I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Okay, outside business time. They say we’re likely to get a decent storm tonight.
Sweetie: A decent storm is one with no rain, no icy sky rocks, no wind shaking the trees. That kind?
Me: Not exactly. Rain, for sure, and maybe some of the other stuff, too.
Doodlebug: So really an indecent storm.
MoonCat: The bulldog vocabulary is improving. And that’s about it.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Rain, Lady Human…make it stop.
Me: I’m not sure I would if I could. We may need this later. And it’s not that heavy. Do what MoonCat says. Run between the raindrops.
Sweetie: I’m way too wide to do that.
MoonCat: So that’s the problem! And all this time, I thought it was because your short bulldog legs don’t get up to speed quick enough.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Is the sky planning to spit on us again, Lady Human? I need an umbrella hat.
Me: Such things do exist, but I can’t imagine you keeping it on your head for more than a second.
Doodlebug: It’s not gonna be that bad.
MoonCat: Run between the raindrops. As for me, I’ll stay under the best umbrella, the roof. Better than any umbrella hat.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, I am mad at the sky.
Me: Is this about the rain again?
Sweetie: It spit in my eye! I think it did that on purpose!
Me: Now why would it do that?
Sweetie: Because it’s big and full of water and it can.
Me: Yesterday you thought it was crying on you. What changed your mind?
Sweetie: Its aim is too good!
MoonCat: Better get ready. The spitting is about to start again in a little while.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Right Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: Lady Human, the sky dropped tears in my eyes.
Me: Rain. Those drops were rain. You’ve seen rain lots of times.
Sweetie: Not when it’s in my eyes. Then I can’t see anything.
Doodlebug: How come no sky drops fell in my eyes?
MoonCat: You didn’t look up. Common sense. Which I understand is a challenge for bulldogs.
©️ 2026. H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Errrrrr…
Sweetie: Errrrrr yourself! My errrrrr is better than your errrrrr. You just sound like wah, wah, wah…
Doodlebug: Says who?
Sweetie: Says ME, that’s WHO!
Me: What’s all the noise about?
MoonCat: Nothing important enough to wake me from my nap, that’s what!
Sweetie: Where’s my snack? And where has the sun gone? How can I sunbathe without a sun to bathe in?
Doodlebug: And when it going to stop raining? Stupid sky!
Me: Anything else y’all want to complain about? No, forget I said that.
Sweetie: As a matter of fact…
Doodlebug: Don’t get me started.
Me: Too late for that apparently.
©️ 2025 H.J. Hill. All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges. Where is that growling coming from? Someone is treading on my domain!
Sweetie: Take charge, Lady Human! Strange bulldogs are barking in the sky!
MoonCat: Meow! Oh, no! Now they’re coming from all directions!
Doodlebug: Let me at ’em! I’ll deal with them! Nobody threatens my family!
Me: Everybody just simmer down. There are no bulldogs in the sky.
Sweetie: Of course there are! I can hear them. Bulldog grumbling has a certain sound like nothing else.
Me: Yes, but what you hear is rolling thunder.
Sweetie: Exactly! The thunder of a million bulldogs running toward us.
Me: Take a glance outside. What do you see?
Doodlebug: Uh, sky water.
Me: Yes, rain. Only rain.
Sweetie: I hate sky water. I’ll take a sky bulldog pack anytime.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Sweetie: Lady Human, it’s that big bird again.
Me: Yeah, I see her.
Sweetie: She’s all wet. How come?
Me: It rained earlier. She must have decided to stay out in the downpour instead of going inside her house.
Sweetie: Is that why she’s in my space, stomping around?
Me: She’s probably just trying to figure things out.
Sweetie: Well, one thing she needs to figure out is when to come in out of the rain.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Sweetie and I am patient.
Me: Patient for what? What are you waiting for?
Sweetie: Rain.
Me: Then you’re going to have a long wait. Come on back inside.
Sweetie: Nope. I am sitting under a cloud. That means rain.
Me: There is no cloud, Sweetie.
Sweetie: Yes, there is. See! It’s blocking the sun.
Me: That’s not a cloud. That’s an awning that Tall Man put up so we could sit out here a little.
Sweetie: Cloud. Awning. Same difference.
Me: Not really. An awning will never rain.
Sweetie: Then Tall Man will just have to try harder. I know! He can put the water tube on the fake cloud and I can turn the nob that lets the water out, just like I used to do to fill my puppy pool.
Me: NO!!! I mean…leave the nob turning to the humans.
