Paper Staring – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Doodle, what should we do? Lady Human is staring at paper again. She should be looking at us.

Doodlebug: She calls it ‘reading’. It makes no sense to me. She doesn’t eat it. She doesn’t sniff it or play with it. She doesn’t talk to it.

MoonCat: It makes no sense to me either, but I heard her say once that the words on the paper speak to her. Let’s leave her alone.  She’ll quit when the paper gets boring.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Pumpkins with Faces – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, Tall Man and Little Human are doing something in the kitchen.

Sweetie: Something that involves one of those big round orange things that humans set outside.

Me: They are painting a face on a pumpkin.

Sweetie: Too weird.

Doodlebug: Why do humans waste their time painting on things they are supposed to eat?

MoonCat: I have to say I’m with the bulldogs on this one.

©️ 2026. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Running Late – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Daylight!

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s the deal, Lady Human?

Me: Deal?

Sweetie: Where’s breakfast?

Me: It’s at 7 a.m. like always.

Sweetie: My stomach says it’s late.

Me: We had a time change. What used to say 7 a.m. on the clock, now says 6 a.m. We go by the clock to keep track of things.

Doodlebug: So we have to wait until your silly clocks say 7?

MoonCat: What if the silly clocks stopped working and never said 7?

Baby and Bud: We have our food, so everything’s okay. Acckk!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stinky Feet – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Eeeww! What is that smell?

Me: I put some ointment on my feet.

Sweetie: Stinky feet! Stinky feet! Throw them away!

Me: I can’t. They are attached to the rest of me. If I were a bulldog, I wouldn’t be calling anyone else’s feet stinky.

MoonCat: Good point, Lady Human. Still, you might want to cover yours up for now. Consider the budgies’ tiny noses.

Baby and Bud: Accckk! Stinky feet!

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.

Built-in Bulldog Bias – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. The chickens are being rude. Again.

Me: They are very opinionated.

Doodlebug: How come?

Me: I don’t know.

Sweetie: I know how that is. I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t like. Hey, that chicken just pecked at me!

MoonCat: She is just like you. You two should start a club. Don’t invite me.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Voting – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde Engkish Bulldogges. Where are you going, Lady Human?

Me: I’m going to vote.

Sweetie: Didn’t you already do that some time back?

Me: Yes, but the time has come around again.

Sweetie: If you had done it right the first time, you wouldn’t have to do it again.

Doodlebug: Yeah, you should be more careful. This voting thing keeps happening.

MoonCat: I have several votes of my own to cast. Secret ballots, not to be shared with the Bulldog Party.

©️ 2026. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved

Why Do Humans Bark? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, aren’t humans supposed to be intelligent?

Me: Supposedly.

Sweetie: Then why do they bark at each other all the time?

Doodlebug: Yeah, bulldogs are smart and we know better than to do that.

MoonCat: Are you comparing bulldogs to humans in the intelligence department? Humans can outbark you every time. Whether their barking is smart or not, I will leave to others to decide.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Not Good for You – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What are you eating, Lady Human? I’ll have some, please

Me: No, it has chocolate in it. Bad for you.

Sweetie: Is that another made-up human rule to keep us from having fun?

Me: Nope. “Bad for you” means it will make you sick and that is not fun.

MoonCat: May I have…?

Me: No. Same reason.

MoonCat: I was going to ask if I may have a healthy, nutritious, non-chocolate cat snack before I was so rudely cut off. Hmmmph.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Watch Where You Stick Your Head – Conversation with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Emergency!

Me: Where? What?

Sweetie: A headless chicken is dancing by that wire fence.

Me: No, not headless. Head stuck. Here, let me move this…there. What were you doing, silly? There’s never any food back there.

Doodlebug: Chickens are dumb.

Sweetie: Yeah, no bulldog would ever do something silly dumb like that.

MoonCat: Mmmm! Where did I put my list?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Let’s All Bark Together – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Ma’am, I’m tired of caterwauling and catcalling and turning cattywampus and headed cattycornered.  Can we all have a good old-fashioned dog bark?

Me: Sure. Why not?

Sweetie: Just barking, all saying the same thing, all at the same time.

Me: Let’s do it. Everybody saying the same thing.

Doodlebug: And everybody stay in tune.

MoonCat: Forgive me if I sit this one out. No matter how hard I try, which I don’t, I simply cannot pull off a bulldog baritone.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Stop the Caterwauling! – Conversations with the Big Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, the humans are yelling again, hurting my ears!

Me: Mine, too! I’ve never heard such caterwauling. I’m turning it off.

Sweetie: Another bad cat habit picked up by humans.

Baby and Bud: AACCCKK! AACCCKK!

Doodlebug: Now the birds are doing it.

MoonCat: I never caterwaul. It’s beneath my dignity. Too bad the same can’t be said of humans.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Cat Calls – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, the Picture Box people are mad because a cat called them. If a cat called me, I’d probably be mad, too.

Me: They’re describing a certain rude human behavior as catcalling. It has not a thing to do with real cats.

Sweetie: There go the humans talking about cats again! Dogs can make rude calls, too!

MoonCat: Why do humans blame their own bad behavior on cats? As for me, I never make random, anonymous calls. I have better manners than that.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Catty Cornered – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why so many cat words? Catty cornered?

Me: Catty cornered has nothing to do with cats. It’s about diagonal positions, not cats.

Sweetie: Then why not say “doggy cornered”?

MoonCat: Give us our due. Humans like to talk about us even when they’re not talking about us.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Cats and Their Boxes – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Sweetie: Lady Human, why do cats have boxes?

Me: They like them. They feel comfortable with them.

Doodlebug: Why don’t we have boxes?

Me: You’ve never been interested.

Sweetie: We could get interested. How about getting us a bathroom box?

MoonCat: Is there a litterbox in the whole world big enough for a bulldog? Stick with the great outdoors.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Everything’s Gone Cattywampus – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.

Me: Look at this mess!

Sweetie: Okay.

Doodlebug: I’m looking.

Me: This whole thing has gone cattywampus and I don’t know how to fix it.

Sweetie: Catty what?

Doodlebug: Wampus where?

Me: Messed up. Fouled up. Not right at all.

MoonCat: This catty didn’t do it and my wampus is just fine, thank you.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Why Do Humans Play with Fire? – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why did you all set that cake on fire?

Me: Birthday party.

Sweetie: So? Why be mean to a cake?

Me: We didn’t burn the cake. The candles are just a tradition. A celebration.

Sweetie: Like when you shoot fire into the air to blow up the sky?

Me: Well, yeah.

MoonCat: The humans are crazy. Hide the matches.

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Turn the Air Conditioner Off – Conversations with the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, turn the cold box off.

Sweetie: Yeah, enough is enough already.

Me: A/C’s not on.

Sweetie: Where’s the cold coming from?

Me: The outside.

Doodlebug: Does the sky have a great big cold box in it? Why didn’t it turn on during the hot days?

Me: This is that seasonal change that happens at the same time every year. The air will be cooler now for awhile.

MoonCat:  I think it would be better if we had our own buttons to turn the cold off and on in the sky. What could possibly go wrong with that?

©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.