Don’t You Dare Build That Wall! – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that the humans are forbidden from building a wall to keep me off the cat’s couch bed!

Me:        How about this? I hereby decree that you are forbidden from jumping on the cat’s bed again!

Stella:    Are you a queen? If you are not an official queen, you are not authorized to issue any decrees.

And who jumped on the cat? When did this happen?

Me:        Stella, you know what you did.

Stella:    She teased me. She mocked me with her little meowy voice.

Me:        I was right there. I heard no teasing.

Stella:    Yeah, well, I think your hearing is not as sharp as it used to be. You seem tuned out to cat noises.

Me:        I saw you staring at her and you ignored me when I called you. What you were planning was written all over your face.

Stella:    What? Who’s been writing on my face?

Me:        Before I could move to block you, up you went on the couch, standing over poor ole Moon, freaking her out of her cat mind…

Stella:    Not hard to do. She’s too sensitive. I didn’t even drool on her. This time.

Me:        And then you struck that pose that looked like you had just conquered Everest.

Stella:    Everest? Is that another cat?

Me:        No, it’s a big mountain. And yes, I am building a barrier so you can’t access the cat’s bed. Ever since you did that, the cat has been sticking to all her highest places.

Stella:    Like Everest? That’s all right. I can learn to mountain climb. Go ahead and build your wall, Lady Human. If I can climb a mountain, I can climb a wall.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

Cat Sitting – Conversations with Stella

Me:        Stella, this morning, I was in the kitchen, calmly, methodically preparing my breakfast, when what to my wondering ears should sound but the excited, LOUD barking of bulldogs and an extremely annoyed feline cry from our cat, Moon.

Stella:    Yes, it was very exciting. And annoying. I don’t know why the cat was upset.

Me:        Perhaps because you were up on the couch…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        On Moon’s cat bed…

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        SITTING ON HER!

Stella:    Please define ‘sitting on’.

Me:        Stella, your rear end was wedged up against her in the corner of the couch.

Stella:    That was not ‘sitting on’. That was sharing. We were sharing her cat bed. It has limited space so I had to squish into it which meant I had to squish into her.

Me:        Sitting or squishy sharing, Moon was not happy. Did she invite you to share her bed?

Stella:    Please define ‘invite’.

Me:         Did you get scratched?

Stella:    No. She tried, but all she could reach was my big ole bulldog behind and she couldn’t get through my thick bulldog hair.

Me:        Amazing.

Stella:    Yes, I am. I still don’t understand why she was upset.

Me:        You invaded her personal space.

Stella:    But I didn’t drool on her.

Me:        But you leaned on her.

Stella:    But I didn’t try to chew on her.

Me:        But your big bulldog body had her trapped.

Stella:    Yes. That was funny.

Me:        Not to her. Moon is an incredibly patient, tolerant cat to put up with all the bulldog nonsense that goes on around here.

Stella:    Which is really human nonsense, remember. The humans are in charge.

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Me:        And another thing. The others just go up to her and touch noses or give her a sidelong glance and walk on. You seem to be the only one that moves in like a linebacker and tackles her if she doesn’t jump away in time.

Stella:    Was that a football reference, Lady Human? I love football.

Me:        We’re drifting off topic. My question is why are you the only bulldog who tries to make contact with the cat?

Stella:    Well, somebody has to get her to exercise.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.