I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. LADY HUMAN!
Me: What’s wrong?
Stella: It’s HORRIBLE! No, no, calm down, Lady Human!
Me: I’m not the one who needs calming down, girl. What’s the matter?
Stella: THAT! Shhh! Don’t let it hear you! It’s a MONSTER!!!
Me: Oh, it’s all right. That a Texas Spiny Lizard. She lives in the yard, has for quite a few months now. I call her Little Buddy. She eats bugs…
Stella: You’ve been letting a monster live here? Have you lost your mind?
Me: She may look like a dinosaur, but she won’t get any bigger than a foot long and she won’t hurt any of us. We aren’t bugs.
Stella: Speak for yourself! How do you know she won’t take one look at me and think ‘Oh, there’s a big fat bug for my supper. Let me take a chunk out of that.’ Hmmm?
Me: Well, for one thing, she’s already run off. Now, if she were 10 feet long and peaking over the fence, we might have cause for concern, but Little Buddy will never get anywhere near that big…
Stella: Lady Human, stop giving pet names to monsters! Unless that name is MONSTER!
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