“When sleepytime comes, SLEEP! Ignore the loud mouths.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Sleepytime
Freshness Guarantee – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Yuck!
Sweetie: Something is wrong in our bowls.
Doodlebug: Yeah. Yuck. Stale and stinky. Your job, Lady Human.
Me: They look fine.
Sweetie: Looks don’t count. Smell them.
Me: No, thank you. All you talk about lately is food. I’ll get you something different.
MoonCat: That is the appropriate response.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Food Smacking Good – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human? Hint, hint.
Me: I know. It’s just about eating time again.
Sweetie: Notice how ready my mouth is.
Me: No drooling on the floor. Wait for your bowl.
MoonCat: Once the food smacking starts, it’s too late. Watch your step.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Running on Empty – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You look tired, Lady Human. Didn’t you sleep well? We did.
Me: I’m trying a change in my diet and I haven’t eaten yet today.
Doodlebug: Diet? That sounds like a bad word.
Me: No, diet just has to do with the food you eat.
Sweetie: FOOD! FOOD! FOOD! FOOD!
MoonCat: Uh-oh! Now you’ve flipped that switch on.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Fine Print – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What’s that, Lady Human?
Me: I don’t see anything.
Doodlebug: An animal stepped there. Can’t you smell it?
Me: No, fine-tuned scenting is not my specialty. Oh, I see it now. Probably a stray cat walked through here.
MoonCat: What humans call “reading the fine print”.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Knock Knock Knocking – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. WHO’S THERE?
Sweetie: Lady Human, please stop that human from using their knuckles the wrong way.
Me: What is going on? That’s about 25 knocks. No! I’m not opening to a stranger!
Sweetie: I can use my knuckles on them.
Me: No, if they have legitimate business, they can call or leave a note.
MoonCat: Waking me up from my nap! I would like to leave them a note! Wait until they see what I write my notes with.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Hitting a Snag – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, please tell Bud the Budgie to yell quieter.
Me: He is sounding insistent, isn’t he? What is it, Bud? Oh, Baby has caught a toenail on the cloth curtain. Here. Let me just…
Doodlebug: She’s free!
Me: Thank you for the heads up, Bud. Manicure time.
Sweetie: Nope.
Doodlebug: No way.
MoonCat: Oh, all right. I promise I won’t clip you too close.
©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – In Plain Sight
“Always walk with your eyes open. Avoid as many bad surprises as possible.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Feather on My Pen – Conversations with the Big Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, your writing stick is fuzzy.
Me: I just noticed that. There’s a little budgie feather stuck on the nib.
Sweetie: Baby and Bud, you have been careless with your feathers again.
Baby: We didn’t need it…
Bud: So we threw it away.
MoonCat: Welcome to Fall. As in feathers do fall. More to come.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Crick in the Neck – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, your head is sitting weird on your body.
Me: Something weird? Then everything’s normal.
Doodlebug: Is your head leaning because it’s too heavy? Because mine is.
Me: I’ve got a crick in my neck.
Sweetie: One of those singing bugs? Let me at him!
MoonCat: A bulldog jumping on your neck? Just say ‘no’, ma’am. That won’t help cricks or crickets.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Money Hugging Humans – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you and Tall Man were talking, talking, talking about that stuff you call ‘money’.
Me: Yeah, it’s a big subject.
Doodlebug: Yeah, you carry it in your hands and clothes everywhere. You and money are very close.
Sweetie: How come? Can you eat it?
Me: No, but you can buy stuff to eat with it. And stuff to wear. And stuff to play with. And places to live. And things to drive. And…
Sweetie: Can we have some?
Me: No. Mine. All mine.
MoonCat: Oh, my. The humans are in love.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Wandering Mind – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human…Lady Human?
Doodlebug: Put your foot on her.
Sweetie: LADY HUMAN!
Me: Oh, sorry. I was somewhere else.
Doodlebug: No, you were right here in front of us. We saw you.
Me: I mean my mind was wandering.
Sweetie: Then let’s hurry and go find it. It needs to come home.
MoonCat: Maybe put a leash on it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Our Precious Junk – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, somebody took a bunch of our stuff from the outside back and piled it on the outside front.
Sweetie: Yeah, our precious stuff.
Me: That’s junk for the big trash truck to take away.
Sweetie: Our precious junk.
Me: It’s old. It’s broken. It’s rusty.
MoonCat: But Lady Human, just because something is old, broken, and rusty doesn’t mean it’s not precious.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Delivery Guy Games – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The delivery guy! He’s here! He’s here! Time to play!
Doodlebug: Let’s give him a big, bulldog welcome! The louder, the better!
Me: No, no, no! He’s just doing his job. Give the poor guy a break.
Sweetie: Okay, what do you want us to break?
MoonCat: Bad bulldog habits.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Swing High
“Swing high, but leave yourself a soft place to land.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Kick Up a Storm – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Wee! Look at me!
Me: Well played, Sweetie! I had no idea you could kick a ball with your foot.
Sweetie: Like those humans on the Big Picture Box, except I’ve got 4 feet! Think how much damage I could do!
Doodlebug: Nose bumping is the only legal way to move a ball.
MoonCat: Round things like balls should not be kicked. They should only be gently rolled. Anything else is uncivilized.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Homebodies – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I’m taking a nap all day long today.
Doodlebug: Yeah. Me, too. We’re not going on another outing, are we?
Me: No, not today. Maybe when the weather gets a little cooler.
MoonCat: Fine. Send me a postcard.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Just a Little Outing – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why are we going in the rolling box?
Me: Just a little outing.
Doodlebug: What are all these rolling boxes around us? They are huge. And they’re so close.
Me: Traffic. Lots of people in town this week.
Sweetie: But why our town? Hey, humans! Go home!
Me: Now that’s kind of rude.
Sweetie: We’re not the ones traipsing around someone else’s property. Go home, traipsers!
MoonCat: I was invited to go, but I opted to stay home. Now you see why.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The “Ermmm” Noise – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, why are you making the “ermmm” noise over and over again?
Me: Ermmm! I’m trying to enter this information and it’s not working.
Sweetie: Ermmm! I hate when that happens. Try stomping on it with both feet.
Me: I don’t think that will help. I’m pressing this button and that one over and over again and nothing works.
MoonCat: You mean humans made something that doesn’t work? Don’t answer that. I already know. Ermmm! Try stomping on it with both feet. It won’t help, but you may feel better.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Knowing When to Run – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. I ‘m sitting right here. Nobody tells me when to move.
Me: You’ll want to move when that lawn mower gets close.
Sweetie: Aw, that thing doesn’t scare us. It just cuts the long-haired grass and throws rocks and little sticks around…and makes the worst noise ever and…RUN!
MoonCat: If you see it coming, just amble away. No running required.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
