Bulldog Hobbies – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I try to keep order within the pack, but that does not always work. Wiggles! Out of the trash. You know the humans don’t like that!

Me:        The humans don’t like trash diving, not just because it is messy, and we have to clean it up, but because it is dangerous for you, Wiggles. You may swallow something that can get stuck down in your insides and make you really sick.

Wiggles:   I don’t mind.

Me:        I mind.

Wiggles:   But I do that for fun. Don’t humans do things just because they are fun things to do?

Me:        Sure. We have all kinds of hobbies.

Wiggles:   Trash diving is my hobby.

Me:        For you, trash diving is dangerous.

Wiggles:   Don’t humans have dangerous hobbies?

Me:        Sometimes.

Tiger:     Like what? Like what? I want to do a dangerous human hobby. I don’t have any hobbies.

Doodlebug:        Your hobby is scratching your rear end.

Tiger:   Hush, Doodle! We don’t talk about that!

Doodlebug:    Don’t you enjoy doing that?

Tiger:     Yes.

Doodlebug:   Didn’t Lady Human say that hobbies are things done just for fun?

Tiger:     Itchy rear ends are NOT fun. But… I do enjoy the scratching…but that is not a hobby.

Miss Sweetie:    Stop interrupting, Doodle! Tell us, what is a dangerous human hobby, Lady Human?

Me:        Oh, mountain climbing can be, like climbing Mt. Everest, for example.

Miss Sweetie:    I want to climb Mt. Everest. What is Mt. Everest?

Me:        Sorry, honey, that’s not going to happen. Pick another hobby. Something you already do and enjoy.

Miss Sweetie:   Oh, oh! Swimming. I love to swim in my puppy pool.

Me:        That’s a great one, though you may want to choose a different one for cold weather.

Stella:    Oh, I know mine! I enjoy sitting on your bed, Lady Human, and having you scratch and massage and pet me and talk to me. I could do that all day, every day.

Me:        Good one!

Tiger:     Okay, I have one. I enjoy gnawing a good, tough chew toy. I really feel better after I have done that.

Me:        That’s another excellent hobby for a bulldog.

Wiggles:   Mine is trash diving.

Me:        No, Wiggles, we need to work on yours. How about when you dive into the rag box and take a long nap? You enjoy that.

Wiggles:   Yes, but napping is not a hobby. It is a way of life.

Me:        Okay, well, we’ll work on that. What about you, Doodlebug?

Doodlebug:    I enjoy wandering all over the yard and searching out a nice, fresh pile of…

Me:        Nope.

Doodlebug:   But I do enjoy eating a nice, fresh, overlooked pile of…

Me:        Nope. Not acceptable. Not a hobby.

Doodlebug:   I enjoy the hunt. I enjoy the find. How is that not a hobby?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Don’t You Dare Build That Wall! – Conversations with Stella

I, Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, hereby decree that the humans are forbidden from building a wall to keep me off the cat’s couch bed!

Me:        How about this? I hereby decree that you are forbidden from jumping on the cat’s bed again!

Stella:    Are you a queen? If you are not an official queen, you are not authorized to issue any decrees.

And who jumped on the cat? When did this happen?

Me:        Stella, you know what you did.

Stella:    She teased me. She mocked me with her little meowy voice.

Me:        I was right there. I heard no teasing.

Stella:    Yeah, well, I think your hearing is not as sharp as it used to be. You seem tuned out to cat noises.

Me:        I saw you staring at her and you ignored me when I called you. What you were planning was written all over your face.

Stella:    What? Who’s been writing on my face?

Me:        Before I could move to block you, up you went on the couch, standing over poor ole Moon, freaking her out of her cat mind…

Stella:    Not hard to do. She’s too sensitive. I didn’t even drool on her. This time.

Me:        And then you struck that pose that looked like you had just conquered Everest.

Stella:    Everest? Is that another cat?

Me:        No, it’s a big mountain. And yes, I am building a barrier so you can’t access the cat’s bed. Ever since you did that, the cat has been sticking to all her highest places.

Stella:    Like Everest? That’s all right. I can learn to mountain climb. Go ahead and build your wall, Lady Human. If I can climb a mountain, I can climb a wall.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.