Sweetie: But I know how. It’s not hard. I just put my mouth over it like…
Me: That’s all right. Let’s go in now.
Sweetie: Well, okay, but it’s no problem. Any time you want a fake rain cloud, just let me know.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Sweetie: And I am all wet.
Me: Sorry. When I checked the forecast, this rain was in it.
Doodlebug: I just shook it off.
Me: Yes, I know. You literally shook it off.
Sweetie: What are we supposed to do, Lady Human, when you mess up the weather?
Me: I don’t schedule the weather. But I guess you could try running between the raindrops.
Sweetie: Okay. Here. Let me shake my raindrops off and see you run between them.
Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. This is a crappy Saturday. Here are the reasons why:
There! My list is complete. The End.
Me: Hello. I have a few reasons why this Saturday is not crappy at all.
Stella: Rude to a cat? Impossible! And as for Toenail Trimming Day, why don’t you try it sometime, Lady Human? You let someone cut your nails and tell me how you feel then.
Me: I have to trim my fingernails all the time. If I don’t, they interfere with my work. And I certainly don’t whine about it the way you all do.
Stella: Whine? Whine, you say? No bulldog has ever been known to whine in the history of…well…bulldogs. Dignified complainers. That’s what we are. And please see to it that Sunday turns out to be less crappy than Saturday has been.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I was outside during a rain break, minding my own business when, for no reason at all, the sky growled at me. GROWLED! AT ME! Sweet little Stella who never bothers anybody, well, except for squirrels and cats.
Me: The sky did not growl at you. That was thunder.
Stella: Did you hear?
Me: Yes. The sky doesn’t growl at anybody.
Stella: It did at me. So, guess what? I growled back. And then it growled at me again. So, guess what?
Me: What?
Stella: I ran away. I ran straight to the back door. And you let me in. And I ran straight into my crate, so the sky couldn’t get me. I am so embarrassed. I am a coward.
Tiger: You are not a coward, Stella. You are just stupid, that’s all.
Stella: How rude!
Tiger: Which would you prefer? To be called a coward or stupid?
Stella: I don’t really have a preference, thank you!
Snoopey: Don’t listen to Tiger, the bulldog who’s afraid of the dark.
Tiger: Hey!
Snoopey: It’s true. How many times does Lady Human offer to let you outside and the second that you see it’s night, you balk and run back to your bed.
Tiger: So says the one who won’t set foot outside if rain is so much as dripping from the roof or the trees. It’s not even rain anymore. It’s merely water. What are you afraid of, Snoopey? Melting?
Snoopey: Yes, actually.
Stella: Snoopey is afraid of falling water. Tiger is afraid of nighttime. I am afraid of the growling sky. All told, my fear is the only one that’s real.
Me: Oh, the fear is real, the threat not so much.
Stella: When the sky is angry, it is no threat?
Me: Yeah, it can be. Thunder means lightning has struck nearby.
Stella: Lightning? The blue light!
Me: Untamed electricity.
Stella: The sky does have fingers then. It did try to grab me. Good news! I was right. The sky does growl. I’m a smart coward.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Tiny lakes are blocking our path back into the house.
Me: They are just puddles. Let’s get back in. Rain is starting again in…2 minutes. Maybe. Sometimes they’re pinpoint accurate on these predictions. Sometimes, not so much.
Doodlebug: Me first. One…two…three…jump! Woo-hoo!
Me: Well done, Doodle!
Tiger: Me next! Lope…lope…leap! They said I’d never do that again!
Me: And look at you now. Well done!
Wiggles: I can do it! Watch me! Run! Run! Run! Run through the brush and around the other side and… Yay!
Me: That’s one way to do it. Go on in and get your snack. We’re up against a deadline here. Well done.
Miss Sweetie: I can do it, Lady Human. Watch me! Watch me! Run…skip…jump…and there!
Stella: You made quite a splash, Sweetie.
Miss Sweetie: What happened? My feet are all muddy. I am standing in water. That wasn’t supposed to happen.
Me: It’s all right, Sweetie. Not all of us are hurdlers. Go on in and get your treat. Times a’wastin. Who’s next?
Stella: Snoopey! Snoopey’s next!
Me: Okay, girl.
Snoopey: If I hadn’t come out here to pee, this would not have happened.
Me: Snoopey, I know how much you hate coming out when it’s wet. You can run on in. You don’t have to jump.
Snoopey: I can do this. I can do this. I can run and jump…
Me: You see! You did it! Your hind feet barely touched the water! Well done! Go on in and get your treat.
