A Funny Old Bird – Part 3 – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: You should stay a human, Lady Human. No more funny old bird nonsense. You don’t have the wings. You don’t have the feathers.

Me: We use the word “bird” sometimes to mean something weird.

Baby and Bud: Oh, so humans think birds are weird. Well, same to you!

Me: No, we think birds are fine. We think we are weird. Sometimes. Now and again. On certain days.

MoonCat: Are you weird, ma’am? I just assumed you were being human.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Funny Old Bird – Part 2 – Conversations with the Big  Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. If you are a funny old bird as you say, Lady Human, where are your wings?

Me: I didn’t get that part of the equipment.

Sweetie: Good! At least, you can’t just fly off and you don’t shed feathers like the messy budgies.

Baby and Bud: Hey! A bulldog can’t call a budgie messy! Ackk!

MoonCat: You don’t really think you’re a bird, do you, ma’am? ‘Cause if you do, we’re ALL in a world of trouble. Just sit in a human chair and calm down for a while.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Funny Old Bird – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why are you staring at the sky, Lady Human? Is there a storm coming?

Me: Almost always, but I was just thinking. I’m a funny old bird.

Sweetie: Stop that thinking again, ma’am. You know it causes nothing but trouble.

Doodlebug: She does have two legs like a bird.

MoonCat: By that reasoning, I have four legs, so I must be an elephant. Better watch out.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Quality Assurance – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. After the other day’s food fiasco, I have called a meeting to…

Sweetie: To guarantee the quality of all our food and treats. These matters must not be left in human hands any longer. All food will be inspected and approved by me.

Doodlebug: Why you?

Sweetie: My food.

Doodlebug: Mine, too!

Sweetie: Mine first!

MoonCat: To guarantee food quality, won’t we have to guarantee that there’s food? Don’t the humans do that?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

An Insult to All Noses – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Ew! Take it away! You call that food?

Me: Well, yeah, it is food.

Doodlebug: It has the smell of that crumbly stuff on the edge of metal.

Me: Rust? I guarantee there is no rust in this and no metal. At least, none that I put in there.

Sweetie: My delicate nose is horrified.

MoonCat: Don’t worry, Lady Human. You can’t help it that you don’t have a delicate, horrified nose.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Battle Stations! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Whoa! What was that?

Sweetie: I’m on it! Check in there! I’m checking Lady Human’s room!

Doodlebug: Nothing! What about outside?

Me: I just checked the front porch. All still and quiet out there.

Doodlebug: Wow! Lady Human! You’ve got a big metal stick in your hand! Cool!

Sweetie: I could stand to have a whole army of bulldogs right now.

Me: I don’t think we could manage even a platoon of bulldogs, much less a whole army.

MoonCat: It pays to be prepared. Where is that rooster and his chicken army when you need them?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stop Thinking So Much – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. She’s doing it again, Sweetie. That thinking thing.

Sweetie: Stop it, Lady Human! Stop thinking too much! It makes you sad and that makes us sad.

Doodlebug: Hey, why don’t we pull a stunt? That’ll give you something else to think about.

Me: I’d rather you not.

MoonCat: Think, but change the subject. I’ve been thinking I might like some tunafish. And I know what you are thinking. No, I do not overthink tunafish.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Chewing on Something – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have that serious bulldog look on your face again.

Me: Yeah. You might say I’m chewing on something.

Doodlebug: How can you chew with an empty mouth?

Me: My mind is working on a problem.

Sweetie: That doesn’t sound like it tastes very good.

MoonCat: Get some real food, ma’am. All dogs and cats know the real stuff is the only thing worth the effort. Unless it’s a cat toy.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Why the Frown? – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you are frowning. I know the signs on your face.

Me: I’m reading some complex stuff and I have to concentrate.

Sweetie: If the stuff you are reading is making you frown, let me chew it up. That’ll get rid of it.

Me: It doesn’t exactly work that way.

