Splitting Hairs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a big tangle of long hairs in your hand. Are you collecting them?

Me: No, I am throwing them away.

Doodlebug: How come they’re in your hand and not on your head where they ought to be?

Me: I’m shedding a lot right now and some are breaking off. Not enough protein, I guess.

Sweetie: Eat our food! We shed a lot and we’ve still got tons of hair. Take some of our shed hair, too, and glue it on to yours. We’ll share!

Me: You already do.

MoonCat: Never accept a donation of hair from a bulldog. They won’t take it back and it will stay with you forever.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Which Came First? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why do the chickens leave those rolly balls laying around? They don’t play with them.

Me: If the eggs are fertilized, they turn into baby chicks. But these aren’t, so they just get eaten.

Sweetie: Do you mean to tell me that every one of these chickens started out as a rolly ball?

Me: I do mean to tell you that, even Roo-Roo the Rooster.

Sweetie: And that pale goo inside the rolly balls turns into chickens?

Me: Yep.

MoonCat: Enough! No more! TMI, even for my strong stomach.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Hole in One – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, look at this cute little rolly ball I found. I’m gonna knock it into that hole over there. Boom!

Me: Uh, not a ball, Sweetie!

Doodlebug: It is now.

Me: That’s an egg.

Sweetie: In it goes. I win. Ew. The ball is all gooey on the inside. Don’t worry. I’ll lick it up.

MoonCat: Now that truly is an egg in a hole.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hotfooting It – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The patio floor feels like fire, Lady Human!

Me: Hotfoot it over to the grass.

Sweetie: I’m hotfooting as fast as I can.

Me: Good. Now isn’t that better?

Doodlebug: But we still have to go back over the hot rock.

Me: I can spray some water on it. Or you can wear shoes like I do.

Doodlebug & Sweetie: NO SHOES!

MoonCat: Water on hot concrete. Nice and steamy. Almost like a bath. Yuck!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Turn the Sun Down – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: You’ve done it again, Lady Human. You left the sun running full blast when it needs to be turned down.

Doodlebug: The sun did go down last night. I watched it through the window.

Sweetie: Yeah, but it came back up which means somebody didn’t turn the right knob.

Me: Y’all don’t seem to understand how little control humans have over stuff like the sun.

MoonCat: That’s good news. In my book, the less control humans have, the better.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Growling Machine – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Doodle, Lady Human is weird. She takes those pieces of cloth she calls “clothes” and throws them into a big metal box that growls at them. And then they come out all wet from crying and she throws them into a hot box that tosses them around and around.

Doodlebug: The clothes are like our towels. They can’t cry. They are flat and still until she puts them on. Then they move like her.

MoonCat: You know. Like sweaters.

Doodlebug and Sweetie: NO SWEATERS!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Patrol – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hup, 2, 3, 4. Hup, 2, 3, 4.

Me: What, may I ask, is going on here?

Sweetie: Chicken patrol.

Me: I can see that all the chickens are hunkered down in their coop.

Sweetie: Mission accomplished.

Doodlebug: Better hunkered down in safety than hunkered down out in the open.

Me: Okay, everybody off duty now and back in the house.

Sweetie: But the chickens will start running around.

Me: As they should. It’s full daylight and no storms are expected.

MoonCat: Chickens in charge of the yard? Sounds a little fowl to me…Sorry. I had to.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Great Chicken Search – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: I need y’all’s help. Two of the chickens are missing. They aren’t in the coop with the others and it’s past time.

Sweetie: A chicken search? That’s easy. They stink big time.

Me: I know you can find them with your talented snouts. But no chasing or pouncing. They are probably hunkered down under something in the yard.

Doodlebug: On the job.

Sweetie: My nose is detecting. There’s a chickeny smell over here.

Doodlebug: And over here.

Me: Great job, guys!

MoonCat: Nothing says bulldog like a chicken roundup after dark.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Motor Mouths – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Roo-Roo the Rooster is roostering all over the place. Well, I’ll show him. He can’t out rooster a bulldog.