Snoopey: And dry my feet.
Me: That too. And now, Stella, let’s go. No time left. The new rain is upon us.
Stella: Carry me so that my pretty little feet don’t get any wetter.
Me: Honey, I’m sorry. I can’t pick up 50 pounds. I could edge you forward, but you are going to have to do some of the work.
Stella: Work? You can’t be serious.
Me: Did you feel that?
Stella: Sky water?
Me: Yep. Decision time.
Stella: Oh. All right. Here I go. Run…run…splash…splash…Aww….
Me: Good girl! Well done! You got across!
Stella: Not so well done. My feet are wet and cold. I didn’t make a good landing.
Me: That’s what a warm house and a soft dry bed and treats are for. Forget this. Let’s go on in.
Stella: Will it be dry tomorrow?
Me: According to the weather people, no.
Stella: What good is it to live in a hot, dry country when it is cold and wet all the time?
Me: I’ll ask you a similar question during the summer when you complain about being hot and dry.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is raining. It has been raining a lot lately. Announcement: I do not potty in the rain.
Snoopey: Me either.
Tiger: Me neither.
Miss Sweetie: Why is Lady Human standing outside in the rain?
Wiggles: Maybe she is taking a shower. Use rain. Save water and what the humans keep calling ‘money’.
Stella: Lady Human is a human lady. She does not take baths outside. I don’t understand why. It seems to be a thing with humans to bathe indoors.
Me: Come on, y’all.
Doodlebug: She is calling us to go stand in the rain with her. Is that a good idea? I don’t think so.
Stella: No! Did you hear that big kaboom? I don’t go out when the kabooms are going off.
Tiger: Why is she standing out there? I thought humans were smart.
Me: C’mon. It’s not raining that hard yet.
Stella: What does she call ‘hard’?
Snoopey: Should we just stand here like this? Shouldn’t we go outside and stand with her?
Doodlebug: So we can get wet?
Wiggles: She just wants us to go to the bathroom, so we can be comfortable.
Miss Sweetie: I am going to stand with her. She should not be out there by herself.
Snoopey: I would go, but I am afraid the rain will make me melt.
Tiger: I will wait for the sky to stop spitting.
Doodlebug: I am going to take a nap. Dry.
Wiggles: I am going out with you, Sweetie. Nobody should stand in the rain alone.
Stella: Oh, very well. I’ll go, too. If someone is willing to stand in the rain for me, I should be willing to stand in the rain for them. Hurry. Let’s run between the raindrops.
Me: Okay. Well, if you are coming out, I’m going in.
Stella: No! Traitor! You fooled us! What about camaraderie?
Me: Camaraderie? Are you kidding? It’s raining!
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges…
Me: I have a question.
Stella: Interruptions, interruptions. Constant human disruptions.
Me: Have you gotten into rhymes?
Stella: I haven’t gotten into anything today except mud, which, by the way, I would appreciate you cleaning up.
Me: Wash your feet? Sure, I can…
Stella: No, I took care of my own feet, thank you very much. I mean I would appreciate you cleaning up the mud outside.
Me: I think that is a little outside my abilities. We will just wait for the dry air and the sun to do their jobs.
Stella: I ask for a simple favor and what do I get? Nothing. Typical.
Me: You want me, little old me, to clean up all the mud outside?
Stella: Well put. Of course, you are not THAT little, Lady Human.
Me: The whole ground is made up of dirt. You add water like the rain we had this morning. Result? Mud.
Stella: Let me see if I understand. Rain, also known as sky water, plus dirt, also known as…dirt, equals mud, also known as yucky dirt.
Me: That’s about it.
Stella: And you are a human and can, therefore, do anything, yet you refuse to do a small thing like clean up the muddy mess outside.
Me: Let’s go back over the whole human thing. Humans cannot…I repeat for the umpteenth time, CANNOT do just anything, period.
Stella: Nonsense. I see you do the most extraordinary things all the time. What is a little mud?
Me: How do you expect me to dry up mud instantly?
Stella: Simple. Use your big human mouth to blow the dirt dry.
Me: I thought you bulldogs were the ones with the big mouths.
Stella: Now you are just being insulting. We would never waste our breath on such a dirty job.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Now that breakfast has been concluded successfully, which means without any disasters or weirdness…Sweetie. Sweetie!
Miss Sweetie: Hmmm?
Stella: I spoke too soon. What are you doing? What’s wrong with your feet?
