I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges.
Me: Why are you whispering?
Stella: SHHHHH! Sorry, that was loud. Shhhhh! Quiet!
Me: Why are we whispering then?
Stella: I am big game hunting. Hunters must be silent and stealthy.
Me: Don’t tell me. Let me guess. Squirrels?
Stella: Phhhffft. I said BIG game hunting. Squirrels? Big game? Please.
Me: Are you hunting rats?
Stella: What part of ‘big’ don’t you understand, Lady Human?
Me: I’ve seen some good-sized rodents in my time.
Stella: Bulldog sized?
Me: Honestly, no. So, are you hunting a raccoon?
Me: A possum?
Me: Please say that you are not hunting a skunk.
Stella: Lady Human, really. Do we ever have raccoons, possums, or skunks in the house?
Me: No. Praise the LORD!
Stella: What is the only other non-bulldog animal in the house that I could be hunting?
Me: My parakeet, Pearl? No, surely not sweet little Pearl.
Stella: What? A bird? No! Yuck! I said BIG GAME! I am hunting Moon the Cat. Shhhhh!
Me: Oh, you are hunting the cat. I see…
Stella: Shhhhh! I know where she is hiding.
Stella: There, under the couch.
Stella: What do you mean? She is right there. I can smell her.
Me: Yeah, she moved on from that spot about 30 minutes ago.
Stella: Then what is that shadow? Aaaaggghh! Is it a giant insect that smells like a cat?
Me: I think you are looking at a couch leg.
Stella: It’s not the cat?
Me: No, sorry.
Stella: How am I ever going to be a big game hunter if I can’t track a simple cat?
Me: For one thing, Moon is not what I would call ‘big game’.
Stella: She is the biggest animal here.
Me: She weighs about 25 pounds. You weigh 50 pounds. Do the math.
Stella: I am a bulldog. I don’t like math.
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