An Easter Norther Stole Our Spring – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Yesterday it was what the humans call Spring. Today it is what I call freaking cold. Spring ran away. I guess it is afraid of the cold wind.

Me:        Yesterday the temperature was in the 80’s. Today it’s been in the 30’s. Welcome to Texas.

Miss Sweetie:    Why, Lady Human, why? The sky is blank. I can’t have a sunbath without a sun.

Me:        The Easter Norther was a week late this year.

Stella:    Easter Norther? Is that yet another horrible human invention? Are crazy people running things?

Me:        Nope. No human is in charge of the Easter Norther. Even after Spring has sprung, we usually get one last cold front right before Easter. I guess this one took the long way around.

Tiger:     My toes are cold. They were warm and now they are cold. This is a mysterious mystery. Who stole our Spring? And what is Spring anyway? And do we want it back? And how do we get it back if we do? These are questions that need answers.

Wiggles:   Please turn off the fans!

Me:        All the fans are off.

Wiggles:   Not the ones outside. They are blowing like the cold boxes in summer.

Me:        That’s the North Wind.

Doodlebug:        Well, Miss Easter Norther North Wind can keep her little jokes to herself from now on. Where is she anyway? I want to have a few words with her.

Me:        An Easter Norther can’t have a conversation. It is a weather front. It has no mouth.

Stella:    Of course, it does. It’s been spitting in my face all day long.

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Puddle Jumpin’ – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Tiny lakes are blocking our path back into the house.

Me:        They are just puddles. Let’s get back in. Rain is starting again in…2 minutes. Maybe. Sometimes they’re pinpoint accurate on these predictions. Sometimes, not so much.

Doodlebug:   Me first. One…two…three…jump! Woo-hoo!

Me:        Well done, Doodle!

Tiger:     Me next! Lope…lope…leap! They said I’d never do that again!

Me:        And look at you now. Well done!

Wiggles:   I can do it! Watch me! Run! Run! Run! Run through the brush and around the other side and… Yay!

Me:        That’s one way to do it. Go on in and get your snack. We’re up against a deadline here. Well done.

Miss Sweetie:    I can do it, Lady Human. Watch me! Watch me! Run…skip…jump…and there!

Stella:    You made quite a splash, Sweetie.

Miss Sweetie:    What happened? My feet are all muddy. I am standing in water. That wasn’t supposed to happen.

Me:        It’s all right, Sweetie. Not all of us are hurdlers. Go on in and get your treat. Times a’wastin. Who’s next?

Stella:    Snoopey! Snoopey’s next!

Me:        Okay, girl.

Snoopey:   If I hadn’t come out here to pee, this would not have happened.

Me:        Snoopey, I know how much you hate coming out when it’s wet. You can run on in. You don’t have to jump.

Snoopey:   I can do this. I can do this. I can run and jump…

Me:        You see! You did it! Your hind feet barely touched the water! Well done! Go on in and get your treat.

Snoopey:   And dry my feet.

Me:        That too. And now, Stella, let’s go. No time left. The new rain is upon us.

Stella:    Carry me so that my pretty little feet don’t get any wetter.

Me:        Honey, I’m sorry. I can’t pick up 50 pounds. I could edge you forward, but you are going to have to do some of the work.

Stella:    Work? You can’t be serious.

Me:        Did you feel that?

Stella:    Sky water?

Me:        Yep. Decision time.

Stella:    Oh. All right. Here I go. Run…run…splash…splash…Aww….

Me:        Good girl! Well done! You got across!

Stella:    Not so well done. My feet are wet and cold. I didn’t make a good landing.

Me:        That’s what a warm house and a soft dry bed and treats are for. Forget this. Let’s go on in.

Stella:    Will it be dry tomorrow?

Me:        According to the weather people, no.

Stella:    What good is it to live in a hot, dry country when it is cold and wet all the time?

Me:        I’ll ask you a similar question during the summer when you complain about being hot and dry.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Where’s My Snow Dog? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and I am disappointed. Where is the snow I was promised? Where is my Snow Dog that you promised to make for me?

Me:        The snow flew over us during the night and landed on our neighbors to the south.

Stella:    But you said that the snow was coming along with some delightful ice.

Me:        Well, for whatever reason, it didn’t happen. We didn’t even get enough to cover the underside of your puppy pool.

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Stella:    But you said…

Me:        All the reports pointed to snow.

Stella:    Lady Human! FOR SHAME! You lied to a dog!

Me:        I didn’t lie. The weather forecasters kept saying that we would have 1 – 2 inches of snow here.

Stella:    Lady Human! FOR SHAME! You let weather forecasters lie to a dog!

Me:        They didn’t lie either. The weather just didn’t follow through with its promise. There was snow. Just farther south. It skipped us…again.

Stella;    I want you to march right down there to those people who stole our snow and get it back.

Me:        Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. Let them enjoy their snow day.

Stella:    And what about MY snow day? I had all these plans.

Me:        Like what?

Stella:    Breakfast.

Me:        You already had breakfast.

Stella:    Yeah, but there was no snow to stare at through the glass. And what about potty time?

Me:        You’ve already had that, too.

Stella:    Yeah, but there was no snow to freeze my feet and I was looking forward to that. And what about my softie toys?

Me:        What about them? They are all right there.

