“Some places are just too narrow.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Toehold
You Ain’t Heard Nothin’ Yet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What were the humans up to last night, Lady Human?
Me: Oh, the fireworks?
Doodlebug: The big boom-booms.
Sweetie: Oh, no! Y’all were trying to blow up the sky again.
Me: It’s a celebration. And today is the big day. If you thought last night was loud, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
Doodlebug: Great Creator of all, please keep the sky where You put it.
Sweetie: Yes, please! The humans are up to their foolishness again!
MoonCat: I think the bulldogs give humans a little too much credit. After all these years, the sky is still here.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Peeking Parakeets – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. The parakeets are being sneaky.
Sweetie: Yeah, they’re looking at us from behind closed eyelids.
Baby and Bud: Peek peek peek. We see you.
MoonCat: Let’s have a peeking contest. I wonder who will win.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Don’t Just Sit There – Conversations with Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
Sweetie: Exactly. You should be doing something. You are a human. Always be doing.
Me: It’s a fine thing to sit still and be quiet.
Doodlebug: No, it’s not. Not for a human. Sitting and doing nothing is only for us.
MoonCat: I say all humans should have the right to sit freely, except when that right delays my supper.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Power Connections – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, how come you are playing with skinny ropes?
Sweetie: Yeah, and how come you’re sticking the skinny rope ends in the wall?
Me: Electricity. I have to plug the cords in so the power will flow.
Sweetie: I don’t see a flow. Maybe you need a water hose from outside.
Me: Nope! Definitely not! Water and electricity don’t live together in peace.
MoonCat: Some things just don’t play well together. Ask me how I know.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Mind Your Own Business – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What is that I feel pushing its way under my arm?
Sweetie: It might be my big ole bulldog nose.
Me: Why?
Sweetie: Smelling what’s going on.
Doodlebug: May I be of assistance, ma’am?
Me: Nope. I am working on something electrical that has no bulldog connection.
Doodlebug: I want to see!
Sweetie: Me, too! I’ve already smelled it.
Me: Sometimes it’s better, safer even, to mind your own business.
Doodlebug: I’ve already done my business.
Sweetie: Yeah, me, too. I want to get into somebody else’s business.
MoonCat: Oh, mercy.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Motor Feet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Sweetie, where are you running to?
Sweetie: Nowhere. My feet just go where they want. They’re on their own.
Me: Not so. Your feet go where you tell them to.
Sweetie: I’ve never said a word to my feet in our whole lives together. My feet are like the big rolling box. We jump in and it takes us wherever it wants to.
Me: Again, not so. I have to steer the car and step on the gas.
Doodlebug: My feet are lazy. They follow my nose when my nose is awake.
MoonCat: Let me be perfectly clear. My own personal feet are under my complete control at all times. Who would you rather have loose in your house?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Bye Bye, Snow Hat
” Bye bye, Snow Hat. See you next year.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Stay Watered Up – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you stayed outside in the sun too long.
Me: Maybe.
Sweetie: You need some water.
Me: Probably.
Sweetie: Here. Have some of mine. I’ll push it over to you.
Me: No, that’s okay. I’ll get some in a minute.
Doodlebug: Don’t wait. Here is my bowl, too. Drink all you want.
MoonCat: Go ahead, ma’am. Bulldog water bowls always come loaded with extras though. I’d offer you mine, but your head is way too big.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sit Down! That’s an Order! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you look funny. Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, I think so. I just need to breathe…
Doodlebug: Sit down, ma’am! That’s an order! I am the King, like I told you.
Me: All right. Sitting down. Breathing.
Sweetie: You don’t look so funny anymore.
MoonCat: If sitting and breathing could get rid of funny-looking, that’s what bulldogs should do all the time.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Speak Real Words – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you and the other humans have been making up words. Again.
Me: We do come up with new words for new things or ideas
Doodlebug: We want real words.
Me: Give me some examples of “real words”.
Sweetie: Dog. Bulldog. Food. Water. Bulldog.
Me: You mentioned “bulldog” twice.
Sweetie: It’s twice as important.
MoonCat: And you mentioned “cat” not at all. Nice to know where we rank in the bulldog kingdom.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Meeting of Minds – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard the chickens talking. I think they are planning something.
