Windbags – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, someone is rudely whistling outside, disturbing our peace. Make them stop.

Me: Sorry. I can’t. That’s the wind again.

Doodlebug: Why can’t it blow quietly? I’m trying to nap.

Me: There are all kinds of factors that cause the winds to rise.

Sweetie: I know what causes it. Humans talking. talking, talking all the time with their big flappy mouths. Windbags blowing air everywhere. They need to quiet down.

MoonCat: Oh, that’s right. Only humans are big windbags. Yeah, sure.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Bouncy Branch – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, look out the window. That tree is waving to us!

Me: The wind is shaking that thin branch.

Doodlebug: It’s bouncing up and down. It must be happy. Hey, cats can climb trees. I saw it on the Big Picture Box. Go climb it, MoonCat!

MoonCat: I never climb bouncing trees. Not good cat sense. I think it is nodding in agreement with me that we want the winds to settle down. Just a thought.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Monster Machine – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. LOUD!

Me: Yes, you are.

Sweetie: Not us. Lady Human! Tall Man is pushing around the Monster Machine! LOUDER THAN US!

Baby and Bud: LOUD!

Me: Okay, I’ll shut the door and we’ll wait it out in here. He’s just getting the dust and dirt up. You want that, don’t you?

Sweetie: We’ll keep the dust.

Doodlebug: We’ll keep the dirt.

MoonCat: Yes, dust and dirt are a whole lot quieter, if you forget about the coughing and the sneezing.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Nasal Overwhelm – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Achoo! Snort snort! What is that awful smell?

Sweetie: Lady Human, you are responsible for this mismanagement of our air!

Me: I just spritzed a very small amount of an old cologne I had. I did it completely away from the parakeets to see if it was any good…

Doodlebug: Oh, protect the budgies, but not the bulldogs. Is that it? Our precious noses are millions of times more sensitive than yours!

Me: I’m opening a window to let it out.

Sweetie: And now the world will never be the same.

MoonCat: That window opening option might work on other objectionable odors, say the kind spritzed from bulldogs.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Dancing Feet – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: That two-legged human on the Big Picture Box sure knows how to use his feet.

Me: Yeah, that’s Ray Bolger in an old movie.

Doodlebug: Too bad he didn’t have four feet. Think what he could have done then.

Me: Humans are only allotted two. More than that, we might get into even more trouble.

Sweetie: Can you dance, Lady Human?

Me: Nope. Never have been able to.

Sweetie: I can! Watch! You just move this way and then faster. If you need help, I’ll lend you a couple of my feet.

MoonCat: A generous offer, though a little lopsided.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Fuzzy Humans – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, how come Tall Man has a fuzzy face?

Me: Fuzzy?

Doodlebug: Yeah. He has fuzz covering half his face which is a really good look for a human. Much more bulldogish.

Me: Oh, the beard. Some men grow facial hair and some shave it off. Personal choice.

Sweetie: I’ve always felt sorry for humans with your hairless faces. It must be very cold.

MoonCat: Not if they have a cat cuddler.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Grumbly Blitz of Bulldogs – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: How come you call us a “pack”, Lady Human? I don’t pack anything.

Me: It’s a group name. The name for a group of bulldogs is a “blitz” meaning lightning or a “grumble”of bulldogs, though “grumble” applies to pugs, too.

Doodlebug: Blitz. Cool! That sounds like us. Lightning! Zoom!

Me: But we’re not just bulldogs. We have a cat and parakeets and…me, a human. I count, too. So “pack” is the better term for us.

MoonCat: I prefer “grumble” for bulldogs. Sounds about right. Lightning? Not the bulldogs I know.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

One Track Mind – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human?

Me: Yes?

Sweetie: Treats.

Me: You still have food in your bowl.

Sweetie: Yes, but…

Me: But what?

Sweetie: Treats.

Doodlebug: Now she’s got me thinking about  them. Lady Human?

Me: Yes?

Doodlebug: Treats.

MoonCat: Now we know the topic for the day.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Manicure? Anyone? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you hiding behind your back?

Me: Nothing important.

Doodlebug: I see it. Nail clippers! Run!

Me: Wait, y’all! How about I just clip one toenail each day?

