Joint Ownership – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: MINE! MINE! MINE! Don’t park on my chair!

Me: Your chair? Excuse me?

Sweetie: You are excused, Lady Human. You may go park yourself in the other room.

I am Doodlebug, King of the Olde English Bulldogges, but I am staying out of this. I’ll let you girls sort this out between you.

Me: This chair is and always has been mine. I don’t mind you using it, Sweetie, but you must let me onto it so I have a place to sit in here.

Sweetie: We don’t both fit on it at the same time.

Me: Now that is a true statement.

Sweetie: Maybe you should lose some weight.

Me: I beg your pardon?

Sweetie: Granted.

Me: We are going to have to agree to share.

Sweetie: Share? I don’t like the sound of that. That doesn’t sound very bulldoggy.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

MINE! – Conversations with Sweetie

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Sweetie: Lady Human!

Me: Hmmm.

Sweetie: LADY HUMAN!

Me: Huh? What?

Sweetie: You are sleeping in my chair!

Me: Am I? Wait. This is my chair.

Sweetie: No. It WAS your chair until you abandoned it for a few minutes one day and I claimed it.

Me: I don’t believe your claim would hold up in a court of law. In fact, I’m certain it would not. So my chair. My human-owned chair. The end.

Sweetie: You just wait.

Me: Wait until what?

Sweetie: Until you leave the room. Possession is nine-tenths of bulldog law.

Copyright 2023 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

When Humans Let Cats Rule – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. I am witnessing the most ridiculous scene of the last one hundred years, at least since yesterday.

Me:        One hundred years? We truly have to work on your sense of time.

Stella:    Hey, I’m not the one who changed all the clocks and then complained about it. My stomach clock is still on Stella time. Doodlebug got up an extra hour early on his own. If you noticed, I didn’t budge.

Me:        I did notice. What is so ridiculous?

Stella:    You. The way you are sitting. The way you are letting the cat rule the roost. And she isn’t even a chicken.

Me:        I’m just allowing her a little bit to wake up from her nap.

Stella:    She is taking up most of your chair, Lady Human. YOUR CHAIR! NOT HER CHAIR! YOUR CHAIR! You are sitting on the edge of YOUR CHAIR, need I repeat it.

Me:        No, you need not. She’ll get up in a minute.

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Stella:    This is what results from humans cutting cats too much slack. I’ve never seen so much slack in my life. Just look at her, all slacky and stretched out and slinky and catlike. Yuck.

Me:        She’ll move.

Stella:    Famous first words.

Me:        The expression is ‘Famous last words’.

Stella:    Exactly. First words become last words and the cat is still there. Give a cat an inch and she’ll take over your chair. Another human saying.

Me:        Not exactly.

Stella:    Well, it should be. When humans let cats rule, no chair is safe.

 

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldog Rampage – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, and here we are again at the Bulldog Rampage. I will be calling the action except for when I am chasing the cat. Coming out of the chute in order are…

Me:        Whoah! Bulldog Rampage? Not again!

Stella:    Of course, again. All right, everybody get ready. Lady Human interrupted. In order, here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug, Snoopey…Snoopey…Snoopey!

Snoopey:   What?

Stella:    Rampage time!

Snoopey:   Nope.

Stella:    Why not?

Snoopey:   I’m tired.

Tiger:   You can leave me out, too. I refuse to rampage with Snoopey.

Stella:    Didn’t you hear? Snoopey is sitting out.

Tiger:   Well, in that case, I’m really sitting out. She’s not better than me.

Stella:    Fine! Here they come! Sweetie, Wiggles, Doodlebug! And me! Where is that cat?

Miss Sweetie:   Up on Tall Man’s chair! Now up on the couch! Run! Run! Uh-oh!

Stella:    Sweetie is off to a fast start with two pieces of furniture under her belt and a great sideways floor slide. Scrambling back up on her feet, she’s made it to the trash in the kitchen!

Me:        Noooo!

Stella:    Meanwhile, Doodlebug got off to a slow start, but he is making up for it by head slinging drool all across the room as he runs. Not missing a beat! Great distribution! Now where’s that cat?

Me:        She heard you coming. Rampaging is hard to hide.

Stella:    Wiggles is bringing up the rear, but she is well into her comma dancing. Real style! She shows that a bulldog does not have to jump on furniture, dig in the trash, or sling drool to rampage.

Wiggles:   Trash? There’s trash? Let me at it!

Me:        Whoah again! My legs are standing here!

Miss Sweetie:   Beep! Beep! I haven’t jumped on your chair yet! Woo-hoo!

Doodlebug:   Awww. I’m all out of drool. Let me lick my way through.

Me:        Noooo! Wet everywhere!

Stella:    Not a problem, Lady Human. It will dry. Now, where’s that cat?

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.