What is Pizza and Where is Mine? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, explain yourself.

Me:  Explain what?

Stella:  You were gone all afternoon.

Me:  No, I was gone only part of the afternoon.

Stella:  Our bulldog clocks told us different. Where were you? And why do you smell like cheese and sugar?

Me:  Tall Man and I took the little one to a special pizza place where we played games, ate pizza, and he bought me some cotton candy.

Stella:  So that was not a cloud you brought into the house! The thing that looked like what is on the inside of pillows?

Me:  No, it is a type of candy made from spun sugar. I’ve always liked it. It goes along with fairs and parties and celebrations. I don’t allow myself to eat it much anymore.

Stella:  That explains the scent of sugar. But what about this pizza thing?

Me:  Pizza is a human food that goes with parties and fellowship and…

Stella:  Cheese.

Me:  Yeah, cheese and pizza go hand in hand.

Stella:  Pizza has hands?

Me:  It’s a human expression.

Stella:  Humans express weird things. Where is this pizza?

Me:  We have a couple of pieces leftover in the refrigerator.

Stella:  Mine.

Me:  Uh, no.

Stella:  Mine.

Me:  It’s not for you or any of the bulldogs.

Stella:  Mine.

Me:  How about a nice, healthy dog treat?

Stella:  How about giving me part of that sugar cloud you brought in? What did you call it? Cotton candy?

Me:  Mine.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Can We Just Sleep Through This? – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Miss Sweetie:  Make it stop.

Tiger:  Why? Oh, why, oh, why?

Wiggles:  Leave me alone. I will stay here on the cool floor.

Doodlebug:  What? What’s going on? Where? Who? How?

Me:  I need you all to go outside and potty.

Stella:  Nope. It’s hot.

Tiger:  I’m fine.

Me:  You won’t be fine come the middle of the night.

Tiger:  Will it be cooler then?

Me:  Yes, somewhat.

Tiger:  That’s when I’ll go.

Wiggles:  Yep, that sounds good to me.

Stella:  Leave us be, Lady Human. Wake us up when summer is over.

Me:  It doesn’t work that way. Look, we’ve been through way hotter summers than this one and way hotter days than this one. It only hit 101 degrees today.

Stella:  Hotter than today? I think you are mistaken, ma’am.

Me:  108 degrees. 110 degrees. I remember back in the year 1980 when it hit 113 a couple of days.

Stella:  A likely story. Was that a hundred million years ago?

Me:  I am not THAT old.

Stella:  Could have fooled me. When you start talking about nonsense years that never happened, that’s when I fact-check.

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Boo-Hoo-Hoo! Crummy Summer! Go Away! – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

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I am Stella, Queen…

Miss Sweetie: Queen of what? A crummy summer? Queen of my broken puppy pool? Queen of Panting?

Stella; Hey! I’ll pant if I want to!

Miss Sweetie: Life is no fun! You won’t even let me chase the cat!

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Stella: I said you can chase the cat if I give you permission. I said you cannot catch the cat. Think about it. That’s just plain unfair. How much do you weigh? A billion tons?

Me: Not nearly that much.

Miss Sweetie: Not fair!

Me: Hey, I patched your puppy pool. Somewhat. It is leaking more slowly now.

Miss Sweetie: I know.

Stella: So what do you say?

Miss Sweetie: Boo-hoo!

Stella: No! You say, ‘Thank you, Lady Human!’

Miss Sweetie: Why?

Stella: Because that is the right thing to do. Listen to me, young one, be grateful for all you have. So it’s hot. It won’t be hot forever and you live in a house with air conditioning and a human who turns it on just for us. You have food every day, not just once in a while. And it’s food that doesn’t cause your skin to break out and itch. And you have somebody who won’t leave you outside for too long when it’s too hot or too cold. Do you think those are small things? Well, I can tell you that they are not! So you don’t get to catch the cat. What would you even do with her? Have you seen those claws of hers?

Miss Sweetie: I did yesterday. Scary. Now I feel ashamed.

Stella: Don’t feel ashamed. Just be grateful to the Great Creator for everything you have.

Miss Sweetie: Okay…now my leaky puppy pool doesn’t seem so bad.

Stella: It’s not. In fact…I think I’ll go wallow around in it myself.

Miss Sweetie: Boo-hoo! Then the water will be all dirty!

 

 

 
Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Cat Chasing 101 – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is past time that I, as Queen, set the rule for cat chasing in this house.

