I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Wee! Look at me!
Me: Well played, Sweetie! I had no idea you could kick a ball with your foot.
Sweetie: Like those humans on the Big Picture Box, except I’ve got 4 feet! Think how much damage I could do!
Doodlebug: Nose bumping is the only legal way to move a ball.
MoonCat: Round things like balls should not be kicked. They should only be gently rolled. Anything else is uncivilized.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I’m taking a nap all day long today.
Doodlebug: Yeah. Me, too. We’re not going on another outing, are we?
Me: No, not today. Maybe when the weather gets a little cooler.
MoonCat: Fine. Send me a postcard.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why are we going in the rolling box?
Me: Just a little outing.
Doodlebug: What are all these rolling boxes around us? They are huge. And they’re so close.
Me: Traffic. Lots of people in town this week.
Sweetie: But why our town? Hey, humans! Go home!
Me: Now that’s kind of rude.
Sweetie: We’re not the ones traipsing around someone else’s property. Go home, traipsers!
MoonCat: I was invited to go, but I opted to stay home. Now you see why.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you making the “ermmm” noise over and over again?
Me: Ermmm! I’m trying to enter this information and it’s not working.
Sweetie: Ermmm! I hate when that happens. Try stomping on it with both feet.
Me: I don’t think that will help. I’m pressing this button and that one over and over again and nothing works.
MoonCat: You mean humans made something that doesn’t work? Don’t answer that. I already know. Ermmm! Try stomping on it with both feet. It won’t help, but you may feel better.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I ‘m sitting right here. Nobody tells me when to move.
Me: You’ll want to move when that lawn mower gets close.
Sweetie: Aw, that thing doesn’t scare us. It just cuts the long-haired grass and throws rocks and little sticks around…and makes the worst noise ever and…RUN!
MoonCat: If you see it coming, just amble away. No running required.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What are you doing, Lady Human?
Me: I’m running late. That’s what I’m doing.
Doodlebug: But you’re not running.
Sweetie: And what is “late”? Is this one of those human clock words? Why don’t you give all those up?
Doodlebug: Yeah, be like us. You’re not late so long as our stomachs aren’t rumbling.
MoonCat: Yes, forget all else. Bulldog stomachs come first at all times.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Some things are worth the wait.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, my fan is not working.
Me: Nothing’s working. Power went out.
Sweetie: Call it back in. I need my fan.
Me: The electricity is off. The power company is working on it.
Sweetie: But my fan isn’t turning. Blow on it, ma’am. You have lots of air.
MoonCat: Fans and electricity. You only think about them when they’re gone.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what do you mean our neighbor had her shed broken into?
Me: I mean somebody broke the lock on her shed and rummaged around inside.
Doodlebug: Did a bulldog do it? Cuz I’ll teach ’em not to!
Me: I seriously doubt that a dog was responsible.
Sweetie: We have to stand guard.
Me: Thanks for the offer, but y’all aren’t staying outside all night.
Sweetie: Not all night, ma’am. Just when the shed breaker comes.
MoonCat: Yep, that’ll work. Set the clock.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, look, look, look!
Sweetie: That huge tree is taking a nap over there.
Me: Oh, no. The neighbor’s tree fell. But it didn’t hit their house or anything else from the looks of it.
Sweetie: Why did it take a nap now? It never has before.
Me: I don’t know. No wind. No storm.
Doodlebug: Sometimes you just have to lie down and rest.
MoonCat: I make a regular habit of it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why do humans throw their arms around things and squeeze them? It’s not very pleasant.
Me: We hug people and animals to show affection and comfort, a connection, support. How do you feel if I put my arms around you like this?
Sweetie: Trapped.
Doodlebug: You’re okay, Sweetie. I’m watching your back. No threat detected.
MoonCat: Just so we’re clear, Lady Human, don’t even think about it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stop sitting on my stuffie toy! You’ve got your own!
Sweetie: Who says I’m sitting on your toy?
Me: I do. You may have a large posterior, but I can see the edge of the toy sticking out from under you.
Sweetie: Please don’t interfere, Lady Human.
Me: Human in charge. Not interfering. Doing my job.
Sweetie: Spoil sport.
MoonCat: My sympathy goes to the poor ole stuffie. Can you imagine being sat on by a bulldog? Agghh, the horror!
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: You’re doing it again, both of you. The Sit and Stare. I don’t mind as long as there’s no biting.
Sweetie: But sometimes Doodle looks at me with that look in his eyes and I get so mad that I have to…
Me: No, you don’t! I sit and stare at you both all the time. Is that all right?
Doodlebug: Sure.
Sweetie: Always.
Me: Do you ever feel like biting my face?
Doodlebug: Nope.
Sweetie: Never.
MoonCat: You don’t have a bulldog face or stare, Lady Human. Be grateful.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Bathe while the sun shines.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Here I am.
Me: Yep.
Sweetie: Sitting here.
Me: I can see that.
Sweetie: Nothing going on.
Me: Not much anyway.
Sweetie: BORED!
Me: Bored out of your gourd?
Doodlebug: What’s a gourd? Can I have one to be bored out of?
MoonCat: I’ll take a side of calm with my serving of boredom. You can keep the gourd.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, about that poem “To a Mouse” you talked about, can mice read those ink scratches humans make on paper? ‘Cause I can’t and it’s not fair if they can.
Me: No, mice are as illiterate as bulldogs. You haven’t missed out.
Sweetie: That’s good! No mouse can ever be one up on a bulldog.
MoonCat: Yeah, I lay around all the time worrying about being one upped by a mouse. It’s one of my great fears in life.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, part of the tiny house fell off! Fix it! Fix it!
Me: The shed? Yeah, we have to put that right. Well, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”, as a famous poet once said.
Sweetie: Was that a human? Sounds like it.
Me: Yeah, a Scottish man named Robert Burns wrote a poem entitled “To a Mouse”.
Sweetie: That causes problems. Never talk to mice. And never ever write to them.
Doodlebug: Of course mice plans go wrong. And as for humans…well…there’s that shed.
MoonCat: I wouldn’t pick on mice or humans too much, bulldogs. There’s plenty of “awry” to go around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Whoa! It’s sweltering out there. I’m going to sit in here and do nothing.
Sweetie: You do that all the time anyway. Why is today different?
Me: As I said, I’m sweltering.
Sweetie: There! You are doing something! Congratulations, Lady Human!
MoonCat: However, sweltering is a low level activity.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, your face is all shiny.
Me: Is it?
Doodlebug: Yeah, it’s kind of drippy, too.
Me: It’s pretty hot outside.
Sweetie: So the sun shines and makes your face shine.
Me: Sort of. Not in the same way though. Mine is sweat.
Sweetie: Ew. Yuck. Get rid of it.
Doodlebug: Wipe it off.
MoonCat: And here I thought you were trying a new facial cream.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come MoonCat can walk around on top of everything in the house and we can’t hardly get on a cushion?
Me: Y’all do fine getting on chairs. It’s just that MoonCat is lighter and more flexible.
Doodlebug: We have big flat feet. She walks on her tiptoes.
MoonCat: Like a ballerina. Allow me to take a bow.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 