I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Watch out! Sharp pointy mouths are running around.
Me: They always are. I try not to listen.
Sweetie: Chicken pointy mouths, Lady Human! Humans don’t have sharp pointy mouths.
Me: Oh, yes, we do.
MoonCat: Just wait, ma’am, until one of those pointy chicken mouths starts pecking on your bare foot. The difference becomes obvious.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I have changed my mind.
Me: Wonders never cease.
Doodlebug: I don’t want a hole in the yard to sit in. I am not a toad. It would be undignified.
Me: Good, because I don’t really want any bulldog-sized sitting holes in the yard.
Sweetie: Nonsense! Comfort before dignity.
MoonCat: Look at my face. Isn’t it obvious? Both.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: If a little ole toad gets to have a hole in the yard, then I should have one, too! A hole of my own.
Me: So you can eat bugs at night?
Sweetie: Bugs? Ew! No!
Me: That’s what the toad does.
Sweetie: Just a hole to sit in while I look at the world.
Doodlebug: If Sweetie gets one, then I get one, too.
MoonCat: They’re going to have to be some monster-sized holes. Lady Human, do we have enough land for that?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there’s something weird going on in the backyard.
Me: There usually is.
Sweetie: Look at that. It’s one of those froggy things sitting in a hole.
Me: Oh, yeah. That’s a toad. Just leave him alone. He’s fine.
Sweetie: It’s a he?
Me: I don’t know and I’m not trying to find out.
Doodlebug: Why is he sitting in a hole?
Me: That’s his special safe place. It’s cooler and there’s plenty to eat.
MoonCat: Everyone should have a special safe space of their own, completely away from me.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“So this is what a toad in a hole looks like.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Coming through!
Me: Nope. Not yet. Stay in the patio until I get this done.
Sweetie: The only time humans shut doors or gates is when there is something fun or interesting or delicious happening on the other side.
Doodlebug: Coming through! Awww. Nothing cool is going on.
Me: No, I was just moving some wooden planks.
Sweetie: I’ll walk the planks. I’ll walk the planks…
Me: No, Sweetie, that’s why I closed the gate.
Doodlebug: I’ll walk them, too. I’ll walk them, too…Walking the planks. Walking the planks…
MoonCat: It must be nice to find joy in every silly thing you run into.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I am so proud of Roo-Roo the Rooster for running off that possum.
Sweetie: We know. We know. You can stop cockadoodling about him now. He cockadoodles about himself all the time.
Me: I just appreciate gumption.
Doodlebug: I’ve got gumption! What is gumption?
Me: You know…like… the courage to stand up for somebody or something that’s right. That takes guts.
Sweetie: We’ve got guts.
Doodlebug: Lots and lots of guts. Looky here.
MoonCat: Whoever would have believed that bulldog guts would be an admirable thing.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Wow! That Roo-Roo is one stand-up rooster. He backed off a possum that had walked into the chicken house. The critter ran off.
Sweetie: I could have done that!
Doodlebug: I sure would have done that! Except I was inside, asleep. But I’m still the King!
MoonCat: I’m glad Roo-Roo takes care of that sort of thing. Possums are not my forte.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that noise you are making with your nose, Lady Human? Is it singing?
Doodlebug: That’s not singing. Singing is supposed to sound sort of good. Lady Human sounds, well, not good.
Me: My nose is stopped up. ACHOO!
Sweetie: Watch out, everybody! Nose explosion!
MoonCat: Well, her nose is not stopped up anymore. Good for her. And yuck.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where did Little Human go?
Me: School.
Sweetie: I want to go to school.
Me: They don’t allow dogs.
Sweetie: Not fair! Wait! Is that where humans learn to make big ugly marks on paper?
Me: Writing, yes.
Doodlebug: And other humans look at the marks and pretend they mean something?
Me: Reading, yes.
Sweetie: Poor little humans.
Doodlebug: Never mind.
MoonCat: We’ll stay here and do something useful like take a nap.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Hey, where’s my snack stash? Did you take it, Doodle? You better not have!
Doodlebug: I don’t need your silly little stash. I’ve got my own big one.
Me: Wait just a minute there. Are y’all stashing treats in here? No! No! No! That invites bugs in!
Doodlebug: I’ve never invited a bug anywhere.
Sweetie: Me neither. Though there was that wasp that followed me in that one day, but she was not invited!
MoonCat: A stash of treats somewhere in the house? Tell me more.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“We have it made in the shade with pink lemonade.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, are you dreaming? You have that kind of look on your face.
Me: More like hankering than dreaming. I’m wanting some flavored popcorn.
Sweetie: Me, too! I’m hankering, too!
Doodlebug: Is it okay if I hanker after some cheese?
Sweetie: Me, too! Let’s make a list of hankerings!
MoonCat: Everyone take a seat and get comfortable. This may take awhile. Add tunafish to my column.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Sweetie? What are you doing with your mouth?
Sweetie: Nnnuf nnn.
Me: Is something wrong with your lip?
Sweetie: Nnnn.
Doodlebug: She’s trying to be quieter.
Me: By biting your lip?
Sweetie: Ma eee.
Me: You can just close your mouth or pant without verbalizing.
MoonCat: Could we maybe have just a few more minutes of the bite your lip thing? We can all do it. So restful.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You should stay a human, Lady Human. No more funny old bird nonsense. You don’t have the wings. You don’t have the feathers.
Me: We use the word “bird” sometimes to mean something weird.
Baby and Bud: Oh, so humans think birds are weird. Well, same to you!
Me: No, we think birds are fine. We think we are weird. Sometimes. Now and again. On certain days.
MoonCat: Are you weird, ma’am? I just assumed you were being human.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. If you are a funny old bird as you say, Lady Human, where are your wings?
Me: I didn’t get that part of the equipment.
Sweetie: Good! At least, you can’t just fly off and you don’t shed feathers like the messy budgies.
Baby and Bud: Hey! A bulldog can’t call a budgie messy! Ackk!
MoonCat: You don’t really think you’re a bird, do you, ma’am? ‘Cause if you do, we’re ALL in a world of trouble. Just sit in a human chair and calm down for a while.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Why are you staring at the sky, Lady Human? Is there a storm coming?
Me: Almost always, but I was just thinking. I’m a funny old bird.
Sweetie: Stop that thinking again, ma’am. You know it causes nothing but trouble.
Doodlebug: She does have two legs like a bird.
MoonCat: By that reasoning, I have four legs, so I must be an elephant. Better watch out.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. After the other day’s food fiasco, I have called a meeting to…
Sweetie: To guarantee the quality of all our food and treats. These matters must not be left in human hands any longer. All food will be inspected and approved by me.
Doodlebug: Why you?
Sweetie: My food.
Doodlebug: Mine, too!
Sweetie: Mine first!
MoonCat: To guarantee food quality, won’t we have to guarantee that there’s food? Don’t the humans do that?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Sometimes bulldogs just won’t move on their own. Get help.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Ew! Take it away! You call that food?
Me: Well, yeah, it is food.
Doodlebug: It has the smell of that crumbly stuff on the edge of metal.
Me: Rust? I guarantee there is no rust in this and no metal. At least, none that I put in there.
Sweetie: My delicate nose is horrified.
MoonCat: Don’t worry, Lady Human. You can’t help it that you don’t have a delicate, horrified nose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 