The Saw Monster is Loose – Conversations with Stella and the Pack

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Stay away! Stay away! Everybody stay away!

Me:        There’s not a problem, Stella.

Stella:    Yes, there is! The Saw Monster is eating a tree.

Me:        Well, everyone should stay away from the backyard until the tree trimming is done. That’s true.

Stella:    The Saw Monster is loose! Beware! The Saw Monster is loose! Oh, no! Tall Man is out there! Warn him!

Me:        If you’ll notice, Tall Man has hold of the…what did you call it? The Saw Monster. It is a tool that he uses to trim the trees.

Wiggles:   I need to go potty.

Me:        That’s going to have to wait a little until he is finished with the tree. That limb he cut off was stretching way out over the yard. He was concerned that it was going to crack and fall on one of us some day. He is cutting it away and chopping it up, so nobody gets hurt.

Tiger:   Won’t the tree be hurt?

Me:        No, it’s a pecan tree. Pecans self-prune all the time. It was only a matter of time before it dropped that limb. It has done it before.

Miss Sweetie:    I think we should thank Tall Man for saving our lives.

Me:        I think so, too.

Miss Sweetie:    I don’t want any ole tree dropping anything on me, unless it is something to eat.

Doodlebug:   If any old tree dropped anything on me, boy, it’d be sorry. I’d just eat that ole tree up myself.

Miss Sweetie:    Hush up, Doodle. You don’t know anything about trees.

Stella:    Or Saw Monsters. Watch out for Saw Monsters. How do we know that Tall Man is all right out there? I hear the Saw Monster going to town.

Me:        He is wearing protective equipment, even chainsaw chaps on his legs in case the saw slips.

Stella:    The saw can slip? I told you he should not be out there by himself! Everybody, get ready to charge. We’re taking over! The humans do not know what they are doing!

Me:        Nope! Nobody is going anywhere. No interference. You will stay in here where it is safe until he is finished.

Wiggles:   What about potty?

Me:        I’ll take you out on the other side of the yard. Nobody will miss potty time.

Stella:    You’d better believe it. No Saw Monster is cutting into my bathroom break.





Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.







Beware The Angry Oak – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Tall Man has made the oak tree angry. It is shaking its arms at us. Scary!

Me:        I don’t see any anger. It seems rather calm to me.

Stella:    How would you feel if someone went buzz buzz and cut off your branches?

Me:        Those branches were scraping the roof. If left alone, they would have damaged the roof, maybe even caused a leak.

Stella:    But when I go out, the oak tree shakes its leaves at me. It knows, Lady Human! IT KNOWS!

Me:        That is the breeze. If you think about it, the oak tree shakes its leaves at you every day except in the dead of summer.

Stella:    No, the oak tree is truly angry. Tall Man should have asked for permission before he used his buzz saw.

Me:        I promise you that the oak is healthy and now those limbs will never break, and the roof is safe.

Stella:    Who cares about a roof?

Me:        Have you ever lived under a leaky one?

Stella:    Yes.

Me:        Okay, well, since you came here, have you ever been under a leaky roof?

Stella:    No. Oh. I see. Leaky roofs aren’t so great. But what are we going to do about the angry oak? What if it starts moving closer to the door?

Me:        That is not the way of trees, Stella. Trees pretty much stay put.

Stella:    If you say so, I guess I have to take your word for it. Still, I am going to keep an eye on that tree. Just hand me that saw. Everybody has a right to self-defense.

Me:        Let’s see. Dog with a chainsaw. Nope.





Copyright 2018 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.



Beware Evil Plants – Conversations with Stella

I am Stella, Queen of the Olde English Bulldogges. Hello! Plants are our friends. I hope.

Me:        You sound doubtful.

Stella:    Not all plants can be trusted. You told me so yourself. There are plants that are evil.

Me:        Not evil. Poisonous. Thorny. Prickly. Full of stickers. Inedible.

Stella:    In other words, evil.

Me:        They have no ability to intend evil.

Stella:    Tell that to my poor little toes when they get stuck with wicked cactus thorns. And didn’t you tell me that, when you were a little human growing up in the Piney Woods of what you keep calling Texas (though I don’t know what that means), you were sometimes afraid of the tall trees?

Me:        Well, yeah, but I was a kid.

Stella:    A kid? Like a baby goat? I thought that you were always human. How did you pull that off?

Me:        I have always been human. ‘Kid’ is an expression for a young human and a baby goat.

Stella:    Is that all humans do? Sit around making up words to confuse us?

Me:        No. We do considerably more than that. Haven’t you noticed?

Stella:    You mean Picture Boxes and Rolling Boxes? Meh. I have noticed that you let evil plants infest your ground.

Me:        What ‘evil’ plants, Stella?

Stella:    The tall spring plants that were not with us last year. They were frightening Snoopey and Tiger. Marching toward the house and every day growing taller and greener. An army of straight leafy soldiers, taking over our territory.

Me:        Actually, they are called lamb’s quarters and some people really enjoy them in a salad.

Stella:    Salad? Yuck! A bowl of green leaves? Yuck!

Me:        We’ve had people ask if they can harvest them. And I say sure. There are plenty for all.

Stella:    Eating leaves. Eeewww! Eating grass? Of course. But eating leaves? No. No. No. No. Humans have terrible taste in food.

Me:        The lamb’s quarters have not been bothering you. I’ve watched you walk around them. All you have to do is stick to the paths.

Stella:    But the crowding plants still bothered Snoopey and Tiger. The evil plants are the reason that they have not wanted to go outside alone, especially at night.

Me:        So when Tall Man cut some of the lamb’s quarters, Snoopey and Tiger didn’t mind going out anymore. Okay. That makes sense.

Stella:    All you had to do was ask me why they were balking and I would have told you that it was because of the evil plants.

Me:        But Wiggles, Doodlebug, and Miss Sweetie had no problem with them.

Stella:    You know how they are. They don’t believe in evil plants. All plants and animals are their friends. They are idiots.

Me:        You didn’t have any problem with them either.

Stella:    I am Flying Stella, Squirrel Fighter. No silly plant will get in my way when I am going outside to potty. Let the plants beware. Besides, the short ones tickle my belly.



Copyright 2017 H.J. Hill All Rights Reserved.