The Long, Red Monster Incident – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Bulldogs, on my count, 1, 2, 3…ATTACK!

Miss Sweetie:    I’ll get it, Aunt Stella! Nobody invades our home!

Doodlebug:   Stop, you ugly monster! I’ve got you!

Me:        What is going on? Why are you all freaking out?

Snoopey:   See it! See it! Stop it! It has grabbed Tall Man!

Me:    The mop? Not again. More like Tall Man has grabbed it.

Tiger:   No! He is wrestling with it! Back and forth! Back and forth! We must help him!

Me:        Hey, y’all, we’ve had this discussion before. A mop is a floor cleaner. It is not dangerous.

Wiggles:   Of course, it is dangerous! It is long and red. Long, red things are dangerous.

Me:        Can you even see red?

Stella:    When you bring that yellow brush thing out, do we bark at it?

Me:        The broom? As a matter of fact, no.

Stella:    Because it is yellow. Yellow things are not a threat. But red things are monsters.

Me:   So if the mop were yellow, it would be all right?

Stella:    There are no such things as yellow mops. But long, red monsters are real.

Me:        There! He put the mop up. Can you stop barking now?

Stella:    Cease the attack! The long, red monster has retreated. I declare a bulldog victory! Yay us!

Me:        I guess I could always paint the mop handle yellow.

 

 

 

Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stella’s Blog – Urgent Alert! – Monster Invasion!

Humans, beware! A new monster is in town! It invaded our house and took Tall Man captive. Here is its description:

Its roar is a storm wind caught in a box. It is taller than me or any of the bulldogs and we were not able to stop it. Well, to be honest, we didn’t really try. Tiger is the only one who tried. She bit at it again and again. The monster paid no attention. The rest of us barked though. I thought that was brave of us, but barking only seemed to make the monster angrier. Hey, at least we didn’t run away.

The monster grabbed Tall Man’s hand and pulled him around the room, making its awful whirring scream. It had a long, black tail that got stuck in the wall. It dragged him behind the chairs and the couch, and if anything was on the floor, it sucked it in and ATE IT! Even pieces of food that we had dropped! NO!

Finally, it pulled Tall Man into the room where cars and machines live. We don’t know what happened after that. When it got dark, Tall Man reappeared. He had escaped! We were so happy! There was no sign of the loud sucking monster! He did not say so, but we bulldogs believe that he defeated the monster in battle. He is our hero! Until the next monster shows up. Then he will have to prove himself all over again.

Where are all these monsters coming from? First, giant insects. Now obnoxious, grabby, loud-mouthed monsters with wheels and forked tails. Food stealers. We dropped that food by accident. We were planning to come back for it later. Not fair!

Transcriptionist:  Stella, that so-called monster was a new vacuum cleaner.

 No, I have seen vacuums before. This was a monster. Just ask Tall Man. It wrestled him.

Transcriptionist:  You thought he was a giant insect a few months ago. That wasn’t true either.

 You are denying the monster invasion. That means only the bulldogs will be ready when they come in force.

Transcriptionist:  Not everything is a monster, Stella.

Wrong! Everything is a monster until proved otherwise. That’s how bulldogs play it safe. Stay alert, humans!

Until next time, this has been

Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges, Queen of the Bulldog Monster Hunters

 

Copyright 2016 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.