Sweetie: One toenail too many! All we want is for our precious feet to be left alone!

Doodlebug: You know what she will do? She’ll wait until we’re asleep and then she’ll sneak up on us with her sneaky clippers.

MoonCat: Solution? Sleep with feet tucked under and one eye open.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

4 Stops Away – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Your treats are almost here. And mine, too. 4 stops away.

Sweetie: Why are they stopping?

Me: They have other deliveries to make.

Doodlebug: Before us? Not fair!

Sweetie: Let’s run outside and get there first!

Me: And terrify the delivery person with a running bulldog charge? No way.

MoonCat: No one is terrified by a charging sleek, beautiful, charming, graceful, treat-loving feline. I will be happy to greet the treats at the door.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Nitpicking – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, you need to put more food in my bowl.

Me: How much more?

Sweetie: Ten more kibble pieces.

Me: That’s very precise. Why ten?

Sweetie: That’s the perfect number. Please don’t skimp.

Doodlebug: And squirt another mouthful of water in my bowl.

Me: Your water bowl is almost brimfull.

Doodlebug: It doesn’t slosh quite right.

Sweetie: And it needs to be 4° warmer in the house.

Doodlebug: It needs to be 3 degrees cooler.

Me: You don’t even know what a degree is.

MoonCat: Ignore them, Lady Human. Everything is just right. Except my pillow could be 2 inches higher and my tunafish snack should really be salmon this time of day.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

A Piece of Advice – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Okay, before y’all take those toys outside, let me give you a piece of advice.

Sweetie: A piece of advice? Why not give us the whole thing? Does advice taste good?

Doodlebug: Yeah. Give us the whole thing. If it’s good tasting, I don’t want just a little piece.

Sweetie: Wait. Is the advice old? I may not want it. How big is the piece?

MoonCat: Lady Human, are you sure there’s enough advice to go around? We wouldn’t want anyone to miss out.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

The Bar on the Door – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, someone has left a big stick leaning against the door. May I play with it?

Me: No, that stick is not a toy. It’s meant to keep the door shut against the outside world.

Sweetie: Mean ole outside world! Stay outside! Wait. What does “outside world” mean?

Me: All that area beyond the door. All that you see when we ride in the car. Like the park and the highway and…

Doodlebug: The vet.

Sweetie: Yikes! Stay outside, you outside world vet!

MoonCat: And I will stay comfortably inside the barred door.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

I Have an Idea! – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: I have an idea!

Me: Uh-oh.

Sweetie: No. Not an uh-oh idea. A good idea.

Doodlebug: Okay, I’ll bite. What is it? Not that one where we climb the tall fence and chase the stinky truck.

Sweetie: But there’s all those wonderful smells coming from it!

Doodlebug: Nope. Not happening.

Me: Nope. Bad idea.

MoonCat: Not all ideas are worth pursuing. Especially not stinky ones on wheels.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Crowing Contest – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, Roo-Roo the Rooster is showing off again. I’m throwing a piece of my mind at him.

Me: Don’t throw too much.

Roo-Roo: Cockadoodle Doooo!

Sweetie: Cockadoodle Ruff Ruff right back at you! I win!

Doodlebug: That’s not even good nonsense.

MoonCat: Good nonsense. Sounds like something a bulldog would know all about.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Look What the Snow Left Behind – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, the snow left. It marched off into the night.

Me: It kind of melted more than marched.

Sweetie: And after all that drama, what did it leave us? MUD, that’s what.

Me: It did water the earth. And it was beautiful to look at.

Sweetie: MUD! WONDERFUL, MESSY, STOMPABLE MUD! PLAYTIME!

MoonCat: Where is the nice, clean snow when you need it? Pull out all the foot mats, Lady Human. It’s a muddy bulldog world.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Relaxation Tips #2 – Things to Do – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: We are still working on relaxing.

Dooedlebug: Things to do to relax: Stretch out as far as you can, legs, neck, ears and tongue. Especially the tongue. Nothing says relaxed like a floppy bulldog tongue.

Sweetie: Don’t forget to yawn. Then immediately take a nap. You are a bulldog, not a working breed. Use that.

MoonCat: Don’t ever let it be said that bulldogs can’t come up with a plan that involves no work. Relax, everyone.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.