If It Looks Like a Snake and Sounds Like a Snake – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

Posted on by H.J. Hill

Stella:    There’s a big snake loose in my house! Oh, excuse me. I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. There’s a big snake loose in my house!

Me:        Now, Stella, we’ve been over this before.

Stella:    There’s a big snake loose in my house and, as usual, Lady Human is doing nothing to stop it.

Tiger:     Look! It is wrestling with Tall Man! And Tall Man is losing!

Me:        Tiger! Stella! Calm down! It is not a snake!

Stella:    I know a snake when I see one! I have watched plenty of nature shows on the Picture Box. I am an expert.

Wiggles:   I can stop it! My mouth is plenty big.

Me:        Y’all need to calm down before you overheat.

Doodlebug:        Better to overheat than to be eaten by a giant snake!

Miss Sweetie:    Lady Human, please don’t let me get eaten by a giant snake!

Me:        Nobody is getting eaten by any snake. That is the hose on Tall Man’s shop vac. You have all seen it before.

Tiger:     No.

Stella:    Nope.

Wiggles:   Not me.

Doodlebug:   Me either.

Miss Sweetie:    I’ve seen it before in one of my bad dreams. No. Wait. That was a big stick.

Me:        Listen to me, please! He is doing a few minutes of heavy cleaning in here. It is so warm outside that he didn’t want to put you outside. But you have to stay calm.

Tiger:     Calm? What’s that?

Stella:    It means we are to stay still while a giant snake eats us.

Me:        Stella, that is not a snake. And it is not going to eat anybody. It is sucking up dirt and dog hair.

Stella:    You see! It sucks up dog hair but not cat hair! It has come to destroy us!

Me:        Well, it sucks up both. It’s just that there is so much more dog hair in here than cat hair. All right, there! It’s off and he is taking it away.

Doodlebug:        Yay! Tall Man won the battle. The great big snake lost!

Wiggles:   Finally. I’m exhausted. Nap time.

Miss Sweetie:    Where did the snake go?

Me:        It’s not a snake, Sweetie. And the shop vac is stored in the garage.

Miss Sweetie:    The big snake lives in the garage? I don’t like that. I go out there sometimes. What if it tries to eat me?

Me:        I give up.

 

 

 

 

Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

My Kingdom Is Being Invaded! – Conversations with Stella

Posted on by H.J. Hill

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and (lest people forget as they are prone to do) Illustrious and all that goes to say that this is MY land, MY house, MY territory which also goes to say that something is TERRIBLY WRONG when Tiger and I are put out in the yard and told that we MUST (not a word to use to a queen) stay out here until something (I don’t know what) is finished!

Me:        It will only be for about 10 minutes.

Stella:    I can hear a horrible, screechy noise from inside the house! My kingdom…(or is it queendom) is being invaded! Rally the troops! Oh, they are inside, except for Tiger here. No matter. To Arms! Where is that stick that I was chewing earlier? Tiger, find a rock or something to throw! No! Not that! What is that? A toadstool? Nasty! Find something useful. Something to combat an invasion!

Me:        If you are finished giving orders…

Stella:    I am never finished giving orders. And BTW as the humans say, why are you sitting out here so calm as though nothing important is going on?

Me:        Because nothing important is going on and I wanted to keep you two company while you’re out here.

Stella:    Getting down to brass tacks…

Me:        Really? Where did you hear that?

Stella:    Not important. Why are we out here?

Me:        Because Tall Man is running the big shop vac, cleaning up all the bulldog hair that has floated from you all and because the last time he did that, you and Tiger went crackers, ballistic, nuts, and got overexcited. The others were fine with it. They just watched and barked every now and again. But you and Tiger got so wound up that you both panted for at least an hour. Nothing we did calmed you down.

Stella:    Now I remember. The monster roared in from the garage, its teeth bared, growling ferociously. Tall Man was caught in its trap and was being pulled along while the snake-like snout of the beast prowled along the floor, consuming everything in its path – dog hair, cat hair, dust, but worst of all, tasty bits of food that had fallen from our bowls…

Me:        That’s not the way I remember it.

Stella:    Humans have fallible memories.

Me:        Fallible? You’ve been listening to the television again. Good vocabulary development.

Stella:    Silence!

Me:        That is one word I wish you would tuck away. Ah, here comes Tall Man. He must be finished. We can all go back in now.

Stella:    Tall Man, has my kingdom fallen?

Tall Man:  Why is Stella making that noise?

Me:        Same reason as usual.

Stella:    Lady Human, you said that Tiger and I went ‘crackers’ and ‘nuts’ last time the monster roared through the house. I didn’t see any of those. What happened to that food? Can we have some of it?

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.