Me:  Because of what happened this morning?

Stella:  What happened this morning?

Me:  Oh, come on! Miss Sweetie took off after the cat who forgot to stay clear of bulldogs during breakfast and Sweetie caught her which has hardly ever happened in our history.

Stella:  Oh, yeah! That was awesome! Good job, Sweetie.

Me:  No, not good, but at least the cat was not hurt and really didn’t seem that upset. Right, Moon?

MoonCat:  Meow. Bulldog wet mouth messed up my hair.

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Stella:  Typical.

Tiger:  I liked it.

Wiggles:  I thought it was exciting.

Me:  Yeah, I saw you get in on it, too.

Doodlebug:  Why didn’t I get to participate?

Me:  You were too busy with breakfast.

Miss Sweetie:  I thought I did a good job.

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Stella:  You did, Sweetie. But there are still rules. Number One: No cat chasing before lunch.

Me:  Why?

Stella:  It’s bad for the digestion. Number Two: As Queen, I give the order for cat chasing.

Miss Sweetie:  I thought it was always okay to chase the cat, Aunt Stella.

Stella:  No, that’s just what we told the cat. Number Three:  Never catch the cat. Chase only.

Miss Sweetie:  But why?

Stella:  Because you are young and MoonCat is a lot older. It’s simply not sporting.

Tiger:  What’s sport got to do with it? She looked pretty spry to me. Those dragon claws of hers sure came out quick.

Wiggles:  Yeah, and she was yelling her cat war cry. It was cool!

Stella:  And Lady Human had to pull Sweetie off her and Sweetie, you did not get your treat for going outside without rampaging.

Miss Sweetie:  Oh. Yeah. No treat.

Stella:  Was catching the cat worth the loss of a treat?

Miss Sweetie:  No, not really.

Stella:  Case made. Orders issued.

Me:  Do you think that will work?

Stella:  No.

Me:  Why not?

Stella:  Bulldogs. Cat. Isn’t it obvious?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Your Mind Over Our Matter? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sometimes that is a hard thing to be.

Me:  All right. What’s going on? Why is everyone balking at going outside? It’s a pleasant day, not too hot. It’s not raining.

Stella:  But it was.

Me:  But it’s not now. Why are each of you stopping at the door and sniffing the air? I don’t smell a thing out of the ordinary.

Stella:  With your human nose, you couldn’t. The world smells strange today. I can’t quite put my paw on it…

Me:  It’s cloudy. It rained, but that’s over. It is cooler, by a lot. If that’s strange, it’s a good kind of strange.

Stella:  I don’t like it. None of us do. The air should be hot and blistering and the sky should be sunny with no clouds. The scent of the air should be of dry grass, not wet ground. It is too weird.

Me:  Let me put you all at ease. Go outside. There is no danger. It is not all that weird.

Stella:  How do you know?

Me:  Humans have something called ‘reason’. Our minds are designed to think things through and be rational.

Stella:  Well, our bulldog minds don’t know anything about this reason rational thing you speak of. Your mind over our matter? Bah!

Me:  So, you will stay inside all day and not go to the potty?

Stella:  What?

Me:  That’s what you’re acting like.

Stella:  No potty? All day long? No, that’s ridiculous! That’s not rational reasonable at all.  You haven’t thought this thing through, Lady Human. So much for your mind over our matter. Potty time! Everybody outside now!

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Poor Old Puppy Pool – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sweetie, stop whining. It’s no big deal.

Miss Sweetie:  It’s a big deal to me.

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Me:  Is this about the puppy pool?

Miss Sweetie:  My favorite place in the whole hot world.

Me:  I’m sorry, Sweetie. I tried to patch it. The breaks in it are pretty big. You can still soak in it for a few minutes or so before the water leaks out. The storm did a job on it. And there were those other breaches caused by…

Miss Sweetie:  Me! Caused by me flipping it over and stomping on it. Why, oh why did I do that?

Me:  You were bulldogging it, that’s all.

Stella:  Lady Human, please go get her another one so we don’t suffer with her. Her sorrowful face makes me want to cry.

Me:  I already tried. Everybody seems to be sold out for the summer. They won’t get any more back in until next year. I’ll try patching it again tomorrow. I’m sorry, Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:  Is it okay if I lie in it without the water?

Me:  Sure.

Stella:  Fix it quick, Lady Human! A bulldog in a water-less pool is just a sad sorry state of affairs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are You There?

