Bulldog Hobbies – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I try to keep order within the pack, but that does not always work. Wiggles! Out of the trash. You know the humans don’t like that!

Me:        The humans don’t like trash diving, not just because it is messy, and we have to clean it up, but because it is dangerous for you, Wiggles. You may swallow something that can get stuck down in your insides and make you really sick.

Wiggles:   I don’t mind.

Me:        I mind.

Wiggles:   But I do that for fun. Don’t humans do things just because they are fun things to do?

Me:        Sure. We have all kinds of hobbies.

Wiggles:   Trash diving is my hobby.

Me:        For you, trash diving is dangerous.

Wiggles:   Don’t humans have dangerous hobbies?

Me:        Sometimes.

Tiger:     Like what? Like what? I want to do a dangerous human hobby. I don’t have any hobbies.

Doodlebug:        Your hobby is scratching your rear end.

Tiger:   Hush, Doodle! We don’t talk about that!

Doodlebug:    Don’t you enjoy doing that?

Tiger:     Yes.

Doodlebug:   Didn’t Lady Human say that hobbies are things done just for fun?

Tiger:     Itchy rear ends are NOT fun. But… I do enjoy the scratching…but that is not a hobby.

Miss Sweetie:    Stop interrupting, Doodle! Tell us, what is a dangerous human hobby, Lady Human?

Me:        Oh, mountain climbing can be, like climbing Mt. Everest, for example.

Miss Sweetie:    I want to climb Mt. Everest. What is Mt. Everest?

Me:        Sorry, honey, that’s not going to happen. Pick another hobby. Something you already do and enjoy.

Miss Sweetie:   Oh, oh! Swimming. I love to swim in my puppy pool.

Me:        That’s a great one, though you may want to choose a different one for cold weather.

Stella:    Oh, I know mine! I enjoy sitting on your bed, Lady Human, and having you scratch and massage and pet me and talk to me. I could do that all day, every day.

Me:        Good one!

Tiger:     Okay, I have one. I enjoy gnawing a good, tough chew toy. I really feel better after I have done that.

Me:        That’s another excellent hobby for a bulldog.

Wiggles:   Mine is trash diving.

Me:        No, Wiggles, we need to work on yours. How about when you dive into the rag box and take a long nap? You enjoy that.

Wiggles:   Yes, but napping is not a hobby. It is a way of life.

Me:        Okay, well, we’ll work on that. What about you, Doodlebug?

Doodlebug:    I enjoy wandering all over the yard and searching out a nice, fresh pile of…

Me:        Nope.

Doodlebug:   But I do enjoy eating a nice, fresh, overlooked pile of…

Me:        Nope. Not acceptable. Not a hobby.

Doodlebug:   I enjoy the hunt. I enjoy the find. How is that not a hobby?

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Ice Bath – Conversations with Stella and Miss Sweetie

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Miss Sweetie is a beloved member of our pack. She is an idiot.

Miss Sweetie:    I love you, too, Aunt Stella.

Me:        Sweetie is not an idiot. She’s a little…quirky…sometimes. And at other times, she is scary smart.

Stella:    Would that be when she sits in the puppy pool full of rainwater on a morning when the temperature was…what was the temperature this morning, Lady Human?

Me:        48 degrees Fahrenheit.

Stella:    48 degrees fah…blah…blah…whatever that means. Bottom line, it was a trifle cool this morning to go for a swim.

Me:        It was chilly, Sweetie. I was surprised to see you try it.

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Miss Sweetie:    The trees are green. The birds are singing. The sky is clear. Aunt Stella says that means winter is over. That means SWIMMING WEATHER!

Me:        Swimming weather may take a while longer to arrive. Didn’t you find the water in the puppy pool a little too cold for comfort?

Miss Sweetie:    Now that you mention it, I sat down in it and it was not comfortable, so I stood up and then my feetsies got cold, so I stepped out of it.

Stella:    In short, it was too cold to get in the puppy pool which all the rest of us seemed to know.

Me:        I have dumped out the rainwater, so it won’t be a temptation.

Miss Sweetie:    No! How will I swim?

Stella:    Sweetie, you can’t swim in the puppy pool.  It’s not swimming weather yet.

Miss Sweetie:   They are my feetsies. If I want to ice my own toes, my business.

Stella:    Do you see, Lady Human? Now you understand what we are dealing with.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Toe Pops – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Now that breakfast has been concluded successfully, which means without any disasters or weirdness…Sweetie. Sweetie!

Miss Sweetie:    Hmmm?

20170315_170602.jpgStella:    I spoke too soon. What are you doing? What’s wrong with your feet?

Miss Sweetie:    COLD! WET! BRRRR! So, I am licking them warm with my warm, wet tongue. Mmmm. They taste good. But so cold.

Stella:    You were not out that long. My feet are not cold.

Snoopey:   I know why. Look at the puppy pool.

Me:        Oh. I see. Wet footprints leading away from it. It has rain in it.

Miss Sweetie:    I love the puppy pool. It is always so comfortable.

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Me:        It is always comfortable in the summer when the temperature outside is 100 degrees, not in the dead of winter when the temperature outside is…well, less than 100 degrees. We never know for sure what to count on with the weather here. It was 38 this morning, Sweetie. That’s too cold for swimming or wading.

Miss Sweetie:    The water looked so good, but now my feet are cold.

Tiger:     Did you happen to notice that none of the rest of us stepped in it?

Miss Sweetie:    Yes, I thought you were saving it for me.

Snoopey:    We aren’t THAT nice, Sweetie.

Wiggles:   Do you want me to chew on your feet? That will warm them up quick.

Me:        No, Wiggles, I don’t recommend that. Sweetie, would you like some warm towels? I will give you some if you promise not to eat them.

Miss Sweetie:    That sounds good, except for the not eating them part. I don’t think I can promise that far.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Who Turned Off the Water?

Miss Sweetie has struck again.

Recently, she broke Doodlebug’s collar while he was still wearing it.

Yesterday, she did one better times 100. She bent the outdoor faucet in the patio – the very one that we use to fill the puppy pool.

How did she accomplish that? With her big bulldoggy mouth. I saw her out of the corner of my eye, but really thought nothing of it until I went to fill the chickens’ water jug. The faucet handle fought me. The pipe extending from the wall was bent – yes, actually bent. The metal pipe was bent.

I was able to get the water on, but I couldn’t turn it completely off without the leverage help of a screwdriver. Until it is fixed, off is how it will stay to avoid a major leak.

So why did she do it? She never paid no nevermind to the faucet before.

My firm belief is that she wanted to fill the puppy pool which sat right beneath the faucet and, having seen me turn the water on just about every day, she figured she could “handle” it herself.  Sort of like her brother does when he uses his talented paws to pull the backdoor handle down and let himself in.

Smart dogs. Scary smart.

Of course, now Miss Sweetie has temporarily lost access to the object of her desire. She is the bulldog most in love with the puppy pool and we have no other access to water in the fenced area of the yard. I feel like putting up a sad face here.

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So what have I learned from this?

  1. Monitor Miss Sweetie around all plumbing fixtures. She can break ‘em, but she can’t fix ‘em.
  1. Be careful what I let her see me do or I may come around a corner some day to find her on her way out the door with my car keys in her mouth. (Warning: she is not licensed to drive.)
  1. Before I put my hand to something I don’t understand or blow my mouth off about things I don’t really know, stop. Think. Pray. Get understanding. Why let ignorance break the very thing I am trying to use?

“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”   (Proverbs 4:7 KJV)

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.