“Some things are worth the wait.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Long Awaited Delivery
Power Struggle – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, my fan is not working.
Me: Nothing’s working. Power went out.
Sweetie: Call it back in. I need my fan.
Me: The electricity is off. The power company is working on it.
Sweetie: But my fan isn’t turning. Blow on it, ma’am. You have lots of air.
MoonCat: Fans and electricity. You only think about them when they’re gone.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Guard Duty – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what do you mean our neighbor had her shed broken into?
Me: I mean somebody broke the lock on her shed and rummaged around inside.
Doodlebug: Did a bulldog do it? Cuz I’ll teach ’em not to!
Me: I seriously doubt that a dog was responsible.
Sweetie: We have to stand guard.
Me: Thanks for the offer, but y’all aren’t staying outside all night.
Sweetie: Not all night, ma’am. Just when the shed breaker comes.
MoonCat: Yep, that’ll work. Set the clock.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Tree that Laid Down – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, look, look, look!
Sweetie: That huge tree is taking a nap over there.
Me: Oh, no. The neighbor’s tree fell. But it didn’t hit their house or anything else from the looks of it.
Sweetie: Why did it take a nap now? It never has before.
Me: I don’t know. No wind. No storm.
Doodlebug: Sometimes you just have to lie down and rest.
MoonCat: I make a regular habit of it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Huggable – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why do humans throw their arms around things and squeeze them? It’s not very pleasant.
Me: We hug people and animals to show affection and comfort, a connection, support. How do you feel if I put my arms around you like this?
Sweetie: Trapped.
Doodlebug: You’re okay, Sweetie. I’m watching your back. No threat detected.
MoonCat: Just so we’re clear, Lady Human, don’t even think about it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Spoil Sport – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop sitting on my stuffie toy! You’ve got your own!
Sweetie: Who says I’m sitting on your toy?
Me: I do. You may have a large posterior, but I can see the edge of the toy sticking out from under you.
Sweetie: Please don’t interfere, Lady Human.
Me: Human in charge. Not interfering. Doing my job.
Sweetie: Spoil sport.
MoonCat: My sympathy goes to the poor ole stuffie. Can you imagine being sat on by a bulldog? Agghh, the horror!
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Game of Sit and Stare – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: You’re doing it again, both of you. The Sit and Stare. I don’t mind as long as there’s no biting.
Sweetie: But sometimes Doodle looks at me with that look in his eyes and I get so mad that I have to…
Me: No, you don’t! I sit and stare at you both all the time. Is that all right?
Doodlebug: Sure.
Sweetie: Always.
Me: Do you ever feel like biting my face?
Doodlebug: Nope.
Sweetie: Never.
MoonCat: You don’t have a bulldog face or stare, Lady Human. Be grateful.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Sunbath
“Bathe while the sun shines.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
BORED! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Here I am.
Me: Yep.
Sweetie: Sitting here.
Me: I can see that.
Sweetie: Nothing going on.
Me: Not much anyway.
Sweetie: BORED!
Me: Bored out of your gourd?
Doodlebug: What’s a gourd? Can I have one to be bored out of?
MoonCat: I’ll take a side of calm with my serving of boredom. You can keep the gourd.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Illiterate Mice – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, about that poem “To a Mouse” you talked about, can mice read those ink scratches humans make on paper? ‘Cause I can’t and it’s not fair if they can.
Me: No, mice are as illiterate as bulldogs. You haven’t missed out.
Sweetie: That’s good! No mouse can ever be one up on a bulldog.
MoonCat: Yeah, I lay around all the time worrying about being one upped by a mouse. It’s one of my great fears in life.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, part of the tiny house fell off! Fix it! Fix it!
Me: The shed? Yeah, we have to put that right. Well, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”, as a famous poet once said.
Sweetie: Was that a human? Sounds like it.
Me: Yeah, a Scottish man named Robert Burns wrote a poem entitled “To a Mouse”.
Sweetie: That causes problems. Never talk to mice. And never ever write to them.
Doodlebug: Of course mice plans go wrong. And as for humans…well…there’s that shed.
MoonCat: I wouldn’t pick on mice or humans too much, bulldogs. There’s plenty of “awry” to go around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Swelter Days – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Whoa! It’s sweltering out there. I’m going to sit in here and do nothing.
Sweetie: You do that all the time anyway. Why is today different?
Me: As I said, I’m sweltering.
Sweetie: There! You are doing something! Congratulations, Lady Human!
MoonCat: However, sweltering is a low level activity.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Shiny Human Faces – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, your face is all shiny.
Me: Is it?
Doodlebug: Yeah, it’s kind of drippy, too.
Me: It’s pretty hot outside.
Sweetie: So the sun shines and makes your face shine.
Me: Sort of. Not in the same way though. Mine is sweat.
Sweetie: Ew. Yuck. Get rid of it.
Doodlebug: Wipe it off.
MoonCat: And here I thought you were trying a new facial cream.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
On Tiptoe – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come MoonCat can walk around on top of everything in the house and we can’t hardly get on a cushion?
Me: Y’all do fine getting on chairs. It’s just that MoonCat is lighter and more flexible.
Doodlebug: We have big flat feet. She walks on her tiptoes.
MoonCat: Like a ballerina. Allow me to take a bow.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Our Shade-Casting Tree
“This tree is ours. Please go find your own.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Run Amok – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Whoa! Slow down, y’all! Where are you running in such a hurry?
Sweetie: Running here! Running there! Running, running everywhere!
Me: Yeah, running amok.
Doodlebug: Amok?
Sweetie: Where? Where is Amok?
Doodlebug: I want to run to Amok!
MoonCat: Too late. You’re already there.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Chicken Herders – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stay in line!
Me: Doodle, what are you up to?
Doodlebug: I’m up to doing my duty, ma’am. Chicken herding.
Me: Is Sweetie in on this, too?
Sweetie: I’ve got the easy part. I just sit here. For some reason, the chickens don’t come this way.
MoonCat: I wonder why. Hmmm. No, I don’t really.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sharp Pointy Mouths – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Watch out! Sharp pointy mouths are running around.
Me: They always are. I try not to listen.
Sweetie: Chicken pointy mouths, Lady Human! Humans don’t have sharp pointy mouths.
Me: Oh, yes, we do.
MoonCat: Just wait, ma’am, until one of those pointy chicken mouths starts pecking on your bare foot. The difference becomes obvious.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Dignity – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I have changed my mind.
Me: Wonders never cease.
Doodlebug: I don’t want a hole in the yard to sit in. I am not a toad. It would be undignified.
Me: Good, because I don’t really want any bulldog-sized sitting holes in the yard.
Sweetie: Nonsense! Comfort before dignity.
MoonCat: Look at my face. Isn’t it obvious? Both.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Hole of My Own – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: If a little ole toad gets to have a hole in the yard, then I should have one, too! A hole of my own.
Me: So you can eat bugs at night?
Sweetie: Bugs? Ew! No!
Me: That’s what the toad does.
Sweetie: Just a hole to sit in while I look at the world.
Doodlebug: If Sweetie gets one, then I get one, too.
MoonCat: They’re going to have to be some monster-sized holes. Lady Human, do we have enough land for that?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 