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human? Are you there?

Me: Yeah. You should know. I’m right by you.

Stella: I was just checking.

Me: What’s wrong?

Stella: Have you ever been scared for no reason?

Me: Yeah, sure.

Stella: Really and truly? I thought humans never got scared.

Me: No, it’s a pretty big temptation all the time. Like when the Big Storm hit all of a sudden a couple of months ago. Do you remember?

Stella: Who could forget?

Me: Well, for a week or so, every time my phone would receive a notification, it made me jump, even when I was asleep. I thought a storm alert had been issued. I had to learn to calm down and relax. I prayed a lot and the LORD helped me. The funny thing is that we didn’t even get a strong storm alert before that big one hit. It hit without warning. And that’s the way fear works against us. It gets us all wound up and a lot of time there’s nothing to be wound up about. And then if something big does happen, we get all wound up thinking it might happen again.

Are you scared of something, girl?

Stella: Well…there have been so many weird loud noises and the air has been so hot and…

Me: All of those things can be explained. When wild, weird things happen, humans ask questions to find out what’s going on. I understand that you all don’t see everything we do.

Stella: That’s why we need you there by us.

Me: Everything’s gonna be all right. I’m here. Don’t worry. Just breathe.

Stella: Are you sure?

Me: Yeah, girl, I’m sure.

Stella: Okay, I’m breathing again. It feels good, like it’s supposed to. Good night.

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Mind Over Matter – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I won’t think about it. I won’t think about it. This is me not thinking about it.

Me:  It…what?

Stella:  My feet. My tongue. My hot hair. I won’t think about it being umpteen gillion degrees out here.

Me:  That’s what I’ve been telling y’all. Summer has finally arrived in Texas. Let’s go back inside where it isn’t umpteen gillion degrees.

Stella:  Hah…hah…hah…I can do this. My big ole bulldog mind over matter. And the matter is the heat.

Me:  While there’s something to that, the temperature is still the temperature. It helps to stay calm and hydrated and use all the cooling tricks. But 101 degrees Fahrenheit is still…

Stella:  38 degrees Celsius.

Me:  How do you know that?

Stella:  One of the talking humans on the Picture Box kept…well, talking about it. Why are humans so complicated? Why can’t you all just say, ‘it’s friggin’ HOT!”

Me:  Humans are hard to explain.

Stella:  Mind over matter. Mind over matter.

Me:  Why don’t we go back inside?

Stella:  My mind tells me that the heat is the matter and my mind tells me the matter is I’m not inside with the cold air. Problem solved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Wub. Wub. Wub. – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Miss Sweetie:  And so am I.

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Stella:  No, Sweetie, you are not. That’s just plain wrong.

Miss Sweetie:  I feel like I am a queen.

Me:  But you’re not Stella, are you?

Miss Sweetie:  No, I don’t think so.

Me:  You aren’t sure?

Miss Sweetie:  I’ll have to think about that.

Stella:  Oh, Sweetie, I love you, but sometimes you are brilliant and sometimes you are as dumb as a post.

Miss Sweetie:  How dumb are posts?

Stella:  Pretty dumb.

Me:  I’ve been wondering, Sweetie, why do your barks sound so different when you are talking to Doodlebug? I mean all your other barking is sharp and excited, but when you talk to him, it’s more like “Wub. Wub. Wub.” What does that mean?

Miss Sweetie:  It means just what it sounds like.

Me:  Stella, do you know the difference?

Stella:  She talks softer to him. That’s all.

Me:  What does “wub” mean?

Stella:  Wub is a lazy word.

Me:  Are you a lazy talker, Sweetie?

Miss Sweetie:  Wub.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved..

Where Is Winter When You Need It? – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Ugghhh! Yuck!

Me:  Uh-oh. That sounds serious.

Stella:  Huh – huh – huh – huh – huh – huh.

Me:  The air conditioner is on. The sun is going down. It will be cooler soon.

Stella:  Allow me to wax eloquent.

Me:  Be my guest.

Stella:  The hot air is heavy, heavy like a thick, wet blanket. It is pressing down, heavy, heavy.

Me:  That’s the way I felt about summer when I was a kid running around outside. A hot, heavy, wet blanket. Of course, that was in Beaumont and when I would visit my cousins in Houston…

Stella:  Lady Human, with all due respect to your distant puppy-hood, this is my story. Please let me tell it.

