I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, do you still have a hitch in your get-along?
Me: I’m better, but something is still out of kilter.
Doodlebug: If you’re out of it, you should get some more kilter. Will the food store deliver it, because I have a few things on my list.
Me: “Out of kilter” means something is not quite right.
MoonCat: I don’t have any tunafish. Put that on the “out of kilter” list.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Hold on a minute, Sweetie! What’s that in your mouth?
Sweetie: Hmmmm?
Doodlebug: That’s from that paper pile you threw by the trash can.
Me: That’s junk mail.
Sweetie: Smells pretty good to be junk.
Me: It’s paper and that’s a problem.
Doodlebug: No problem at all, Lady Human. We’ll take it from here.
MoonCat: Don’t look at me. I have better taste than that.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you’re walking slow and lopsided today.
Me: Yeah, I’ve got a hitch in my get-along.
Sweetie: Great! May I have one, too?
Me: I don’t believe you want one of these. Besides, it’s not something that I can give away.
Doodlebug: There go the humans being stingy again.
MoonCat: Some gifts just aren’t worth the trouble.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Everyone knows where you’ve been.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Up there. On top of that tall thing. I want up there.
Me: There’s nothing for you up there.
Sweetie: How do I know without looking? Give me a boost.
Doodlebug: Yeah, give me a boost, too.
Me: 75 to 80 pounds each? I don’t think so.
MoonCat: Another advantage of cathood. No boosts needed.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay. y’all, let’s not waste food. It’s not chicken feed, you know.
Sweetie: It had better not be chicken feed. Do I look like a chicken?
Doodlebug: Wait! What does chicken feed taste like? The chickens seem to enjoy it. Maybe…
Me: Nope. Dog food for dogs. I was using an old expression because chicken feed used to be cheap.
Doodlebug: So we can waste it.
MoonCat: Someone is missing the whole point. Ohhh, bulldogs. My, oh my.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, my tail is…is…stumpy. I can’t do anything with it.
Me: You can wag it.
Sweetie: Mine is stumpy, too. I can’t even whack anybody in the face with it.
Me: Do you want to?
Sweetie: Sure.
MoonCat: Face whacking with my tail. You just opened up a whole world of possibilities for me.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, the doors are opening and closing too much.
Me: But not by themselves. There’s just a lot of coming and going today.
Sweetie: How come? Tall Man is in and out. The Little Human is back and forth. And you, well, you’re sitting pretty still, but there’s all the other backward and forward stuff.
Me: Some days are simply busier than others.
MoonCat: The very reason I never miss an opportunity for a quick nap. Or a medium nap. Or a long nap. I’ll be honest. I nap as much as possible no matter what’s going on. Sound napping policy.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, why did you leave us awhile ago? Were you doing some weird human nonsense? I feel so left out.
Me: I went to vote.
Doodlebug: Nobody asked me to do that, whatever it is. Was there food?
Me: It’s a selection process. We make choices by pushing a button. Not something that would interest dogs. Or cats. Or birds…
Sweetie: So something that doesn’t matter then.
Me: I wouldn’t say that.
MoonCat: Something that matters to us, but once again humans control the buttons.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: NOW HEAR THIS!
Me: It’s hard not to.
Sweetie: I hereby declare my bulldog right to freedom of speech!
Doodlebug: Does that mean me, too?
Sweetie: Only when I’m not talking.
MoonCat: That pretty much squeezes the rest of us out.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Thankful for every drop.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Due to the wild, loud bulldog singing yesterday, we are instituting a new house rule. Indoor Voices in the house.
Sweetie: BOOOO!
Doodlebug: Double BOOOO!
MoonCat: Well, that worked, didn’t it?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Tuning up. Here we go. AHHOOOO!
Doodlebug: AHHOOOOHOOO!
Sweetie: Together now!
Doodlebug and Sweetie: AHHOOOO! AHHOOO!
Me: Hold on! Wait just a minute here!
Sweetie: Okay, Lady Human! Just a minute though. We’re all warmed up.
MoonCat: Where’s a cool front when we need it?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human?
Me: Yes?
Sweetie: Something is wrong.
Me: What, pray tell?
Sweetie: It’s too quiet. There’s no wind, the humming kind or the whistling kind, and no loud human machines are roaring or rumbling.
Me: For how many days have you been complaining about too much noise? And now it’s quiet. Do you want the noise back?
Sweetie: Maybe…a little.
Doodlebug: I don’t want it back. Naptime.
MoonCat: No comment. Now it’s quiet.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There’s that humming again outside the kitchen window.
Me: It’s the wind, doing its thing.
Doodlebug: Why can’t its thing be quieter?
Sweetie: First, it was whistling. Now it’s humming. I don’t recognize the song so I can’t even hum along. I know. I’ll hum my own song! That’ll teach that wind a lesson.
MoonCat: What lesson would that be? That bulldogs can’t carry a tune?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Watch out. Stand aside. Coming through.
Me: Well, you could give a little more notice.
Sweetie: Your legs were in my way, Lady Human. I moved them over.
Me: A little politeness goes a long way.
Sweetie: I am a bulldog. Polite is not my middle name. Cuddly, yes. Adorable, yes. Wonderful, yes. Polite just wastes time. Coming back through.
Doodlebug: I’m polite!
MoonCat: Me, too, if extra treats are forthcoming as a result.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Buzzing, Lady Human, loud buzzing! Bees swarming! Watch out!
Me: Not this time, honey. That’s a lawn mower running.
Doodlebug: It’s too annoying. Must be wasps.
Sweetie: On second thought…loud…annoying. Yep. Has to be human.
MoonCat: Yes, blame every noise on the humans. No other species makes loud annoying noises, do they, bulldogs?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
“Awkward but necessary. I wish someone could lend me a hand.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come me and Doodle don’t have long tails?
Me: A century and more of bulldog breeding took that away from y’all. But you can still wag what you’ve got.
Sweetie: Ugh! Humans again, deciding what we can and can’t have! Not fair.
Baby and Bud: Chirrrup! We keep our long tail feathers!
Me: Not all human decisions are…
Doodlebug: Wise?
Sweetie: Intelligent?
Baby and Bud: Good ideas?
Doodlebug: Unselfish?
Sweetie: Well-intentioned?
MoonCat: I think we get the idea. The important thing is that I still have my long, luxurious tail to wave in all your faces.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. BLAH!
Sweetie: BLAH! BLAH!
Me: If “blah” still means what it used to mean, y’all said it in the most excited non-blah way.
Doodlebug: Nothing to do.
Sweetie: Nothing to chew.
Me: Wrong on both counts. Eat. Drink. Walk around. Breathe the air. Take a nap.
MoonCat: Nap. Beat you to it about an hour ago. Nothing blah about a nap.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 