Me: You don’t have to hold a contest. In fact, PLEASE don’t hold a contest!

Sweetie: I’m all fired up and raring to go! Read my lips, Roo-Roo!

MoonCat: Let’s hope the motor mouths run out of gas before too long.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Aim High and Overshoot – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Throw it, Lady Human! Throw the bouncy ball high!

Me: Ugh! Overshot it. It went over the fence.

Doodlebug: There’s always another fence to throw it over. Try it again.

MoonCat: Aim low. Bulldog level.

©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bouncing Back – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you’re not flat anymore!

Me: No, I’m better now.

Sweetie: Is the “poorly” gone?

Me: Yeah, feels like it. Bouncing back.

Sweetie: Like the big ball outside? How high can you bounce?

Me: Not exactly like that. Still a little tired.

Doodlebug: Great! Time for a bulldog nap.

MoonCat: Bouncebacks take a lot of energy.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Poorly – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you flat?

Me: I’m lying down because I’m feeling poorly.

Sweetie: Is “poorly” good?

Me: Not really. Not the worst though.

Sweetie: I’ll feel poorly with you if it will help.

Doodlebug: Me, too.

Me: Aww, thanks, but I think I’ll need to fight this one through. You can pray for me.

MoonCat: Already there.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

On the Tip of My Tongue – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Bluh! Lahdee Hooma!

Me: Ew! What’s on the end of your tongue? Hold still. Yuck!

Sweetie: Was it something I wanted?

Me: Apparently. At some point. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Doodlebug: Can I have it?

Me: No. We throw yuck stuff away.

MoonCat: I’ll just keep the tip of my tongue to myself.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.

Don’t Stop Up Your Ears – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human?

Me: Mmm..maah…mmm…

Doodlebug: I think she’s gone deaf.

Sweetie: She’s stuck big white kibbles in her ears with strings hanging off them. Why would anybody do that?

Doodlebug: LADY HUMAN!

Sweetie: I’ll step on her foot.

Me: Hey!

Sweetie: There she is.

Me: I was listening to music.

Sweetie: Now we know what the white kibbles and the long neck strings are doing.

MoonCat: Yes, they provide selective hearing to humans with bulldogs.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Squirrelly – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, a squirrel is acting squirrelly.

Me: Isn’t that as it should be?

Doodlebug: It’s picking seeds out of a big sunflower’s face. It’s not allowed to do that. What about us?

Me: We’re fine. Let the squirrel share.

Sweetie: But it’s climbed up a flower stalk that is as tall as a human!

MoonCat: Squirrelly would be if it didn’t climb up and grab those seeds. Tall sunflower equals short tree.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.

Harrumph! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Harrumph!

Me: I beg your pardon?

Sweetie: Harrumph! I think I made myself clear.

Me: What are you harrumphing about?

Doodlebug: Nothing. She’s making noise. That’s all. If she makes enough noise, you may give her a treat.

MoonCat: So that’s the secret! I need to practice my harrumph, though no one harrumphs quite as well as a bulldog.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Spitting Nickels – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s the matter, Lady Human?

Me: I’m so mad I could spit nickels.

Sweetie: I want to spit nickels. What are nickels?

Me: Just little round metal coins. Worth about 5 cents apiece.

Sweetie: You can spit human money? COOL!

Doodlebug: You are more talented than I thought!

Sweetie: You should just stay mad all the time. Think how much money you’d have and how many treats you could buy us.

MoonCat: Treats enough for all of us? That would take quite a bit of spitting.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Sky Is Still There – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: (singing) Ohhh, say can you see, The sky is still there, Even after the humans tried to blow it to pieces…

Me: Very nice, but not exactly accurate. And you’ll be happy to know that the fireworks are over for now.

Doodlebug: Our prayer was answered. I don’t even notice any holes.

Me: No. No holes. Breathe it in.

MoonCat: A whole sky is a nice thing to have around.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.