What Is A Throne and Where Is Mine? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The cat acts as though she is the queen, but she isn’t. I have told her that any number of times. Still, she doesn’t listen. Like right now. She is sitting on one of the humans’ big chairs and sticking her snooty nose in the air.

Me:  I guess that chair is her version of a throne. She does look regal.

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Stella:  Throne? Regal? Where is my dictionary?

Me:  You haven’t finished it. Throne means a chair that a king or queen sits on. Regal means royal , like a king or queen.

Stella:  The cat? Our Moon Cat? A queen’s chair? Regal? What’s she playing at?

Me:  She’s just being herself. And the chair is not a new thing. She sleeps on them all the time at night. You all don’t notice because you are already asleep yourselves.

Stella:  It’s not fair. Not fair at all. If that’s a throne and thrones are for queens, just you watch me sit on it. I’ll just…jump…climb…here I come…hold still, you silly throne! One more try! Hey, let me up there, dumb chair! I am your queen!

Me:  Sorry. The chair does not seem to be cooperating. It must not be a royalist.

Stella:  Sweetie can jump up on chairs and couches and pianos. Why can’t I?

Me:  Sweetie is taller than you are. And younger.

Stella:  Lady Human! How rude!

Me:  We’re dealing with facts here, girl.

Stella:  Here’s a fact. I need a throne. You are going to find me one. That is an order.

Me:  I’ll look around.

Stella:  Really look this time. Not like when you said you would find me a crown. And where is my crown? My head is still naked.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

The Troubles of Mankind – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a bulldog and as hard as I may try, I don’t understand humans. Like today. They are tense. And sad. I sense it, but I don’t know what is causing it. I just wish I could help them get beyond it. What has happened, Lady Human?

Me:   A very famous, very old church burned today.

Stella:  Your church? The church you go to when you leave us some mornings?

Me:  No, not mine. One a long, long way from here. But distance doesn’t matter.

Stella:  The humans are gone?

Me:  No, thank the LORD! It may be that there were no injuries or deaths.

Stella:  So, the church is still there.

Me:  The ancient building has been almost destroyed. The roof has collapsed.

Stella:  But the church is still there.

Me:  Well, no, not the way it was…

Stella:  Lady Human, every time you tell us that you are going to church, do you think that we are so silly as to think that you are going to some building? Like when you go to a building to buy your food or to buy our treats? You go and you never come back carrying anything new in your hands. You go to your church, but you are not visiting a building. You have told me. You go to visit the Great Creator with your friends.

Me:  Yes.

Stella:  So that church a long, long way from here is still there. The building got hurt and humans are sorry for that. The things that humans build are wonderful, but they are human. The Great Creator is much, much more.

Me:  Yes, thank you for reminding me, Stella.

Stella: You’re welcome, Lady Human. Even humans need to remember what is truly important sometimes.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Body Slamming – Conversations with Stella

 

20151220_230434.jpgI am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. BOOM!

Me:  Hey! What’s going on?

Stella:  BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

Me:  Stella, cut it out! What are you doing?

Stella:  I like to cuddle.

Me:  You call this ‘cuddling’? You are ramming me with your whole body.

Stella:  I am just trying to get close to you.

Me:  By crashing into me?

Stella:  Yes. Isn’t it fun?

Me:  Not so much for me, no.

Stella:  It’s as I suspected. Humans don’t know how to enjoy themselves. Wait. That reminds me of something.

Me:  What?

Stella:  BOOM!

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Make It Stop Now! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My precious little head is getting wet and it is all Lady Human’s fault.

Me:  I didn’t make it rain.

Stella:  But you can stop it if you want to. I have seen you do it before.

Me:  I don’t know what you think you have seen, but I cannot stop rain on command.

Stella:  Well, start working harder on that. We have been dodging rain all day long. It is very tedious. My top half is all wet now.

Me:  If you hurry up and get your business done, you can go back in and dry off.

Stella:  I thought you and the other humans have machines in the sky that tell you when the rain is going to fall. What went wrong?

Me:  Sometimes the rain just comes anyway, on its own schedule.