Me: What could they possibly be planning that would bother y’all?
Doodlebug: They could sneak up and jump on our backs and ride us the way cowboys ride horses.
Me: I’m not saying impossible. I will say unlikely.
Sweetie: You never can tell with chickens. They’re sneaky little boogers. If they’re meeting, they’re plotting.
MoonCat: I find chickens to be sociable, intelligent, and companionable creatures. I also find them to be sneaky little boogers.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Pecking in the Dirt – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. That other fella is Roo-Roo the Rooster. He is not a bulldog.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come he keeps hitting the dirt with his pointy mouth?
Me: He’s looking for something to eat.
Doodlebug: But those big food bowls are right over there. Why work so hard to find nothing?
Me: There’s always hope.
MoonCat: You will never find tunafish by pecking in the dirt. Just saving you some time. You’re welcome.
©️ 2026. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Watch Out for the Weird – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, we have figured out everything.
Me: I can’t wait to hear.
Sweetie: Keep your feet on the ground.
Doodlebug: Taste the air.
Sweetie: Keep your nose to the sky.
Doodlebug: Wear your hat.
Sweetie: Perk your ears.
Doodlebug: Keep your eyes open.
Sweetie: If it looks weird…
Doodlebug: Tastes weird…
Sweetie: Smells weird…
Doodlebug: Sounds weird…
Sweetie: Feels weird…
Sweetie & Doodlebug: Then, that ‘s right. It’s weird!
MoonCat: So, if you’re a bulldog, roll in it, lick it, bathe in it, sleep on it. Celebrate!
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Heels over Head
“Head down. Heels up. Oh, so that’s why everything looks crazy.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Free Speech for Dogs – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I have something to say.
Me: Why should today be any different?
Sweetie: Dogs need free speech! We are constantly being told to quiet down. Free speech! Free speech!
Doodlebug: Yeah! Hear what I’m thinking! Free speech! Free speech!
Me: Since when does loud barking constitute free speech?
MoonCat: Oh, Lady Human, really?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Who Pulled the Plug? – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
KABOOM!
Doodlebug: Who said that?
Sweetie: The humans are acting up again.
Me: Nope. You know a thunderstorm when you hear one. That was a lightning strike very close by.
Sweetie: So humans are not tapping at the windows with their pointy fingers.
Me: That’s heavy rain AND we just lost power.
Sweetie: Turn on the lights and search for it.
Me: No power. No light.
Doodlebug: What about food? Please, Lady Human! Do we have food?
Me: Yes. Your stomachs are fine.
Sweetie: What about the Big Picture Box?
Me: None of that until the electricity comes back on.
MoonCat: Wow! Talk about your off button.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Click Bait – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: So boring. Wait! Wow! What is that?
Me: What is what?
Sweetie: That right there on the Big Picture Box. Nope. It’s gone. Wait! What’s that? And that? And now that?
Doodlebug: Don’t be so human, Sweetie. Stick with one thing for a while. Wait! Go back to that picture! I’ve got to bark at it.
MoonCat: Where is that off button when you need it?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Getting Carried Away – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: “Romping, romping, romping, see my feet a-tromping, see my toes a-stomping, Yeehah!”
Me: That’s a great song, Sweetie, but you’re getting carried away, aren’t you? You just knocked down the doggie gate.
Sweetie: Getting carried away? Are you going to carry me, Lady Human? Come on and pick me up then. Let’s go!
Me: I meant aren’t you getting a little too excited? And I don’t think I can pick you up. You’re a tad…a tad…
MoonCat: Go ahead, ma’am. Say it. A tadpole she ain’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Off Button – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, somebody set Sweetie’s motor running and now she can’t shut off.
Sweetie: Run over here. Run over there. Run! Run! Run! Everywhere!
Me: Sweetie, turn it down a notch. Or two or three.
Sweetie: Mustn’t stop. It’s time. It’s time.
Me: It’s time for your off button.
Sweetie: Ain’t got one.
Me: Even if I rub this spot right here.
Sweetie: Oooo, you just pushed my button.
MoonCat: Off buttons have the power to change history.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 