“Fence sitting is harder for some than for others. For giant rear ends, it’s pretty much impossible.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Fence Sitting
Chicken Patrol – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hup, 2, 3, 4. Hup, 2, 3, 4.
Me: What, may I ask, is going on here?
Sweetie: Chicken patrol.
Me: I can see that all the chickens are hunkered down in their coop.
Sweetie: Mission accomplished.
Doodlebug: Better hunkered down in safety than hunkered down out in the open.
Me: Okay, everybody off duty now and back in the house.
Sweetie: But the chickens will start running around.
Me: As they should. It’s full daylight and no storms are expected.
MoonCat: Chickens in charge of the yard? Sounds a little fowl to me…Sorry. I had to.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Great Chicken Search – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I need y’all’s help. Two of the chickens are missing. They aren’t in the coop with the others and it’s past time.
Sweetie: A chicken search? That’s easy. They stink big time.
Me: I know you can find them with your talented snouts. But no chasing or pouncing. They are probably hunkered down under something in the yard.
Doodlebug: On the job.
Sweetie: My nose is detecting. There’s a chickeny smell over here.
Doodlebug: And over here.
Me: Great job, guys!
MoonCat: Nothing says bulldog like a chicken roundup after dark.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Motor Mouths – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Roo-Roo the Rooster is roostering all over the place. Well, I’ll show him. He can’t out rooster a bulldog.
Me: You don’t have to hold a contest. In fact, PLEASE don’t hold a contest!
Sweetie: I’m all fired up and raring to go! Read my lips, Roo-Roo!
MoonCat: Let’s hope the motor mouths run out of gas before too long.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Aim High and Overshoot – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Throw it, Lady Human! Throw the bouncy ball high!
Me: Ugh! Overshot it. It went over the fence.
Doodlebug: There’s always another fence to throw it over. Try it again.
MoonCat: Aim low. Bulldog level.
©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bouncing Back – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you’re not flat anymore!
Me: No, I’m better now.
Sweetie: Is the “poorly” gone?
Me: Yeah, feels like it. Bouncing back.
Sweetie: Like the big ball outside? How high can you bounce?
Me: Not exactly like that. Still a little tired.
Doodlebug: Great! Time for a bulldog nap.
MoonCat: Bouncebacks take a lot of energy.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Poorly – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you flat?
Me: I’m lying down because I’m feeling poorly.
Sweetie: Is “poorly” good?
Me: Not really. Not the worst though.
Sweetie: I’ll feel poorly with you if it will help.
Doodlebug: Me, too.
Me: Aww, thanks, but I think I’ll need to fight this one through. You can pray for me.
MoonCat: Already there.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Steamy
“It’s SUMMER. Again. Right on time. Just like every year. So…wear your hat.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill.All Rights Reserved.
On the Tip of My Tongue – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Bluh! Lahdee Hooma!
Me: Ew! What’s on the end of your tongue? Hold still. Yuck!
Sweetie: Was it something I wanted?
Me: Apparently. At some point. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doodlebug: Can I have it?
Me: No. We throw yuck stuff away.
MoonCat: I’ll just keep the tip of my tongue to myself.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Don’t Stop Up Your Ears – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Mmm..maah…mmm…
Doodlebug: I think she’s gone deaf.
Sweetie: She’s stuck big white kibbles in her ears with strings hanging off them. Why would anybody do that?
Doodlebug: LADY HUMAN!
Sweetie: I’ll step on her foot.
Me: Hey!
Sweetie: There she is.
Me: I was listening to music.
Sweetie: Now we know what the white kibbles and the long neck strings are doing.
MoonCat: Yes, they provide selective hearing to humans with bulldogs.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Squirrelly – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, a squirrel is acting squirrelly.
Me: Isn’t that as it should be?
Doodlebug: It’s picking seeds out of a big sunflower’s face. It’s not allowed to do that. What about us?
Me: We’re fine. Let the squirrel share.
Sweetie: But it’s climbed up a flower stalk that is as tall as a human!
MoonCat: Squirrelly would be if it didn’t climb up and grab those seeds. Tall sunflower equals short tree.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Harrumph! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Harrumph!
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Harrumph! I think I made myself clear.
Me: What are you harrumphing about?
Doodlebug: Nothing. She’s making noise. That’s all. If she makes enough noise, you may give her a treat.
MoonCat: So that’s the secret! I need to practice my harrumph, though no one harrumphs quite as well as a bulldog.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Spitting Nickels – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s the matter, Lady Human?
Me: I’m so mad I could spit nickels.
Sweetie: I want to spit nickels. What are nickels?
Me: Just little round metal coins. Worth about 5 cents apiece.
Sweetie: You can spit human money? COOL!
Doodlebug: You are more talented than I thought!
Sweetie: You should just stay mad all the time. Think how much money you’d have and how many treats you could buy us.
MoonCat: Treats enough for all of us? That would take quite a bit of spitting.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Sky Is Still There – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: (singing) Ohhh, say can you see, The sky is still there, Even after the humans tried to blow it to pieces…
Me: Very nice, but not exactly accurate. And you’ll be happy to know that the fireworks are over for now.
Doodlebug: Our prayer was answered. I don’t even notice any holes.
Me: No. No holes. Breathe it in.
MoonCat: A whole sky is a nice thing to have around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Toehold
“Some places are just too narrow.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
You Ain’t Heard Nothin’ Yet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What were the humans up to last night, Lady Human?
Me: Oh, the fireworks?
Doodlebug: The big boom-booms.
Sweetie: Oh, no! Y’all were trying to blow up the sky again.
Me: It’s a celebration. And today is the big day. If you thought last night was loud, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
Doodlebug: Great Creator of all, please keep the sky where You put it.
Sweetie: Yes, please! The humans are up to their foolishness again!
MoonCat: I think the bulldogs give humans a little too much credit. After all these years, the sky is still here.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Peeking Parakeets – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. The parakeets are being sneaky.
Sweetie: Yeah, they’re looking at us from behind closed eyelids.
Baby and Bud: Peek peek peek. We see you.
MoonCat: Let’s have a peeking contest. I wonder who will win.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Don’t Just Sit There – Conversations with Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
Sweetie: Exactly. You should be doing something. You are a human. Always be doing.
Me: It’s a fine thing to sit still and be quiet.
Doodlebug: No, it’s not. Not for a human. Sitting and doing nothing is only for us.
MoonCat: I say all humans should have the right to sit freely, except when that right delays my supper.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Power Connections – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, how come you are playing with skinny ropes?
Sweetie: Yeah, and how come you’re sticking the skinny rope ends in the wall?
Me: Electricity. I have to plug the cords in so the power will flow.
Sweetie: I don’t see a flow. Maybe you need a water hose from outside.
Me: Nope! Definitely not! Water and electricity don’t live together in peace.
MoonCat: Some things just don’t play well together. Ask me how I know.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Mind Your Own Business – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What is that I feel pushing its way under my arm?
Sweetie: It might be my big ole bulldog nose.
Me: Why?
Sweetie: Smelling what’s going on.
Doodlebug: May I be of assistance, ma’am?
Me: Nope. I am working on something electrical that has no bulldog connection.
Doodlebug: I want to see!
Sweetie: Me, too! I’ve already smelled it.
Me: Sometimes it’s better, safer even, to mind your own business.
Doodlebug: I’ve already done my business.
Sweetie: Yeah, me, too. I want to get into somebody else’s business.
MoonCat: Oh, mercy.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 