Who’s in Charge Around Here? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Does that mean you are in charge around here? Because this place is very poorly run.

Doodlebug: Don’t blame me. I’m just the King.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t drag me into this.

Sweetie: Lady Human, no one seems to be in charge, so now I am taking over.

Me: Uh, I don’t think so.

Sweetie: Don’t worry. You can still stay here. I won’t rehome you.

Me: Oh, thank you so much.

Doodlebug: That tone of voice in humans means she is making fun.

Me: Being in charge is not all it’s cracked up to be. There’s cleaning and buying food and cleaning and grooming and more cleaning…

Sweetie: On second thought, I am appointing you to do all that stuff, Lady Human. I hereby declare naptime. It’s great being charge!

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Trash Raiders – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I am Sweetie. ‘Nough said.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: You are probably wondering why I have called you all here today.

Doodlebug: No, not really.

Sweetie: Don’t care.

MoonCat: Meow. Because we all live here anyway?

Me: There is mess in the kitchen.

Doodlebug: Oooo, good! Let me at it.

Sweetie: A mess in the kitchen. So what else is new?

MonnCat: Meow. Nobody saw me do it.

Me: Noses need to stay out of the trash bag.

Sweetie: Uhb, trash bags should not be nose high then.

Me: There are nasty things in the trash that are not good for you to eat. We’ve gone over this before.

Doodlebug: Then how come nasty things smell so delicious?

MoonCat: And how come tunafish live in the trash?

Me: They don’t.

Sweetie: No, they don’t. Chickens do.

Me: No, that’s not true either.

Doodlebug: Nobody worry about what is living in the trash. I’ll just keep checking. My nose is on it

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Dealywhopper – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Oh, I wish y’all could hand me that dealywhopper over there. I can’t quite reach it.

Sweetie: What’s a dealywhopper? Can I eat it?

Me: It’s that…thing there.

MoonCat: Meow. Is it tunafish? I’ll get it if it’s tunafish.

Me: No, it’s that thingamajig on the floor over there.

Doodlebug: What is she talking about?

Sweetie: A dealywhopper. It’s important, but you can’t eat it.

Doodlebug: It must not really be all that important then.

MoonCat: It’s not tunafish so…never mind.

Sweetie: Why doesn’t she just say what it is?

Doodlebug: She did. It’s a dealywhopper.

Sweetie: Must be some new human invention. Have you noticed how humans are always coming up with new stuff and new things to call the stuff? They are so weird.

Doodlebug: Yes, I have noticed that.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Reading the Room – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

And I am Sweetie and I smell something interesting over here. And over here. And over here.

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t come over here with your giant nose.

Doodlebug: Yeah, I smelled something over in that corner, too, but it wasn’t food, so I lost interest.

Sweetie: It smells like outside does after the sky water falls.

Me: Tracks? You smell where we’ve walked.

Sweetie: Well, of course I do. How else can I know the news and weather?

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Nasty! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What’s that on the floor? Let me eat it.

Me: NO!

Sweetie: How come? It smells delicious. Like one of your meals.

Me: No, it is not delicious. It is cat throw up. MoonCat’s delicate stomach acted up.

MoonCat: Meow. Tummy ache. Tunafish makes it all right.

Doodlebug: Why can’t we have nice treats? The cat doesn’t mind.

Me: Cat vomit is NOT, I repeat, NOT a nice treat. But why am I surprised? The Bible even says that a dog returns to its own vomit.

Sweetie: But that’s not ours. We are returning to MoonCat’s vomit. If I threw up, I would share with her.

MoonCat: Meow.

Me: Everybody just stay back while I clean this up.

Doodlebug: You see, I told you. We never get nice treats.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Teatime – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Teatime!

Sweetie: Nope. My stomach says it’s much too early.

MoonCat: Meow. I’ll take mine now, please.

Sweetie: Teatime is Teatime and Teatime is not now.

Me: I’m sorry, but I have a prior engagement at regular Teatime so it will have to be now.

Doodlebug: Fine with me! As long as there’s food involved, I’m all in.

MoonCat: Meow. Me, too. Make mine tunafish.

Doodlebug: Hey, early is better than late.

Sweetie: This is most irregular.

Me: Well, if you want to skip yours…

Sweetie: What? NO! I only said this was irregular. I did not say that I am insane.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Toilet Engineer – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Sweetie, Princess of the Olde English Bulldogges…or Queen, I can’t decide which.

Me: Sweetie?

Sweetie: Yes?

Me: What is this?

Sweetie: I think you know what that is.

Me: If you needed to go, you should have called.

Sweetie: I didn’t want to bother you.

Me: Pooping in your water bowl is not ideal, but it does simplify the mess. And it always impresses me.

Sweetie: I have perfect aim, don’t I?

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Siren Song – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: What is that horrible whining noise?

MoonCat: Meow. Don’t look at me.

Me: Those are the storm sirens. A huge line of severe thunderstorms is moving through in just a few minutes.

Doodlebug: Who told them to move through my domain? I am the king and I did not give permission.

Me: Yeah, well, storms are real bad about not asking permission.

Sweetie: I hear the wind. What do we do? Blow back?

Me: Nope. Just stay inside, hold onto your hats. And pray. We’ve been through this before.

Doodlebug: This is like those shows on the big Picture Box.

Sweetie: Oh, good! Can we have snacks? I want cheese.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cafeteria Line – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Move along. Move along. Time’s a-wasting.

Sweetie:  Hey, no cutting in line! I was here first!

Doodlebug:  My stomach is getting emptier by the second.

Me:  You just ate not three hours ago.

Doodlebug:  YES! TOO LONG! And this line is taking forever.

Sweetie:  The service here is terrible.

Me:  Hey, I’ve only got two hands.

MoonCat:  Meow! Where is my food?

Me:  Coming. Coming. I only have two legs.

Sweetie:  Excuses. Excuses. Keep the line moving.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.