Stella:  That is very disorderly. You all get that straightened out right away. Had I wanted to take a shower, I would have sorted that out with you – inside!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Who Is In Charge Here? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. What I say, goes.

Me:  The letter of the law.

Stella:  No. No letters. No law. Just what I say.

Me:  That’s about the same thing. But what if I say something different?

Stella:  I don’t know. What I say, goes. Unless…

Me:  Unless somebody with more authority says something else?

Stella:  Yes. No. Maybe. Do you have more authority than I do?

Me:  Who put humans in charge?

Stella:  The Great Creator.

Me:  So, who is in charge?

Stella:  Hey. Is that a trick question?

Me:  Not really.

Stella:  The Great Creator.

Me:  Yep. And…

Stella:  Me?

Me:  Well…

Stella:  Oh, okay. Humans are in charge.

Me:  Good girl!

Stella:  And then ME! I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. And don’t anybody forget it!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Sunbath Slumber Party – Conversations with Stella, Wiggles, and Miss Sweetie

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The sun, the sun, the all-pervasive sun.

Me:  Is ‘pervasive’ one of your words now?

Stella:  Yes. No. Maybe.  Why aren’t Wiggles and Miss Sweetie back in the house yet?

Me:  They are sleeping in the sun. I don’t mind. It is not that hot, and we have been under a widespread cloud cover for days.

Stella:  Hey! Wiggles! Sweetie! Wake up! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Me:  Well, that’s kind of rude!

Stella:  Nobody sleeps on the job.

Me:  What job?

Stella:  Being a bulldog is a full-time job.

Wiggles:  What’s going on?

Miss Sweetie:  Why? What happened? Why?

Me:  Stella thinks that you have been out in the sun too long.

Miss Sweetie:  Why? Did the sun complain?

Me:  No. It’s just that you were both sleeping.

Stella:  That’s not the problem.

Me:  What is the problem then?

Stella:  They were having a slumber party and I was not invited.

Me:  It wasn’t a party exactly. There were no treats.

Stella:  They were enjoying themselves without including me.

Me:  Okay.

Stella:  Nobody gets to enjoy themselves without me. I thought you understood that.

Me:  I guess I missed that point. Sorry.

Stella:  Don’t let it happen again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Please Stop Saying That! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human has developed a new bad habit. As usual with humans, it is bad words.

Me:  I haven’t developed a bad word habit. Have I?

Stella:  Your bad words show up a number of times a day. I am surprised that you haven’t noticed.

Me:  Tiger, time to go out.

Tiger:  Aw, do I have to?

Me:  You didn’t go out earlier. You must go now. Head on out that away. Peepeepoopoo!

Stella:  Aaaggghhh! Please stop saying that!

Me:  What?

Wiggles:  Poopoopeepee.

Doodlebug:  No, that’s not it. It’s Peepeepoopoo.

Wiggles:  Now I’m confused. Which comes first? What am I supposed to do?

Me:  Just do what you always do when you go out.

Stella:  Then why do you have to say it? Baby humans talk like that. We know what to do when we go out. We are bulldogs.

Me:  What’s the big deal about saying Peepeepoopoo?

Miss Sweetie:  Peepeepoopoo? Right here? Right now? Okay.

Me:  No, Sweetie, no! Outside!

Miss Sweetie:  But you said the special word inside.

Stella:  I told you it was a bad word. Now maybe you’ll listen to me.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Numpties – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a numpty.

Me:  No, I don’t think you really are. Do you know what a numpty is?

Stella:  It is what smart humans call bulldogs.

Me:  Well, it is a British term from what I understand. They can be pretty smart. But numpty means stupid or silly. So… yeah, I guess bulldogs could be called numpties every so often.

Miss Sweetie:  I want to be British. I want to be a British numpty.

Me:  That’s kind of hard since y’all are from here.

Doodlebug:  Hey, I’m numptier than Sweetie! I can’t build my own potty like she can.

Tiger:  What do you get for being a numpty? Are there special treats?

Me:  No.

Tiger:  So, what good is it to be a numpty?

Me:  You may make some people laugh.

Tiger:  If that’s all, I’m not interested.

Wiggles:  Can a Texas bulldog be a numpty?

