Why Do Cats Get Special Food? – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Sure, we bulldogs get food. Lady Human measures it out to us every morning. She says the white coat lady whom she calls Vet (humans have such bizarre names) says that we should not eat too much, or we will get fat. Very well. But why shouldn’t we get special food, especially if we are not allowed to overeat?

Me:        What special food are you talking about?

Stella:    You can’t fool me.

Me:        I didn’t know that I was trying to fool you.

Stella:    I see when you sneak great smelling stuff into the cat’s bowl, ignoring the rest of us.

Me:        Great smelling stuff like…tuna fish? Salmon? Really?

Stella:    Just proof that you don’t love us as much as you love Moon the Cat…wait, sorry, MOONCAT.

Me:        You’ve gotten special salmon dog food before.

Stella:    When?

Me:        I don’t remember. Sometime.

Stella:    If it didn’t happen in the last ten minutes, it didn’t happen. Step up your game, Lady Human. Do you eat the same thing every day?

Me:        Yeah, until the leftovers are gone.

Stella:    Leftovers? What are leftovers?

Me:        Something a bulldog would never experience.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Right Reserved.

 

 

Bulldog Menu – Conversations with Stella and Snoopey

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. It is time to order supper. Lady Human, I will have the salmon with potato.

Snoopey:   And I will have the lamb and rice. Sweetie is sleeping, so I will order the lamb for her, too. And give it to Tiger. She hates lamb. Ordering for others is great!

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Me:        Hold your horses there, partners.

Stella:    Are there horses here, too? Are they having supper with us? Cool.

Me:        No, it’s an old expression. It’s a friendly way of saying, “Stop!”

Stella:    Will it hold up our meal? This is a terrible restaurant.

Me:        We’ve talked about that before, Stella. This is not a restaurant. This is our home.

Stella:    A nice home. And a terrible restaurant. Very limited menu.

Snoopey:   The service lacks much to be desired.

Stella:    Well, Lady Human, you have our order. The others can put theirs in later. When does the kitchen close?

Me:        We don’t have a menu, Stella, and the kitchen is already closed. We have your regular food, not the salmon or the lamb right now. The store was out. I will have to buy more when they get a new shipment.

Stella:    You don’t make our food? You have someone else make it? You mean we’ve been eating take-out? Snoopey, rate this restaurant as negative 4 stars, whatever that means. Humans seem to care a lot about stars and check marks and sticking their thumbs up in the air.

Snoopey:   Yes, I saw a man doing that on the side of the road. Very popular.

Me:        You’ve seen me carry the big bags of food in. Did you really think that I was fixing it outside and then bringing it into the house in sacks?

Stella:    There is no telling what you do outside and bring into the house, Lady Human. I am afraid to even guess.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H. J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

The Big Tricky Ball of Meat – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Beware whenever a human offers you something that you really want. It may have something hidden inside.

Me:        Like the Trojan Horse.

Stella:    No one has ever offered me a horse. What would I do with it? Could I ride it? I don’t think so.

Me:        No, the Trojan Horse is from an old, old human story. It wasn’t a real horse. It was a hollow statue of a horse that had enemy soldiers hidden inside.

Stella:    Just like the Big Tricky Ball of Meat you offered me last night. You thought that I wouldn’t figure it out. But I did. You hid a nasty-tasting medicine pill in what otherwise was a delicious ball of salmon.

Me:        So, you tasted that after all. I should have made the salmon ball bigger.

Stella:    You admit it! A trick to get me to eat medicine.

Me:        Would you have eaten it without the meat?

Stella:    Of course not.

Me:        Everybody else did.

Stella:    Sillies. They have no sense of taste.

Me:        Do you know what the medicine was?

Stella:    No. Nor do I care.

Me:        It was flea and tick preventative.

Stella:    Flea. Tick. You mean those crawlies that bite and chew and… itch and ITCH AND ITCH!!!

Me:        Yep. Nasty-tasting pill doesn’t sound so bad now, does it?

Stella:    Mmmmm. Still a trick. Next time, better make that salmon ginormous.

Me:        Won’t that tip you off?

Stella:    Yeah, but I won’t care.

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.