I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, Roo-Roo the Rooster is showing off again. I’m throwing a piece of my mind at him.
Me: Don’t throw too much.
Roo-Roo: Cockadoodle Doooo!
Sweetie: Cockadoodle Ruff Ruff right back at you! I win!
Doodlebug: That’s not even good nonsense.
MoonCat: Good nonsense. Sounds like something a bulldog would know all about.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, the snow left. It marched off into the night.
Me: It kind of melted more than marched.
Sweetie: And after all that drama, what did it leave us? MUD, that’s what.
Me: It did water the earth. And it was beautiful to look at.
Sweetie: MUD! WONDERFUL, MESSY, STOMPABLE MUD! PLAYTIME!
MoonCat: Where is the nice, clean snow when you need it? Pull out all the foot mats, Lady Human. It’s a muddy bulldog world.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
‘Everything has an edge.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We are still working on relaxing.
Dooedlebug: Things to do to relax: Stretch out as far as you can, legs, neck, ears and tongue. Especially the tongue. Nothing says relaxed like a floppy bulldog tongue.
Sweetie: Don’t forget to yawn. Then immediately take a nap. You are a bulldog, not a working breed. Use that.
MoonCat: Don’t ever let it be said that bulldogs can’t come up with a plan that involves no work. Relax, everyone.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: We have decided to relax more. Here are some things we will avoid.
Doodlebug: We do not listen to humans all the time. They do not know what they are talking about and they use words that do not mean what they say. Who needs that?
Sweetie: We try to stay away from human rolling boxes. They move way too fast and usually go to the vet’s office. No fun at all.
Doodlebug: We will continue to ignore clothing, boots, and hats that the humans try to put on us because they think they are cute. Especially hats. No one needs fuzzy bouncy balls attached to their head.
MoonCat: I will relax more by ignoring lists of what bulldogs do to relax more.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard you tell somebody to bite their tongue. That’s not a good idea. That would hurt.
Me: I didn’t mean to literally bite their tongue.
Doodlebug: Oh. Oh. I know! That was a human expression. Words that don’t mean what they say.
Me: Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kind of …
MoonCat: Stupid? Don’t say it, Lady Human. Bite your tongue.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Something is cold.
Sweetie: How did you guess? My nose is cold. So is Doodlebug’s. Warm them up.
Me: You mean like with a sweater or a boot? That wouldn’t really work, would it? How about sticking them under your paws?
Sweetie: Cold noses under cold paws? Really?
MoonCat: How about under a blanket? Unless bulldog noses are just too stubborn and refuse to stay warm.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you never go outside without foot coverings, even when there is no snow or ice.
Me: True.
Sweetie: So where are our foot coverings? Not fair!
Me: I thought that might come up, so I dug your doggy boots out.
Doodlebug: Oh, no! Not those! They are like hard heavy sweaters, only for feet. I kicked them off before. I’ll do it again.
Sweetie: I don’t like the way they look.
MoonCat: They are not a fashion statement. Neither are frostbitten toes.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human.
Me: Yes?
Sweetie: Cold.
Me: Yes.
Sweetie: Do one of those human things to make it better.
Me: Well, we have the heater running. You all have extra blankets. The only other thing I can think of is for me to pull out the…
Sweetie and Doodlebug: NO! NO SWEATERS! NO SWEATERS! NO SWEATERS!
MoonCat: Must not be that cold then.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Don’t stand in one place too long. And wear a real hat.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Cleanup! Outside! Better bring a mop and a great big bucket.
Me: You mean all that cold white stuff on top of everything? Not my circus, not my ice monkeys.
Sweetie: Now that’s not very helpful of you, ma’am. Do you want our precious little paws to get frosty? It sounds to me like laziness.
MoonCat: It sounds to me like it’s a good thing I’m a housecat.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay. Not much in the way of outdoor activities today. Winter is rolling in big time.
Sweetie: Winter? But why? We were doing fine without it.
