I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde Engkish Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The humans are at it again!
Doodlebug: They are barking into each other’s faces.
Sweetie: How come humans complain about our barking when they are just as loud?
MoonCat: Hand out bark collars all around.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: I heard a big clunk, Lady Human, and now this dark wet stuff is all over the floor. AND I DIDN’T DO IT!
Me: I know you didn’t. Calm down. Tall Man knocked a bottle of cherry juice over. He’s already cleaning it up.
Doodlebug: How come he knocked it? Didn’t he like the cherry juice?
Me: Gravity helped.
Sweetie: Who’s Gravity?
MoonCat: Whoever it is, keep it away from my tunafish.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human! Lady Human!
Me: Yes?
Doodlebug: That took awhile.
Me: I was asleep in case you hadn’t noticed. What’s the need?
Doodlebug: Potty.
Me: Okay…Finished? Okay, back to bed. Good night.
Sweetie: Lady Human!
Me: Oh, no. What now?
Sweetie: Potty.
Me: You couldn’t have gone out when Doodlebug did?
Sweetie: It didn’t occur to me then.
Me: Okay. MoonCat, how about you?
MoonCat: No, thank you. I have my own arrangements for that sort of thing. But…
Me: Yes?
MoonCat: A midnight snack would not go amiss. Tunafish will be acceptable.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The Little Human looks all fancy. How come?
Doodlebug: I am the King and I don’t even have stuff that fancy.
Me: She’s going to a big party. Everybody is dressing up.
Sweetie: I want to dress up!
Doodlebug: I want to dress up!
Me: Okay. I’ll pull out y’all’s sweaters.
Sweetie & Doodlebug: NO SWEATERS!
MoonCat: I heartily concur with my bulldog companions. Besides, I am well-dressed just as I am. What I really want is a party.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: The big picture box, Lady Human.
Me: The television set. Yes. What about it?
Sweetie: Those humans in it. They are flat. That’s just plain wrong. We should let them out.
Me: The humans you see aren’t actually in the flat screen. Those are simply their images. Like the pictures of y’all on my phone. You were never in the phone, were you?
Doodlebug: Sounds reasonable, but makes no sense.
MoinCat: As with all things human, there is a great mystery here.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what is this big pile of stuff on the floor?
Me: I’m cleaning out my closet.
Doodlebug: Excellent! I’ll take this and this and this.
Sweetie: Don’t be so grabby.
Me: I’m sorting stuff. It will all go back in my closet when I’m done.
MoonCat: Now who’s being grabby?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, you spilled a bunch of chips on the kitchen floor, but I cleaned them up for you. It’s okay. You’re only human.
Sweetie: Lunch was late, so I tore a big hole in the food bag and we went ahead and ate. It’s okay. You’re only human.
MoonCat: My tunafish treats have not shown up, but that’s alright…this one time. Come on! You already know what I’m going to say.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, Tall Man has built something weird in the backyard.
Doodlebug: Yes, he has put together a new house.
Sweetie: Thank you for giving us the big house.
Me: Nope. That’s a storage shed for equipment and chicken supplies.
Sweetie: But it looks perfect and tiny for y’all and MoonCat.
MoonCat: I’m fine right where I am, thank you.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, something little is moving back and forth on the wall.
Me: Parakeet shadows.
Sweetie: Parakeets have shadows?
Me: Sure, when the light’s just right.
Doodlebug: They’re too small.
MoonCat: Too small? They caught your attention.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hey, little yappy dog! Don’t you yell at us!
Sweetie: Yeah, you’re not so tough! I’ll show you who’s tough!
Me: No, you won’t. Pay no attention.
Doodlebug: He started it!
Me: Pay no attention. Just because somebody is loud doesn’t mean you have to be loud back.
Sweetie: Well, that’s no fun.
MoonCat: Where, oh where have my earplugs gone? Where, oh where can they be?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, Sweetie is clunking around.