Me:  If you mean can Texas bulldogs be silly or do dumb things, what do you think?

Wiggles:  No. No. We are way too serious to be numpties. Come on, y’all! Let’s go get the chickens to kick eggs and chicken feed out to us! Snack time!

Tiger:  I don’t mind if I do.

Doodlebug:  Let’s jump on the picnic table!

Miss Sweetie:  Hey, the puppy pool is full of cold water from the storm! Swimming time!

Me:  No, Sweetie, it’s still too cold. I’m going to dump it.

Miss Sweetie:  No, don’t waste good rainwater, Lady Human! It’s perfect for numpties.

Me:  You may be right. Excuse me , Stella, while I go stop Sweetie from becoming a cold, wet dog. What about you, girl? What silliness are you going to engage in?

Stella:  Me?  I’m staying inside, ma’am. I am going to stretch out and take a nice, long nap. After all, I’m no numpty.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

The Watcher at the Wall – Conversations with Stella and Tiger

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Tiger:  Not so far as I am concerned!

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Stella:  What are you saying? Why are you all the way out there?

Me:  Come on, Tiger! Come on back in!

Stella:  She’s not saying anything.

Me:  Why is she sitting there, staring?

Stella:  What are you doing, Tiger?

Tiger:  Watching.

Stella:  Watching what? There’s nothing to see through that fence.

Tiger:  Because I am watching.

Me:  You have to come back in sometime.

Stella:  Why are you watching over there?

Tiger:  Someone has to. Wait! What’s that noise? Who’s there? Run! Run!

Me:  I’ll check. Get inside.

Tiger:  No! You must not go by yourself!

Stella:  Humans can take care of themselves.

Tiger:  No, they need us.

Me:  It’s all right. A big truck rumbling down the road. That’s all.

Tiger:  How can you be so brave? I am so afraid all the time.

Me:  But you were sitting out by the edge of the fence all by yourself. That was brave.

Tiger:  Was it?

Me:  Sure. You don’t see me sitting out there, do you?

Tiger:  I’ll be happy to it anytime for you, Lady Human. Only…

Me:  Only?

Tiger:  Can you keep the back door open for me to run in, just in case?

Me:  Sure.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Headrest – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  Stella.

Stella:  Mmmm.

Me:  Stella!

Stella:  I am asleep. Talk to you later.

Me:  STELLA!

Stella:  What! What?

Me:  You’re lying on my neck.

Stella:  Huh? Says who?

Me:  Says me. Your head is resting on my neck.

Stella:  How did that happen?

Me:  I have no idea. This is a first. I sure don’t mind you leaning in, especially on a cool night. It feels good when you rest your head on me, but…

Stella:  I apologize, Lady Human. Your neck made a good headrest. My big ole head just seemed to fit right in there. And your breathing was so steady.

Me:  Yeah, I want it to stay that way.

Stella:  Was I pressing too hard on you?

Me:  No, your head was just so close to my face. Didn’t seem like there was enough room for both of us. Don’t worry about it. There’s plenty of headrest spaces.

Stella:  Yeah, you have lots of space on your big ole body to rest on. I’ll pick another spot next time. Thanks for the invite.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Bulldog Theme Song – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human is singing again. I am trying not to listen. Humans do not know how to sing.

Me:  What’s all the grumbling about? Are you complaining about my singing again?

Stella:  I always complain about your singing. It hurts my ears.

Me:  I like this old song. We sang it at church when I was little.

Stella:  So, it’s a puppy song. That’s even worse. Puppies don’t know how to sing either.

Me:  No, it’s not just a puppy…okay, I was never a puppy, remember. Not just children sang it. Everybody sang it. “We shall not be, we shall not be moved, just like a tree that’s planted…”

Stella:  Humans singing that they are like trees. Trees – like the ones standing outside, the ones dogs and squirrels use the bathroom on.

Me:  Well, I don’t think of trees like that. For the most part. I enjoyed the words because they had a strong message and the melody had a strong beat. In fact, it kind of reminds me of you all.

Stella:  Wait. We…shall…not…be…moved. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You can’t move us when we don’t want to be moved! I’ve seen you try.

