My Kingdom Is Being Invaded! – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges and (lest people forget as they are prone to do) Illustrious and all that goes to say that this is MY land, MY house, MY territory which also goes to say that something is TERRIBLY WRONG when Tiger and I are put out in the yard and told that we MUST (not a word to use to a queen) stay out here until something (I don’t know what) is finished!

Me:        It will only be for about 10 minutes.

Stella:    I can hear a horrible, screechy noise from inside the house! My kingdom…(or is it queendom) is being invaded! Rally the troops! Oh, they are inside, except for Tiger here. No matter. To Arms! Where is that stick that I was chewing earlier? Tiger, find a rock or something to throw! No! Not that! What is that? A toadstool? Nasty! Find something useful. Something to combat an invasion!

Me:        If you are finished giving orders…

Stella:    I am never finished giving orders. And BTW as the humans say, why are you sitting out here so calm as though nothing important is going on?

Me:        Because nothing important is going on and I wanted to keep you two company while you’re out here.

Stella:    Getting down to brass tacks…

Me:        Really? Where did you hear that?

Stella:    Not important. Why are we out here?

Me:        Because Tall Man is running the big shop vac, cleaning up all the bulldog hair that has floated from you all and because the last time he did that, you and Tiger went crackers, ballistic, nuts, and got overexcited. The others were fine with it. They just watched and barked every now and again. But you and Tiger got so wound up that you both panted for at least an hour. Nothing we did calmed you down.

Stella:    Now I remember. The monster roared in from the garage, its teeth bared, growling ferociously. Tall Man was caught in its trap and was being pulled along while the snake-like snout of the beast prowled along the floor, consuming everything in its path – dog hair, cat hair, dust, but worst of all, tasty bits of food that had fallen from our bowls…

Me:        That’s not the way I remember it.

Stella:    Humans have fallible memories.

Me:        Fallible? You’ve been listening to the television again. Good vocabulary development.

Stella:    Silence!

Me:        That is one word I wish you would tuck away. Ah, here comes Tall Man. He must be finished. We can all go back in now.

Stella:    Tall Man, has my kingdom fallen?

Tall Man:  Why is Stella making that noise?

Me:        Same reason as usual.

Stella:    Lady Human, you said that Tiger and I went ‘crackers’ and ‘nuts’ last time the monster roared through the house. I didn’t see any of those. What happened to that food? Can we have some of it?

 

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

Stella’s Blog – Urgent Alert! – Monster Invasion!

Humans, beware! A new monster is in town! It invaded our house and took Tall Man captive. Here is its description:

Its roar is a storm wind caught in a box. It is taller than me or any of the bulldogs and we were not able to stop it. Well, to be honest, we didn’t really try. Tiger is the only one who tried. She bit at it again and again. The monster paid no attention. The rest of us barked though. I thought that was brave of us, but barking only seemed to make the monster angrier. Hey, at least we didn’t run away.

The monster grabbed Tall Man’s hand and pulled him around the room, making its awful whirring scream. It had a long, black tail that got stuck in the wall. It dragged him behind the chairs and the couch, and if anything was on the floor, it sucked it in and ATE IT! Even pieces of food that we had dropped! NO!

Finally, it pulled Tall Man into the room where cars and machines live. We don’t know what happened after that. When it got dark, Tall Man reappeared. He had escaped! We were so happy! There was no sign of the loud sucking monster! He did not say so, but we bulldogs believe that he defeated the monster in battle. He is our hero! Until the next monster shows up. Then he will have to prove himself all over again.

Where are all these monsters coming from? First, giant insects. Now obnoxious, grabby, loud-mouthed monsters with wheels and forked tails. Food stealers. We dropped that food by accident. We were planning to come back for it later. Not fair!

Transcriptionist:  Stella, that so-called monster was a new vacuum cleaner.

 No, I have seen vacuums before. This was a monster. Just ask Tall Man. It wrestled him.

Transcriptionist:  You thought he was a giant insect a few months ago. That wasn’t true either.

 You are denying the monster invasion. That means only the bulldogs will be ready when they come in force.

Transcriptionist:  Not everything is a monster, Stella.

Wrong! Everything is a monster until proved otherwise. That’s how bulldogs play it safe. Stay alert, humans!

Until next time, this has been

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, Queen of the Bulldog Monster Hunters

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.