Sweetie: I am not a clunker!
Me: What are you doing with one of my shoes on your foot?
Sweetie: I’m being you.
Me: Just because you wear my shoe doesn’t…it doesn’t work that way. The shoe fits my foot, not yours.
Sweetie: But your shoe makes a big print and smells like you. Nobody will expect that. I can get by with all kinds of stuff.
MoonCat: Yes, because no one will notice a bulldog clunking along in a giant shoe.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Baby and Bud: Eee! Eee! Eee! Giants and more giants walking through!
Me: It’s alright. You’re fine.
Baby and Bud: Giants walking. Boom! Boom! Boom! And short giants, too!
Me: I know humans and bulldogs must seem like giants to you.
Sweetie: Who are they calling ‘short’?
MoonCat: A bulldog is to a human as a stump is to an oak tree, so yeah. Short giant. It’s all in how you look at it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Psst! Lady Human, I hear something.
Me: I do, too. I hear you.
Sweetie: I hear it, too. A little tiny crunchy noise.
Me: Y’all, it’s too late to be talking…
Sweetie: Is a possum in the house?
Me: What? A possum?
Doodlebug: That got her attention.
Me: No, it’s not a possum. The budgies are snacking on their millet spray.
MoonCat: A possum in the house? Whyever not? We already have birds. Come one, come all.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, what are you wrestling with in the budgies’ wire house?
Me: Their millet spray is all picked over, so I’m taking it out so I can put in a new one.
Doodlebug: My food bowl is all picked over, too. Can I get a new one?
Sweetie: Oh, my. So is mine. I just want a refill, please, not a whole new bowl.
MoonCat: As everyone else is putting in orders, I may as well, too. Only no millet sprays, please.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, you were clapping hands and singing human nonsense with the Little Human. I want to do that, too.
Me: We were playing patty cake. It’s an old nursery rhyme song. Not really bulldog friendly.
Doodlebug: Give us a chance. Here. Patty cake.
Me: Ow. A little heavy-handed.
Sweetie: Forget the hand stuff. The important question – Where are the cakes?
MoonCat: The really important question – Are they fish cakes?
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: You are frowning, Lady Human. Your face has gone all bulldoggy.
Me: I’m trying to cook something up, a new idea for a project I’m working on.
Doodlebug: Can we eat some of it? Like all of it?
Sweetie: I love the stuff you cook up. Mmmm….
Me: It’s not that kind of cooking.
MoonCat: Save your breathe, ma’am. They’re already floating off into a dreamy bulldog feast.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human, that big loud fancy bird outside is acting weird.
Sweetie: Yeah, it’s pretending to be a parakeet and is sitting on a stick.
Me: He is a rooster and he is roosting.
Doodlebug: How come we can’t do that?
Me: Your feet aren’t made the same way.
Doodlebug: How come?
Me: For so it seemed good to the Great Creator.
MoonCat: Flat sturdy ground beneath my delicate little feet. So it seems good to me, too.
©️ 2026. H.J.Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Winds are up! Hold tight!
Doodlebug: Bulldogs are made to hold tight.
Sweetie: Look at this mouth! It screams ‘Hold Tight’!
Baby and Bud: Hold tight, feet!
MoonCat: Chill and hang loose.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I found the most wonderful thing!
Me: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold up there, partner! Don’t bring that mud in here!
Doodlebug: Great globby mud feet, Sweetie!
Sweetie: Thanks! There’s a big ole puddle right in the middle of the yard! I can splash in it and stomp in it!
Doodlebug: I want one!
MoonCat: What else can I say but YUCK! But I always say YUCK! So there’s that.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: There is a loud chicken meeting going on outside, Lady Human.
Me: Yeah, they’re holding some kind of convention.
Doodlebug: How come? I’ve talked to those chickens. They never say anything but ‘Squawk!’ and ‘Cluck!’
Sweetie: A lot like humans.
MoonCat: I could say something, but I won’t.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 