“Head down. Heels up. Oh, so that’s why everything looks crazy.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Heels over Head
Free Speech for Dogs – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have something to say.
Me: Why should today be any different?
Sweetie: Dogs need free speech! We are constantly being told to quiet down. Free speech! Free speech!
Doodlebug: Yeah! Hear what I’m thinking! Free speech! Free speech!
Me: Since when does loud barking constitute free speech?
MoonCat: Oh, Lady Human, really?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Who Pulled the Plug? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
KABOOM!
Doodlebug: Who said that?
Sweetie: The humans are acting up again.
Me: Nope. You know a thunderstorm when you hear one. That was a lightning strike very close by.
Sweetie: So humans are not tapping at the windows with their pointy fingers.
Me: That’s heavy rain AND we just lost power.
Sweetie: Turn on the lights and search for it.
Me: No power. No light.
Doodlebug: What about food? Please, Lady Human! Do we have food?
Me: Yes. Your stomachs are fine.
Sweetie: What about the Big Picture Box?
Me: None of that until the electricity comes back on.
MoonCat: Wow! Talk about your off button.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Click Bait – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: So boring. Wait! Wow! What is that?
Me: What is what?
Sweetie: That right there on the Big Picture Box. Nope. It’s gone. Wait! What’s that? And that? And now that?
Doodlebug: Don’t be so human, Sweetie. Stick with one thing for a while. Wait! Go back to that picture! I’ve got to bark at it.
MoonCat: Where is that off button when you need it?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Getting Carried Away – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: “Romping, romping, romping, see my feet a-tromping, see my toes a-stomping, Yeehah!”
Me: That’s a great song, Sweetie, but you’re getting carried away, aren’t you? You just knocked down the doggie gate.
Sweetie: Getting carried away? Are you going to carry me, Lady Human? Come on and pick me up then. Let’s go!
Me: I meant aren’t you getting a little too excited? And I don’t think I can pick you up. You’re a tad…a tad…
MoonCat: Go ahead, ma’am. Say it. A tadpole she ain’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Off Button – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, somebody set Sweetie’s motor running and now she can’t shut off.
Sweetie: Run over here. Run over there. Run! Run! Run! Everywhere!
Me: Sweetie, turn it down a notch. Or two or three.
Sweetie: Mustn’t stop. It’s time. It’s time.
Me: It’s time for your off button.
Sweetie: Ain’t got one.
Me: Even if I rub this spot right here.
Sweetie: Oooo, you just pushed my button.
MoonCat: Off buttons have the power to change history.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Shape of My Face – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Speaking of frowning, Lady Human…
Me: Are we still speaking of frowns?
Sweetie: I am. Why is my face shaped like a frown?
Doodlebug: Mine, too! All droopy mouthed.
Me: Our faces are our faces. A lot goes into that. Heredity. Your particular family line. And above all, you are bulldogs. I’m a human. We show that off in everything.
Doodlebug: What if I don’t like the way I look?
Me: Learn to like your face. It’s yours.
MoonCat: I do not frown. My face is the perfect example of composure and determined calm. Now leave me alone.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Eyes Wide Open
“Keep your eyes wide open, but remember to blink every so often. Dust can collect.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All RightsvReserved.
Human Frowning – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human is frowning. Human frowning is never a good thing.
Doodlebug: She’s frowning at the little black box. The little black box is never a good thing.
Sweetie: Ma’am, is everything all right?
Me: Oh. Yeah. The phone service has been disrupted. That’s all.
Sweetie: If it’s not working right, turn it off. It has one of those buttons, doesn’t it?
Doodlebug: Turn it off and that will stop your frown, too.
MoonCat: Just goes to show, if it can be turned off, it doesn’t rule the world.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Name Calling – Part 2 Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what is a good ugly name to call Roo-Roo the Rooster?
Me: I’m not sure there are any “good” ugly names.
Sweetie: If he can yell at me, I can yell at him.
