I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. A couple of days ago, the sky cried all night. It rained cats and squirrels.
Me: I believe that the expression is ‘it rained cats and dogs’.
Stella: Nonsense, Lady Human! Dogs would never be so foolish as to get caught up in the sky just to fall to the ground. Where was I? Oh, yes. The ground was a shallow lake. The humans say that it was great weather for ducks. And Lady Human wants us to go out in this mess because she refuses to build us a bathroom in the house. What do we look like? Ducks?
Me: It’s not raining anymore.
Stella: Did the sky run out of tears?
Me: Sort of.
Stella: Then what were those water drops that kept falling from the sky?
Me: Those were drips from the trees. And from the roof. And condensation from the fog.
Stella: So, rain leftovers. The ground is still soaking wet. My precious toes deserve better.
Me: Think of it as a mud bath for your feet. Some humans pay a lot of money for that sort of treatment.
Stella: All humans know how to waste their time. They should go outside here and try our cold mud. Take your shoes off, Lady Human, and dip your toes. Sticky. Mucky. Dirty toenails. The whole package in seconds. Enjoy.
Me: Mmmm, no. But the fact remains – you all need to go out. Bathroom break.
Stella: Only when the trees stop weeping. Only when the dirt stops swimming.
Me: Can you hold out that long?
Stella: Mmmm, well…now that I think about it…NO! Outta my way! Time to make another puddle!
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Bulldoggy 