Me: Just part of the cycle. Remember, for the rest of the day, the outdoor facilities may feel pretty cold.
Doodlebug: How inconvenient! Is there going to be that cold white stuff, too?
Me: They say so.
Sweetie: Well, just who are they? I’d like to have a serious little talk with them.
MoonCat: I have no problem with winter. My facilities are always open.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby and Bud: Tweet. Tweet. (Quiet chattering.)
Me: Hey, Sweetie, Doodle, are your ears burning?
Sweetie: Burning ears! PUT ‘EM OUT! PUT ‘EM OUT!
Me: Not real fire. I mean I think the parakeets are talking about you.
Doodlebug: Lady Human was using a bizarre phrase, one of those sets of words that make no sense.
Sweetie: Well, she needs to stop doing that and speak plainly so a bulldog can understand.
MoonCat: Even without weird human expressions, that may be impossible.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Grrrrr!
Me: No. No. No. What’s going on?
Sweetie: Can’t I growl if I feel like it?
Me: Not without a reason. A growl is a tough noise you share with the world. Why are you growling? Doodlebug isn’t.
Doodlebug: Nope. I’m a pleasant fellow.
Sweetie: Lady Human, don’t you ever feel growly?
Me: Sure. But once you let a growl loose, you can’t take it back. So first, you have to ask yourself, “Why am I throwing a growl around?”
MoonCat: Cats don’t growl like bulldogs, but a hiss can go a long way.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There it is. Now wait for it. Pounce!
Doodlebug: Ugh! Missed it again. Where did it go?
Me: Y’all playing some kind of fun game?
Sweetie: We’re trying to catch a critter, but every time we pounce on it, it’s moved.
Me: Is this critter kind of gray and flat?
Sweetie: Yeah! Do you see it?
Me: It’s your shadow. That’s why it moves when you do.
Doodlebug: I still think we can get it if we perfect our pouncing technique.
MoonCat: I could share my pouncing secrets, but nah.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay. Pay attention. We’re going to calmly walk outside and…
Sweetie: Where’s my chew toy?
Doodlebug: And my throw stick? I need that.
Me: Y’all! Look at me. Pay attention.
Doodlebug: Pay attention? Is that what you do when you hand humans that funny-looking paper and they give you metal discs back?
Me: That’s a different type of paying. Attention means focus. Now focus on me and…
Sweetie: I still need my chew toy.
Doodlebug: And there’s my missing stick to think of. I’ll search over here.
Sweetie: And what time is lunch?
MoonCat: I’m paying attention. Don’t I look like I’m paying attention?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Hello!”
“Stay grounded. You’re less likely to fall over.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Psst, Doodle. What is Lady Human staring at?
Doodlebug: Nothing interesting. Something in one of those books you bumped into.
Sweetie: It looks like those little marks she scratches onto the poor blank paper, only neater.
Doodlebug: Why do humans spend so much time staring at little marks on paper? There are so many other things to stare at.
Sweetie: Like food.
Doodlebug: And more food.
MoonCat: Priorities.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, someone is whistling loudly outside the window. It’s annoying when I’m trying to think my own thoughts. Make them stop.
Me: That’s the wind. A cold front is moving in.
Doodlebug: Why does it have to make so much noise? It’s bad enough that it’s made my nose cold.
Me: I don’t believe the wind did that on its own.
Sweetie: Cold or not, I prefer silence.
MoonCat: I prefer silence, too. From bulldogs, but I don’t get it. I simply cover my ears. That works for whistling winds, too.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Ears are important, Lady Human.
Me: Yes, they are. Not just having them, but using them.
Sweetie: Do you use your ears?
Me: Yes. A lot. Sometimes. Maybe not.
Doodlebug: Perk ’em up, ma’am. We have a list of demands.
MoonCat: Don’t perk ’em up too much. Bulldog demands can be long and extremely loud. In fact, I think I’ll tuck mine down.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 