“It’s SUMMER. Again. Right on time. Just like every year. So…wear your hat.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill.All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Steamy
On the Tip of My Tongue – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Bluh! Lahdee Hooma!
Me: Ew! What’s on the end of your tongue? Hold still. Yuck!
Sweetie: Was it something I wanted?
Me: Apparently. At some point. I guess it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Doodlebug: Can I have it?
Me: No. We throw yuck stuff away.
MoonCat: I’ll just keep the tip of my tongue to myself.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Don’t Stop Up Your Ears – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Mmm..maah…mmm…
Doodlebug: I think she’s gone deaf.
Sweetie: She’s stuck big white kibbles in her ears with strings hanging off them. Why would anybody do that?
Doodlebug: LADY HUMAN!
Sweetie: I’ll step on her foot.
Me: Hey!
Sweetie: There she is.
Me: I was listening to music.
Sweetie: Now we know what the white kibbles and the long neck strings are doing.
MoonCat: Yes, they provide selective hearing to humans with bulldogs.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Squirrelly – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, a squirrel is acting squirrelly.
Me: Isn’t that as it should be?
Doodlebug: It’s picking seeds out of a big sunflower’s face. It’s not allowed to do that. What about us?
Me: We’re fine. Let the squirrel share.
Sweetie: But it’s climbed up a flower stalk that is as tall as a human!
MoonCat: Squirrelly would be if it didn’t climb up and grab those seeds. Tall sunflower equals short tree.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Harrumph! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Harrumph!
Me: I beg your pardon?
Sweetie: Harrumph! I think I made myself clear.
Me: What are you harrumphing about?
Doodlebug: Nothing. She’s making noise. That’s all. If she makes enough noise, you may give her a treat.
MoonCat: So that’s the secret! I need to practice my harrumph, though no one harrumphs quite as well as a bulldog.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Spitting Nickels – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. What’s the matter, Lady Human?
Me: I’m so mad I could spit nickels.
Sweetie: I want to spit nickels. What are nickels?
Me: Just little round metal coins. Worth about 5 cents apiece.
Sweetie: You can spit human money? COOL!
Doodlebug: You are more talented than I thought!
Sweetie: You should just stay mad all the time. Think how much money you’d have and how many treats you could buy us.
MoonCat: Treats enough for all of us? That would take quite a bit of spitting.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Sky Is Still There – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: (singing) Ohhh, say can you see, The sky is still there, Even after the humans tried to blow it to pieces…
Me: Very nice, but not exactly accurate. And you’ll be happy to know that the fireworks are over for now.
Doodlebug: Our prayer was answered. I don’t even notice any holes.
Me: No. No holes. Breathe it in.
MoonCat: A whole sky is a nice thing to have around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Toehold
“Some places are just too narrow.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
You Ain’t Heard Nothin’ Yet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What were the humans up to last night, Lady Human?
Me: Oh, the fireworks?
Doodlebug: The big boom-booms.
Sweetie: Oh, no! Y’all were trying to blow up the sky again.
Me: It’s a celebration. And today is the big day. If you thought last night was loud, you ain’t heard nothin’ yet.
Doodlebug: Great Creator of all, please keep the sky where You put it.
Sweetie: Yes, please! The humans are up to their foolishness again!
MoonCat: I think the bulldogs give humans a little too much credit. After all these years, the sky is still here.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Peeking Parakeets – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. The parakeets are being sneaky.
Sweetie: Yeah, they’re looking at us from behind closed eyelids.
Baby and Bud: Peek peek peek. We see you.
MoonCat: Let’s have a peeking contest. I wonder who will win.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Don’t Just Sit There – Conversations with Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, what are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
Sweetie: Exactly. You should be doing something. You are a human. Always be doing.
Me: It’s a fine thing to sit still and be quiet.
Doodlebug: No, it’s not. Not for a human. Sitting and doing nothing is only for us.
