If It Looks Like a Snake and Sounds Like a Snake – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Stella:    There’s a big snake loose in my house! Oh, excuse me. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There’s a big snake loose in my house!

Me:        Now, Stella, we’ve been over this before.

Stella:    There’s a big snake loose in my house and, as usual, Lady Human is doing nothing to stop it.

Tiger:     Look! It is wrestling with Tall Man! And Tall Man is losing!

Me:        Tiger! Stella! Calm down! It is not a snake!

Stella:    I know a snake when I see one! I have watched plenty of nature shows on the Picture Box. I am an expert.

Wiggles:   I can stop it! My mouth is plenty big.

Me:        Y’all need to calm down before you overheat.

Doodlebug:        Better to overheat than to be eaten by a giant snake!

Miss Sweetie:    Lady Human, please don’t let me get eaten by a giant snake!

Me:        Nobody is getting eaten by any snake. That is the hose on Tall Man’s shop vac. You have all seen it before.

Tiger:     No.

Stella:    Nope.

Wiggles:   Not me.

Doodlebug:   Me either.

Miss Sweetie:    I’ve seen it before in one of my bad dreams. No. Wait. That was a big stick.

Me:        Listen to me, please! He is doing a few minutes of heavy cleaning in here. It is so warm outside that he didn’t want to put you outside. But you have to stay calm.

Tiger:     Calm? What’s that?

Stella:    It means we are to stay still while a giant snake eats us.

Me:        Stella, that is not a snake. And it is not going to eat anybody. It is sucking up dirt and dog hair.

Stella:    You see! It sucks up dog hair but not cat hair! It has come to destroy us!

Me:        Well, it sucks up both. It’s just that there is so much more dog hair in here than cat hair. All right, there! It’s off and he is taking it away.

Doodlebug:        Yay! Tall Man won the battle. The great big snake lost!

Wiggles:   Finally. I’m exhausted. Nap time.

Miss Sweetie:    Where did the snake go?

Me:        It’s not a snake, Sweetie. And the shop vac is stored in the garage.

Miss Sweetie:    The big snake lives in the garage? I don’t like that. I go out there sometimes. What if it tries to eat me?

Me:        I give up.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Love Taps – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. One of my favorite things is when Lady Human and I spend quiet time alone. She pets me and scratches my itchy spots and massages my shoulders and scratches my back and rubs my ears and… hey, why are you stopping?

Me:        Places to go. People to see.

Stella:    What places? Where? What people? Who?

Me:        I have stuff I’ve got to do. We can meet again later.

Stella:    1…2…3…okay, later is now.

Me:        I know, Stella. I enjoy quiet time, too. But who is going to grocery shop and clean y’all’s bowls and wash the clothes…

Stella:    I don’t wear clothes. Let them wash themselves. Pet me. Scratch me.

Me:        Stella, let me have my hand.

Stella:    Pet me. Scratch me.

Me:        Stella, let my arm go.

Stella:    Never. Pet me. Scratch me. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Me:        You have no idea how heavy your paws are.

Stella:    Yes, I do. Tap. Tap. Tap. Stay here. Pet me. Scratch me. LOVE ME!

Me:        Isn’t cleaning your bowls love?

Stella:    Maybe, but it doesn’t feel as good.

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

In Search of: Paper Towels – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Lady Human is searching for something, looking in every cabinet, high and low, up and down, over and under. What is missing?

Me:        Paper towels.

Stella:    Paper?

Me:        Paper.

Stella:    Towels?

Me:        Towels.

Stella:    Oh, the towels that you throw away. The towels that don’t go into the loud, obnoxious, rocking and rolling, jumping, walking, out of control washing machine. By all means, find the paper towels and spare us the ugly noise!

Me:        I prefer to use rags, but this needs to be a quick clean up.

Stella:    Don’t tell me. I already know. Miss Sweetie. Right?

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Me:        Right.

Stella:    Because you left the room just as she was ready to, you know, ‘go’.

Me:        Yes.

Stella:    Lady Human, don’t leave the room when she is ready to, you know, ‘go’. When you walk out, she gives up hope. She thinks that you will never come back. I have tried to tell her otherwise, but she doesn’t listen.

Me:        How well I know. I can’t find the paper towels. I guess we ran out. I’m just going to use rag towels. There.

Stella:    Lady Human.

Me:        I know, Stella. I have to mop it up.

Stella:    Uh, no, you don’t. Look.

Me:        I can’t believe it.

Stella:    I told you. Miss Sweetie is a bulldog genius.

Me:        She’s mopping up the mess herself. She really is.

Stella:    Those bulldog feet are good for something more than stomping around and pawing humans for attention.

Me:        She doesn’t like the mess any more than the rest of us do.

Stella:    Always remember, Lady Human. Don’t leave the room!

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

Bulldoggy Chores Are #1 – Conversations with Stella

Stella:    Lady Human, what are you doing?

Me:        I am working on an arrangement that will make it easier for the cat to…

Stella:    Oh, nothing important then. That’s what I thought. Stop doing that and start doing this.

Me:        Start doing what? Stella, I am busy here.

Stella:    Just with cat stuff. I need my toys washed and arranged. My water bowl needs to be cleaned. And I think my breakfast bowl this morning was not as full as usual so please check into that. Oh, and I was scratching a while ago and shed some hair behind my crate so that needs to be swept up. And Miss Sweetie drooled and snooted on the floor over there so break out that strong smelling stuff you use to wipe up messes. And…

Me:        Woah, hold up there, Horsey! Just a cotton pickin’ minute! Who is in charge here?

Stella:    I have been wondering about that for a long time now.

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.