Me:  Be honest now. Who ultimately wins those battles?

Stella:  Honestly, we do. Think of how much time and effort you have to put into moving us when we want to stay put.

Me:  Yes, but in the final analysis…

Stella:  I don’t know what analysis is, but I do think you were singing the perfect Bulldog Theme Song. Thank you, Lady Human. You can forget about all that tree stuff. I’m not going to stand still long enough for anybody to pee on me, but the rest of it works just fine.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

On Our Own Terms – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Everyone should know by now. Don’t tell us what to do.

Me:  Sorry, I’m obligated to.

Wiggles:  But why? We know what to do without being told.

Doodlebug:  Yes, just like humans do.

Me:  Well, that’s highly debatable.

Miss Sweetie:  Nobody tells you what to do, Lady Human.

Me:  Not exactly.

Tiger:  You don’t ever listen to us. When we tell you to do something, you pay no never mind.

Me:  That’s right.

Stella:  So, if you work things out on your own terms, so should we live on our own terms. Come on everybody! Shout it! Our own terms! Our own terms! Our own terms!

Me:  Ow! That hurts my ears! Cut it out!

Stella:  It hurts my ears, too.

Me:  Why are you doing it then?

Stella:  It is required.

Me:  I’ll bet it’s really not.

Stella:  I thought I had already explained this adequately, Lady Human. Bulldog.

Me:  That excuse is wearing a little thin.

Stella:  Thank you. I have been losing a little weight.

Me:  Different type of thin.

Stella:  The white-coat lady told me to lose some. She will be happy the next time I see her.

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

The Best Pillow – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There are many pillows. I have three myself, but the best one by far is Lady Human.

Me:  Aw, that’s a nice compliment, I guess. Or are you just saying that I am overstuffed.

Stella:  I love propping my big ole bulldog head on you. Soft. Exactly the right height. Plenty of wiggle room. Which reminds me – Wiggles always rests her head on your leg every afternoon, so she agrees with me.

Me:  Well, thank you, sort of.

Stella:  You should put yourself on the Picture Box like those humans who sell pillows.

Me:  I think that would not be a good idea. I mean, I’m not really a pillow.

Stella:  Oh, I see. I would lose my pillow, the best pillow ever. Who else has a pillow that stays warm on cold nights and is as long as the bed; that changes its own position, so nothing ever gets boring; that is all mine all night every night, so I don’t have to share? All this pillow talk has made me sleepy. Come on, Lady Human. Bedtime. I need my pillow.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

When the Bulldog Kicks In – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Go ahead, Wiggles. Do what Lady Human says.

Wiggles:  Nope.

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Me:  Go inside.

Wiggles:  Nope.

Me:  Go inside now.

Stella:  Do it, Wiggles.

Wiggles:  Nope.

Stella:  Why not?

Wiggles:  No reason.

Me:  Yeah, there is a reason.

Wiggles:  Yep, there is.

Me:  Go ahead and admit it.

Wiggles:  Bulldog.

Me:  That’s what I thought. Go on inside. Bulldog or not, you are not going to win this.

Wiggles:  Can’t do it.

Stella:  Why not?

Wiggles:  Bulldog.

Stella:  I am a bulldog, too, but I am not stupid. When Lady Human says to go inside, there is a reason, so I go inside.

Wiggles:  Wish I could, but I can’t.

Stella:  Why not?

Wiggles:  Bulldog.

Stella:  Aaagggghhh! Lady Human, I am beginning to feel your pain.

Me:  Told you so. I guarantee that I shall win this battle of wills. You may as well give up now, Wiggles. Go inside. Help me out.

Wiggles:  I really would like to, ma’am.

Me:  So, do it.

Wiggles:  I can’t.

Me:  Why can’t you?

Wiggles:  There’s only one answer to that question.

Me:  Which is?

Wiggles:  Bulldog.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

Moaning Has Broken – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Make it stop!

Me:  Oh, no. It’s way too early. Bulldog moaning. Why? Why me?

Stella:   Why you? Why me? Make it stop. Please.

Me:  Okay. Come on with me.

Stella:  No, I’ll just stay here, thank you.