Miss Sweetie: COLD! WET! BRRRR! So, I am licking them warm with my warm, wet tongue. Mmmm. They taste good. But so cold.
Stella: You were not out that long. My feet are not cold.
Snoopey: I know why. Look at the puppy pool.
Me: Oh. I see. Wet footprints leading away from it. It has rain in it.
Miss Sweetie: I love the puppy pool. It is always so comfortable.
Me: It is always comfortable in the summer when the temperature outside is 100 degrees, not in the dead of winter when the temperature outside is…well, less than 100 degrees. We never know for sure what to count on with the weather here. It was 38 this morning, Sweetie. That’s too cold for swimming or wading.
Miss Sweetie: The water looked so good, but now my feet are cold.
Tiger: Did you happen to notice that none of the rest of us stepped in it?
Miss Sweetie: Yes, I thought you were saving it for me.
Snoopey: We aren’t THAT nice, Sweetie.
Wiggles: Do you want me to chew on your feet? That will warm them up quick.
Me: No, Wiggles, I don’t recommend that. Sweetie, would you like some warm towels? I will give you some if you promise not to eat them.
Miss Sweetie: That sounds good, except for the not eating them part. I don’t think I can promise that far.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human is totally distracted which is terrible because it means that she is not paying attention to me. What is so fascinating that it would take your attention away from me, I want to know?
Me: Weather.
Stella: That makes no sense. According to you, we have weather every day. It isn’t even daytime anymore. The sun went to bed a long time ago.
Me: Changing weather.
Stella: Changing into what?
Me: Winter. Real winter.
Stella: Have we been having fake winter? Because it has seemed very cold to me lately.
Me: We have had an ice-less winter thus far. Rain only. That may change shortly.
Stella: Will the sky spit ice blocks like the ones you give us to lick on during the hot times?
Me: Ice cubes? No, I sure hope not. No, this will be freezing rain and snow. Do you remember snow?
Stella: Is it good to eat? Because if it isn’t good to eat, my memory is pretty short.
Me: The last time we saw significant snow was the day before you came to live with us. I can understand if you don’t remember. I don’t know if there was snow where you were that day.
Stella: I don’t remember much before I came here. I remember a few things. What does snow look like?
Me: It is cold and soft and white. When it falls, it is not like rain. It doesn’t run away. It makes no sound. The whole world goes silent. It piles up on the ground and on roofs and on roads. It crunches a little when you step on it. Your feet make deep prints in it so that you can see every step you have taken.
Stella: That sounds wonderful. Can you see it yet?
Me: No. But the rain has started. Tall Man called. Rain is failing and freezing as it hits the ground where he is.
Stella: No! He needs to come home now! Why is he still out there?
Me: He is helping some friends fix their truck.
Stella: No! Let the friends fix their own truck. He should not be out when water is freezing from the sky.
Me: He’ll be all right.
Stella: I will wait up for him.
Me: If you wish.
Stella: Can you see it yet? The real winter?
Me: No, but I can feel it. The rain has started. Tonight, it will freeze.
Stella: What will become of us?
Me: We will sleep and, when we wake, the world will look very different.
Stella: What will we do?
Me: Tomorrow, if enough snow falls, we can make a snowman for the first time in years.
Stella: Forget that! We will make a snow dog! Better use of the precious snow.
Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. A couple of days ago, the sky cried all night. It rained cats and squirrels.
Me: I believe that the expression is ‘it rained cats and dogs’.
Stella: Nonsense, Lady Human! Dogs would never be so foolish as to get caught up in the sky just to fall to the ground. Where was I? Oh, yes. The ground was a shallow lake. The humans say that it was great weather for ducks. And Lady Human wants us to go out in this mess because she refuses to build us a bathroom in the house. What do we look like? Ducks?
Me: It’s not raining anymore.
Stella: Did the sky run out of tears?
Me: Sort of.
Stella: Then what were those water drops that kept falling from the sky?
Me: Those were drips from the trees. And from the roof. And condensation from the fog.
Stella: So, rain leftovers. The ground is still soaking wet. My precious toes deserve better.
Me: Think of it as a mud bath for your feet. Some humans pay a lot of money for that sort of treatment.
Stella: All humans know how to waste their time. They should go outside here and try our cold mud. Take your shoes off, Lady Human, and dip your toes. Sticky. Mucky. Dirty toenails. The whole package in seconds. Enjoy.
Me: Mmmm, no. But the fact remains – you all need to go out. Bathroom break.
Stella: Only when the trees stop weeping. Only when the dirt stops swimming.
