“Bathe while the sun shines.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Sunbath
BORED! – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Here I am.
Me: Yep.
Sweetie: Sitting here.
Me: I can see that.
Sweetie: Nothing going on.
Me: Not much anyway.
Sweetie: BORED!
Me: Bored out of your gourd?
Doodlebug: What’s a gourd? Can I have one to be bored out of?
MoonCat: I’ll take a side of calm with my serving of boredom. You can keep the gourd.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Illiterate Mice – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, about that poem “To a Mouse” you talked about, can mice read those ink scratches humans make on paper? ‘Cause I can’t and it’s not fair if they can.
Me: No, mice are as illiterate as bulldogs. You haven’t missed out.
Sweetie: That’s good! No mouse can ever be one up on a bulldog.
MoonCat: Yeah, I lay around all the time worrying about being one upped by a mouse. It’s one of my great fears in life.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, part of the tiny house fell off! Fix it! Fix it!
Me: The shed? Yeah, we have to put that right. Well, “the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry”, as a famous poet once said.
Sweetie: Was that a human? Sounds like it.
Me: Yeah, a Scottish man named Robert Burns wrote a poem entitled “To a Mouse”.
Sweetie: That causes problems. Never talk to mice. And never ever write to them.
Doodlebug: Of course mice plans go wrong. And as for humans…well…there’s that shed.
MoonCat: I wouldn’t pick on mice or humans too much, bulldogs. There’s plenty of “awry” to go around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Swelter Days – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Whoa! It’s sweltering out there. I’m going to sit in here and do nothing.
Sweetie: You do that all the time anyway. Why is today different?
Me: As I said, I’m sweltering.
Sweetie: There! You are doing something! Congratulations, Lady Human!
MoonCat: However, sweltering is a low level activity.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Shiny Human Faces – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, your face is all shiny.
Me: Is it?
Doodlebug: Yeah, it’s kind of drippy, too.
Me: It’s pretty hot outside.
Sweetie: So the sun shines and makes your face shine.
Me: Sort of. Not in the same way though. Mine is sweat.
Sweetie: Ew. Yuck. Get rid of it.
Doodlebug: Wipe it off.
MoonCat: And here I thought you were trying a new facial cream.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
On Tiptoe – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, how come MoonCat can walk around on top of everything in the house and we can’t hardly get on a cushion?
Me: Y’all do fine getting on chairs. It’s just that MoonCat is lighter and more flexible.
Doodlebug: We have big flat feet. She walks on her tiptoes.
MoonCat: Like a ballerina. Allow me to take a bow.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Our Shade-Casting Tree
“This tree is ours. Please go find your own.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Run Amok – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Whoa! Slow down, y’all! Where are you running in such a hurry?
Sweetie: Running here! Running there! Running, running everywhere!
Me: Yeah, running amok.
Doodlebug: Amok?
Sweetie: Where? Where is Amok?
Doodlebug: I want to run to Amok!
MoonCat: Too late. You’re already there.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Chicken Herders – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stay in line!
Me: Doodle, what are you up to?
Doodlebug: I’m up to doing my duty, ma’am. Chicken herding.
Me: Is Sweetie in on this, too?
Sweetie: I’ve got the easy part. I just sit here. For some reason, the chickens don’t come this way.
MoonCat: I wonder why. Hmmm. No, I don’t really.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Sharp Pointy Mouths – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Watch out! Sharp pointy mouths are running around.
Me: They always are. I try not to listen.
Sweetie: Chicken pointy mouths, Lady Human! Humans don’t have sharp pointy mouths.
Me: Oh, yes, we do.
MoonCat: Just wait, ma’am, until one of those pointy chicken mouths starts pecking on your bare foot. The difference becomes obvious.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldog Dignity – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, I have changed my mind.
Me: Wonders never cease.
Doodlebug: I don’t want a hole in the yard to sit in. I am not a toad. It would be undignified.
Me: Good, because I don’t really want any bulldog-sized sitting holes in the yard.
Sweetie: Nonsense! Comfort before dignity.
MoonCat: Look at my face. Isn’t it obvious? Both.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Hole of My Own – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: If a little ole toad gets to have a hole in the yard, then I should have one, too! A hole of my own.
Me: So you can eat bugs at night?
Sweetie: Bugs? Ew! No!
Me: That’s what the toad does.
Sweetie: Just a hole to sit in while I look at the world.
Doodlebug: If Sweetie gets one, then I get one, too.
MoonCat: They’re going to have to be some monster-sized holes. Lady Human, do we have enough land for that?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Toad in the Hole – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, there’s something weird going on in the backyard.
Me: There usually is.
Sweetie: Look at that. It’s one of those froggy things sitting in a hole.
Me: Oh, yeah. That’s a toad. Just leave him alone. He’s fine.
Sweetie: It’s a he?
Me: I don’t know and I’m not trying to find out.
Doodlebug: Why is he sitting in a hole?
Me: That’s his special safe place. It’s cooler and there’s plenty to eat.
MoonCat: Everyone should have a special safe space of their own, completely away from me.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Welcome to Simpleton – Neighbors in Holes
“So this is what a toad in a hole looks like.”
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Gate Crashers – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Coming through!
Me: Nope. Not yet. Stay in the patio until I get this done.
Sweetie: The only time humans shut doors or gates is when there is something fun or interesting or delicious happening on the other side.
Doodlebug: Coming through! Awww. Nothing cool is going on.
Me: No, I was just moving some wooden planks.
Sweetie: I’ll walk the planks. I’ll walk the planks…
Me: No, Sweetie, that’s why I closed the gate.
Doodlebug: I’ll walk them, too. I’ll walk them, too…Walking the planks. Walking the planks…
MoonCat: It must be nice to find joy in every silly thing you run into.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Gumption – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: I am so proud of Roo-Roo the Rooster for running off that possum.
Sweetie: We know. We know. You can stop cockadoodling about him now. He cockadoodles about himself all the time.
Me: I just appreciate gumption.
Doodlebug: I’ve got gumption! What is gumption?
Me: You know…like… the courage to stand up for somebody or something that’s right. That takes guts.
Sweetie: We’ve got guts.
Doodlebug: Lots and lots of guts. Looky here.
MoonCat: Whoever would have believed that bulldog guts would be an admirable thing.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
A Real Stand-up Guy – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Wow! That Roo-Roo is one stand-up rooster. He backed off a possum that had walked into the chicken house. The critter ran off.
Sweetie: I could have done that!
Doodlebug: I sure would have done that! Except I was inside, asleep. But I’m still the King!
MoonCat: I’m glad Roo-Roo takes care of that sort of thing. Possums are not my forte.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
Snotty – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: What is that noise you are making with your nose, Lady Human? Is it singing?
Doodlebug: That’s not singing. Singing is supposed to sound sort of good. Lady Human sounds, well, not good.
Me: My nose is stopped up. ACHOO!
Sweetie: Watch out, everybody! Nose explosion!
MoonCat: Well, her nose is not stopped up anymore. Good for her. And yuck.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
School – Conversations with the Pack
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where did Little Human go?
Me: School.
Sweetie: I want to go to school.
Me: They don’t allow dogs.
Sweetie: Not fair! Wait! Is that where humans learn to make big ugly marks on paper?
Me: Writing, yes.
Doodlebug: And other humans look at the marks and pretend they mean something?
Me: Reading, yes.
Sweetie: Poor little humans.
Doodlebug: Never mind.
MoonCat: We’ll stay here and do something useful like take a nap.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 