Me:  Who’s moaning? All right. Be honest. Tiger?

Tiger:  Un-uh.

Me:  Doodle?

Doodlebug:  Huh? What?

Me:  No, I guess it wasn’t you. Sweetie, are you moaning?

Miss Sweetie: (snore)

Me:  Never mind. So that leaves…

Wiggles:  Roh-rawr-wahr. Ahrrrr.

Stella:  Lady Human, make it stop!

Me:  What are you moaning about, girl? It’s way too early for breakfast. It’s still dark.

Wiggles:  It’s moaning time.

Me:  Do you need to go outside?

Wiggles:  No, it’s dark outside. Wahr-roh-rawr.

Me:  It’s dark in here, too. It’s dark everywhere around this part of the planet.

Wiggles:  Where is the big light in the sky? It’s running late.

Me:  No, it’s just not over us yet. What’s wrong, girl?

Wiggles:  I’m sad. It’s dark. I’m all alone.

Me:  You are far from alone. It won’t be dark for long. And as for sad, remember this. Breakfast is coming.

Wiggles:  Oh, yeah. Hey, how about having breakfast now?

Me:  Nope.

Wiggles:  Okay. Rawr-roh-rawr.

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Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Concrete Back Rub – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a dignified animal, except when I am scratching my rear end on the patio, but I will not talk about that here.

Wiggles:  I will. Stella scratches her rear end on the patio.

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Stella:  Hush your mouth!

Wiggles:  As a matter of fact, I am celebrating the arrival of spring, as Lady Human calls it, by using the hard patio as a back rub. Mmmm, feels so good. Dry and warm.

Me:  That’s great! Wiggles is wiggling on her back on the concrete!

Wiggles:  Hey, I wiggles standing up and I wiggles walking around and I wiggles on my back. That’s why everybody calls me ‘Wiggles’. Yay me!

Stella:  Stop it! You look ridiculous!

Wiggles:  Maybe. Maybe. But my back feels good.

Stella:  Make her stop, Lady Human.

Me:  She’s not doing anything wrong. It won’t hurt her.

Stella:  No, but just watching her is making me feel itchy all over. Especially my rear end which…I must…scratch on the concrete now.

Wiggles:  This concrete is great. Who invented this stuff? Must have been an itchy bulldog.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Are Deviled Eggs Evil? – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The wonderful smell of cooked eggs washes over us from the kitchen. Our chicken friends have been generous once again.

Me:  Some of these are set aside for deviled eggs. You may each have one egg, except for Sweetie. The egg whites disagree with her. She can have one yolk.

Tiger:  I want the devil stuff you are making.

Me:  It’s not devil stuff.

Wiggles:  Isn’t the devil bad?

Me:  Yes. But the devil has nothing to do with this dish.

Doodlebug:  Then why name it after him?

Me:  I guess because of the spices and the mustard that make them taste a little hot.

Miss Sweetie:  Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

Me:  Let me see what I have leftover.

Wiggles:  Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

Me:  Okay I can’t peel them that fast.

Tiger:  I want eggs! I no longer want the devil’s food!

Me:  No food is the devil’s food…unless maybe you eat too much of something. That can feel really bad. That’s why you are each getting just one egg.

Stella:  Why did the devil invent eggs?

Me:  THE DEVIL DID NOT INVENT EGGS OR ANYTHING ELSE!

Stella:  Well, Doodlebug is passing very stinky gas and I think that the devil invented that.

Doodlebug:  That’s what I think, too.

Me:  It is tempting to think that. But no…

Stella:  Lady Human, forget the devil part. Just stick with eggs. Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Our Chicken Friends – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

 

20151220_230434.jpgI am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The fluffy, puffy chickens are happy. The sun is shining. The weather is dry. They are singing.

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Me:  If you can call chicken squawking singing. I prefer the songbirds overhead. Their songs are prettier.

Wiggles:  But the tree birds aren’t our friends.

Me:  They are my friends. They add melody and color to my day.

Miss Sweetie:  But they don’t drop food on us.

Tiger:  Yeah, they don’t share.

Doodlebug:  Stingy. They keep all their food to themselves.

Me:  They probably have babies to feed.