Doodlebug: How about calling him what he called us? BULLDOG!
Sweetie: Yeah! That’ll teach him a lesson!
MoonCat: And what lesson, pray tell, would that be? Oh, I know. That bulldogs have a limited vocabulary.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Name Calling – Part 1 Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, Roo-Roo the Rooster was yelling at me!
Me: Maybe he was only saying hello very loudly.
Sweetie: Nobody says hello that loud! He was calling me an ugly name!
Me: And what ugly name, pray tell, was that?
Sweetie: BULLDOG!
Doodlebug: How rude!
MoonCat: How accurate.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Too Much Information – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, too much human talk is being thrown around.
Doodlebug: Yes. For example, we don’t know or care why the egg blew up. Talking about it just makes us think about it more and worry.
Sweetie: Yes, ma’am. Stop talking and spend the time making sure eggs stay in their shells.
MoonCat: Maybe that fella has some ideas.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Exploding Egg – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Whoa! Loud noise! Loud noise! Run around in circles!
Me: Calm down. An egg exploded. That’s all.
Sweetie: How come? Where? How dare an egg act up like that!
Me: I’m boiling some eggs and one of them blew its top. Literally. You see, there’s a little pocket of air inside the eggshell and when it heats up, it can…
Doodlebug: No explanation necessary, Lady Human. Really. No explanation.
MoonCat: Just don’t let it happen again.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Chicken Sense – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. It’s raining, Lady Human!
Me: Yes, I noticed.
Sweetie: It’s raining hard!
Me: Right again!
Sweetie: Look at Roo-Roo the Rooster. He’s all dry! How come he gets to be all dry?
Me: He’s standing under his doorway. He has the good sense to stay in out of the rain.
Doodlebug: So why are we all standing out in it?
MoonCat: Some of us have more chicken sense than bulldog sense.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Like A Lonely Bird on a Housetop
“Me, too.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Walls – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We have an idea, Lady Human.
Me: Uh-oh.
Doodlebug: It’s a great idea. You can punch a big bulldog-sized hole in the wall so that we can go out and come in all night long and you won’t even know.
Me: And so can all the other local roaming visitors like possums and skunks and rats and snakes…
Sweetie: Whoa whoa whoa!
Me: …and raccoons and coyotes and…
Doodlebug: Very well then. Nevermind. We were just trying to help.
MoonCat: Occasionally, the humans do have a good idea.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Looking – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why are you sitting, looking outside?
Me: Sometimes I just look.
Doodlebug: But you’ve looked at it all before.
Me: Sometimes I notice something new that’s always been there.
Sweetie: Sounds like you weren’t paying attention.
Doodlebug: Dogs pay attention. It’s dangerous not to.
MoonCat: Sounds like she’s paying attention now.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Some Lines Must Be Drawn – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, we need our own bathroom inside the house.
Doodlebug: Going outside at all hours is too inconvenient for us and for you.
Me: No. No. Absolutely not. A line has to be drawn sometimes and this is one of those lines.
Sweetie: How come? MoonCat gets her potty in the house.
Me: Cats are different.
MoonCat: Amen to that.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Hoot and a Holler – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I don’t give a hoot nor a holler about all that stuff on TV. I need something funny to watch.
Sweetie: Hoot?
Doodlebug: Holler?
Me: Yeah, like when people are laughing or cutting up.
Sweetie : Cutting up?
Doodlebug: This is just getting more confusing.
MoonCat: Welcome to my bulldog world.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Hankering – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come your head is stuck all the way inside the big cold box?
Me: I’ve got a hankering for something to eat, but I don’t know what.
Sweetie: Can I have a hankering? It sounds delicious.
Doodlebug: Me, too! Me, too! Are hankerings crunchy?
Me: The hankering is your want-to. The desire. The hunger.
Doodlebug: I’ve got all of that.
Sweetie: Yeah, hand it over, whatever it is.
MoonCat: Be careful what you hanker after.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 