Me:  Sorry.

Stella:  The heat rises. It descends to my feet. There is no place where its heaviness is not felt. No corner to hide in. Even the air in the shade is hot.

Me:  It’s only 96 degrees. It has been hotter.

Stella:  Lady Human!

Me:  Sorry.

Stella:  Where is the blessed cool of winter when we need it?

Me:  Probably about four months off. And blessed cool? What about those days when the temperature falls to the teens and everything freezes and…?

Stella:  Lady Human!!

Me:  Okay.

Stella:  Summer, summer, go away. Come again some icy day. Little Stella wants to play. The End.

Me:  Do you feel better now?

Stella:  Yes. Getting all that hot air out of me has cooled me off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bulldog Brouhaha – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Miss Sweetie:  What is going on?

Doodlebug:  Tiger and Lady Human are down the hall, wrestling. I love wrestling with Lady Human.

Wiggles:  Silly! She is trimming toenails. It is not a game.

Stella:  Toenail trimming time is here again! So soon! Everybody hide!

Wiggles:  Tiger is putting up a fuss. Good for her.

Stella:  What do you mean? You don’t tussle with Lady Human over your nails. She scratches your belly and you roll over and give up.

Miss Sweetie:  Who will win?

Doodlebug:  We’ll have to wait and see. It has been going on and on and on…

Stella:  Here they come!

Tiger; Whew! Glad that’s over!

Me:  Not quite. We’ll try again tomorrow.

Tiger:  No. I won.

Me:  I don’t give up.

Stella:  How many did you trim, Lady Human?

Me:  One. When added to the two I trimmed yesterday, that makes three. So, a good day.

Stella:  And you say I can’t count.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

The Famous Bulldog Grumble – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me:  And I am tired.

Stella:  I can’t imagine why. All you do is lay in bed and sleep.

Me:  That is not all that I do.

Stella:  Beg to differ.

Me:  When I go to bed, I go to bed to sleep.

Stella:  After you watch the Picture Box on your little black box, eat snacks…

Me:  Which you share in…

Stella:  And rightfully so. And you do that human reading thing. So sleep is not number one.

Me:  But still, once I go to sleep, I like to stay asleep until wake-up time. And I can’t do that if you are grumbling at 3:06 a.m., thank you very much.

Stella:  You are welcome.

Me:  Why were you grumbling at 3:06 a.m.?

Stella:  Who said it was at that time, like time is a real thing?

Me:  I checked it on my phone.

Stella:  So, it was the phone that caused you to wake up. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have known what time it was, like time is a real thing.

Me:  You were grumbling.

Stella:  I was expressing my opinion.

Me:  About what?

Stella:  About how much you sleep and how you needed to wake up to hear my opinions.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Where’s My Cake? – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: And somebody’s got a birthday today!

Stella:  Who’s that?

Me:  You! You are six years old today. Happy Birthday!

Stella:  Okay. Where’s my cake?

Me:  Oh, Stella, you know we’re not real big on cake around here.

Stella:  Okay. So, where’s my cake?

Me:  Let’s all wish Stella a happy birthday.

Tiger:  Yeah, Happy Birthday whatever. Is there going to be cake?

Me:  No, but I did consider it.

Tiger:  Considering cake is not the same as having cake.

Me:  You are all having a few extra healthy treats.

Wiggles:  Happy Birthday, Stella.

Stella:  Thank you. Where’s my cake?

Miss Sweetie:  Happy Birthday, Aunt Stella. Where’s her cake?

Doodlebug:  I’ll have some cake, please.

Wiggles:  Wish Stella a happy birthday.

Doodlebug:  Will that get me some cake? Okay. Happy Birthday.

Stella:  Now that we’ve gotten past the boring stuff…Lady Human, where’s my cake?

Me:  Everybody, get ready! Here they are – healthy dog biscuits!

Stella:  Is that better than cake or are you trying to fool me? It’s not nice to fool somebody on their birthday.

Me:  Let’s say that it is better for you than cake.

Stella:  Hmmmm. I understand. You love me and want me to be healthy. Okay. One question. Where’s my cake? I am patient. After all, I’m still waiting for my crown.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

I Can Dance, Too! – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am also Queen of the Dancers.

Me:  I beg your pardon.

Stella:  You have it, though I don’t know what you did wrong.

Me:  I mean, “Queen of the Dancers”? What?