Stella:  What about us?

Me:  They aren’t obligated to feed bulldogs.

Wiggles:  I like our fluffy, puffy birds. They are generous.

Me:  With what all I feed them, they can afford to be.

Miss Sweetie:  When we visit them, they kick extra food out to us.

Me:  I wish they wouldn’t. I’m not sure how good that is for you.

Stella:  They are just being nice. They are our friends. Not like the selfish squirrels. They don’t throw us extra food. They just throw rotten nuts on our heads.

Wiggles:  I love our chicken friends.

Me:  Yeah, they are your friends as long as you stay outside their run.

Stella:  Lady Human, whatever do you mean?

Me:  I mean like the day a chicken got loose and Snoopey chased her all over the yard until we could corral both of them.

Stella:  Snoopey was a good chaser.

Me:  And you wouldn’t do the same?

Stella:  It would be tempting. But I would restrain myself if you didn’t want me to, Lady Human.

Me:  Really?

Stella:  Well, I would try. Temptations are powerful hard things to resist.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Yellow Head Eater is Back! – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Run! Hide! No! Attack! The Yellow Head Eater is back! It is all over Lady Human’s head! She is doomed!

Me:  What? No, this is just my towel.

Doodlebug:  I’ll grab it! Jump!

Me:  No! Doodle! Stop it! No!

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Doodlebug:  I’ve got it! I’ll stomp it into the ground.

Me:  Oh, good night, Irene!

Miss Sweetie:  It’s not bedtime yet. And who is Irene?

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Me:  That’s just an old expression my mama and grandma used to avoid real cussing. Doodlebug! Let go of my towel!

Tiger:  Doodlebug saved you, Lady Human. That yellow monster was eating your head.

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Me:  We’ve gone through this before. This is why we can’t have nice things.  I can’t leave the bathroom with a towel around my wet hair. It is not a monster. You have seen towels before, lots of times.

Wiggles:  But they do not usually try to eat your head.

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Me:  Just when I think that you understand what I am doing…

Stella:  Let me explain it to them, Lady Human. Hey, everybody, humans do weird things. If Lady Human walks around with a scary thing wrapped around her head, if she is not screaming and yelling, leave her alone.

Wiggles:  But what if she…

Stella:  Nope.

Doodlebug:  But what if it…

Stella:  Nope.

Miss Sweetie:  Why can’t we grab…

Stella:  Nope.

Tiger:  Then there is nothing we can do.

Stella:  Nope. They are humans. We have to let them be stupid.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

What Happened to the Light? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I can’t sleep. The wind is roaring. The rain is pouring. And now there is no light. Lady Human, what happened to the light?

Me:  The sun’s not up yet. That’s why it’s still dark.

Stella:  No, I mean what happened to the other light, your light? The darkness is darker without that.

Me:  Oh, great! The storm has knocked out the electric power. And not just us. There are no lights on anywhere within eye shot. What time is it? Okay. I’ll call and report it.

Stella:  So, this darkness is a great thing, and I just didn’t know it?

Me:  No, it’s only a silly expression.

Stella:  Ah, more human words that have no meaning. Usually when you say that great word, something wonderful happens.

Me:  Not this time. The storm is still raging. If everything around here is knocked out, it may take a while before they get the power back on.

Stella:  It is so dark. When will the Great Creator’s light come on? Has the storm killed it, too?

Me:  No, it’s still a few hours until sunrise. Thankfully, His light does not have outages. It’ll be up at the regular time.

Stella:   I see something through the hole in your wall, Lady Human.

Me:  Through the window. What are you staring at? Stella? Stella?

Stella:  That crooked blue light is crossing the sky. Can we grab it and use it to light our house?

Me:  Funny you should say that. Lightning is electricity.

Stella:  It’s beautiful. And terrifying. Let’s get some!

Me:  Uncontrolled electricity. Very dangerous. I think we’ll just wait for the power company to fix things.

Stella:  If you say so. What if they don’t?

Me:  We’ll have a taste of how our ancestors lived.

Stella:  A taste? No, thank you. I’ll stick with my regular food. It sounds like our ancestors lived kind of crummy.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.