Sweetie: Bulldogs know how to handle these things.

MoonCat: Oh, yes, let’s get the bulldogs to handle things. If you thought we were in trouble before, just wait.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Flat Face – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Did you hear what that talking human head on the Picture Box called me? Flat face! Human faces are a lot flatter than mine and what’s wrong with having a flat face anyway and…

Me: Just ignore it. Everybody’s got opinions. I think you’re adorable.

Doodlebug: I think you’re adorable, too, Lady Human, flat face and all.

MoonCat: Bulldogs just don’t know how to give a compliment.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Splitting Hairs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you have a big tangle of long hairs in your hand. Are you collecting them?

Me: No, I am throwing them away.

Doodlebug: How come they’re in your hand and not on your head where they ought to be?

Me: I’m shedding a lot right now and some are breaking off. Not enough protein, I guess.

Sweetie: Eat our food! We shed a lot and we’ve still got tons of hair. Take some of our shed hair, too, and glue it on to yours. We’ll share!

Me: You already do.

MoonCat: Never accept a donation of hair from a bulldog. They won’t take it back and it will stay with you forever.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Which Came First? – Conversations with the Pack

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I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why do the chickens leave those rolly balls laying around? They don’t play with them.

Me: If the eggs are fertilized, they turn into baby chicks. But these aren’t, so they just get eaten.

Sweetie: Do you mean to tell me that every one of these chickens started out as a rolly ball?

Me: I do mean to tell you that, even Roo-Roo the Rooster.

Sweetie: And that pale goo inside the rolly balls turns into chickens?

Me: Yep.

MoonCat: Enough! No more! TMI, even for my strong stomach.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Hole in One – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, look at this cute little rolly ball I found. I’m gonna knock it into that hole over there. Boom!

Me: Uh, not a ball, Sweetie!

Doodlebug: It is now.

Me: That’s an egg.

Sweetie: In it goes. I win. Ew. The ball is all gooey on the inside. Don’t worry. I’ll lick it up.

MoonCat: Now that truly is an egg in a hole.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Hotfooting It – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: The patio floor feels like fire, Lady Human!

Me: Hotfoot it over to the grass.

Sweetie: I’m hotfooting as fast as I can.

Me: Good. Now isn’t that better?

Doodlebug: But we still have to go back over the hot rock.

Me: I can spray some water on it. Or you can wear shoes like I do.

Doodlebug & Sweetie: NO SHOES!

MoonCat: Water on hot concrete. Nice and steamy. Almost like a bath. Yuck!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Turn the Sun Down – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: You’ve done it again, Lady Human. You left the sun running full blast when it needs to be turned down.

Doodlebug: The sun did go down last night. I watched it through the window.

Sweetie: Yeah, but it came back up which means somebody didn’t turn the right knob.

Me: Y’all don’t seem to understand how little control humans have over stuff like the sun.

MoonCat: That’s good news. In my book, the less control humans have, the better.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Growling Machine – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Doodle, Lady Human is weird. She takes those pieces of cloth she calls “clothes” and throws them into a big metal box that growls at them. And then they come out all wet from crying and she throws them into a hot box that tosses them around and around.

Doodlebug: The clothes are like our towels. They can’t cry. They are flat and still until she puts them on. Then they move like her.

MoonCat: You know. Like sweaters.

Doodlebug and Sweetie: NO SWEATERS!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Chicken Patrol – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hup, 2, 3, 4. Hup, 2, 3, 4.

Me: What, may I ask, is going on here?

Sweetie: Chicken patrol.

Me: I can see that all the chickens are hunkered down in their coop.

Sweetie: Mission accomplished.

Doodlebug: Better hunkered down in safety than hunkered down out in the open.

Me: Okay, everybody off duty now and back in the house.

Sweetie: But the chickens will start running around.

Me: As they should. It’s full daylight and no storms are expected.

MoonCat: Chickens in charge of the yard? Sounds a little fowl to me…Sorry. I had to.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.