Stella:  I’m tired of everybody making a big deal over Wiggles and her silly sideways stepping and tapping like that’s a big deal or she’s so cute or she has some kind of talent when all she is doing is sidestepping fast. So, I’m showing everybody my dancing skills. Here I go!

Me:  Stella girl, you don’t have to…

Stella:  And now I go this way and circle around like so and the other way…

Me:  I mean you don’t have to prove anything…

Stella:  And watch this!

Me:  I’m a-watchin’!

Stella:  I can dance, too! Wiggles isn’t the only dancer here!

Me:  I’m sorry if I didn’t pay enough attention to you today.

Stella:  What did you say?

Me:  When Wiggles goes into one of her dancing routines, we all tend to stare and laugh, and that’s fine. But if I didn’t pay you enough mind today and you feel like you have to dance for us to do so, I am sorry.

Stella:  So, dancing is not the most important thing?

Me:  No. It’s cute. But it’s not mandatory.

Stella:  What a relief! I think I’ll just sit down for a spell. In fact, I’m due for a nap. I don’t know how Wiggles does it. My dancing career is at an end. I am retiring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Hunkerin’ Down – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

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I am…

Miss Sweetie:  Sweetie! Princess of the Olde English Bulldogges.

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Stella:  Pardon me…

Miss Sweetie:  You are pardoned.

Stella:  I beg your pardon…

Me:  Let me break in here before we get in a loop, Stella.

Stella:  Lady Human, she has no right to call herself a princess, especially not after how she acted when the humans were walking on our roof the other day.

Miss Sweetie:  What did I do wrong, Aunt Stella?

Stella:  Hunkerin’. Hunkerin’ down under the little table outside.

Miss Sweetie:  It seemed like a safe place from which to watch.

Me:  And it was. Relatively safe. I think Stella is wondering why you weren’t out front and center.

Miss Sweetie:  I wanted to be. Aunt Stella is brave. She stood out in the yard and stared at those humans. Me? I hid. I watched them, but I hid.

Me:  That was actually pretty smart. But I still had to bring you inside. Hunkering down is not a bad idea at times.

Miss Sweetie:  I wish that I were brave.

Me:  Hey, there is brave and then there is foolish. You didn’t see me standing out there while stuff was flying off the roof. Hunkerin’ down is the brave thing to do when stuff is flying through the air.

Miss Sweetie:  So, I am not a coward. I am a brave hunkerer. Yay, me!

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They Are Beating on Our House – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It started early this morning.

Miss Sweetie:  Oh, so early.

Tiger:  Uncomfortably early.

Wiggles:  Incredibly early.

Doodlebug:  What? What happened?

Stella:  For reasons I will never understand, humans enjoy walking around on top of our house.

Me:  These humans are called roofers.

Stella:  Well, roofers, as you call them, are extremely loud humans.

Miss Sweetie:  They are being mean to our house, Lady Human. Make them stop.

Me:  Actually, they are being nice to our house. They are tearing off the old roof that got damaged when the storm knocked the big oak onto it, and they are putting on a brand-new roof.

Tiger:  I wish they would do it more quietly.

Wiggles:  I wish they wouldn’t do it at all.

Me:  We’ll all be happy for it when the rains come back.

Wiggles:  I saw them up there, walking around like they belonged up there. I told them off.

Doodlebug:  But they didn’t get off, did they?

Wiggles:  No, they just ignored me. Awww. And I was being so tough, too.

Me:  No offense to you, girl. They are just focused on their job. You have to be when you are walking around on a roof.

Stella:  Will it go on forever? Will we never sleep again?

Me:  They will be finished long before sunset. I have a feeling that we are all going to sleep very well tonight.

Stella:  And tomorrow. And the next day. It will take a long time to make up for our lost naps today.

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Lick Your Own Feet – Conversations with Stella

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. My feet are special to me. Don’t touch them.

Me:  I didn’t intend to. Not today anyway. The only time I touch your feet is when I trim your toenails.

Stella:  Don’t even go there.

Me:  Well, you seem to like your feet. You are licking them.

Stella:  Don’t tell me what to do with my feet!

Me:  Okay! Okay!

Stella:  Why don’t you lick your own feet? You don’t seem to spend much time on them, and you only have two.

Me:  Think about it. My feet are a long, long way from my mouth. Yours are much closer.

Stella:  Are you saying that I am short?

Me:  No. I’m saying that you are a bulldog and I am a human. Getting my feet to my mouth at this point would be quite an undertaking.

