Bulldog Rampage – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and here we are again at the Bulldog Rampage. I will be calling the action except for when I am chasing the cat. Coming out of the chute in order are…

Me:        Whoah! Bulldog Rampage? Not again!

Stella:    Of course, again. All right, everybody get ready. Lady Human interrupted. In order, here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug, Snoopey…Snoopey…Snoopey!

Snoopey:   What?

Stella:    Rampage time!

Snoopey:   Nope.

Stella:    Why not?

Snoopey:   I’m tired.

Tiger:   You can leave me out, too. I refuse to rampage with Snoopey.

Stella:    Didn’t you hear? Snoopey is sitting out.

Tiger:   Well, in that case, I’m really sitting out. She’s not better than me.

Stella:    Fine! Here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug! And me! Where is that cat?

Miss Sweetie:   Up on Tall Man’s chair! Now up on the couch! Run! Run! Uh-oh!

Stella:    Sweetie is off to a fast start with two pieces of furniture under her belt and a great sideways floor slide. Scrambling back up on her feet, she’s made it to the trash in the kitchen!

Me:        Noooo!

Stella:    Meanwhile, Doodlebug got off to a slow start, but he is making up for it by head slinging drool all across the room as he runs. Not missing a beat! Great distribution! Now where’s that cat?

Me:        She heard you coming. Rampaging is hard to hide.

Stella:    Wiggles is bringing up the rear, but she is well into her comma dancing. Real style! She shows that a bulldog does not have to jump on furniture, dig in the trash, or sling drool to rampage.

Wiggles:   Trash? There’s trash? Let me at it!

Me:        Whoah again! My legs are standing here!

Miss Sweetie:   Beep! Beep! I haven’t jumped on your chair yet! Woo-hoo!

Doodlebug:   Awww. I’m all out of drool. Let me lick my way through.

Me:        Noooo! Wet everywhere!

Stella:    Not a problem, Lady Human. It will dry. Now, where’s that cat?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cat Sitting – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Me:        Stella, this morning, I was in the kitchen, calmly, methodically preparing my breakfast, when what to my wondering ears should sound but the excited, LOUD barking of bulldogs and an extremely annoyed feline cry from our cat, Moon.

Stella:    Yes, it was very exciting. And annoying. I don’t know why the cat was upset.

Me:        Perhaps because you were up on the couch…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        On Moon’s cat bed…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        SITTING ON HER!

Stella:    Please define ‘sitting on’.

Me:        Stella, your rear end was wedged up against her in the corner of the couch.

Stella:    That was not ‘sitting on’. That was sharing. We were sharing her cat bed. It has limited space so I had to squish into it which meant I had to squish into her.

Me:        Sitting or squishy sharing, Moon was not happy. Did she invite you to share her bed?

Stella:    Please define ‘invite’.

Me:         Did you get scratched?

Stella:    No. She tried, but all she could reach was my big ole bulldog behind and she couldn’t get through my thick bulldog hair.

Me:        Amazing.

Stella:    Yes, I am. I still don’t understand why she was upset.

Me:        You invaded her personal space.

Stella:    But I didn’t drool on her.

Me:        But you leaned on her.

Stella:    But I didn’t try to chew on her.

Me:        But your big bulldog body had her trapped.

Stella:    Yes. That was funny.

Me:        Not to her. Moon is an incredibly patient, tolerant cat to put up with all the bulldog nonsense that goes on around here.

Stella:    Which is really human nonsense, remember. The humans are in charge.

20160311_140725.jpg

Me:        And another thing. The others just go up to her and touch noses or give her a sidelong glance and walk on. You seem to be the only one that moves in like a linebacker and tackles her if she doesn’t jump away in time.

Stella:    Was that a football reference, Lady Human? I love football.

Me:        We’re drifting off topic. My question is why are you the only bulldog who tries to make contact with the cat?

Stella:    Well, somebody has to get her to exercise.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.