‘Squawk!’ and ‘Cluck!’
Sweetie: A lot like humans.
MoonCat: I could say something, but I won’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, someone is rudely whistling outside, disturbing our peace. Make them stop.
Me: Sorry. I can’t. That’s the wind again.
Doodlebug: Why can’t it blow quietly? I’m trying to nap.
Me: There are all kinds of factors that cause the winds to rise.
Sweetie: I know what causes it. Humans talking. talking, talking all the time with their big flappy mouths. Windbags blowing air everywhere. They need to quiet down.
MoonCat: Oh, that’s right. Only humans are big windbags. Yeah, sure.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come you talked into your little hand box so long last night?
Doodlebug: Yeah, you talked and talked. I thought we would never enjoy silence again.
Me: I was chewing the fat with a friend of mine.
Sweetie: Chewing?
Doodlebug: Fat?
Sweetie: Where’s ours? I love fat chewing.
Me: That’s just an expression for talking…
Doodlebug: Another human expression that does not mean what it says.
Sweetie: Teasing us with the dream of chewing fat.
MoonCat: I don’t mind chewing the fat. Just make it short and lean.
©️ 2025. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, there’s a lot of nonsense squeaking out of the parakeets’ mouths.
Bud and Baby: Eeek. Eeek. Eeek.
MoonCat: Utter nonsense, therefore, right down a bulldog’s alley.
©️ 2025.H.J.Hill.All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I’m confused.
MoonCat: Is that new and unusual?
Me: What’s the confusion?
Sweetie: Those chattering birds.
Me: The parakeets.
Sweetie: Whatever. I need a word book to understand them.
Me: Like a dictionary?
Doodlebug: Like a “this means this” and “that means that” book, because they make no sense at all and they only talk birdy talk all the time.
MoonCat: Excuse me, please, while I spend my day in a worthwhile pursuit – naptime.
Doodlebug: Start pencil scratching, Lady Human. First word: “Ack”. Always said in a loud voice.
Me: Well, I’m not sure, but it seems to mean they’re excited.
Sweetie: ACK!
Me: Oh, that’s way loud!
Sweetie: I’m bulldog excited! Okay, keep writing! Next word…
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: How well I know! What’s the problem, boy?
Doodlebug: Problem? What problem? There’s no problem.
Sweetie: She means why are you barking in your sleep?
Doodlebug: I was doing no such thing!
MoonCat: Yes. You were. Admit the truth, bulldog! You all are blabbermouths even when you sleep.
Doodlebug: Well, if I was talking in my sleep, and that’s a big IF, it’s because I had something to say. So…what did I say?
Sweetie: I dunno.
MoonCat: Who cares?
Me: I needed an interpreter.
Doodlebug: It could have been the most important thing ever said and you humans have all these phones and recording dealywhoppers and nobody captured my special comments…
Sweetie: Whoa there, big boy! Let’s not get carried away! Not every burp that you let loose smells like roses.
Copyright 2024 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie is giving a speech. Again.
Sweetie: Hear ye! Hear ye!
Doodlebug: What does that mean?
Sweetie: I don’t know. I heard it on the humans’ Picture Box.
MoonCat: It doesn’t matter. I’ve already stopped listening.
Sweetie: I am going to exercise my mouth until it gets tired. And I do not tire easily. I am a bulldog.
Me: So you are just going to keep barking for no reason until you decide to stop. Is that it?
Sweetie: And why not? Humans do it all the time. You all complain about dogs barking, but you never shut your own mouths.
Me: Well, I have something to say about that.
Doodlebug: Of course, you do.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 