Stella:  If you don’t lick your own feet, you are missing out. I highly recommend it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Wires, Wires, Everywhere, And Not a One to Chew On – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am a good girl.

Me:  Yes, you are.

Stella:  Wiggles, on the other hand…

Me:  What’s going on? Wiggles?

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Wiggles:  Hmmm?

Me:  What are you up to?

Wiggles:  Up to?

Me:  What are you sniffing over there?

Wiggles:  Nothing.

Stella:  Ahhkahhah…Lady Human. Wires.

Wiggles:  Tattletale!

Me:  Wiggles, get away from those wires.

Wiggles:  Why? What’s the big deal? I’ve chewed on those long, stringy things before.

Me: And, thankfully, they were not plugged in. And, thankfully, you didn’t get hurt.

Wiggles:  How could a long stringy thing hurt me?

Me:  Those wires conduct electricity.

Stella:  One of those nonsense human words.

Me:  You know what I’m talking about. The light that streaks through the sky.

Stella:  Oh. The fire in the sky. IN OUR HOUSE? IN THOSE SKINNY THINGS? HOW? WHY? NO!

Me:  Every atom in GOD’s universe contains immense power. Within wires, the power of electricity is contained and channeled for our use. It is very common with us. Still, it is to be respected, not abused. And that means, Wiggles, don’t chew on wires! Period! At all! Ever!

Wiggles:  Awwww.

Stella:  Wiggles, you’ve seen the sky fire.

Wiggles:  Yes. It flashed near us not long ago.

Stella:  Would you like it to flash inside your big old bulldog mouth?

Wiggles:  Hmmm. No. I don’t think so.

Stella:  There, Lady Human. Wiggles has a brain after all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

I Sniffed a Little Human…Eewww! – Conversations with Stella and Wiggles

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Wiggles:  And I am Wiggles, Sniffer of Little Humans.

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Stella:  That is not even near the same as being the queen. That is not even a thing.

Wiggles:  Yes, it is, because I did it. And all I can say is…eewww! What a weird smell!

Stella:  I don’t sniff young humans. They only exist to grow up to be big humans that can feed me and take care of me. Oh, though I do let our little human scratch my belly. She is good at that.

Me:  I don’t think little kids smell weird.

Wiggles:  That don’t smell like dogs.

Stella:  Nope.

Wiggles:  They don’t smell like cats.

Stella:  Yay.

Wiggles:  They don’t smell like big humans.

Stella:  Well, maybe some.

Me:  What do they smell like to you?

Wiggles:  Human food. And dirt. And human bathrooms. And that goo that humans smear on themselves to make themselves stink.

Me:  Goo. Hmmm. Do you mean lotion?

Wiggles:  If it’s that stinky goo, yeah. Leave that stuff off and just stick with the other smells – food, dirt, and bathrooms. Then they’ll be fine.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Another Ice Cube, Please? – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

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I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Water is great, but water is not so great when the air is hot, and the water feels like the air. I put my tongue in it and it feels just the same when I pull it out. Not hot, not cold. Blegh.

Tiger:  Lady Human, do something to make our water interesting.

Miss Sweetie:  Make it red like strawberries.

Me:  Mmmm…that might make it sweeter, not cooler. How about some ice cubes?

Doodlebug:  Those cold floatie things?

Me:  Yep, you could call them that.

Doodlebug:  I like those guys.

Wiggles:  They freeze my nose.

Tiger:  Then don’t rest your nose on them, silly.

Wiggles:  Who are you calling ‘silly’, silly!

Me:  Girls! Cut it out!

Tiger:  Sorry, Lady Human, it’s just so hot.

Wiggles:  Yeah, and Tiger is so silly.

Tiger:  How dare you!

Me:  Barking just makes everybody hotter, including me. Here. Try these ice cubes.

Tiger:  Oh, they are cold and crunchy and good.

Stella:  And the water around them is colder.

Me:  Maybe we could just freeze your water bowls. Then the ice would melt slowly through the day and the whole thing would stay cold.

Stella:  You can do something like that?

Me:  Well, if I can find enough room in the big freezer…I’ve never thought about doing that before.

Stella:  Why not? Aagghhh! Humans!

Miss Sweetie:  That would be great! And then my drool would stay cold, too!

Me:  Cold drool. I hadn’t thought about that either.

Doodlebug:  MMMM! Ice cold drool!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2019 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.