Me: Can you hold out that long?
Stella: Mmmm, well…now that I think about it…NO! Outta my way! Time to make another puddle!
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. The weather is wonderfully cooler, but it is still summer, at least that is what the birds and green leaves tell me. Why is the air not burning, Lady Human?
Me: We are receiving some rain and breezes from many miles south of here. A hurricane came ashore the other day.
Stella: Another confusing human word which means what?
Me: A huge and dangerous storm with much rain and wind.
Stella: Like a thunderstorm that flashes bright light while rain hits the windows like little rocks?
Me: No, more than that.
Stella; Thunderstorms are scary. How can a hurricane be more than that?
Me: It is the size of hundreds of thunderstorms all circling around a center. The winds are so strong that large trees break and small ones bow and signs and roofs of buildings tear off and go flying and rain floods everything low and rises higher and higher.
Stella: Have you ever seen this horror called a hurricane, Lady Human?
Me: Yes. Many years ago, a very powerful hurricane hit my hometown head on. I was very young, but I remember my father boarding up our windows and tying down our yard furniture and my swing set and slide with strong wires so they would not fly off. And I remember my mother putting rolled up towels against the bottom of the doors to keep the water out for as long as possible.
Stella: And did it? Stay out? The water?
Me: The rain filled the ditch by the road and covered the yard and came up over the front step and right up to the door. And then stopped. As I recall, the towels got wet, but not the carpet. And then the hurricane passed.
Stella: Where did it go?
Me: As hurricanes go inland away from the big waters, they die out.
Stella: Good.
Me: They named that one Carla.
Stella: Humans name monster storms?
Me: Yeah.
Stella: Like they are pets?
Me: I don’t know. Maybe it makes the event more memorable. Instead of calling it Hurricane Number 34810 or something like that. This one is called Harvey.
Stella: I don’t care to meet him.
Me: Me either. But many of our neighbors already have.
Stella: Can a hurricane throw a bulldog?
Me: Yes, I’m sure it can.
Stella: Lady Human, will it come here?
Me: We may get some rain. Don’t worry about the winds. I’ve never seen a hurricane remnant this far from the coast with more than 40 mile per hour winds.
Stella: If it’s all the same to you, I will be happy to send the cooler air away if our neighbors can be all right. So please, just send Harvey away.
Me: We will pray, Stella. As always, we will pray.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and once again, Lady Human has broken her curfew.
Me: I am a grown human. I have no curfew. Besides, I went to the grocery store at 3:30 in the afternoon.
Stella: And you said when you left that you would not be gone long. But you were gone long. And do you know what happened while you were gone? Big booms and light flashes in the sky. And rain hit the glass squares in the wall like buckets of water being thrown by a giant.
Me: That’s an interesting image, Stella.
Stella: A giant insect.
Me: Ohhh-kay. Well, the same storm hit the store where I was. That is why I was delayed. The wind blew the heavy rain sideways, so thick and fast that we couldn’t see the parking lot. It was wrapped in gray. It looked like a hurricane.
Stella: What would have happened if you had never come back?
Me: Don’t worry, girl. Tall Man would have been here after his work ends.
Stella: There was no storm where Tall Man is?
Me: Yes, there was.
Stella: It was not as bad as our storm?
Me: A little worse. They had wind and rain and hail the size of ping pong balls.
Stella: No!!! The Great Creator must tell the sky to stop throwing ping pong balls!
Me: I am adding that to my prayer list. Really.
Stella: Why does the sky throw ping pong balls?
Me: They are actually chunks of ice. You see, water starts to come down through the atmosphere. Way up there, it is very cold and the water freezes; then another wind pushes the ice back up where it gets coated with another layer of water which also freezes, and that keeps on happening until the ice chunk is heavier than the upper wind can support and it falls to the ground…
Stella: Boring! I mean why can’t the sky throw flowers or real ping pong balls that we could chase or…treats! That would be useful and it wouldn’t hurt if someone got hit by them!
Me: Things aren’t set up that way. Flowers don’t fall from the sky. They grow from the ground.
Stella: I think that should be different. I think ping pong ice should not fall from the sky. Flowers should.
Me: Is that your bulldog plan?
Stella: Yes.
Me: Have you figured out how this will take place?
Stella: No. I am letting you and the Great Creator work that out.
Me: That is wise. I think that I will turn that over to Him. He is much better at planning how the earth works than I am.
Stella: Probably a good idea, Lady Human. I have seen how you plan things.
Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.
Bulldoggy 