Stella:    But now there is no snow to dunk them in and they were hoping to be introduced to snow. They are so disappointed.

Me:        There’s no mud aftermath to drag them through either.

Stella:    Yes, and there’s that. They really missed out. And what about nap time?

Me:        I dare say nap time will go on today as scheduled.

Stella:    Maybe, but I won’t get to nap in snow.

Me:        You weren’t going to get to nap in the snow anyway. It’s too friggin’ cold outside.

Stella:    Still, it was something to dream about. And then there is the worst thing of all that the No Snow Day has brought. Where, oh where is my little Snow Dog?

Me:        You’ve got me there. There isn’t even enough for a good snowball, much less a Snow Dog. Oh, well, maybe next time.

Stella:    Do you mean to say that this horrible disappointment is going to happen again?

Me:        More than likely. And then one day, probably in March when it is least expected, we will wake up to a lovely blanket of snow and/or ice that no one forecast, and we can make your Snow and/or Ice Dog. And here’s some news. The sun is out, and the sky is clear.

Stella;    Great!  Sunbath time!

Me:        It’s 19 degrees.

Stella:    And your point is?

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

What Are You Looking For? – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human is totally distracted which is terrible because it means that she is not paying attention to me. What is so fascinating that it would take your attention away from me, I want to know?

Me:        Weather.

Stella:    That makes no sense. According to you, we have weather every day. It isn’t even daytime anymore. The sun went to bed a long time ago.

Me:        Changing weather.

Stella:    Changing into what?

Me:        Winter. Real winter.

Stella:    Have we been having fake winter? Because it has seemed very cold to me lately.

Me:        We have had an ice-less winter thus far. Rain only.  That may change shortly.

Stella:    Will the sky spit ice blocks like the ones you give us to lick on during the hot times?

Me:        Ice cubes? No, I sure hope not. No, this will be freezing rain and snow. Do you remember snow?

Stella:    Is it good to eat?  Because if it isn’t good to eat, my memory is pretty short.

Me:        The last time we saw significant snow was the day before you came to live with us. I can understand if you don’t remember. I don’t know if there was snow where you were that day.

Stella:    I don’t remember much before I came here. I remember a few things. What does snow look like?

Me:        It is cold and soft and white. When it falls, it is not like rain. It doesn’t run away. It makes no sound. The whole world goes silent. It piles up on the ground and on roofs and on roads. It crunches a little when you step on it. Your feet make deep prints in it so that you can see every step you have taken.

Stella:    That sounds wonderful. Can you see it yet?

Me:        No. But the rain has started. Tall Man called. Rain is failing and freezing as it hits the ground where he is.

Stella:    No! He needs to come home now! Why is he still out there?

Me:        He is helping some friends fix their truck.

Stella:    No! Let the friends fix their own truck. He should not be out when water is freezing from the sky.

Me:        He’ll be all right.

Stella:    I will wait up for him.

Me:        If you wish.

Stella:    Can you see it yet? The real winter?

Me:        No, but I can feel it. The rain has started. Tonight, it will freeze.

Stella:    What will become of us?

Me:        We will sleep and, when we wake, the world will look very different.

Stella:    What will we do?

Me:        Tomorrow, if enough snow falls, we can make a snowman for the first time in years.

Stella:    Forget that! We will make a snow dog! Better use of the precious snow.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

…But You Said! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, but that does not seem to make any difference. The humans pay no attention. They make promises that they don’t keep.

Me:        What promises have we not kept?

Stella:    You said we would spend more time together outside. You said we would cook meat on the fire pit and the air would be cool and we would sit in chairs.

Me:        Well, I said I would sit in a chair, but I know how much you all like to sit in chairs like humans.

Stella:    But we have not done it. Why? Why? Why?

Me:        Because, because, because it is still too hot for you all to be outside for long.

Stella:    What did you do with the cooler air?

Me:        Nothing. It just hasn’t shown up yet.

Stella:    But you promised. Waaahhh.

Me:        Stella, why are you whining? You don’t even like the outside that much.

Stella:    The others are whining and that makes me whine. I get tired of hearing it. When are we going to cook out? When is the cool breeze going to blow? When are the leaves going to fall on our heads? It’s not easy being the bulldog queen.

Me:        It’s not easy being the human in charge either.

Stella:    But you said…

Me:        I said what the meteorologists said.

Stella:    The meteor – who?

Me:        Weather people.

Stella:    Why did the meteor-who people lie?

Me:        They did not lie.

Stella:    But they said something that was not true.

Me:        They made an educated guess based on what they knew. They simply didn’t know it all.

Stella:    So what did they do with the cooler air?

Me:        They don’t control the air. They track it.

Stella:    Like those dogs who have really good noses.

Me:        Yes, if those dogs used computers and satellites instead of their sense of smell. Meteorologists have a notoriously hard time predicting weather in Texas, except in the summer when they can say “hot” and pretty much be right all the time.

Stella:    I will not depend on the word of the meteor-who people anymore so do not quote them again. I will use my bulldog nose to track the air just as any queen should.

Me:        Well, good luck with that.

Stella:    Wait! What? I think I smell a change in the weather.

Me:        What does your nose say?

Stella:    Hot and still hotter.

Me:        Keep sniffing. One of these days soon, we will not be having hot dogs outside.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.