MoonCat: I say all humans should have the right to sit freely, except when that right delays my supper.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Power Connections – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, how come you are playing with skinny ropes?
Sweetie: Yeah, and how come you’re sticking the skinny rope ends in the wall?
Me: Electricity. I have to plug the cords in so the power will flow.
Sweetie: I don’t see a flow. Maybe you need a water hose from outside.
Me: Nope! Definitely not! Water and electricity don’t live together in peace.
MoonCat: Some things just don’t play well together. Ask me how I know.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Mind Your Own Business – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: What is that I feel pushing its way under my arm?
Sweetie: It might be my big ole bulldog nose.
Me: Why?
Sweetie: Smelling what’s going on.
Doodlebug: May I be of assistance, ma’am?
Me: Nope. I am working on something electrical that has no bulldog connection.
Doodlebug: I want to see!
Sweetie: Me, too! I’ve already smelled it.
Me: Sometimes it’s better, safer even, to mind your own business.
Doodlebug: I’ve already done my business.
Sweetie: Yeah, me, too. I want to get into somebody else’s business.
MoonCat: Oh, mercy.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Motor Feet – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Sweetie, where are you running to?
Sweetie: Nowhere. My feet just go where they want. They’re on their own.
Me: Not so. Your feet go where you tell them to.
Sweetie: I’ve never said a word to my feet in our whole lives together. My feet are like the big rolling box. We jump in and it takes us wherever it wants to.
Me: Again, not so. I have to steer the car and step on the gas.
Doodlebug: My feet are lazy. They follow my nose when my nose is awake.
MoonCat: Let me be perfectly clear. My own personal feet are under my complete control at all times. Who would you rather have loose in your house?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Bye Bye, Snow Hat
” Bye bye, Snow Hat. See you next year.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Stay Watered Up – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you stayed outside in the sun too long.
Me: Maybe.
Sweetie: You need some water.
Me: Probably.
Sweetie: Here. Have some of mine. I’ll push it over to you.
Me: No, that’s okay. I’ll get some in a minute.
Doodlebug: Don’t wait. Here is my bowl, too. Drink all you want.
MoonCat: Go ahead, ma’am. Bulldog water bowls always come loaded with extras though. I’d offer you mine, but your head is way too big.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sit Down! That’s an Order! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you look funny. Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, I think so. I just need to breathe…
Doodlebug: Sit down, ma’am! That’s an order! I am the King, like I told you.
Me: All right. Sitting down. Breathing.
Sweetie: You don’t look so funny anymore.
MoonCat: If sitting and breathing could get rid of funny-looking, that’s what bulldogs should do all the time.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Speak Real Words – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you and the other humans have been making up words. Again.
Me: We do come up with new words for new things or ideas
Doodlebug: We want real words.
Me: Give me some examples of “real words”.
Sweetie: Dog. Bulldog. Food. Water. Bulldog.
Me: You mentioned “bulldog” twice.
Sweetie: It’s twice as important.
MoonCat: And you mentioned “cat” not at all. Nice to know where we rank in the bulldog kingdom.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Meeting of Minds – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I heard the chickens talking. I think they are planning something.
Me: What could they possibly be planning that would bother y’all?
Doodlebug: They could sneak up and jump on our backs and ride us the way cowboys ride horses.
Me: I’m not saying impossible. I will say unlikely.
Sweetie: You never can tell with chickens. They’re sneaky little boogers. If they’re meeting, they’re plotting.
MoonCat: I find chickens to be sociable, intelligent, and companionable creatures. I also find them to be sneaky little boogers.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Pecking in the Dirt – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. That other fella is Roo-Roo the Rooster. He is not a bulldog.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come he keeps hitting the dirt with his pointy mouth?
Me: He’s looking for something to eat.
Doodlebug: But those big food bowls are right over there. Why work so hard to find nothing?
Me: There’s always hope.
MoonCat: You will never find tunafish by pecking in the dirt. Just saving you some time. You’re welcome.
©️ 2026. H J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 